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AlmiraGulch

Stepkids v. Kids, and Gifts

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Awww, that's such a sweet sentiment.  :huh:

 

It's not about economic terms; it is about an overwhelming number of gifts.  No kid can appreciate that many gifts.  The potential future relationship is relevant in that it indicates that there isn't really a relationship NOW.  So the kid ends up getting a bunch of kids from extended step-family who don't have any idea what he would like.  Parents can have a legitimate interest in discouraging step-grandparents from lavishing gifts on their step-grandkids when those kids end up having five or six Christmases.  I don't question how it works in different families; to each his own.  But there is not one definite right answer that fits every family situation.  

 

No one is suggesting foster or adopted children not be treated the same, so I don't get the whole "mother of an adopted child" defensiveness.

 

You're just so terribly wrong in your attitude.

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OP they may not realize how much it hurts your DD. If it was me, I would gently let them know that it's upsetting as she feels they are family the same as DSD does. I would offer to quietly make up the difference in disparity between the gifts if they didn't offer.

 

I am kind of a step child. My Dad formally adopted me when I was 5. My Grandmother did not treat me as she did the other grandkids, and it really hurt! In my case, I had very little contact with my bio father.

 

After my Mom wrote her a letter, and she realized how hurtful her actions were, things greatly improved. Nothing had to be forced, we grew together. I'm actually the only one of her Grandkids that visits on a regular basis.

 

I have an uncle that is actually a friend of my uncle. He had a very rough home life as a teenager, and my Grandparents took him in. As a child I never knew he wasn't related biologically.

 

Decades later he is still my Uncle, and his wife is my Aunt. We see them during holidays and are there for each other as family should be.

 

 

Who is to say what relationships will flourish if given the chance?

 

It really bothers me that someone would gauge the value of a child based on whether they thought they would still have a relationship as an adult.

Perhaps there is a lack of relationship as an adult because they were never really treated as family as a child.

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Stepkids are treated the same as bio/adopted kids.  They are part of the family.  I can't imagine giving lesser gifts or no gifts because they are step children.  That seems mean.

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