Chocomom63 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 So, last October, my sil asked if she could take my kids clothes shopping to which I said an enthusiastic yes. Mostly because buying clothes, shoes, and coats is expensive, but also because I like her and I always thought we got along well. I don't have any friends and so getting together would be fun for me too. Here it is a year later and she has never contacted me back about it. She had originally said she'd let me know when things settled down. But nada. So, I asked my husband if she had said anything to him about it and she did (this was back in June and true to form my husband never says anything to anyone unless asked directly). She said she still plans on doing it but her life is so busy with travelling the world and buying stuff for all her other nieces and nephews that she just doesn't know when that will happen. (I'm paraphrasing snarkily here) Personally I don't think she wants to do it and I wish she'd just say so. By the time she gets un-busy my kids will all be in college. Isn't that what you would think? Should I just stop expecting that things will be different and move on? Oh, and she has the money so that's not even an issue. It's complicated as to why this hurts so much but it would take too long to outline all that. Thanks - I'll read your responses as I can. I'm rarely here anymore because all hell broke loose over the summer and I'm still playing catch up from that. :-P Chocomom63 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 To me, sounds like Sil is a bit of a flake. I wouldn't hold my breath for the shopping excursion to happen. Based on what you posted, I would also not be hurt by it. I would chalk it up to expectations learned and move on. Sorry she flaked on you. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 So, last October, my sil asked if she could take my kids clothes shopping to which I said an enthusiastic yes. Mostly because buying clothes, shoes, and coats is expensive, but also because I like her and I always thought we got along well. I don't have any friends and so getting together would be fun for me too. Here it is a year later and she has never contacted me back about it. She had originally said she'd let me know when things settled down. But nada. So, I asked my husband if she had said anything to him about it and she did (this was back in June and true to form my husband never says anything to anyone unless asked directly). She said she still plans on doing it but her life is so busy with travelling the world and buying stuff for all her other nieces and nephews that she just doesn't know when that will happen. (I'm paraphrasing snarkily here) Personally I don't think she wants to do it and I wish she'd just say so. By the time she gets un-busy my kids will all be in college. Isn't that what you would think? Should I just stop expecting that things will be different and move on? Oh, and she has the money so that's not even an issue. It's complicated as to why this hurts so much but it would take too long to outline all that. Thanks - I'll read your responses as I can. I'm rarely here anymore because all hell broke loose over the summer and I'm still playing catch up from that. :-P Chocomom63 The fact that she has plenty of money to buy shoes, clothes, and coats for your children is irrelevant, as are her boasts about travel and shopping. There's an air of entitlement about your post that is annoying me, but I don't know the family dynamics. In my opinion, you should drop her a line saying something like, "Dear SIL, I wish we would have been able spend time with you this fall as we had planned. We would have loved to see you! Enjoy your travels this winter, and please don't give another thought to gifts for the kids. Really, they have everything they need and would just like to spend time with you and their cousins. I hope we can get together over the holidays. Love, Family." This lets her off the hook, which is right. IMHO. 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 A year ago? Stop waiting. Live your life as you wish (buying clothes as needed) and if she ever contacts you about it, fine. But don't expect it or plan your budget around it. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Yeah, I would forget about it and move on. I'm guessing she has good intentions but poor follow-through. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I doubt she'll have time before your kids have kids. I'm sorry this hurts. I would just move on, and not count on anything happening. the next time she says she wants to take them shopping, insist on an actual date, otherwise it's just wishful thinking. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 So, last October, my sil asked if she could take my kids clothes shopping to which I said an enthusiastic yes. Mostly because buying clothes, shoes, and coats is expensive, but also because I like her and I always thought we got along well. I don't have any friends and so getting together would be fun for me too. Chocomom63 Maybe your SIL picked up on your "mostly" -- saving money The friendship is "also." Perhaps it's not the way you really feel, but it sounded as though you considered your SIL as more of a budget help than a fun person to be with. could you ask your SIL to join you for something fun and free/inexpensive with the kids, in order to get to know your SIL better? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Should I just stop expecting that things will be different and move on? Yes. Forget about it and move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Yes, I would forget she ever said it. I am sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Just forget she said it. People say things that they have good intentions for, but never follow through for a variety of reasons. It's not a slight on you or your children that she is not doing the shopping trip. Just let it go (I know, easier said than done). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Suggest a get-together that's solely for visiting with no strings attached. If she blows that off, yes, I'd be a little hurt and move on. Otherwise maybe she got the feeling that you only wanted to spend time with her if she bought you things, which would be hurtful to her. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Just forget she said it. People say things that they have good intentions for, but never follow through for a variety of reasons. It's not a slight on you or your children that she is not doing the shopping trip. Just let it go (I know, easier said than done). I agree with this. People sometimes think something will be a great idea - and it is at that moment - but then when it comes down to it, it never gets done. I have probably been guilty of that myself. It's along the lines of "come on over anytime" which is a meaningless invitation. I would try to set aside hurt feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I would think that at some point she thought it was a good idea and wanted to do it, and as time went on, she decided it was too much hassle/not what she wanted/forgot. No big deal. I would not hold my breath. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 What would I think about it? It's been a year. I would've forgotten about it long ago. Obviously, I don't know the history, and I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. I certainly wouldn't take it personally, though, and I wouldn't get snarky about it. It wouldn't be a big deal to me if she decided not to do it. It's not worth it for you to hold a grudge or be hurt. Really, it isn't. Again, I don't know the history, which could explain why you've hung on to this for so long, but I'd do everything I could at this point to just let it pass and go on. :grouphug: 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 What would I think about it? It's been a year. I would've forgotten about it long ago. Obviously, I don't know the history, and I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. I certainly wouldn't take it personally, though, and I wouldn't get snarky about it. It wouldn't be a big deal to me if she decided not to do it. It's not worth it for you to hold a grudge or be hurt. Really, it isn't. Again, I don't know the history, which could explain why you've hung on to this for so long, but I'd do everything I could at this point to just let it pass and go on. :grouphug: I would have forgotten about it a long time ago, too. I can't imagine thinking it might still happen when it has been a year since she made the offer. At this point, I don't know why you feel she needs to come right out and say she isn't going to do it. My assumption is that she made a spur of the moment comment and then changed her mind about it. Maybe she decided she didn't really want to spend that much money -- and it doesn't matter if she has plenty of money; she can still decide how she wants to spend it. I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, although I do kind of wonder if it's your feelings or your pocketbook that are hurt. Is there a history with this SIL that we don't know about? Has she broken promises or hurt your feelings in the past? If so, I would be better able to understand your strong and lingering feelings about the shopping trip. I do feel badly for you, though, because if you are still upset about this, it sounds like you are the kind of person who keeps your promises, so it can be hard to understand when others make them and don't follow through. :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Better to let that go, I think, in the interest of a good relationship. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chocomom63 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 Thanks everyone for your comments - I appreciate all you've said. I am the kind of person who feels that if you tell someone you're going to do something you do it. And if you change your mind or something comes up where you can't then you tell that person instead of leaving them hanging. So, yes, that hurts. It's more than that but I'm not going to go into it here because I just don't have time and I also feel very vulnerable letting too much out. The money part hurts because we've had some incredibly hard times recently - even not having enough food to eat - so that plays into it somewhat. I've never asked for anything from any of them. She asked this one time if she could take my kids shopping and I said that would be great and even told my kids. To have her diss us just hurts. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Thanks everyone for your comments - I appreciate all you've said. I am the kind of person who feels that if you tell someone you're going to do something you do it. And if you change your mind or something comes up where you can't then you tell that person instead of leaving them hanging. So, yes, that hurts. It's more than that but I'm not going to go into it here because I just don't have time and I also feel very vulnerable letting too much out. The money part hurts because we've had some incredibly hard times recently - even not having enough food to eat - so that plays into it somewhat. I've never asked for anything from any of them. She asked this one time if she could take my kids shopping and I said that would be great and even told my kids. To have her diss us just hurts. I'm very sorry, and it's awful that your kids were disappointed, too. :( After reading these details, I think your SIL should be ashamed of herself for going back on her word. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I wouldn't give it another thought, and would just assume that SIL is flaky and will never get around to it. (She sounds like the type of person you might not enjoy spending a whole day shopping with anyway!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I'm so sorry you're going through hard times 😔 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Thanks everyone for your comments - I appreciate all you've said. I am the kind of person who feels that if you tell someone you're going to do something you do it. And if you change your mind or something comes up where you can't then you tell that person instead of leaving them hanging. So, yes, that hurts. It's more than that but I'm not going to go into it here because I just don't have time and I also feel very vulnerable letting too much out. The money part hurts because we've had some incredibly hard times recently - even not having enough food to eat - so that plays into it somewhat. I've never asked for anything from any of them. She asked this one time if she could take my kids shopping and I said that would be great and even told my kids. To have her diss us just hurts. The hard times you are going through changes what I thought was the dynamic. What your SIL was offering may have represented a much needed lifeline to you. I am sorry that she did not realize this, and forgot. I also apologize for what I said earlier. I did not realize the whole situation. I hope things will get better for you soon. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 The hard times you are going through changes what I thought was the dynamic. What your SIL was offering may have represented a much needed lifeline to you. I am sorry that she did not realize this, and forgot. I also apologize for what I said earlier. I did not realize the whole situation. I hope things will get better for you soon. I'm sure it was just, she was busy and forgot. that happens. I know it is disappointing. hard times are hard - I've been there too when my olders were young. I also learned to *never* saying anything to my kids when people offered things. if they came through great. if they forgot - c'est la vie and my kids didn't have to live with being disappointed. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.