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Can you help me with holiday sleeping arrangements?


Chris in VA
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  1. 1. What sleeping arrangement would you pick?

    • Son and Daughter in Law (ds and dil) sleep in guest room, mother-in-law sleeps in main basement room on pull-out couch with baby in crib beside her.
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    • Ds and Dil sleep in guest room, mil on twin bed in music room, baby in crib beside her.
      2
    • Ds and Dil sleep on basement pull-out, Mil in guest room with baby in crib beside her.
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Ds and his wife, baby and mother in law are spending 5 nights with us for Christmas.

 

Options for sleeping are being discussed.

 

Basement is finished, with a large room that contains a pool table, large table, bookshelves, old piano, and a couch and TV. Couch is a pull out.

Basement also contains a room (maybe, 12X10?) that currently has a heavy desk with speakers on it, recording equipment and foam on some of the walls, and a rug. Dh doesn't want to clear out the room and turn it into a bedroom for the visit (it takes too long and is too much effort to recalibrate the speakers, apparently). Twin bed, nightstand and a chair would go in there with the crib if we did make it a bedroom for the visit. Everything else would be moved out, but there would still be some foam on the walls (accoustic foam on part of the wall and ceiling).

 

Guest room is upstairs, a 4th bedroom, and contains normal bedroom furniture.

 

Baby needs to be close to mother in law as she is the night helper for feeding. Son and dil need to be in the same bed.

 

We are trying to figure out some arrangement where everyone can be happy. I don't really want to put mil on the pull out because it won't give her the privacy for changing clothes and such, though she could use the music room for that.

 

Ideas?

Edited by Chris in VA
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I say MIL & baby get the nice guest room.

 

DS gets the couch, in the non-pulled out form and DIL gets the twin.  I know you said that they "need" to be in the same bed, but really, they don't.  And my vote isn't really about separating them, but about my opinion that pull out beds are murder, and if it were me, I'd rather be separated than sleep on that thing.

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DS and spouse get YOUR bed, baby in crib in room, MIL in guest bedroom, and you folks take the pull-out in the basement. 

 

Oh gosh no.  Why?

 

My in-laws make us take their room when we stay with them.  We hate it.  It's a hassle for them to move their stuff out and there's no reason to displace them.   It has reached the point that next visit we will stay in a motel so we don't have to deal with that. 

 

My vote really would have been for the young family to stay together in one room and the parents feed the baby at night, but that wasn't an option. 

 

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I would have said MIL in the guest room, son and wife in the basement pull-out, and baby in crib either next to the pull-out or in the basement storage room (can you fit a crib in there without moving out stuff?)

 

But given that MIL helps with the night feeding, that's a little trickier.  Maybe MIL and baby in the guest room?

 

 

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DS and spouse get YOUR bed, baby in crib in room, MIL in guest bedroom, and you folks take the pull-out in the basement. 

 

I think this is a good solution because I think ds, dil and mil and baby should all be on the same floor. If your dh won't deal with basement issues then he (and you, sorry) should sleep down there. 

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To the extent possible, I would not expect someone "of a certain age" to sleep on a pull out sofa (I am 45 and believe I am over that certain age).

 

I agree with putting MIL in guest room with the baby.  I would give son/DIL option of whatever combo of basement accommodations they want - pull out, couch for one twin bed for the other, whatever they prefer.

 

Can you ask your son what everyone would prefer? 

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And I'd use a pack'n'play or other portable bed for the baby in the same room with MIL.

 

I wouldn't want the baby or the MIL in the basement.  Basements (even finished ones) tend to be damp.  Young adults can run up & down the stairs, MIL should not have to.

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I'll ask the guest. Hubby's aunt and cousin stayed with us for a long weekend. We had a sofa bed in the dining room (tiled floor) and a thick spring mattress on the carpeted floor in the living room. His cousin took the sofa bed while his aunt took the mattress because that is their preference.

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I say MIL & baby get the nice guest room.

 

DS gets the couch, in the non-pulled out form and DIL gets the twin.  I know you said that they "need" to be in the same bed, but really, they don't.  And my vote isn't really about separating them, but about my opinion that pull out beds are murder, and if it were me, I'd rather be separated than sleep on that thing.

 

I think this is the best solution.  I wouldn't give up my bedroom, because I think it doesn't end up being comfortable for the guest, they always feel like they're imposing.  And MIL caring for baby needs a nicer arrangement.  DS & SIL get what's left.

Edited by 8circles
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DS and spouse get YOUR bed, baby in crib in room, MIL in guest bedroom, and you folks take the pull-out in the basement. 

We would consider MIL getting our bed (baby stays with MIL) and sleeping on the pull out in the basement ourselves--except it will be dh in basement and me on main floor because i snore.

I feel this would make MIL uncomfortable, knowing she'd put us out, though.

I would have said MIL in the guest room, son and wife in the basement pull-out, and baby in crib either next to the pull-out or in the basement storage room (can you fit a crib in there without moving out stuff?)

 

But given that MIL helps with the night feeding, that's a little trickier.  Maybe MIL and baby in the guest room?

Baby has to stay with MIL. Dil doesn't attend to her at night.

 

I think this is a good solution because I think ds, dil and mil and baby should all be on the same floor. If your dh won't deal with basement issues then he (and you, sorry) should sleep down there. 

They don't need to be on the same floor b/c the parents don't deal with the baby at night, the MIL does.

 

What kind of bed does the guest bedroom have?

 

Could your daughter move down to the pull-out for the duration of the visit so the MIL could sleep in her room?

 

Guest room has a queen. Dd has a loft bed so I wouldn't have MIL sleep there.

 

By the way, just to be clear, it's my son's MIL, not mine.

To the extent possible, I would not expect someone "of a certain age" to sleep on a pull out sofa (I am 45 and believe I am over that certain age).

 

I agree with putting MIL in guest room with the baby.  I would give son/DIL option of whatever combo of basement accommodations they want - pull out, couch for one twin bed for the other, whatever they prefer.

 

Can you ask your son what everyone would prefer? 

Ds' idea was to have baby and MIL sleep in the livingroom--no room there, and I'm not moving a twin bed into that space. Plus it's not very private.

I feel dh and dil can handle the couch bed for 5 nights. It's not awful, they are young, it's a big space, and they should respect her mom enough to give the mom the "best" bed, esp since the mom is the one getting up at 3am every night to feed the baby.

Edited by Chris in VA
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The one caring for a baby overnight gets the good bed, period. And baby needs to be in a quiet undisturbed room, but preferably not a SOUNDPROOF one, which I assume the foam on the music room is for, so I personally would not feel at all comfortable having baby sleep in there. 

 

Plus, your son is your son, he can sleep on the pullout. A mother in law is a guest who isn't a familiar part of your family, I wouldn't put a guest on a pullout with no privacy, but I'd put my sister/daughter on one. 

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We would consider MIL getting our bed (baby stays with MIL) and sleeping on the pull out in the basement ourselves--except it will be dh in basement and me on main floor because i snore.

I feel this would make MIL uncomfortable, knowing she'd put us out, though.

Baby has to stay with MIL. Dil doesn't attend to her at night.

 

They don't need to be on the same floor b/c the parents don't deal with the baby at night, the MIL does.

I know it's none of my business, but that is just so odd to me. Why wouldn't your ds or dil attend to their own baby at night?

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Dil is nursing, but only about 4 or 5 times a day. She is back at work, so at home, the baby sleeps in the room with the MIL, and the MIL takes care of the baby's late night feeding so the couple can sleep (since they both work). I know--I'd think they'd give her a day off or something, but I have no control over their choices.

 

Boy, I've come a long way to be able to say THAT! :laugh: :hurray:

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I know this isn't an answer to your question, but is there any reason why your ds and dil can't take care of their own baby while they are visiting? Shouldn't MIL get a little vacation from getting up at night with the baby over the holidays?

Exactly! Put MIL in guest room, new parents and baby downstairs.

 

Tell new parents to take care of the baby themselves.

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Dil is nursing, but only about 4 or 5 times a day. She is back at work, so at home, the baby sleeps in the room with the MIL, and the MIL takes care of the baby's late night feeding so the couple can sleep (since they both work). I know--I'd think they'd give her a day off or something, but I have no control over their choices.

 

Boy, I've come a long way to be able to say THAT! :laugh: :hurray:

 

In this case I'd absolutely give the most comfortable bed to MIL.  I'm assuming that's the guest room.

 

If it was a case where your DIL and DS hadn't had a decent night's sleep for months, and MIL was giving them their first break, I might be torn, but in this case I think MIL deserves every comfort she can get.

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I have it figured out!

Your dh and your ds in the basement on whatever bed(s). They can pass gas together down there after the holiday meal.

You and MIL in your bed.

DIL and baby in the guest bedroom (because baby will want Mom and probably not MIL)  :laugh: :laugh:

 

 

There ya' go. Problem solved.  :lol: :lol: :lol:

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I have it figured out!

Your dh and your ds in the basement on whatever bed(s). They can pass gas together down there after the holiday meal.

You and MIL in your bed.

DIL and baby in the guest bedroom (because baby will want Mom and probably not MIL)  :laugh: :laugh:

 

 

There ya' go. Problem solved.  :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Haha--

 

But sadly, MIL would never sleep next to me--I snore too loudly.

 

Baby loves her mommy, I'm sure, but MIL is very close to her. She is live-in help at home.

 

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ds and dil in the basement. ds' mil in the guest room with the baby. I would not give up the master bedroom. Did that once and NEVER again. I realized that it is my personal space and often the only personal space I can get when we have company. Plus the one time I allowed it, I couldn't get access to it when I needed it.

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Ok, thanks all. I'll let you know what we decide!

 

I'm leaning towards son and dil in basement. We'll see. Tough sell.

 

Are the "kids" actually trying to get you to put their mil/mom in the basement? Just make the decision and tell them how it is to "be".

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If they don't need to be bear their baby at night, then ds and dil go in basement and mil gets decent bed in guestroom with portable crib.

 

Maybe it's a cultural thing, like some cultures have grandparents do childrearing almost completely. My dh insisted on doing middle of the night baby care. Everyone is different.

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Ok, thanks all. I'll let you know what we decide!

 

I'm leaning towards son and dil in basement. We'll see. Tough sell.

Well, I think it's weird but I'm willing to live & let live. Different strokes and all that.

 

But I'm wondering who it's a tough sell for... If it's for DS & SIL I think they're a bit out to lunch. They're visiting family over a holiday, bringing their entourage, not going on a self-paid vacation. The MIL is a non-family guest to you so should get best accommodations.

 

Eta: and it really isn't up to them as it isn't their home, its yours.

Edited by 8circles
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If I remember correctly, there is a second culture involved here for dil and her mother, right? That probably has some bearing on how they are dividing up parental and grandparental responsibilities.

 

I think the young couple can absolutely stay downstairs and MIL/babe can have the guest room.  They can pull out the mattress from the couch and put it on the floor.  Much more comfortable than having it on the pull out rack in the sofa.

 

Hope you enjoy the holidays immensely!

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I would put the MiL and baby in the upstairs guest room. Give MIL the nicer bed -- she's caring for a baby at night (which isn't my cup of tea, but it's sweet that she's close to her granddaughter), plus she's older than the kids and has earned the privilege, plus since they haven't been married or parenting for very long, you're all still working out the whole IL and parent relationship. It sends a nice message from you that you value your granddaughter's other grandparents.

 

I'd put your son and DiL in the basement on the pullout. Can you out the twin in that room as well, so they can be together but without sharing the pullout, since those tend to be uncomfortable for two people. Maybe one could have the couch, not pulled out, and the other the twin in the same room?

 

Another reason for putting baby upstairs is that if she naps in the crib, people on the floor below her are unlikely to disturb her, but if she's in the basement, people walking above her might be disruptive to her.

 

I think it's very sweet that both of you will get to be with your granddaughter on her first Christmas! My parents and ILs lived ten minutes across town from each other until a couple of months ago, and I know they appreciated that they could all see us when we visited.

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MIL & baby in guest room with son & dil in basement.  

 

Does your son expect the nicer guestroom with his wife and for you to dump mil and his child in the basement (the hard sell)?  If so he is out of line and has some serious entitled thinking esp. with the luxury of someone else who is not his wife parenting his child all night every night.

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I think I have finally reached a decision--

 

We are going to have mil and baby in our master, ds and dil in the guest room, and dh and I in the basement--he on the couch or pull out (I'm not sure which will be more comfortable for him, prolly the pull out) and me in the music room on the twin (don't have to deconstruct it if it's just me).

 

This works in several ways--

 

1. Good for me and dh in that we will have a door between us (and space) so that my snoring won't bother him (but can snuggle Christmas morning after waking up!).

 

2. Good for ds and dil in that they can sleep together (I want son, in particular, to feel valued--"baggage" alert...)

 

3. Good for baby--quiet room for napping, and we can set up a changing area and a chair for MIL in the room.

 

4. Good for MIL--comfy bed, privacy, bathroom (we will share, but she'll have facilities at night).

 

5. Good for dh and me again in that I will finally clean up the bedroom! LOL--it's quite dusty and a bit cluttered (lots of books, and stuff under the bed). This is actually the nicest perk of all!

 

I have peace about the decision.

Thanks so much for helping me think it thru. As is often the case, the option I chose was something someone else thought of!

 

I'm so lucky to be able to see my whole family (immediate) for Christmas. Didn't get to, last year, and I get to meet my son's MIL, AND the other kids get to meet their niece. It will be a joy!!

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate. :001_smile:

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I think I have finally reached a decision--

 

We are going to have mil and baby in our master, ds and dil in the guest room, and dh and I in the basement--he on the couch or pull out (I'm not sure which will be more comfortable for him, prolly the pull out) and me in the music room on the twin (don't have to deconstruct it if it's just me).

 

This works in several ways--

 

1. Good for me and dh in that we will have a door between us (and space) so that my snoring won't bother him (but can snuggle Christmas morning after waking up!).

 

2. Good for ds and dil in that they can sleep together (I want son, in particular, to feel valued--"baggage" alert...)

 

3. Good for baby--quiet room for napping, and we can set up a changing area and a chair for MIL in the room.

 

4. Good for MIL--comfy bed, privacy, bathroom (we will share, but she'll have facilities at night).

 

5. Good for dh and me again in that I will finally clean up the bedroom! LOL--it's quite dusty and a bit cluttered (lots of books, and stuff under the bed). This is actually the nicest perk of all!

 

I have peace about the decision.

Thanks so much for helping me think it thru. As is often the case, the option I chose was something someone else thought of!

 

I'm so lucky to be able to see my whole family (immediate) for Christmas. Didn't get to, last year, and I get to meet my son's MIL, AND the other kids get to meet their niece. It will be a joy!!

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate. :001_smile:

You're so sweet, Chris! It's so nice of you to work so hard to make everyone feel happy and welcome. :hurray:

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