How Supportive of Homeschooling is Your Spouse?

[Sarah CB]

Recent posts have got me wondering how firmly dh's (or wives of homeschooling dads) believe in homeschooling. Was it his idea to begin with? Was he completely against it in the beginning? Does he leave the decision completely up to you?

[Guest]

VERY. The only things that frustrate him are when I waffle back and forth between curricula. That drives him crazy. I have learned to keep the waffling to myself. :D

 

We were both extremely against homeschooling until God softened our hearts and we both did a 180. We saw all the garbage going on the ps near us and mutually decided that we really couldn't feel right about sending our kids to ps.

[Carrie12345]

Dh was completely against it at first.

 

Now, he's almost a fanatic.:D

[1bassoon]

He is my biggest encourager and supporter. I couldn't do it without him.

 

On Friday nights, when he comes home from TN, he spends the evening doing a fun quiz with the kids -

 

Oh, I miss him so!!! :001_wub:

[swellmomma]

Well no spouse right now, but when I was still with my husband he was 100% against it. I told him when I was pg I wanted to hs and he pretty much said over his dead body. SKip forward to now, he is still pretty much against it, but knows there is nothing he can do to stop me, so instead he now helps with the cost of curric. I think he figured if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

[bumbledeb]

All of the decisions involving the children are left up to me. Dh tends to literally fall asleep when I start a conversation about what we're doing. He is supportive though, just as long as I don't try to talk about it!;)

[Guest]

Oh! I knew you were going to post a poll. Let me go answer that.

[King Alfred Academy]

Straight from dh's mouth...

 

"I think h'schooling is a good thing, but I support you, not because I believe in it but because you believe in it so much. And I believe in you!"

 

He is supportive and makes it possible for it to happen...financially and even helping with the teaching.

[RJH]

He was against it at 1st, but agreed to give it one year. That year went so well, that he is 100% on board now.

[Paula in PA]

He's completely supportive. :001_smile: Anytime I've had any kind of doubts, he has always reminded me why we're doing this and tells me what a great job I'm doing. He does history and geography with dd and pretty much lets me go on and on about curriculum whenever I need to.

[Alaska Mom]

Great Post Sarah! Wow, I'm on your wave length COMPLETELY, I just logged in to ask this EXACT question (a recent post ALSO had me wondering). But I was curious also about not only support of the idea of hs but also how much do they actually help out with both teaching and/or around the house with chores.

 

For us, before having kids we would have never thought of hs (I honestly didn't know it was legal!). Dh's father had a PhD in education and he was raised supportive of public ed. Dh was very against hs. After having kids, I started noticing the exceptional young people I ran across here and there had one thing in common - they were hs kids. I started paying more attention to how many kids are out there that are hs. Dh started noticing as well. We travel in the winter, which basically (our selfishness!) gave us the incentive to consider it. Now the we hs, it's not at all about the schedule, but entirely about the education we want to give our dc. Dh has since become a big supporter. He loves that I WANT to do it, but he'd never push me to do it.

 

As for his support around the house - I'm not sure where he would stand with the rest of the population - I really don't know, thus I was curious to take a poll here to see what other's spouces do in terms of helping out with both chores around the house or teaching. Mine does a fair amount around the house and often cooks, but does none of the teaching at this point, but I think that my come.

 

I'm curious to hear from others what problems you may have had along the way. Did your spouse start out being supportive and later turn against it - are there any "warnings" you can give to the rest of us if you experienced that?

 

I don't want to thread-jack here, I'm new to this, so if that's what I'm doing please forgive me and just ignore my inquiries :D.

[PariSarah]

. . . a year yet when he's voiced a desire to do otherwise. I'm the principal, you might say--I do all the research and most of the choosing; he does half the implementing, and the choosing when it comes to French.

 

I put "other," though, because neither of us is 100% sold on homeschooling. We're doing it now because it's the best option now. In a few years, it may be different. I doubt we'll ever be in the position where one of us is really for it and the other is really against.

[Jami]

I voted for the second option, and would add *for now* to the end. I'm not opposed to any classroom set-up ever. But I do think it would be hard to find a school that fit my expectations. ;)

 

Dh is probably more convinced that homeschooling is the best social and developmental choice for younger children. Anti-institution and all that. Which I agree with, but didn't have his frustrating childhood within the system, so I may not *feel* it as strongly. Whereas I'm more convinced of the academic benefits tutorial education offers. So it's a win-win. :001_smile:

 

Jami

[fivetails]

"ambivalent" - pretty much all the 'kid stuff' is my area to handle...here's basically how the conversation went when I decided to take dd11 out of public school...

 

me: *plunks down on the couch beside dh, interrupting video game* "Hey guess what? dd and I are gonna do something different this year..we're gonna homeschool." :)

 

dh: *pffft* "No you're not." *back to video game*

 

me: "Yes we are." :)

 

dh: uh huh. *gives me his my-wife-is-weird look*

 

And...well....that was in the summer of '07 .....it's now the fall of '08 and we're still at it. ;)

[3lilreds in NC]

My dh is wonderfully supportive. He leaves the schooling up to me, but only because I haven't asked for help. I have wondered how supportive he really was, but by kids would be in school by now if not for his encouragement. More than once, all he needed to say was, "It's up to you. If you need to put them in school, you can." He's never said that. He says, "The only way way we would put them in school is if you couldn't teach them. You can. There is no problem here." He's such a good do-bee.

[Ellie]

It was my idea, and he trusted me 100% to do whatever I thought was best. I dumped everything on him, lol, but when I said I thought hsing was the right decision (long story on how we reached that place) Mr. Ellie said, "Well, you're with the dc more than I am, and you see more than I see, so if you think this is what we should do, then that's what we'll do."

[Gretchen in NJ]

All of the decisions involving the children are left up to me. Dh tends to literally fall asleep when I start a conversation about what we're doing. He is supportive though, just as long as I don't try to talk about it!;)

Sound like my husband. He is supportive by letting me make all of the

decisions and not putting his two cents in.;) Sometimes it would be nice to have his two cents.:tongue_smilie:

[Linda...inOwasso]

History: Two years ago our dd's were in a private school for gifted students on a top university campus. We paid monthly tuition to the tune of $1300 a month for both of them.

 

Phase 1: I mentioned the mere idea of it; he freaked out.

 

Phase 2: I purchased TWTM; he watched baseball on TV as I read it.

 

Phase 3: I began touting the benefits of home education; he played devil's advocate.

 

Phase 4: Four months later, I wore him down. He agreed I should "give it a try."

 

A year and a half into it.... there are days I think I was crazy to give up the private school education but dh would fight ardently for me to continue home schooling. LOL, my how things change!

 

So far, it's been an incredibly successful experience for us. Dh never teaches, but he does help clean up around the house, do laundry, cook dinner, etc...

[PinkInTheBlue]

My husband is completely on board and supportive. I think it was a mutual decision but I think I brought it up. It was sort of gradual and so long ago, I barely remember.

 

The curriculum research, decision and implementation is completely mine. I'm happy with it because I believe I'm a good teacher and he's a great encourager to all of us. :)

[Parrothead]

He has mostly left the decision up to me, but don't let anyone tell him that we can't do it. When we lived in Montana, the legislature had a bill that would have made it impossible to homeschool. While that was being decided dh was looking for another job that he could take if we had to move so we could continue homeschooling.

[snickelfritz]

It was dh's idea.

 

He is EXTREMELY supportive.

 

He sees us putting the kids in school around 2-4th grade.

[Michelle in MO]

I would have chosen the first option, but voted "Other" because the first description wasn't entirely true of him. I wouldn't say that he was fanatical, but he certainly saw the vision of homeschooling before I did. He's been greatly supportive all along; when it was time to stop homeschooling, it was made as a joint decision.

 

He's really been great all along! :D

[HRAAB]

VERY. The only things that frustrate him are when I waffle back and forth between curricula. That drives him crazy. I have learned to keep the waffling to myself. :D

 

Me too. If I start talking curricula, he zones out. But he is 100% behind homeschooling.

 

Janet

[Book Crazy]

VERY. The only things that frustrate him are when I waffle back and forth between curricula. That drives him crazy. I have learned to keep the waffling to myself. :D

 

I also have learned to waffle to my self.

 

"I'm not talking to myself, I am having a Parent/Teacher conference"

 

Dh thought I was a mad woman when I first mentioned it, but as the months and years have gone by, he is the biggest supporter of it. Although, he did think spending the day in PJ's at first was kinda odd, he now knows at least once a week he is going to come home and find us in PJ's reading.

[gandpsmommy]

It is so funny that you would post this, as I was thinking about posting the exact same question just this morning! Dh is totally supportive of hsing; it was definitely a joint decision for us.

[Tabrett]

My dh loves the idea of H'schooling, but is frustrated having to be the sole financial supporter when he see so many other women working. Right now I am safe because I have 3 dc that are not school age and me working would just be paying for daycare. I am really worried that once they are all old enough to go to school my dh will want me to go back to work (which was teaching school). I prefer to teach my own kids. H'schooling is probably the biggest desire of my life. Sometimes I feel like I'm a big burden:sad:.

[Rosy]

I voted for #2, though I wouldn't say he's quite as into it as I am. I think he could get to the point where he'd be willing to put the kids in school before I would, but both of us are so far from that now it isn't an issue.

 

The only direction he's really given me was in telling me that he really wants reading to be my priority for DS this year...besides that I make all the decisions when it comes to curriculum, scheduling, co-op involvement, etc. We tell him every night at dinner what we learned about in school that day, and occasionally he'll read with DS or do art with the kids. But he does help out with the housework, and he does freelance work in the evenings rather than asking me to get a job. I think the balance we've found works well. :)

[Niffercoo]

It was my idea, and he went along with it willingly. Over the years, he has become more and more pro-homeschooling. He works 2 jobs so I can stay home and homeschool. That tells you how much he believes in it.

[Rosy]

"I'm not talking to myself, I am having a Parent/Teacher conference"

 

:lol::lol::lol: Too funny!!! :lol::lol::lol:

[Closeacademy]

He went from being skeptical to encouraging me to do whatever we must to keep the dc at home and homeschooling since it is all they know and is best for them.

 

:001_smile:

[beansprouts]

It was my dh's idea that we should homeschool. At first the thought of being completely responsible for my child's education scared me to death, but I grew into it slowly. By the time our daughter was preschool age I was as enthusiastic about the idea as he was.

[Jennifer3141]

He's supportive in the way that he can't see making our lives work well any other way. But he laments that our kids will not attend a classical academy like he did.

This is close, though. :001_smile:

 

Jen

[Karenciavo]

I voted other. My husband went from being pro-homeschooling to preferring they go to school, even public school. We are still home schooling because I really want to and so do the boys, although #2 probably wouldn't mind going back to school.

[CactusPair]

My dh just says "ok" to whatever it is I say we need to do regarding the dc and school. He likes that we homeschool--he thinks the dc are smart, healthy, happy, well-behaved. At first he was against it, but I said this it the way it needs to be. He said ok. If tomorrow morning I said the kids are going to school, he'd say ok to that, too.:auto:

 

As long as schooling doesn't get in the way of his work or gym schedule, he's game either way. I buy the books with the money he earns (he works very hard). He's a good listener when I have a stressful day. :bigear: These are his contributions to our school and I appreciate them. I'm glad he trusts me to take care of my side of things.:001_smile:

[mom2mea]

It was a joint decision for us. I'm really grateful for his work schedule. It allows our family lots of time to spend together. :)

[Sarah CB]

It's been so interesting to hear everyone's responses!

 

I started researching homeschooling when eldest was 3. Dh was skeptical to begin with, but saw that everyone was doing well at home. Then we moved to England and that cemented it for dh. His work schedule was hectic, we were able to be flexible and that had huge benefits. Plus, we didn't want dd to begin her education in England and then have to transfer back to Canada. Dh is a little more cautious than I am and takes homeschooling on a year by year basis. He is very supportive in his own way, but I know that if things started to go wrong he would likely see school as a solution rather than something else.

 

Everything is going well at home and as long as everyone is happy and learning we're Ok. He tends to say all of his positive comments to other people but it's been fun to see how those positive things have grown. I hear him sometimes saying things like, "That's why we homeschool!" and that gives me some encouragement. Right now his work schedule is rather hectic (again) and the fact that we can travel without notice or take a day off when needed is something he's grateful for.

 

I have to do all of my waffling to myself as well because he would suggest having some (or all) of the kids "try" school.

[Harriet Vane]

It was my idea, but he embraced it willingly enough. Over the years, though, he has become more and more enthusiastic about homeschooling.

 

He especially loves having the freedom to vacation in the off-season.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

It was my dh's idea, not mine. But, over the 9 years, it's become that we are both very enthusiastic about it and know that it is the right choice for our family.

[mommylawyer]

I answered that it was a joint decision. But, let me qualify his involvement. He likes teaching them in spurts - if something catches his fancy, he'll share with the children regardless of what I'm teaching them at the moment. He will do experiments and dissecting with us. He asks from time to time what the kids are learning. However, he doesn't want to be involved in the curriculum I choose or the subjects I'm teaching.

 

BTW, he NEVER mentions public school as an option.

[SheilaZ]

I had to vote "other."

It was my idea to homeschool and DH has never doubted the idea. He has alwasys been very supportive. He tells me to spend more money if I think it will help. If I ask for a certain resource, he will try to find it for me.

 

And since he's starting observing the high school students that I tutor each week, he now turned into a homeschool fanatic. He says that the boys will never go to public school and rants against his own private school education.

[1bassoon]

He is my biggest encourager and supporter. I couldn't do it without him.

 

On Friday nights, when he comes home from TN, he spends the evening doing a fun quiz with the kids -

 

Oh, I miss him so!!! :001_wub:

 

Forgot to mention -

 

Dh was a public school teacher for 10 years - and no way, no how, over his dead body would he send ANY of his kids to a public school.

 

(or, for that matter, the local Christian school, but there's another kettle o' fish all together)

[StaceyinLA]

my kids are not dh's. I was already home schooling when we met and got married. He said at that time that it was okay for now, but ds wasn't going to "do that" when he got older. Well, he never brought it up again, and now, while he doesn't mind dd going to school this year, he certainly wasn't pushing the issue. He thinks the kids are smart and well-rounded, and he always says positives things about them being home schooled.

 

Of course, we're down to the home stretch. I'll have one left at home after this year, and he'll only have 4 years left.

[*anj*]

It was my idea at first, and he was okay with it, but not totally confident.

So he was supportive, but taking a "wait and see" approach.

 

By the end of the first year he was not just okay with it, but pro-homeschooling. And now, seven years into it, he is definitely my biggest cheerleader. Sometimes I think he's more committed to it than I am, even. So yes, he's great. He believes in what we're doing, and he supports me emotionally, financially, with his time, etc. I love my husband!

[keptwoman]

Dh was completely against it at first.

 

Now, he's almost a fanatic.:D

 

Ditto. He trumpets the wonders of it to everyone. I'm sure the people at work wish he would be quiet sometimes :lol:

 

eta his involvement: He will listen to my ponderances over curriculum and scope and sequence and helps me to come to a decision at times but mostly he just listens.

He is learning French alongside J and that area is totally DHs responsibility.

[Peela]

Dh thought I was loony for thinking of it. We were separated at the time, actually, but not quite ready to give up on our marriage. He agreed to a 6 month homeschooling trial, (with me being on trial, of course) and looked after dsthen7 while I worked two days a week. The relationship with his son that blossomed in the first few weeks, and the change he saw in our son as he became sweet and innocent again, turned his head to telling me I HAD to take our daughter out of school ASAP.

Which I did. And, soon after, dh and I came to live together again.

It would have been very difficult to homeschool without his support. Each year, he has become more supportive rather than less, and frequently tells me he never wants the kids to go back to school.

Homeschooling can do something for the heart, I feel. It heals. We saw it heal our son, and then our daughter. But it has also healed dh and I, as he was abused in a Catholic school, and I didn't like the institution of school and felt imprisoned by it. Hoemschooling satisfies us on so many levels.

[Kris]

It was my idea, but he has been 100% behind it from the start. His only concern was that he couldn't be home more to help, and he's been working his butt off to make it possible for me to stay home.

[BusyMum]

My husband borrowed books on homeschooling when our first was only a few months old. I read then to keep him happy and promptly shelved the idea.

 

It kept coming up time and time again but just before #1 turned five I had a c-section after a very difficult pregnancy with #2 so we enrolled him at the local school which many of our friends kids attend. It wasn't a great fit for our son but we hoped he would settle in.

 

18 months later, pregnant with #3, we moved and automatically enrolled ds in the local catholic school. I couldn't stand his teacher but there was only six more weeks of the school year so we battled through. Then we managed one term the next year before it really got too much and dh started talking about homeschooling again. I was still resistant - I had a toddler and a baby and we had had a very tough start to the year. But then ds went to stay with my parents for a week and mum had some very hard truths about ds's behaviour at the end of it. We stayed up to 3am that night talking it over and we never sent him back to school.

 

My husband supports me 100% with homeschooling. He said to me yesterday that he was really glad that ds is not in ps. There has been a massive turnaround and we have seen so much growth in our precious boy.

 

On a practical level, as soon as he gets home DH pitches straight in with whatever needs doing - feeding kids, bathing them, dishes, cleaning up, vacuuming, taking the little spawn down to the park to give mummy some sanity time....:)

 

He is my hero!

[GreenKitty]

"I think h'schooling is a good thing, but I support you, not because I believe in it but because you believe in it so much. And I believe in you!"

 

Love it!

[Lolly]

It was my idea. He didn't really care one way or the other. Now, he is supportive of homeschooling, but I wouldn't say he was my biggest cheerleader. He is way past being ambivalent. Basically, he will support any decisions that I make concerning the kids educations at this point.

[threetreasurs]

Time has convinced dh of the value of homeschooling!