sassenach Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 The resilience conversation (specifically the digital age connection) reminded me that I wanted to post this. http://www.cnn.com/specials/us/being13 The full length special on Youtube I'm so sad for all of these kids. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I don't have time to watch the whole thing right now but I plan to finish it later. Initially, it doesn't really seem much different than when I was that age in the early 80's. Of course our gossiping was done over the phone instead of via texts, but the content was generally the same. 13 was horrible. I envy the easy time my DS and his friends are having of it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 That was a horrible age for me. 14 was better and 15 was hell. Ugh. Poor kids :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Yes 13 is an awkward age. My kid is almost 14. I feel like he is pulling out of some of this awkwardness. And the way some kids act at that age...ugh. He has been with the same drama group for years. During middle school he wanted to quit several times because the kids were so awful to deal with. His teacher moved him ahead to the high school group. He is liking that so much better now. He's also been in a much better mood. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 This special is specifically about a 2 year study they did on the online lives of 13 year olds. It's stunning. The thing that really bothers me is that the parents seem to be helpless to change their kids' exposure to social media. That totally matches what we've experienced in our circles. Give an 11yo an iPhone and then bemoan all of the crap that comes with it, while also making zero changes. Even the experts they interviewed at the end didn't make one of their recommendations to TAKE THE SMART PHONES AWAY or at least limit them. How is that not a logical conclusion? The show focused on what seemed like the worst case scenario, but I'm sure there were kids/parents involved that were more balanced. I wish they would have taken some time to focus on that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 This special is specifically about a 2 year study they did on the online lives of 13 year olds. It's stunning. The thing that really bothers me is that the parents seem to be helpless to change their kids' exposure to social media. That totally matches what we've experienced in our circles. Give an 11yo an iPhone and then bemoan all of the crap that comes with it, while also making zero changes. Even the experts they interviewed at the end didn't make one of their recommendations to TAKE THE SMART PHONES AWAY or at least limit them. How is that not a logical conclusion? The show focused on what seemed like the worst case scenario, but I'm sure there were kids/parents involved that were more balanced. I wish they would have taken some time to focus on that. My kids don't have phones (neither do I except a prepaid dumb phone that sits in a drawer). They do use the computer. I don't know. This can get complicated. It's hard to take this stuff away because it is how a lot of kids keep in touch with friends. With the computer, my kids use it a lot for school. Parents often also rely on the phones to keep in touch with their kids when they are at activities, etc. So you are basically saying to take away something that is not only a form of entertainment, but also a source of functioning day to day. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 This special is specifically about a 2 year study they did on the online lives of 13 year olds. It's stunning. The thing that really bothers me is that the parents seem to be helpless to change their kids' exposure to social media. That totally matches what we've experienced in our circles. Give an 11yo an iPhone and then bemoan all of the crap that comes with it, while also making zero changes. Even the experts they interviewed at the end didn't make one of their recommendations to TAKE THE SMART PHONES AWAY or at least limit them. How is that not a logical conclusion? The show focused on what seemed like the worst case scenario, but I'm sure there were kids/parents involved that were more balanced. I wish they would have taken some time to focus on that. I guess I don't see it IRL with my son's friends. They are too busy with sports and they have involved parents who wouldn't allow for it to become such n obsession. I don't think that a modern kid bemoaning having her cell taken away is any different than when my friends would get their private phone line privileges taken away. I see more adults with their noses constantly stuck to their phones than teens, honestly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 All three of my kids are very grateful to have been home schooled through the middle school years where this behavior is so hard to control. None of my kids had it easy, but any stretch, but they did not have these issues. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I am curious what, specifically, strikes you as "stunning"? Honest question. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Yeah if I think of the goofy arse stuff I talked to with friends at that age. Not much different. I also did stuff that you might find stunning. LOL 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 I am curious what, specifically, strikes you as "stunning"? Honest question. The sexual and verbal attacks. I'm not an idiot, but 13 seems so young to be sending naked pictures and making the profane threats that these kids were. Everything that I would consider extreme or isolated seemed pretty commonplace. At least a once removed experience for them, if not a personal experience. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Well I think it is stunning that 13 year old kids are checking their devices 100+ times a day, even during school, when their focus should be on school. Did my mind wander in school? Sure. But this borders on obsession. I think it's disappointing that many kids can't seem to focus on what's in front of them because they are so concerned with what is going on elsewhere, wondering what people are thinking about them or their posts. We are just entering this period and I've seen some of my kids' friends (in the 10-13 range) become so phone obsessed that they literally will not put it down when they are playing together. DD has stopped inviting one friend over because that friend is on her phone the whole time, interrupting DD, their other friends, and whatever they are talking about or playing to read something from her phone or tell them what so-and-so says about such-and-such. And don't even get me started on some kids' lack of understanding about the appropriate use of group texts... :rant: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 I always forget that when things get posted here, so much of the conversation is about the commentary rather than the actual content of the links. I totally get it if you don't have time to watch the show; it took me three days to get through it. However, my comments probably won't make sense if you didn't watch it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I always forget that when things get posted here, so much of the conversation is about the commentary rather than the actual content of the links. I totally get it if you don't have time to watch the show; it took me three days to get through it. However, my comments probably won't make sense if you didn't watch it. Yeah that is true. I haven't been able to watch much of it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Well I think it is stunning that 13 year old kids are checking their devices 100+ times a day, even during school, when their focus should be on school. Did my mind wander in school? Sure. But this borders on obsession. I think it's disappointing that many kids can't seem to focus on what's in front of them because they are so concerned with what is going on elsewhere, wondering what people are thinking about them or their posts. We are just entering this period and I've seen some of my kids' friends (in the 10-13 range) become so phone obsessed that they literally will not put it down when they are playing together. DD has stopped inviting one friend over because that friend is on her phone the whole time, interrupting DD, their other friends, and whatever they are talking about or playing to read something from her phone or tell them what so-and-so says about such-and-such. And don't even get me started on some kids' lack of understanding about the appropriate use of group texts... :rant: Perhaps stunning, but I see adults doing it all the time. That is probably another reason some parents don't say much. They are doing it themselves. One major reason I don't have a smart phone is because I think I'd never stop looking at it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 My kids don't have phones (neither do I except a prepaid dumb phone that sits in a drawer). They do use the computer. I don't know. This can get complicated. It's hard to take this stuff away because it is how a lot of kids keep in touch with friends. With the computer, my kids use it a lot for school. Parents often also rely on the phones to keep in touch with their kids when they are at activities, etc. So you are basically saying to take away something that is not only a form of entertainment, but also a source of functioning day to day. Well, I think that's a big part of why the parents feel helpless to make any changes. They see it as a necessity that they cannot regulate rather than a tool, which should absolutely be regulated. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 The sexual and verbal attacks. I'm not an idiot, but 13 seems so young to be sending naked pictures and making the profane threats that these kids were. Everything that I would consider extreme or isolated seemed pretty commonplace. At least a once removed experience for them, if not a personal experience. This happened in junior high. Verbal attacks. Threats. Harassment. Boys grabbing one's breasts or snapping bras. People spreading nasty rumors about what so and so supposedly did. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 Towards the end of the show, one of the experts talked about the "imaginary audience," which I TOTALLY remember as a kid/teen/young adult. That feeling that you're being watched and judged all of the time. She said something to the effect that this is the imaginary audience come to life. That would have been my worst nightmare. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) Well, as the show reports, the thing is how visible this is. So many more people can see it. And forward it. Everything is visible. So for me, it's not enough to say this is how it's always been, because it's exponentially worse. Probably literally in number of people who see your aggression, pain, etc. Edited December 4, 2015 by Alte Veste Academy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 This happened in junior high. Verbal attacks. Threats. Harassment. Boys grabbing one's breasts or snapping bras. People spreading nasty rumors about what so and so supposedly did. This. It just doesn't seem different to me. There's a new platform, sure, but all the crappiness of the age seems the same. I'm just not shocked or surprised. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) I always forget that when things get posted here, so much of the conversation is about the commentary rather than the actual content of the links. I totally get it if you don't have time to watch the show; it took me three days to get through it. However, my comments probably won't make sense if you didn't watch it.Eh, I have now had time to watch most of the video. I'm still not surprised by any of it and really don't see major differences. It's just a new medium, just as we had different mediums for our teenage angst than our parents did. The kids generally sound how I remember junior high to be 30 years ago. I'm sorry it disturbs you, though. :( Edited December 4, 2015 by MEmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) See, now I don't remember anything like naked pictures being forwarded from phone to phone to phone to phone because of a bad breakup. Or perfect strangers or anonymous acquaintances or friends on the internet making snarky or cruel comments behind the screen. I don't remember anything like that at all. Where's the emoticon for the guy making the exploding gesture with his hands? Yes, kids are kind of the same. But the scope of it and the way they are sucked in is enormously different, in my opinion. Edited December 4, 2015 by Alte Veste Academy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 See, now I don't remember anything like naked pictures being forwarded from phone to phone to phone to phone because of a bad breakup. Or perfect strangers or anonymous acquaintances or friends on the internet making snarky or cruel comments behind the screen. I don't remember anything like that at all. Where's the emoticon for the guy making the exploding gesture with his hands? Yes, kids are kind of the same. But the hugeness of it, and the way they are sucked in is enormously different, in my opinion. If you had taken naked pictures of yourself, more people than just your boyfriend would have seen them, despite what he promised. And snarkiness? You don't remember the whole Well I don't know you but I hate you because the sister of my best friends cousins boyfriend said you're a ---fill in the blank? Sure there's potential for a bigger audience now, but only the people who would have paid attention then are paying attention now. A different platform, that's all. IMO, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Sure there's potential for a bigger audience now, but only the people who would have paid attention then are paying attention now. As to the first, yes, I think that's one of the biggest parts of it. As to the second, I'm not so sure, because so many more people are seeing it than would have seen it before. It is brought to so many more people's attention. Whether they sustain attention is another question. But for the kid who's mortified, that's one more hit to add to the overwhelming everywhereness of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I think for me, it's the ever present nature of it all. Where is a kid's sense of escape anymore? Of quite and calm? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I think for me, it's the ever present nature of it all. Where is a kid's sense of escape anymore? Of quite and calm? I'm thinking the teenagers who need quiet and calm aren't posting naked pictures of themselves on FB. Just like 30 years ago, they weren't chasing the cool kids, they were reading in the library. Just like they are today. :) I think it's easy to let modern realities seem bigger than they are. It's been true throughout the generations. 13 year old kids grew up with the Internet. They've been hearing about the dangers since the very beginning. It's just not a mystery to them how it works. Will they make mistakes? Of course. Will they text/ post things they regret? Of course. It's all part of growing up. We did it too, mostly over the phone ( which had a second receiver that attentive parents could listen in on, just like modern attentive parents who can read texts on their kid's cells). Those conversations got repeated and gossiped about and turned into something they were never intended to be. It's all part of being 13, and yeah, it sucks. But it always has. And it's always looked different to the teenager than to the parent. IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 This. It just doesn't seem different to me. There's a new platform, sure, but all the crappiness of the age seems the same. I'm just not shocked or surprised. Even physical attacks, death threats, etc. I've heard and seen in all as a teen while at school. It was a horrible time really. I didn't feel safe. Some people were very nasty. At least with the Internet, they don't need to know where you live and you can block them. You can't block the bully that sits next to you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I think for me, it's the ever present nature of it all. Where is a kid's sense of escape anymore? Of quite and calm? Both of mine have some quiet and calm hobbies they engage in from time to time. One of mine tinkers with electronic stuff or plays songs on his keyboard. The other likes to draw. Then again being that they homeschool life is very different for them than it was for me at that age. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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