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As A Social Moron -- Am I handling this correctly?


Kris
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My social skills are sorely lacking, and I'm really *really* working on it, though progress is slow. I've always tended to just say what's on my mind -- not always with good result.

 

So I have been trying to become a "kinder, gentler" Kris and, good grief, this is hard work. But most especially with my Sweetie who *says* he appreciates that I'm forthright and direct, but still --

 

He's always bringing home stuff he gets on the road -- guys selling stuff at the truck stop. Seriously, it's cheap junk, but he thinks he's getting a deal and he's so proud of himself! It's kind of cute, actually.

 

So the last time he was home he presented me with a box of knives. There are about two dozen knives in there, all the usual ones, plus some unusual ones and some steak knives. He proudly hands these to me, with a huge smile of satisfaction on his face, and informs me that they were only $5.00! Such a deal and aren't you pleased?!

 

Okay -- I don't need any more knives. I don't want any more knives. I have, actually, some very nice knives from my "before we were Po'folk" days. And these knives? The knives *and* the box are not worth $5.00 -- the huge "A $75.00 Value!!!" sticker notwithstanding. They are so thin and flimsy, I can't see any way to actually *use* them without leaving at least blood, and probably bits of fingers, on the cutting board.

 

So the box has been sitting on the kitchen table since they were brought home. I'm trying to clear that off today, and have to deal with the knives.

 

What I'd really like to do is just throw them away, but even I know that's not right. Okay, so what I'm doing is I'm putting them in a drawer that doesn't get used that often, so they're still here, but they're out of the way.

 

But do I have to actually *use* them?

 

And just to add, yes, I was gracious and think I did a pretty good job of accepting the gift in the first place, though I feel like a liar. I didn't have to feign the surprise part. :D

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Obviously gifts is not your love language. This is what I would do. Since your dh's feelings are worth more than 5.00, use the knives when he might be able to see. Smile and thank him for his consideration. Use them when he might not be able to see and, well, if one breaks, they break. :001_huh:

 

Two things to consider. Either your dh's love language is gifts and he is acting out that by giving you things. Does he like to receive things?

 

His family didn't have a lot of stuff when he was a kid. Being able to supply you with deals makes him feel like a good provider. The fact he "saves" some money is even better. ;)

 

If it isn't overboard and not affecting your finances I would let it go and consider it inexpensive "I love yous". If you have an item of better quality that you'd like to save for, print out the picture, show it to dh and leave it posted on the frig. but be specific about why you want that brand.

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No, you don't have to use them. Open them, maybe try to cut something once, wash them, and then put them in a drawer and then eventually in a box in the closet and gradually add a bunch of stuff to take to goodwill. I'm of the 'if I'm not using it, it's clutter' mindset and clutter drives me crazy. Do enough to say you tried them, but you have better and then don't worry about it.

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sounds like they might be perfect for crafts and such. you know, cutting sculptey, cardboard, jummying that bathroom door that the kid locked on his way OUT, scraping grout, whatever....

 

Oh! No! They are perfect for re-gifting!!

You know, chirstmas is right around the corner....

 

But then again, I'm not known for my subtle ways either...

But I'd be too much of a penny pincher to just trash them.

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Oh, Kris, I feel your pain....but w/my dh its all the "as seen on TV" cr@p. I do not handle it very well....I wait until he's gone and then into the trash it goes. There is no kinder gentler me. I'll keep lurking around to see if anyone has good ideas for you that might work for me.

 

Oh no! Your problem is definitely worse than mine! :lol:

 

A lot of good answers here -- and I feel so silly that I couldn't find the thread again! Sheesh. Hope you found something that helps, but if you can get away with just throwing 'em in the trash, I think you've solved your problem! Unless you were looking for a way to keep him from buying that stuff in the first place and that, seems to me, cannot be done. :)

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Could you put them aside and tell him you are thankful for the extras for when company comes or something?

Maybe you could use the steak knives on particularly tough steak one night, and your dh will see how useless they are. Then you can "console" him.

I've heard they like that.:D

 

Brilliant! He loves his steak! Then I can let him make the call whether they stay or go!

 

And yeah -- I think they like that "consoling" stuff. ;)

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Obviously gifts is not your love language. This is what I would do. Since your dh's feelings are worth more than 5.00, use the knives when he might be able to see. Smile and thank him for his consideration. Use them when he might not be able to see and, well, if one breaks, they break. :001_huh:

 

Yes -- his feelings are definitely worth more than drawer space or $5.00. And, actually, since he's the breadwinner in the family, if he wants to spend his $5.00-er-zes on stuff like that, I'm fine with it.

 

Two things to consider. Either your dh's love language is gifts and he is acting out that by giving you things. Does he like to receive things?

 

No -- actually, he doesn't. He wants nothing. I have a terrible time trying to come up with something for Christmas for him. A new pair of gloves and some t-shirts -- he's a happy guy.

 

His family didn't have a lot of stuff when he was a kid. Being able to supply you with deals makes him feel like a good provider. The fact he "saves" some money is even better. ;)

 

This is definitely the case. His father left when he was about six or seven and they struggled after that. Frankly, I don't know how his mother did it. She was on her own the whole time they were growing up, working in the hospital cafeteria. He doesn't talk about it much. He tells me there's nothing, really, to say. About the only thing he has told me about were the huge roaches that used to run around the house -- his mother would just sweep them off the table without a second thought. There was, apparently, no getting rid of them.

 

If it isn't overboard and not affecting your finances I would let it go and consider it inexpensive "I love yous". If you have an item of better quality that you'd like to save for, print out the picture, show it to dh and leave it posted on the frig. but be specific about why you want that brand.

 

I really appreciate everything you've said, and you've made me realize how selfish and silly I was being about the whole thing -- and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. It's not like he's spending all his money on this stuff -- it's the occasional "great deal." I'm still afraid to use them -- but I can certainly do it occasionally when he's home and just be really REALLY careful! ;)

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No, you don't have to use them. Open them, maybe try to cut something once, wash them, and then put them in a drawer and then eventually in a box in the closet and gradually add a bunch of stuff to take to goodwill. I'm of the 'if I'm not using it, it's clutter' mindset and clutter drives me crazy. Do enough to say you tried them, but you have better and then don't worry about it.

 

Hi, Rachel -- Part of the reason I'm strapped for space to store them is that I'm such a pack rat myself! :lol: So he'll never buy the "Goodwill Box" story. But hopefully he'll appreciate seeing them in the drawer. At least I did pick a drawer that he'll be opening when he's home!

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sounds like they might be perfect for crafts and such. you know, cutting sculptey, cardboard, jummying that bathroom door that the kid locked on his way OUT, scraping grout, whatever....

 

This is a good idea, Martha, and I *did* think maybe we could do something like that with them, but really, I think we'd only manage to snap them! I don't much care, really, if they break -- but the idea of those pieces of metal flying around? That scares me. :D

 

Oh! No! They are perfect for re-gifting!!

You know, chirstmas is right around the corner....

 

Oops! The box, at least, is gone! :D

 

But then again, I'm not known for my subtle ways either...

But I'd be too much of a penny pincher to just trash them.

 

I hear ya. "I'm going to need this someday . . ." :lol:

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