What to do when you feel like you are failing

[Beimao]

Right now I just want to throw in the towel and send everyone off to the nearest public school-  surely they would get a better education there, right?  :confused:   I have one in 6th, 4th, and 2nd with a 4yo and 18 month right behind them. Our days haven't been joy filled in so long, months and months, even when I try to be diligent about things like morning basket time and such.  The most basic coverage of each subject seems to take soooo long that we have no time for enrichment anymore.  No one seems to be able to get their school list done in less than 6- 7 hours.  Here's my 2nd graders list for today:

 

Scripture reading:  7 min.

MM math 2 pgs

AAS3 Lesson 10, half lesson usually

Reading (self) 20 min Christmas story

FLL2 Lesson 131

Spectrum Writing 2  2 pgs

History  Read about Hanukkah  (Usually 1 entry in Usborne EWH)

Typing  10 min.  lesson

Piano Practice 10 min

Art  10 minutes from doodle book

PE  20 min running and working muscles time

Chores  Make bed, brush teeth, sweep kitchen, and clean bedroom for 10 minutes.

 

And the others lists look very similar, except my oldest has LFC as well.  Does this seem like too much?  We hardly even have read aloud or family poetry time or anything extra curricular because this all takes from 9-3 or so, and often there is still things left undone.  I spend the whole time rushing from helping one person to getting after another for extreme dawdling to caring for the very needy toddler and cleaning up meals.   And preschool time for my 4yo is virtually non existent.  It doesn't seem to help that due to my husband needing to change jobs we have moved twice in the past year, settled now but in a completely different state from family and friends.  I'm just so tired, tired of being grumped at every single day, especially by my 6th who feels they know best, tired of doing the grumping myself.  Where am I going wrong?

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

That certainly doesn't look like 6 to 7 hours of work. 

 

What I'm envisioning might not be what is happening but this is what I envision based on what I did with a much smaller family:

 

Wake up:  Dress/ make beds.  Put some music on and make it a race.

Breakfast - We made breakfast together.  Usually egg based because we needed the protein.

Scripture reading - all together over breakfast (keeps the littles occupied)

Morning chores - clean kitchen/ table / brush teeth/ other chores as you decide (ours included animal care)  Again - music helps and everyone working including the real little ones even if it is "take this jam to the kitchen for me". 

 

AM school - math, spelling, grammar, writing

 

Lunch - do history reading over lunch

 

PM school - piano, typing

 

Quiet time - littles nap, olders do their independent reading during this time.  Mama gets some much needed time off

 

Active play after quiet time including running, jumping etc.

 

Kids work on their rooms for ten minutes (or so) while dinner is being prepped. 

 

 

[HomeAgain]

*hugs*  Been there.  When I start feeling like I'm failing, I start writing.  I take pictures.  I cut. I reorganize. I seriously make a schedule with a timer going off to switch lessons.  My brain starts to fall into the trap of 'get'er dun', and that means that I will take as long as I feel necessary on a lesson...........when what we all need is to hit the kill switch and switch modes.  We don't use a timer often, but it does help us retrain ourselves when we do need it.  (and I find we get more done, too, in a shorter time).

 

We're taking a full break right now.  December is a month of unit studies here.  The daily grind can wait - we are spending right now applying everything and incorporating it into a winter study.  I'll take the last two weeks of the month for just rest.  Breaks are necessary. :)  And I feel better after one.

[Kat w]

I agree...take a break. Let you and your children dictate thst. Not a schedule ( I'm guilty of this one)

 

And come back in Jan and cut out the extras.

Go back to the 3 r's. Reading writing arithmetic .

I've been there and had to do the same thing. And our joy started coming back. Easy to get bogged down.

K. I've been there lots lol.

Big hugs

Do Christmas crafts!! :)

You have alotta lil ones in a short time. I had 5 but an 8 ur gao between older 3 and younger 2.

 

Hang in there.

...study...snow. Send em outside with spray snow. Have fun guys! Lol

Quiet for at least 20 mins haha

[73349]

Your second-grader is definitely doing more work than mine--we're not doing art, spelling, writing, and grammar all in the same day, for example. But I think that'd be on target for the older kids.

 

Have you considered rotating some subjects to shorten the list at least psychologically, especially if you tend to lose time with transitions?

[MinivanMom]

You've moved twice in the past year . . . and now you're in a completely new state without family and friends?!

 

That is a really tough situation. I think it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed and like you're not doing as well as you'd like. Honestly, if I were in your place, I would cut back to the basics for the rest of this school year. Maybe not for the 6th grader, but definitely for all the little ones. You need to focus on connecting as a family, making friends, and building a new support system.

 

As far as your second grader's work, I think it's too much. My second grader only does math, reading, cursive, writing, and French everyday. She has finished her spelling program, and she hasn't started grammar yet. We alternate history and science, and we only do art on Fridays. That means my 2nd grader does maybe 2 hrs of total schoolwork a day plus piano practice. In your situation, though, I wouldn't hesitate to drop everything, but math, reading, and language arts. Because she's only a 2nd grader, you know.

[The Governess]

Have you considered rotating some subjects to shorten the list at least psychologically, especially if you tend to lose time with transitions?

That was my first thought as well. My kids, especially at that age, don't do well with lots of short lessons. I would keep the list at around 6 or so items, and plan to spend 30 min on each item.

[Random]

If your 2nd grader does all that in a day, you are AWESOME!

 

My kids are in 8th, 6th, 4th, and 2nd this year.  This is, by far, the best year we've had for a few reasons:

 

1) I am trying to relax a bit. 

2) I am focusing on basics for the 2nd & 4th.  Their days have math, reading and grammar or writing.  I read aloud in the evenings to everyone.  Beyond that, I'll read from SOTW or we'll look at an animal encyclopedia or make cookies or play Lego while listening to an audiobook. We'll check out a pond or sketch a tree in the yard in different seasons.  I do have curricula I'm loosely following, but it's pretty loose.

3) My 6th & 8th students are FINALLY able to work through a list of assignments with sporadic help from me.  Even two years ago, when my oldest was the same age as your oldest, school was much harder.

4) Some kids are motivated by rewards, some by punishments.  Mine are far more likely to partner with me if they have a reward waiting for them.

 

Like Jean said, what you listed doesn't look like 7 hours of work (unless they attend a public school! Ha!), but if it is taking that long and you are all grumpy and frazzled, don't be afraid to cut something out.   6th grade isn't high school, you know?  As I watch my children mature, I'm more convinced that the early grades need to be mostly about learning to learn, and not so much about hitting every subject every day. 

 

 

Is your 6th grader aged 10?  That might be part of the problem?

 

One more thing...my current 6th grade child is my most difficult to homeschool.  He is super-duper distracted, takes forever to get his work done, complains and drags his feet more than the others.  It used to really bug me.  But, this year, I'm making it his problem.  He's old enough to know better, so this year, he has some natural consequences for his work ethic.  I have given him as many tools as I can to help him get his work done.  He gets a reasonable amount of work from me for the day, and it has to be done before he gets free time.  Or can go to baseball practice.  Or go to Scouts.  Or play his Kindle.  Or play with his siblings.  I'm pretty stubborn, so this works in our home.  He wails and complains, but I don't engage with him.  He now knows that he has to do his work before he can play.  And, for what it's worth, these consequences don't always motivate him to work diligently.  He still tries to get away with dawdling all day, and then wanting to go to Scouts in the evening. But, these days, it's his problem.

 

My point is that I think some kids tend that way. 

 

I think you need to take some time to figure out WHY school is taking so long and address it.

 

Best wishes to you.  You, my friend, are not a failure. :grouphug:

[Outdoorsy Type]

I don't have much to add, but it might be time for a weeks break. Get some audio books from the library and puzzles/games from the thrift store. Listen to some encouraging podcasts like Read Aloud Revival or The book from the same person "Teaching From Rest". Honestly, if I knew you and you were in my state I would invite you to a girls night out. I moved and had absolutely no friends or support network. It's tough! Hang in there.

Edited December 8, 2015 by Outdoorsy Type

[Beimao]

Thank you everyone for your support and advice. I think cutting back for a little bit will do us all some good, sometimes it just gets hard to see that by myself. I already started planning out a much simpler day in their daily notebooks (Sarah Mackinzie style (; ). We have a weekend back in our "home state" coming up and that should be good for our souls too. Sometimes I think I just need someone to talk me off my wall of craziness!

[EmilyGF]

For us, cutting out the so-called "Morning Basket" worked wonders. It didn't really work in our family, despite what all the bloggers said about it. We do sing together before my husband leaves for work, but aim to all have our butts in desk chairs by 8:30. If we start earlier than 8:15 or later than 8:45 the day ends up being really sluggish.

 

We're missing the corresponding 18-month-old, but have the other ages. Looking at your 2nd grader's schedule, here's what I would change if I was feeling like you:

- add an online math facts practice (ReflexMath, or a math app like Pet Bingo if you have a tablet) - this is 10-15 min of productive work without you

- skip FLL 3 (I'm not on board with SWB for the need for yearly grammar and my kids hated yearly grammar  - we've done one year of FLL and then Jr Anal Grammar as our family's way)

- do you set a timer for AAS and go based on time, not work achieved? That  program can really be a time sink... for diligent kids, a timer can be a life saver.

 

Do you have a list posted where each child can see exactly what is expected of them? My 2nd grader loves reading her list and being as independent as possible. The worst crime I can commit is to not get the list written until they are done with math and the second worst is to cross off something for someone else. 

 

Here's what my 2nd grader does on a normal day:

- copywork 1 sentence

- 1/2 page handwriting from Getty-Dubay

- 10-15 minutes math practice with app

- RightStart C 1 full lesson

- 1/2 spelling lesson (about 10-15 minutes)

- listen to mom read 1 lit, 1 history, and 1 natural science and narrate each reading (takes about half an hour)

- practice a few poems and Bible passages from memory, add on one new line daily

- read alone for 20 minutes then narrate to mom

- listen to Suzuki CD (usually while playing with brother)

- read Bible and narrate

- practice violin (14 min in morning, 8 min in afternoon)

- draw a picture in journal and then write a sentence about it (I require it to have a capital letter and punctuation, but allow inventive spelling)

- read aloud to Mom in German

 

When I can't work with her, I use one of the independent things like the journal, reading, or app (since I have to be with her every.single.minute for violin practice). Once she gets off-task, getting back on task is really hard for her and usually involves tears and a trip to her bed until she can come "with a good attitude". So I try to keep her on-task, even if it involves a screen or listening to music.

 

I do think that school taking 6-7 hours for a 6th grader isn't crazy.

 

The week after Thanksgiving is always awful in my experience. Hey, any week after a break or special event is awful. Grandma left today and you can believe everyone was shocked when I required them to do all of a full math lesson and a full spelling lesson. Ah, the horror! The 2nd grader had a few trips to her bed to calm down until she could use a ruler without throwing a fit.

 

Emily

[wintermom]

I'd definitely scrap too much curriculum that is mommy intensive (FFL, AAS) for the time being. Go really simple for a few months. Maybe use some easy math sheets, copywork, audio books. For art just provide materials and let them make their own creations.

 

Having a toddler in the mix always made school tougher for me. And moving TWICE just recently would have depleted all my energy. 

[Kat w]

For us, cutting out the so-called "Morning Basket" worked wonders. It didn't really work in our family, despite what all the bloggers said about it. We do sing together before my husband leaves for work, but aim to all have our butts in desk chairs by 8:30. If we start earlier than 8:15 or later than 8:45 the day ends up being really sluggish.

 

We're missing the corresponding 18-month-old, but have the other ages. Looking at your 2nd grader's schedule, here's what I would change if I was feeling like you:

- add an online math facts practice (ReflexMath, or a math app like Pet Bingo if you have a tablet) - this is 10-15 min of productive work without you

- skip FLL 3 (I'm not on board with SWB for the need for yearly grammar and my kids hated yearly grammar - we've done one year of FLL and then Jr Anal Grammar as our family's way)

- do you set a timer for AAS and go based on time, not work achieved? That program can really be a time sink... for diligent kids, a timer can be a life saver.

 

Do you have a list posted where each child can see exactly what is expected of them? My 2nd grader loves reading her list and being as independent as possible. The worst crime I can commit is to not get the list written until they are done with math and the second worst is to cross off something for someone else.

 

Here's what my 2nd grader does on a normal day:

- copywork 1 sentence

- 1/2 page handwriting from Getty-Dubay

- 10-15 minutes math practice with app

- RightStart C 1 full lesson

- 1/2 spelling lesson (about 10-15 minutes)

- listen to mom read 1 lit, 1 history, and 1 natural science and narrate each reading (takes about half an hour)

- practice a few poems and Bible passages from memory, add on one new line daily

- read alone for 20 minutes then narrate to mom

- listen to Suzuki CD (usually while playing with brother)

- read Bible and narrate

- practice violin (14 min in morning, 8 min in afternoon)

- draw a picture in journal and then write a sentence about it (I require it to have a capital letter and punctuation, but allow inventive spelling)

- read aloud to Mom in German

 

When I can't work with her, I use one of the independent things like the journal, reading, or app (since I have to be with her every.single.minute for violin practice). Once she gets off-task, getting back on task is really hard for her and usually involves tears and a trip to her bed until she can come "with a good attitude". So I try to keep her on-task, even if it involves a screen or listening to music.

 

I do think that school taking 6-7 hours for a 6th grader isn't crazy.

 

The week after Thanksgiving is always awful in my experience. Hey, any week after a break or special event is awful. Grandma left today and you can believe everyone was shocked when I required them to do all of a full math lesson and a full spelling lesson. Ah, the horror! The 2nd grader had a few trips to her bed to calm down until she could use a ruler without throwing a fit.

 

Emily

I hear ya on alot of grammar. My kids got tired of it. I had friends who had kids complaining of it too.

 

Overall tho. I think it served mine well. Nd my one friend esp whose daughter hated it...

Went on to be a successful journalist in the Midwest.

 

We take 6-7 hours to do school too. But mine need lots and lots of extra long term practice. ...did I mention lots lol?

So that's what fills our day up.

 

When my bigger ones were at home, the girls would get up ( in 5 th grade and beyond) at 6 am on their own to get their school done. Moms not gettin up til 7 or 7:30. But they wanted their school done by 10-11 then have the rest of the day free for activities reading ( had one bookworm) or w/e they wanted to do.

 

So for them, it only took 4-5 hours from about 5 th and beyond. Of course, I'd check their work and go over things. By then tho, they were doing pretty good with accuracy on their own.

 

O guess it depends on what each family counts as school too.

 

Tho I counted it for the state purposes, I didn't really think of music practice etc was school. But. It really is school.

So maybe including those things, we did have thstany hours.

 

Cutting back for a bit esp when moms bogged down, I've just always been a fan of :)

Big fan lol

[Garga]

I don't have that many kids so this might not work.

 

Here's how we get through a lot of work everyday:

 

Strict schedule. We start at the same time everyday. It can be really hard to make this happen if someone is being a slowpoke in the morning, but I do my best to make it happen.

 

Timed classes. I use a timer. When the class is done, we move on. Period. It gives the kids hope that they won't be slogging through math for hours and hours.

 

I'm prepared. I'm prepared like never before. I have all the papers copied, I have written notes on what I want to point out, supplies are at the ready.

 

This has been our best year yet because this year I started doing those things: Schedule, timer, preparation on my part.

Edited December 8, 2015 by Garga

[waa510]

I really am not an expert by any means but a tweak that helped us get read-aloud done that I just couldn't get done before:

 

I use Overdrive with the library card I held on to from the States to find a few audiobooks in classic lit or recent big hits for this year. I find the BBC classics to be well-done and well-received by my kids. We listen once our lunches are made and ready to eat at the table. This gives us a good 15-20 minutes every day for read-aloud. My sitting on the couch and reading just wasn't getting done consistently so this worked well for me. This tip may be obvious to everyone else in the universe but it really never got into my brain until recently.  :blushing:

 

Also, if your 2nd grader did all that..good for you!! That doesn't sound like failure at all! My youngest is 1st and does a similar (2 pages MM a day, half lesson of AAS, one lesson FLL) amount of work every day. SWB said something in a talk once about getting through schoolwork with littles is a lot like "nibbling to death by ducks." (Probably said way more eloquently, of course) So a teeny tiny bit at a time but it gets done and you're at the next level before you know it! I know plodding along at a death march and feeling frazzled with kids needing you to sit and teach at elbow can be exhausting though.

 

Hang in there! I moved once in April and it set us back a lot!! I can only imagine moving twice in a year!  :svengo:

[birchbark]

What I do when I feel like I am failing: Cut back and back and back until I feel on top of things again.

 

I would drop everything but math until you have a good flow to daily life. Work on schedule, chores, meal and laundry rhythms or whatever you need to for a good foundation to your day. School will just be one subject for now. Try the timer idea.

 

I would highly recommend a read-aloud time as the next thing to add. I have found that reading to the kids is the one thing we can count on as a pleasant part of our schoolday. It truly does add "joy" to education. It doesn't need to be a full-fledged Morning Basket; just pick a book your kids will enjoy and read it. Sometimes bedtime or mealtime is better for fitting it in. Audio books can work too!

 

Then add writing/LA. Copywork and dictation are enough for your youngers. Keep it short and sweet. For your older, you can go loosey-goosey such as in Bravewriter or Robinson style writing. Or you can get something more structured. . . although I'd recommend something independent for your season of life, such as CLE or Cottage Press or the Writing Skills booklets. Either way, it needs to be streamlined and easy to git'er done.

 

An easy way to cover content subjects is just to require them to read for a specified period of time, a la the MFW "Book Basket" concept. You can have titles pre-selected, or you can give them free rein and follow their interests.

 

And there are your 3R's. Just stop there for awhile and see how it goes.

Edited December 10, 2015 by birchbark

[Beimao]

Ok, so we have totally cut back to basics and things are going better. I did throw in a short morning basket again this morning because some kids were missing it, and the point of all this was to add to our joy, right! All of your support has helped me remember that I need to give myself more grace. I get too uptight about getting everything back in order and running smoothly, but we've only been here less than 3 weeks! And the previous 2 1/2 months my husband was working out of state and only came home on weekends. Plus the stress of selling our beloved house and living in a rental for 6 months this year. I guess it's time for healing, not nit picking :)