s/o Intense Kids, Keeping the Kid's Emotions from Sucking You Dry

[PinkTulip 2,919]

I'm really grateful for all of the wisdom and advice in this thread. Today I really needed it. Thirty minutes of arguing and complaining about how I took the phone out of his hand, when he didn't give it to me after I asked. If he had just handed it to me without trying to hide the texts he was sending, I would have 30 minutes of my life back.

[JumpyTheFrog 6,626]

BooksandBoys, I recommend the book "The Manipulative Child" by Swihart and Cotter. (Ignore the title and the brief possible victim blaming about a girl who was almost molested.) "Raising Your Spirited Child" helped us learn to identify many of Tigger's triggers, but the first book has helped us learn what to do to keep him from dominating the house as much. He's still a difficult child, but now we have a better handle (much) of the time about how to help him get control of himself.

[AimeeM 8,229]

When I was a new mother I attended a lecture entitled:  "Toddlers to Teens" which basically made the case the toddlers act up in exactly the same patterns that teens do.  So I tried to fall back on those toddler strategies.  Maintaining calm, projecting calm, not backing down, showing warmth, keeping on smiling. 

 

 

... Until they sob, "WHY are you SMILING?! This isn't something to SMILE about!!!"

[Carol in Cal. 21,664]

... Until they sob, "WHY are you SMILING?! This isn't something to SMILE about!!!"

Or you say, "Good morning!" and they sob, "How do you mean that???"

[BooksandBoys 2,358]

Thanks, Hoppy! I haven't read "The Manipulative Child," though I've been through "Spirited" several times in his short life.

[Anne in CA 8,658]

Or you say, "Good morning!" and they sob, "How do you mean that???"

LOL, that is the whole problem. When they aren't happy they get extremely upset at the idea of family members being happy. My oldest got very upset when dh or I made facebook posts about having fun with the younger two when she moved out. She didn't want to think about us being happy at any time she wasn't happy, lol. She didn't want to see it on facebook.

 

And I don't put too many warm and fuzzy things up on facebook anymore because it eggs her on with bad behavior even though she is 27.