Good at learning, bad at being taught?

[Guest Bake Shop]

Hi everyone.  This is my first question on this board.  Thank you in advance for taking your time to help.

 

Here is a little background: DS5 has always needed a lot of mental stimulation (in addition to physical play).  Without it, his behavior and well-being go right out the door.  The computer has fulfilled a huge need for him and a need for me to have breaks.  But he has worked on Dreambox math through about middle of 5th grade, with some 6th and 7th grade topics completed, and has hit a wall.  He outgrew several kids' apps for basic foreign language learning, so I downloaded Duolingo for him a couple months ago.  He really likes it, but again he has hit a wall where the concepts are a little too much for him.  

 

I have a really hard time finding things that will capture his interest outside of the computer.  I am uncomfortable with a lot of screen time for kids, so I really do try to find things for him.  But he outgrows toys so quickly.  For instance, he spent a month or two where he wanted to play with nothing but snap circuits; then, he was just done with them.  He will read non-fiction books that capture his interest and we still enjoy reading higher level picture books, but chapter books aren't his thing, so far.

 

So, I have been trying to fill his time with a good mix of school-type work and regular little-kid play.  It's like pulling teeth a lot of the times.  He really doesn't want to be told what to do and he strongly resists doing anything he doesn't like.  He looks forward to doing Beast Academy and practicing pen and paper math.  He often asks for more problems actually.  He tolerates doing everything else only if he knows he'll get computer time when he's done (he's just been playing brain-teaser apps like Cut the Rope).  I also signed him up for a science homeschool enrichment class for grades 1-2.  It meets once a week for an hour and it's taught by a great teacher. I know that DS usually doesn't like doing classes or group activities, but I thought it would help to be with older kids and to be doing a subject he likes.  Today I asked the teacher how he was doing and she told me that he has been politely refusing to participate for weeks.  She said that he asks to sit next to her but then he basically just looks at the clock and waits for the class to be over.  (This is also what he does at his church class: he tries to chat with the teachers, but doesn't participate with the activities.)

 

Over the past couple years, I've read everything I can find about asynchronicity and emotional intensity and strong-willed children.  I still feel really lost right now.  I wonder if these issues that I'm seeing are a maturity thing, an anxiety thing, or a social problem.  Should I just keep at our routine and see if things improve??  

 

 

 

 

[ashamama]

I wrote a long post last night that the Internet ate. :(  I will try to get the basics.  Your guy sounds a lot like my 2E boy.  He is gifted and ADHD (and SPD with a convergence insufficiency,  but I feel like those are less applicable here.)  I was told with him to expect him to have the maturity of a child 2/3 his age.  So he is almost 6, but along the lines of self control and self regulation more like a 4 year old.  It's odd to think that he can do algebra in his head and he has the maturity of a 4 year old, but it really holds up in action.  

That said, he needs a lot of info quickly.  He picks it up quickly and doesn't have the attention to sit there pleasantly when he has already gotten it because his brain moves on.   We have had great success with Classical Conversations because it covers a lot of info, but only a short time is spent on every subject.  There is a lot of opportunity to memorize as well as practical application of science and art that take up just the right ammount of time for him.  Other classes have spent too long on one subject.  

He used to be just the same with reading.  He'd read anything non-fiction (loved biographies) and picture books with lots of text.  We were not progressing with chapter books.  eventually I realized that the non-fiction books had pictures like his picture books and we've moved on to illustrated chapter books: classic Winnie the Pooh, EB White (Stuart Little was a big hit) Roald Dahl  (though they can be scary).  My best example is we tried reading the first Harry Potter in August with no luck.  In October we bought the illustrated one and we are halfway through it!  So that bridge was important.  Pages and pages of text just seem overwhelming.  Breaking it up with pics makes it easier to deal with.  We also figure out how long the chapter is.  He is big on needing to "see" progress.  We track his school day with a pill box organizer and open one box when a subject is done and we work for a "preferred task."  Usually the marble run.  I read a study about other countries where they do 45 min instruction followed by 15 min break.  I started that a month ago and it really works!  His 15 mins of play are more organized and he comes back ready to work.  I use the 15 minutes to switch subjects, set up, make lunch. Etc.  And we "layer" sometimes.  We read Story of the World at lunch and do our art via book reports some days.  I try to provide fun "themed" activities.  Seasonal stuff right now to work on the passage of time.  We recently got him a pet and he has jumped at the chance to be more responsible.  It gets easier with age, but it is a job having enough to do for him!  

[LaughingCat]

1 year has made a huge difference in this for my DD.  She still doesn't like to be told what to do but she deals with it much better.   At 5, I really thought it was going to be a huge ongoing issue, but at 6 (heading toward 7) it is workable.

 

Although for outside teachers -- it is all dependent on their personality -- she will take advantage of nice and won't work for strict -- she needs a combo takes no guff yet caring personality -- the only difference with maturity is that it doesn't have to be the perfect mix anymore -- she can work with a wider range of personalities -- but still completely stalls out with the 'nice only' teacher which so many are (and probably the strict only teacher still too -- but these are rarer ime so haven't experienced lately).

 

Note, this is not really meant as a 'wait and see' post -- I did that far too long with older dd to be comfortable recommending it -- but sadly, nothing I did made a clear difference with younger dd -- only time and growing maturity.

[elizahelen]

Break the computer habit now. Even audiobooks would be better.

[Arcadia]

How good is his fine motor skills? My kids outgrew snap circuits fast because it wasn't open ended enough so they use a solderless breadboard and a mish mash of electronic components. I could help and supervise their DIY electronics projects though.

 

A lot is strong will, intensity and being at an age that wants to be a big kid but lack the mental and physical skill. Where some books are too easy, some too hard and none seems to be just right.

 

My kids were not keen on math contests but the past years contests puzzles were fun for them to do at leisure. They like logic puzzles too which I print from the internet or use the library's LSAT prep books.

[MomatHWTK]

My 5 y.o. likes chemistry videos and lessons- he loves learning about atoms/electrons.  So you might consider expanding your topic base.  Also, there are great books on the science, math, etc. that might appeal to him.  Look at middle school and high school level books, progams and toys while screening for mature content and safety.  

 

ETA: I employ a great deal of technology in teaching all my kids- the visuals and access to varied content has been beneficial to us.  I found out about littlest's chemistry interest when he watched oldest's online lesson.  I use a math program that offer instruction (not just practice) so each child can progress at his or her own pace.  Two of my kids prefer my assistance, two prefer to let the program do the teaching.  I would encourage you to do your best to be present for some of the lessons in each topic (I assume that you are) as even though your child may surpass you in ability, you still want to have some idea of the content so that you can encourage and engage them.  I will admit, I am terrible at learning languages so my two that  have an interest in that area are probably already well past me even though they just dabble.  It's ok to know your own limitations.  The key is to find another way for the child to access the information they crave.  ;)  

[Guest Bake Shop]

Thank you all for your suggestions.  You've given me a lot of ideas to mull over and explore!

 

He picks it up quickly and doesn't have the attention to sit there pleasantly when he has already gotten it because his brain moves on.   

 

Hmm... It didn't occur to me that his class would be moving too slowly for him, since it's for older kids and the topics are mostly new to him.  But now that you say it, that makes sense!  At home, he prefers to get a dense amount of information in short bursts.  Then he will play contentedly for awhile.  I guess he must be pondering the content while he plays... So, for him just playing or "just" learning in a class for an hour would not be intense enough.