Parking ticket, 2 teenage friends in car, who pays?

[Tita Gidge]

I'd pay it (as parent) if I were the driver's parent. I'd offer to pay it if I were the passenger's parent.

 

I figure it's a genuine misunderstanding, and now they know.  The only "cost" to the kids would be a 10 minute lecture/lesson on reading signs and making sure they know what to do differently next time.  Next time, it'd be on them in full - job or not.

 

I do think responsibility tends to fall with the driver, always in all ways. But I think some drivers are ... I don't know the words, not more shy, but maybe less certain or confident in a situation of unknowns and therefore more prone to doing whatever someone suggests.  It sounds like your daughter's friend might be one of those people who doesn't think well under stress, froze, and took her passenger's suggestion.  Now she's quick to blame the passenger because it's easier and more comfortable to do so, than to realize she's just not calm under pressure and had any culpability. 

 

Hopefully that's something she matures out of, before it costs her this - or any - friendship!

 

 

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I would probably pay it too.  Seems like an honest mistake. 

 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

While I think it would be classy of teen #2 to offer to help with the ticket, realistically it is the responsibility of the driver to handle it. Similarly, if I were the parent of teen #1 and I felt that I should have anticipated this problem and helped to prepare my kid to cope, I might offer to take care of the ticket or split the cost with the understanding that this was a one-time thing.

[Junie]

Did they bring you back a donut?

 

It is the driver's responsibility. The person giving bum advice though, needs to own that part. Good compromise is to split it, just like the gas cost.

 

:lol:

[SKL]

It depends on what they were in the city for.  If it was purely for fun, the teens should split it (but the parent who sent them could advance them the money).  If it was for some purpose that the parent would have normally paid for, then the parking should be considered part of the cost and the parent should pay.

 

I really don't care that person x was more familiar with cities than person y.  And I don't care who was driving.  Both teens thought it would be OK to park there and both agreed to do it.  They should share, just like they would share the cost of gas if they were driving a long distance.

[Tap]

Just guessing here, but is #1 not supposed to have gone in the first place, so she's deflecting blame to try to not get in trouble? It sounds like she was under the care of your family when your husband (#3) said they could go, she drove your daughter (#2) in her own car, but she knew her own father wouldn't have allowed it. Is that correct?

 

I think #1 is legally responsible. I think it's a nice gesture for #2 to offer to pay half. The only thing that would change my answer that I can think of is if #3, #2's parent, knew that #1 was not supposed to go and allowed it. Then I'd think #3 should pay even though legally #1 is responsible.

My husband didn't know she wouldn't have had permission.  He doesn't know the family, and we are usually on the stricter side of most of my daughters friends, except this one.  Dh doesn't usually make parenting decisions. 99% of the decisions come to me because he doesn't really know how to think through the 'what ifs'. He was neglected as a child (pretty much on his own as a tween) and kicked out when his mom got remarried at 16yo. Independence is the norm for him as a teen. His friends growing up were on their own too. Our son was in his 3rd year of college at 17yo. To him, the girls are 17yo and plenty capable of going to get donuts and then coming home. Portland doesn't have a huge amount of crime, dd has been there quite a bit so she knows her way around, and they had cell phones with them. There are a lot of college students in downtown, so they wouldn't stand out.  DH said no at first, but dd talked him into it.  She can do that pretty easy, and they both know it.  LOL

 

So, yes dh did give the approval, but the other girl knew she was asking to do something, her own father would have said no to.  Honestly, I put that more on her (and my own dd) than dh. 

 

 

BUT......he needs to listen to his gut!

[Tap]

Did they bring you back a donut?

 

It is the driver's responsibility. The person giving bum advice though, needs to own that part. Good compromise is to split it, just like the gas cost.

Yep, a Voodoo doll donut for me and a dozen to share.  Dd is always generous....especially with treats.   :hurray:

[justkeepswimming]

didn't read others posts, but voted #1 because that's how I logically see it.

 

But - If my teen were the passenger, I would make sure that they offered to split the ticket with their friend (and I'd pay their half for them). Keeping the peace, good buddies, and all that...

 

Furthermore, if it were my kid (driving) I probably would wind up paying it myself because I would realize that omitting a parking discussion when said teenager is driving to a city for the first time by himself was probably not the wisest course of action.

 

I'd chalk it up to a life lesson learned.

[MomatHWTK]

The ticket was a cost of the adventure they chose, they split the cost.  Friend 1 trying to get 2 to pay entirely would reflect poorly on Friend 1 and I would begin to discourage the friendship.  I'm a "You do the crime, you do the time" kind of parent.   ;)

 

I wouldn't put any responsibility on the parent- he was scammed by two 17 y.o.'s who knew what they were up to.  

[foxbridgeacademy]

#1,2,3. The owner of the car is the legally responsible party, that'd mean the parent of #1(who's under 18, right?).  What I'd probably do is teen#1 and the parent who let them go, if I was the parent.  If I'm the parent of teen#2 (but not the one who ok'd a late night foray into a unfamiliar city at 11pm) I'd offer to chip in up to half because that's the polite thing to do.  

 

ETA: I read the update and want to reiterate that teen 2 and parent are not responsible but under the circumstances paying 1/2 is the right thing to do.  Teen 1 must be really terrified of her parents finding out to be such a brat about the situation.  She should be thankful that any of it is getting paid at all.  She was the driver and needs to learn to take responsibility. 

[Carrie12345]

The legal responsibility is a no brainer.  Ethically, the kids were equally ignorant and made a joint bad call.  I would be disappointed in either party if they allowed the other to take the whole fall.

 

The additional information is a completely separate issue.  If your family is willing to help cover for the other teen (which may or may not be a reasonable choice, only you know,) then pay the ticket without making a thing of it.  It doesn't sound like you can have it both ways in this situation.

[DawnM]

This happened to me once.  I was the rider.  I went to dinner with a friend and friend was trying to be nice and park closer because I was 6 months pregnant at the time. We got a $35 or so ticket.  

 

I paid half.  Looking back, since that friend was not doing all that well financially, I should have paid all of it, but I didn't feel obligated, just think it would have been nice for me to do.

[Prairie~Phlox]

I'd say it's time for jobs, my kids all started working before 15 year. My 17 dd has worked at a greenhouse for 2 summers now & will be a supervisor next summer. I think jobs at that age are important.

[Joanne]

That makes sense.

 

Reading between the lines, it sounds like you feel you have good reason to protect this other teen from her parents finding out.  But I also don't think that it does her any favors, in the long run, to completely let her refuse to take any responsibility.  Can you say "Hey, I understand why you don't want your parents to know, but you guys made this decision together, and I can't allow my daughter to pay the full amount for something that was a mutual decision.  It's not a big deal, and everyone gets a ticket for something they didn't know about or understand at some point, and it sucks, but you just have to chalk it up to a life lesson.  I know that you don't have the money right now, but I was going to hire a someone to (do some sort of small chore).  How about I pay you $25 to do it, and you can put that towards your share of the ticket?"

 

This, while adding the legal expectation of who pays so that Teen Driver knows ongoing.

[NotSoObvious]

Meh. We all make parking mistakes. One time I went out with a bunch of moms and I accidentally parked on a level in the parking garage that was locked after 11PM. My friend had to drive me home, way out of her way, and we had to go get my car in the morning. 

 

$45 isn't the end of the world (from my perspective, anyway) and they've learned their lesson. If I had teens with no income, I'd just pay it. It sounds like they are great kids who made an honest mistake. I don't think prolonged punishment or working to pay it off is going to drive the message home anymore than the embarrassment of getting the ticket in the first place. But, that's based on my own children's personalities. 

[Rebel Yell]

Honestly, I don't know how invested I'd be in encouraging my kid to do whatever it takes to maintain the friendship of someone who refuses to take personal responsibility for a pretty minor mistake.

 

I'd actually strongly encourage maintaining a friendship with someone whose parents would go beyond ballistic over what is (to us, and most rational people) a very minor mistake.

 

They may be their only lifeline.

 

Ask me how I know this. :crying:

[Rebel Yell]

That makes sense.

 

Reading between the lines, it sounds like you feel you have good reason to protect this other teen from her parents finding out.  But I also don't think that it does her any favors, in the long run, to completely let her refuse to take any responsibility.  Can you say "Hey, I understand why you don't want your parents to know, but you guys made this decision together, and I can't allow my daughter to pay the full amount for something that was a mutual decision.  It's not a big deal, and everyone gets a ticket for something they didn't know about or understand at some point, and it sucks, but you just have to chalk it up to a life lesson.  I know that you don't have the money right now, but I was going to hire a someone to (do some sort of small chore).  How about I pay you $25 to do it, and you can put that towards your share of the ticket?"

 

Sometimes it isn't about the teen refusing responsibility as much as it is about preserving the illusion of sanity.

 

If *I* were the driver who got an innocent parking ticket, my mom would STILL have me grounded from driving. :glare:

 

ETA: just saying I understand that some parents have overboard unreasonable reactions to minor things. My girls who drive know that a moving violation removes them from the share-a-family-car plan, but a parking ticket is no big deal... That was not the case for some people I know- both currently and from my younger days.

 

[SquirrellyMama]

I'd actually strongly encourage maintaining a friendship with someone whose parents would go beyond ballistic over what is (to us, and most rational people) a very minor mistake.

 

They may be their only lifeline.

 

Ask me how I know this. :crying:

 

From what I'm reading it isn't the parking ticket that will make the parents upset. It is the fact that she  got the ticket doing something she knew she wasn't supposed to be doing.

 

Kelly

[Farrar]

If you're going to pay in part to protect this girl, I'd sit her down and have a conversation about how you see through what she's doing even if she doesn't fully understand her own motives - she's deflecting the blame to you because she can't take the consequences. And I'd say how you want to be clear of why you're going to pay. It's not because you (or your dd) are obligated and you need her to understand for her own good that you're doing it because she's a friend that you and dd care about. But she could easily get into such a mess with someone else who doesn't care about her so much and isn't willing to go way beyond their own level of responsibility to help her cover up or get out of trouble.

[vonfirmath]

I vote #1 has the responsibility as the driver of the car. I voted other as well because if I were the passenger that helped make the decision I would chip in just because I would feel I should. It would be nice of #2 to help pitch in, but I wouldn't see it as required that they do.

 

Agreed. The driver of the car is ultimately responsible.

 

Now, if I were #2 and I ended up being wrong, I'd feel obligated to pitch in and help with the fine.

 

And, again, if I were the parent of #1, I would probably help out in this circumstance as well.

 

But, in the real world, it doesn't matter what you were taught/not taught. Or even what the other occupants of the car say you should do. You are ultimately responsible for your decisions and #1 is the one who will have their credit (And maybe license?) affected if they do not pay the fine.

[Annie G]

If you're going to pay in part to protect this girl, I'd sit her down and have a conversation about how you see through what she's doing even if she doesn't fully understand her own motives - she's deflecting the blame to you because she can't take the consequences. And I'd say how you want to be clear of why you're going to pay. It's not because you (or your dd) are obligated and you need her to understand for her own good that you're doing it because she's a friend that you and dd care about. But she could easily get into such a mess with someone else who doesn't care about her so much and isn't willing to go way beyond their own level of responsibility to help her cover up or get out of trouble.

 

I like this...but also think that if the girl develops a pattern of not accepting responsibility for her actions that it could  lead to something a lot more serious than a parking ticket.  The girl (driver) is trying to put the blame on the other girl instead of owning her participation in it. So what happens when she goes to college and does some drinking and blames other people because she 'didn't know there was alcohol in it' or if she gets into a compromising situation with a boy but doesn't say no, yet the next day blames him?  Some people DO get away with a ton of things because others are willing to go above and beyond and not hold the person accountable.   

 

Maybe this is a one time thing and it won't turn into anything else- I truly hope that is the case. I just cringe when I think of a college roommate dd had. She got very drunk at a party and invited a boy into her room. The next day other people were talking about it and she made up all kinds of stories like she had been drugged and 'forced' to drink. Two of the roommates lied for her to 'protect her reputation'. The boy was kicked out of school...and the girl went on and did the same thing to two other guys.   

 

I don't think a parking ticket means she's an awful person...I just feel that if I'm paying for the ticket I might want to make sure i'm not seen as enabling a teen who was knowingly breaking rules. 

[Tammi K]

This Mama's rule:  If you are deemed responsible enough to drive the car, you should be able to figure out when/where/how to park it.

 

Don't tell me it's someone else's fault. Driver's responsibility!  If the driver feels like this person frequently puts them in positions where choices like this need to be made, that is a different issue. But, bottom line is the driver parked the car.

[zoobie]

If you're going to pay in part to protect this girl, I'd sit her down and have a conversation about how you see through what she's doing even if she doesn't fully understand her own motives - she's deflecting the blame to you because she can't take the consequences. And I'd say how you want to be clear of why you're going to pay. It's not because you (or your dd) are obligated and you need her to understand for her own good that you're doing it because she's a friend that you and dd care about. But she could easily get into such a mess with someone else who doesn't care about her so much and isn't willing to go way beyond their own level of responsibility to help her cover up or get out of trouble.

That's a very kind option too. I'd be concerned, similar to Annie G, that she will make bad decisions and deflect the blame. The parents may not be monsters. If I had driven into downtown at that age at that time and gotten a parking ticket, my parents would've "gone ballistic" too. They wouldn't have yelled or hit me, but I would've lost my car and driving privileges. My curfew was 11, and I had to tell them where I was going ahead of time. I don't think those are unreasonable rules for a new driver who's using her parents' car and under their insurance.

 

This would make me rethink letting my DD go anywhere with her as a passenger.

[netwelladm]

Driver's responsibility. My daughter, who is on her way to becoming a licensed driver, would never be able to tell me that a friend told her to speed and she ended up with a speeding ticket. The non-driver is not responsible and should not be required to pay. I hope the friendship is not lost over this ticket.

[Rebel Yell]

From what I'm reading it isn't the parking ticket that will make the parents upset. It is the fact that she  got the ticket doing something she knew she wasn't supposed to be doing.

 

Kelly

 

yeah yeah yeah- I get that. It's a really hard thing to explain. I should have had more coffee before I tried. :coolgleamA:

 

I fully support the fact that parents should set limits for their children, and what is reasonable varies by child, family, region, and situation.

 

I grew up in a weird world where I was permitted to do very little. I lived on a dead-end street, 2 houses down from the end, and was only allowed to ride my bike, that *I* paid for, 2 houses down from mine. I was 14. :cursing:  I did not live on a busy street with drive-by shootings. To everyone else on my street, going 0.2 miles away to the new McDonald's was no big deal. It may as well have been the moon to me.

 

Anyway- I was just giving thr perspective of someone who might not have been explicitly told "Do not go into this neighboring town for donuts" when I said we were going out for donuts... (even though I knew it wouldn't be OK if I asked- I'm very black-and-white in my thinking, so if I wasn't specifically told "Don't go to the moon" then I wouldn't ask to go to the moon, but I might make a side trip there, KWIM?) but I would have done anything I could to cover up a parking ticket that I got there. No tbecause I'm a hardened criminal, but because the standard answer for pretty much ANYTHING I ever asked to do was "No." So I stopped asking.

 

Oh yeah- back to the OP's question: I voted to split the ticket between the driver, the passenger, and the parent who didn't warn them about parking. I still remind my 20yo to take money for parking/tolls- because it is such a rare occasion that she needs to pay for parking or tolls. I even warn grown-ups if there is a paid parking lot where they are going to see one of my kids in a show or ther event- again, because it is so unexpected here.  But I *do* believe that it is ultimately the responsibility of the driver. But in this situation, it would be nice for other peopl eto split the fine.

[TX Native]

New poster who feels uncomfortable giving an opinion especially since I don't have teens, but here goes an opinion only. I did have a high school friend with an irrational overbearing step dad and my opinion would be completely different in that circumstance. I would pay all and cover for the teen in that situation. I voted teen #1 should take full responsibility. After reading the situation, as parent of teen #2 I would offer to pay half out of good will and let go of all the rest. That is if teen #1's father isn't a domineering parent that has these strict rules as a power trip. If the daughter wants to earn the other half to save the friendship I would leave that decision up to the daughter. I wouldn't agree with the daughter if she decided to do this, but that wouldn't matter. If the father of teen #1 isn't an irrational man that has strict rules just as power trip and teen #1's consequence with her father isn't likely to be more than something like grounding from the car a bit or having to pay for the ticket out of personal spending money, I would not contribute to covering up for teen #1. I wouldn't tattle either. I would just offer to pay half out of good will. There may be more to the teen's home situation and teen #2 may know if teen #1 is suffering due to overvearing parents. If that is the case, all my opinions are void. Typically, it isn't completely irrational for a father to not want his teen to drive a car he is probably paying insurance for to an unfamiliar area late at night with another teen, even if they are both responsible and trusting. Strict? Yes, especially at their ages, but not irrational. It equally is totally rational to be fine with the same situation, especially since the girls are on the threshold of full fledged adulthood. Different parents have different comfort levels with these things for different reasons. Teen #1 knew her dad wouldn't have allowed it, but yet went to another adult for permission. If the car actually belongs the dad, plus the dad is taking full financial responsibility for what happens to the car, that dad has full rights to restrictions without being considered mean to have a consequence when his rules are broken.

 

I do not know the background, but parents who are likely to be irrationally controlling of their children and give irrational consequence for breaking rules are less likely to allow their teens an otherwise normal social life. Giving the teen access to drive a car to a friend's house for the night and trust she wouldn't take the car out somewhere if he didn't want her out with her friends in what may be his car, wouldn't be typical behavior for a parent who has out of control rules. It may be the dad knows the daughter isn't familiar with the town and parking is the main reason he didn't want her to drive there at night. In which case, Getting in trouble isn't out of line as long as we aren't talking harm or not allowing reasonable car freedoms again. He is likely just more strict than many parents, and I wouldn't want to cover for a teen only because I think the parents are too strict. I would cover in a heartbeat if I felt any harm or abuse would be the result. I wouldn't punish my teen for getting a parking ticket in this situation, but I would be upset if that teen went behind my back and did something they knew I wouldn't allow because another parent gave the okay. At 17, I would treat a responsible teen like an adult with freedom with a car if they were paying for the gas and insurance plus could cover the cost of any innocent tickets or accident insurance deductibles, If I was footing the bill for all that, I would have limitations of where, when, and with what passengers the car could be driven.

 

Editing in that in no way am I saying anyone is calling the other dad mean or irrational with his rules. I was wanting to give his POV from someone strict parents myself growing up. My dad was strict because he was a butt and no other reason. But I also know a dad that was strict because he was a police officer in a big city and was exposed to things that happened to responsible ladies out by themselves at night. I am fine being out at night, but have no judgement on his wife for not being able to be out at night by herself because her husband doesn't like it. I am also in no way wanting to judge the decision to cover for teen #1 to keep her from getting in trouble. I can see both sides. This is just how I would feel and likely respond in the same situation.

[Lolly]

Yep, a Voodoo doll donut for me and a dozen to share.  Dd is always generous....especially with treats.   :hurray:

 

In THAT case, you should pay for your dd's portion of the ticket. Generosity should be rewarded! (I like the idea of allowing the driver to work off the $ with some chores at your house if this is going to spoil a friendship.)

[gingersmom]

My friends and I (at that age) agreed if we got any kind of tickets we would split cost. I would never think of not paying 1/2. It's not like you were in a taxi that parked illegally.

[Mrs. B]

I realize my input isn't that of a seasoned WTMer,, so take this with a grain of salt.  I don't want this to come across as snarky.  As a parent who has set rules but isn't super strict......if I found out another parent did something to help my minor teen cover up for something she was not supposed to do only because the other parent felt my rules were too strict, I would be livid.  I would not be upset about the parking ticket.  I would be upset about my teen taking the car somewhere she knew she wasn't supposed to go and she would get in trouble. My teen would be in more trouble if I found out she got a parking ticket and asked another adult to cover it so I would never know.  I would not lock her in her room or take the car keys away forever, but she would get in trouble, appropriate for her age of course, since she is older. She likely would have to work off the ticket price with babysitting or pet sitting jobs.   I can understand protecting a minor from violent, negligent, or abusive parents.   I don't understand protecting a minor from a parent who will be upset if their teen daughter broke one of their ground rules.  This is so not meant to be an attack or a better than thou post, please trust that.  I am also curious if the parents may find out through the mail or through a report on the car's record.  I am not sure how parking tickets work compared to moving traffic violations.  

[Guest]

By the time I was driving, I would not in my dizziest daydreams have asked any parent (mine or a friend's) to pay for a parking ticket I incurred. I was crystal clear that driving/use of a car was a big responsibility and if I was adult enough to drive, I was old enough to cope with whatever expenses or problems might arise from driving.

 

In this case, I would have ideally said both should split the cost. It's a simple mistake and sometimes you learn what a rule means by breaking it.

 

I would be very leary of a friendship where the "friend" is splitting hairs over a mistake that will cost her something.

[kitten18]

Driver's responsibility. My daughter, who is on her way to becoming a licensed driver, would never be able to tell me that a friend told her to speed and she ended up with a speeding ticket. The non-driver is not responsible and should not be required to pay. I hope the friendship is not lost over this ticket.

Of course not but navigating parking in a large city is quite a bit more complicated than speeding.

[Farrar]

I realize my input isn't that of a seasoned WTMer,, so take this with a grain of salt.  I don't want this to come across as snarky.  As a parent who has set rules but isn't super strict......if I found out another parent did something to help my minor teen cover up for something she was not supposed to do only because the other parent felt my rules were too strict, I would be livid.  I would not be upset about the parking ticket.  I would be upset about my teen taking the car somewhere she knew she wasn't supposed to go and she would get in trouble. My teen would be in more trouble if I found out she got a parking ticket and asked another adult to cover it so I would never know.  I would not lock her in her room or take the car keys away forever, but she would get in trouble, appropriate for her age of course, since she is older. She likely would have to work off the ticket price with babysitting or pet sitting jobs.   I can understand protecting a minor from violent, negligent, or abusive parents.   I don't understand protecting a minor from a parent who will be upset if their teen daughter broke one of their ground rules.  This is so not meant to be an attack or a better than thou post, please trust that.  I am also curious if the parents may find out through the mail or through a report on the car's record.  I am not sure how parking tickets work compared to moving traffic violations.  

 

I can understand this perspective. But I also think there's a line somewhere where I would feel okay covering up a little bit - taking the responsibility when I know I don't have to like this. I wouldn't do it for strictness... but I would do it for a child who I felt was being verbally or emotionally abused. There are some kinds of abusive parents who you report to the authorities and some who you don't feel you can - they don't beat their kids, they make sure they get an education and enough to eat and so forth, but they're not just strict, they're cruel and callous when a rule has been broken or punish in ways that are extremely counterproductive to growing up healthily. I guess from the vague information there, I was thinking this girl's situation went beyond a simple "strict."

[Bluegoat]

I think ultimately the responsibility rests with #1 as the owner who was also driving.  But, it would also say that the friend really ought to offer to chip in.

 

ETA - having read the updates, I might help out #1, but I would make it clear why in the vein that Farrar suggested.

[kitten18]

I can understand this perspective. But I also think there's a line somewhere where I would feel okay covering up a little bit - taking the responsibility when I know I don't have to like this. I wouldn't do it for strictness... but I would do it for a child who I felt was being verbally or emotionally abused. There are some kinds of abusive parents who you report to the authorities and some who you don't feel you can - they don't beat their kids, they make sure they get an education and enough to eat and so forth, but they're not just strict, they're cruel and callous when a rule has been broken or punish in ways that are extremely counterproductive to growing up healthily. I guess from the vague information there, I was thinking this girl's situation went beyond a simple "strict."

I agree.

 

 

My mom was the "mommy" to all my friends. They all knew they could count on her for anything.

But I had one friend in particular that had a crappy home life. Mom did many things that could be seen as overstepping but she was really just trying to give my friend a normal life. I know as an adult, my friend really appreciates what Mommy did for her.

[ThisIsTheDay]

LOL that is why I put my response away from the original question.  I didn't want that to skew the results.  

 

To me, if I was a teen who knew their parent would get really mad about something, then you either

1. don't do it or

2. be prepared to face the consequences . 

 

If my kid were the driver and felt it were the responsibility of anyone else in the car, I'd be livid and embarrassed.

 

I'm sorry you are in this position.  It's an unfortunate thing to lose a friendship over.  I couldn't encourage my kid to pay though.  This is obviously a pattern--a parent who doesn't make their child take responsibility, and a child who won't take it.

[swellmomma]

It is always up to the driver to ensure the vehicle is following all rules of the road including parking zones etc.

[Tsuga]

Driver. Period. Sorry you listened to bad advice. It's part of growing up.

 

However, if my kid was #2 I would encourage them to chip in, yes. I also wouldn't put it past the driver to be upset about it since they are teens. They will all learn eventually.

[Lady Florida.]

Driver.

 

If I or my kid was #2, I'd offer to help pay. However, if I or my kid was #1 I would in no way expect #2 to help pay. 

[Tsuga]

I will answer my own question here and give a few details.

 

DD is #2 and is paying half.

 

Driver #1 thinks I should pay the whole thing. My husband is the one who let them go, so I don't really understand why I should be the one to pay it all :confused1: , but no matter what she thinks, that isn't going to happen. LOL #1 thinks that #2 is completely at fault, and doesn't think she should have to pay at all.

 

 

DD (friend #2) has already given me the money and I wrote a check for her to pay for half. She is generous almost to a fault, offered to pay half from the beginning. If her friend presses the issue, she could probably be swayed to pay it all. She knows that she isn't legally responsible. If the situation was reversed, she wouldn't accept help paying it.

 

 

I told dd, that if it looks like this is going to cause serious harm to the friendship, I will just pay the remaining half, but she really needs to consider her friendship if it comes to this. I don't want dd to lose a friend over $23. I am a natural consequences type parent and I feel that my dd is learning her lesson offering to pay half of the ticket.The only reason I would do this is because dh let them go without discussing parking in an area that is hard to find parking in on a weekend night. The other girl may not have the money to pay it and her dad is going to be really mad if she has to ask him for it, as I doubt he even knows about it. (They went to get Voodoo Donuts in Portland Oregon, and I doubt he knows they were in the city at 11pm but that is a whole nuther discussion about my dh letting them go. LOL)

This is so like a situation I was in at their age, LOL. I was allowed to stay in our county. But we went to Seattle because Dutch Babies at a now defunct but then we'll-loved cafe. I got a ticket on the way home, going 10 over. My friends were singing Janis Joplin at the top of their lungs (this was the 90s mind you).

 

I paid the ticket and lost car privileges for lying about my whereabouts.

 

I cannot say I ever felt that my mom was excessively strict (I was renting her car).

 

My friends thought my mom was totally reasonable. So did I.

 

I don't think a parent being angry about a teen lying about a trip to Portland is excessively strict. This girl needs to just accept responsibility and face her dad. Here is how that goes:

 

Kid confesses.

Dad gets pissed, may yell and ground her for a week or two from driving.

Kid suffers said lack of trust related consequences for lying.

Kid gets second chance. Lives life paranoid of parking tickets in Portland and hopefully Seattle as well because it's not irrational if you really could get a ticket anywhere.

 

Do I live in the twilight zone of abuse or is this not a totally, completely normal family dynamic and stupid teen activity with minor consequences? Did I miss a post?

 

Please understand that I remember the feeling of sickening dread about showing my mom with that King County address on it. I do feel for them. But I don't share the feeling that teens need to be protected from that, probably because I was not abused. Still, it's not abuse, is it? Of course I wanted to hide it from my non abusive mom. Of course! Nobody wants their parents pissed off at them. Even people who have not been abused, ever.

[Bootsie]

Focusing on who pays the ticket seems to be ignoring a much bigger issue.  The owner of the car gets to decide who can drive the car when.  The parent of a minor child gets to decide where that child can go and if that child can drive a car. 

 

"Yep, a Voodoo doll donut for me and a dozen to share.  Dd is always generous....especially with treats."  

 

Did your daughter have money for treats and transportation to get the treats?  If so, why does she not have money to pay for the ticket?  I think it is easy to be generous with someone else's automobile, gas, insurance, ...

[ScoutTN]

I voted #1, but the second boy should offer to pay half.

[Tap]

Focusing on who pays the ticket seems to be ignoring a much bigger issue. The owner of the car gets to decide who can drive the car when. The parent of a minor child gets to decide where that child can go and if that child can drive a car.

 

"Yep, a Voodoo doll donut for me and a dozen to share. Dd is always generous....especially with treats."

 

Did your daughter have money for treats and transportation to get the treats? If so, why does she not have money to pay for the ticket? I think it is easy to be generous with someone else's automobile, gas, insurance, ...

My dd is #2, the passenger. She already saved and paid for half the ticket. Money isnt easy for my daughter to save on $15/week for chores (goes for car expences) but she did it with out question or complaint. It is the driver who doesn't have her part at this point in time.