Elfknitter.# Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Just saw this news story across my FB feed and first place I thought of was the Hive Chat forum. :lol: http://ktla.com/2015/09/30/woman-gets-bill-for-missed-meal-after-not-showing-up-at-wedding/ I just don't understand the purpose of sending a person who could not come a bill for their dinner, complete with service and tip charges. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The purpose is to chastise the person for RSVPing and then not showing up, leaving the bride and groom paying for uneaten dinners and hopefully to recoup the cost. Not that I agree with what they did, mind you, but that is the purpose. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elfknitter.# Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 I guess I should have said that was a rhetorical statement. :) I figured that the bride's purpose was to make a point. It just seems like people not being able to show up or not responding to RSVPs is something one plans for with a wedding. I wish that people could be responsible enough that this wouldn't be an issue. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The little note accompanying the bill indicated that they RSVPd and then didn't come, send a card, call, or text or anything. I think it is terribly rude to not at least give some sort of excuse if you are not going to show up for someone's wedding. It's humiliating. Of course they aren't going to pay the bill, but they should realize they were in the wrong to do that to the bride. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I can understand the bride and groom being a little irked; receptions can require a lot of planning. Caterers need an exact head-count early-on, seating charts are made, etc. etc. It's not very responsible for someone to say they are going and then not go. Plates can easily be $50-$100 per person! Still, I would never have sent the bill. That's tacky. I guess it's just a risk the wedding party takes, and unexpected things do come up. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I guess I should have said that was a rhetorical statement. :) I figured that the bride's purpose was to make a point. It just seems like people not being able to show up or not responding to RSVPs is something one plans for with a wedding. I wish that people could be responsible enough that this wouldn't be an issue. Well, if it is finger sandwiches, cake and punch in the church basement, then I would agree with you. Rude, but no big whoop. But if you have had to trim the guest list 5 times to afford the wedding in an area where $50 a plate would be going cheap, have to give the venue/caterer an exact headcount, knowing that there will not be extras prepared unless you pay for them, I can see being highly irritated at having to pay hundreds of dollars for people who could not be bothered to tell you that they weren't coming. So, do you plan for 5 people not to show? 10 people not to show? What if everyone comes and there isn't any food to serve them? (Where we are, most weddings are sit-down affairs with a per/plate cost and not served buffet or family style.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Yeah, people are rude and thoughtless AND weddings are out of control events. 31 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I see how expenses add up in a reception and you hope everyone who RSVPd will be able to attend. And granted, it was rude for the gal not to let them know she wouldn't be able to attend. But, sending a bill? Hmmm...tacky and pointless. Do they really expect someone to pay it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The babysitter fell through so I'm guessing it was last minute. I would never call or text the day of the wedding. If my sitter fell through a few days ahead I would call hoping they could change their count. If it was a couple I'm surprised that one of them didn't attend and the other stay with the kids. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 If they lost their babysitter at the last minute, calling to cancel would not have saved the bride any money. Those head counts are due several days before the event. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Weddings are weird. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 This is why I'm SO over weddings. Seriously? Yes, the guest should have called or texted or whatever, but I wouldn't blame her if she figured that calling the day of the wedding when everyone is so busy would have been rude and pointless. I would feel uncomfortable calling. I probably would have texted or emailed, but really, what difference would it make, if they couldn't change their headcount? Assuming this was a last minute thing. 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I wouldn't have called or thought anything of it if my sitter canceled at the last minute. Sending someone a bill for not attending a wedding is ridiculous and, at least to me, says way more about the bride and groom sending the bill than the couple who didn't show. 34 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I wouldn't have called or thought anything of it if my sitter canceled at the last minute. Sending someone a bill for not attending a wedding is ridiculous and, at least to me, says way more about the bride and groom sending the bill than the couple who didn't show.I completely agree. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I think the bride and groom are crazy, but I also think it's a bit nuts for the recipient to take it to the media. When they made the RSVP, they gave a yes response in good faith that they would be able to attend. Who would they have even been able to text or call about the sudden change in plans at the last minute? It wouldn't have made any difference to the caterer anyway. I do think they should have sent an apology note/call/text/email to wish the couple well and explain as soon as they could, though. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Even if it was a last minute thing I would have texted wishing them the best and letting them know (not expecting a response from the bride, but just to send good wishes). Also, the vendor could be a little more accommodating though? Can't remember when we married what the deal was, it was buffet and charged per person, but they planned like a 10% margin for seconds, no shows etc? It worked out perfect 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 It's ridiculous. However, I can't think of anything that will kill the trend of giant, gaudy, expensive weddings faster than billing the people who end up unable to attend. I mean, by agreeing to go to a wedding, you're committing yourself to set aside a day, probably buy a new outfit, pay for a sitter if you have kids, and purchase a pricey gift for the new couple. If on top of all of that you knew that if you got sick or something on the day of the wedding and couldn't go, that you'd receive a large bill in the mail, how many weddings would you go to again? And people aren't going to have these massive wedding extravaganzas if no one will show up. As someone who can't stand the trend toward huge weddings that cost more than a small house, I fully approve of this trend to charge the no-shows. Bill away. :P 33 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Even if it was a last minute thing I would have texted wishing them the best and letting them know (not expecting a response from the bride, but just to send good wishes). Also, the vendor could be a little more accommodating though? Can't remember when we married what the deal was, it was buffet and charged per person, but they planned like a 10% margin for seconds, no shows etc? It worked out perfect I would never think of texting or calling a bride or groom on their wedding day, especially at the last minute, unless I knew them very well. I would assume since neither adult chose to attend alone that they weren't that close. It seems like they weren't that close since they received a ridiculous bill because I can't imagine doing that to anyone but definitely not to someone I am close to. I also can't imagine being a bride getting texts/calls on my wedding day of those last minute cancellations. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I've heard of this at least a couple times where they've actually sent. a. bill. to the guest who wasn't able to attend. (I've also heard of guests who *did* attend receiving a bill because they didn't spend enough on the gift.) by people who are already living together and the wedding is an excuse for an expensive party where people give them PRESENTS. (or money . . . ) iow: the bride and groom are quite mercenary. instead of hoping for people to celebrate with them, they want people to furnish their house. or pay off their mortgage, or downpayment, or pay for the wedding/honeymoon in exotic location, etc. and yeah, I've heard of those. these are the people to whom you send a bill for reimbursement for your wedding gift (and shower gift, and travel costs, etc.) when they get divorced within seven years. or less. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 (I've also heard of guests who *did* attend receiving a bill because they didn't spend enough on the gift.) :eek: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I see how expenses add up in a reception and you hope everyone who RSVPd will be able to attend. And granted, it was rude for the gal not to let them know she wouldn't be able to attend. But, sending a bill? Hmmm...tacky and pointless. Do they really expect someone to pay it? why send it if they didn't expect to collect? If they lost their babysitter at the last minute, calling to cancel would not have saved the bride any money. Those head counts are due several days before the event. more like a couple weeks ahead of time. at least around here. and things happen. even if someone really wants to attend, sometimes "things happen". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I would never think of texting or calling a bride or groom on their wedding day, especially at the last minute, unless I knew them very well. I would assume since neither adult chose to attend alone that they weren't that close. It seems like they weren't that close since they received a ridiculous bill because I can't imagine doing that to anyone but definitely not to someone I am close to. I also can't imagine being a bride getting texts/calls on my wedding day of those last minute cancellations.Probably that's why I thought of texting the bride...our guests were all family members and/or close to us. Who else would I have liked to celebrate my special day with? :) But yeah, probably a lot of weddings have just random, not very close guests? Regardless of, close or not...I'd have never billed anyone in this scenario. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 why send it if they didn't expect to collect? I don't know? Just find it so rude :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I agree that texting the bride at the last minute might not have been the best idea either, but there are so many other options besides just not showing up with no explanation before or after. They could have texted or called someone else who was there, instead of leaving everyone wondering if they got lost or had a car accident or what. Failing that, they should have at least sent an apologetic email that the bride would see later. And I think they should have sent a card with money in it. I always give at least as much as they would have spent on my plate. I thought that was the norm. Yes, weddings are a gift grab, so what else is new - but at least cover what it cost to invite you. Preferably without being asked! It's easy to say "our sitter fell through" whether it's true or not. So I wonder if the bride doesn't believe that's really what happened. Maybe there is a lot of drama under the surface that we don't know about. As someone else pointed out, one of the couple could have attended even if the sitter fell through. I really don't think anyone was expecting the bill to be paid. I just think the bride wanted some way to communicate how upset she was, and this was what she came up with. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Probably that's why I thought of texting the bride...our guests were all family members and/or close to us. Who else would I have liked to celebrate my special day with? :) But yeah, probably a lot of weddings have just random, not very close guests? Regardless of, close or not...I'd have never billed anyone in this scenario. Based on the article I read, it sounds like the bride and groom were not at all close to the no-show guests, so I can't imagine the guests knowing how to contact the bride or groom at the last minute -- and even if they did, they probably would have felt too awkward to do it. Seriously, the couple is pretty busy on their wedding day without having to field phone calls from last-minute cancellations, and it's not like they could have gotten their money back for the meals, anyway. I think the bride and groom showed their true colors when they sent that bill. What a rotten and rude thing to have done! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I agree that texting the bride at the last minute might not have been the best idea either, but there are so many other options besides just not showing up with no explanation before or after. They could have texted or called someone else who was there, instead of leaving everyone wondering if they got lost or had a car accident or what. Failing that, they should have at least sent an apologetic email that the bride would see later. And I think they should have sent a card with money in it. I always give at least as much as they would have spent on my plate. I thought that was the norm. Yes, weddings are a gift grab, so what else is new - but at least cover what it cost to invite you. Preferably without being asked! It's easy to say "our sitter fell through" whether it's true or not. So I wonder if the bride doesn't believe that's really what happened. Maybe there is a lot of drama under the surface that we don't know about. As someone else pointed out, one of the couple could have attended even if the sitter fell through. I really don't think anyone was expecting the bill to be paid. I just think the bride wanted some way to communicate how upset she was, and this was what she came up with. I still don't get it. There were some who didn't show for my wedding. We didn't receive gifts from everyone who showed. I honestly do not care. If there is already drama, why were they invited at all? My wedding was about dh and I. It's a bonus that some (not all could attend) of our loved ones were there as well. It wasn't about money, food, gifts, or who did/didn't show. I honestly don't understand those who don't see how ridiculous sending a bill to someone who doesn't attend an invite is. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 As someone who had half the rsvp'd guests not show for my wedding and then was stuck eating the cost and waste of that? It doesn't seem like a half bad idea. Fortunately we did ours as in expensively as possible so I was only out about $25 per guests, between cake, food, and having to book a larger venue that ended up being half empty (the smaller venue we would have perfectly filled, I was so mad). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 RSVP'ing and then not showing, without any call or text or email, is rude unless somebody is literally dead or in the hospital in critical condition. No, it would not have recouped the cost, but it would have been polite. Going after your invited guests to ask them to repay the cost of their food when they didn't show up is rude. Soooooo rude. I don't care if the food was $1,000 a plate, you eat the cost and don't complain. The cost is the same whether they show or not. No matter how frustrating it is, you can't get that money back. Going to the media is super rude and tacky - though at least this person had the decency not to drop any hints as to who the rude bride and groom are. So, to sum up: There's more than enough bad behavior to go around. If this sort of behavior is typical, would not have invited either couple to my wedding, and if they invited me, I would decline. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Based on the article I read, it sounds like the bride and groom were not at all close to the no-show guests, so I can't imagine the guests knowing how to contact the bride or groom at the last minute -- and even if they did, they probably would have felt too awkward to do it. Seriously, the couple is pretty busy on their wedding day without having to field phone calls from last-minute cancellations, and it's not like they could have gotten their money back for the meals, anyway. I think the bride and groom showed their true colors when they sent that bill. What a rotten and rude thing to have done! The article here didn't state of there were close or not...didn't seem like it though? Ran into another article about it, it said they were relatives? Who knows. Maybe there's family drama involved that we don't know of. As far as texting the bride, yeah...I guess not a good idea? Well...I just imagine myself as the bride...my phone would be shoved somewhere in my purse or something... not something I'd have with me or I'd be checking on my wedding day...so it wouldn't be a huge deal for me to get a declining text the day of. I probably wouldn't have read the text til the end of the day or even the next day :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I see how expenses add up in a reception and you hope everyone who RSVPd will be able to attend. And granted, it was rude for the gal not to let them know she wouldn't be able to attend. But, sending a bill? Hmmm...tacky and pointless. Do they really expect someone to pay it? Just wanted to point out that an RSVP is required whether you can attend or not. So an RSVP would be either "Yes, we will be there" or "No, we will not be there." Presumably, the guest replied and said she would attend and then did not; if she had not RSVPd at all, surely the hosts would not have ordered a dinner for her. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 You're inviting your friends and family to a party you are hosting to celebrate your wedding. If you can't afford the cost, don't have it. 29 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 It's ridiculous. However, I can't think of anything that will kill the trend of giant, gaudy, expensive weddings faster than billing the people who end up unable to attend. I mean, by agreeing to go to a wedding, you're committing yourself to set aside a day, probably buy a new outfit, pay for a sitter if you have kids, and purchase a pricey gift for the new couple. If on top of all of that you knew that if you got sick or something on the day of the wedding and couldn't go, that you'd receive a large bill in the mail, how many weddings would you go to again? And people aren't going to have these massive wedding extravaganzas if no one will show up. As someone who can't stand the trend toward huge weddings that cost more than a small house, I fully approve of this trend to charge the no-shows. Bill away. :P This needs to be said again. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I agree that texting the bride at the last minute might not have been the best idea either, but there are so many other options besides just not showing up with no explanation before or after. They could have texted or called someone else who was there, instead of leaving everyone wondering if they got lost or had a car accident or what. Failing that, they should have at least sent an apologetic email that the bride would see later. And I think they should have sent a card with money in it. I always give at least as much as they would have spent on my plate. I thought that was the norm. Yes, weddings are a gift grab, so what else is new - but at least cover what it cost to invite you. Preferably without being asked! <snip> How on earth would you know this? Do you ask the bride ahead of time how much money she's dropping on her reception? Do you find out who the caterer is and ask them the per-head price? No, when choosing a gift people are supposed to consider their budget and their relationship to the people they are buying a gift for. They are supposed to give a gift out of a desire to do so. Not as admission ticket to the party. And people planning a wedding shouldn't spend money on it with the expectation that they'll make that money back in gifts. Don't want to spend a lot of money? Then just don't. Want a nice party? Have it, but don't expect guests to pay for it. That's just ludicrous. What are weddings for anyway? 24 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Yeah, people are rude and thoughtless AND weddings are out of control events. VERY out of control! We had a buffet hot luncheon, so a few showing up was not a big deal at all. We had family who took all the leftovers and had them for dinner. I think we paid $11 per person for dinner and another $3 per person for cake and drinks. We did not have alcohol, so the drinker were sweet and unsweet tea, lemonade, and coffee/hot tea. We are still married over 20 years later. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 You're inviting your friends and family to a party you are hosting to celebrate your wedding. If you can't afford the cost, don't have it. Yep 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The little note accompanying the bill indicated that they RSVPd and then didn't come, send a card, call, or text or anything. I think it is terribly rude to not at least give some sort of excuse if you are not going to show up for someone's wedding. It's humiliating. Of course they aren't going to pay the bill, but they should realize they were in the wrong to do that to the bride. I read this story elsewhere. The excuse was that the babysitter had called off at the last moment and this bride had banned children from her wedding. What else was the parent supposed to do? When you do that, I think you have to expect that some parents may have issues meeting this requirement. I don't understand no-child weddings anyway, nor big drunken bashes after the ceremony that are inappropriate for children. But that's me. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 How on earth would you know this? Do you ask the bride ahead of time how much money she's dropping on her reception? Do you find out who the caterer is and ask them the per-head price? No, when choosing a gift people are supposed to consider their budget and their relationship to the people they are buying a gift for. They are supposed to give a gift out of a desire to do so. Not as admission ticket to the party. And people planning a wedding shouldn't spend money on it with the expectation that they'll make that money back in gifts. Don't want to spend a lot of money? Then just don't. Want a nice party? Have it, but don't expect guests to pay for it. That's just ludicrous. What are weddings for anyway? This! A thousand times. When did weddings become shakedowns? No thanks. The guest is to spend what he is able to spend on a gift, and the host is to invite guests without obligation. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 This just happened to dh and I a couple weeks ago. One of my cousins who is quite a bit younger than me and I'm pretty close to got married (I used to take him and his sisters out all the time to the movies and stuff to give his mom a break before I had kids). Because it was my mother's family all our usual babysitters were attending, my oldest had just returned to school and wasn't available, our nanny wasn't available. We only found out a few days before that the arrangements we thought we had weren't going to work. We tried to see if any of dd's friends were available but since most of them were returning to school, we couldn't find anyone. I attended the wedding without dh, apologized to the groom, the bride, the parents and we gave a generous cash gift (although we probably would have done that anyway). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The article I read said they were cousins. While the woman said the babysitter cancellation was last minute, the way it was written sounded like the cancellation was a few or a couple days ahead. The invitee could have: 1. had one member of the couple stay home with the baby and the other attend 2. called an aunt or another cousin attending to relay the problem Letting them know last minute can be helpful, because occasionally out of town guest are trailing people who stay in hotel rooms during the reception--it might be nice to tell cousin Julie to go ahead and bring Joe (even though he'd probably like to watch the game in the hotel room). That said, there is no circumstance in which billing the persons who rsvp and no show is OK. Truly, I can think of NONE. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkW Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 In the unlikely circumstance that I ever threw an expensive reception or party of this nature (our wedding cost $800 in our kitchen and was catered by the local mom & pop supermarket), I wouldn't think twice about sending a bill to someone who RSVP'ed and then didn't show. That person is the tacky one. How rude. Unless they had some sort of emergency or extenuating circumstances I'd not only send a bill but I'd send it registered mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 It's ridiculous. However, I can't think of anything that will kill the trend of giant, gaudy, expensive weddings faster than billing the people who end up unable to attend. I mean, by agreeing to go to a wedding, you're committing yourself to set aside a day, probably buy a new outfit, pay for a sitter if you have kids, and purchase a pricey gift for the new couple. If on top of all of that you knew that if you got sick or something on the day of the wedding and couldn't go, that you'd receive a large bill in the mail, how many weddings would you go to again? And people aren't going to have these massive wedding extravaganzas if no one will show up. As someone who can't stand the trend toward huge weddings that cost more than a small house, I fully approve of this trend to charge the no-shows. Bill away. :p Funny you should mention this. Just yesterday I was at the drycleaner and asked about the Wedding dress special in the window. I mentioned that I had been meaning to clean this dress for awhile, and of COURSE my daughter would wear it if it meant saving thousands of dollars. In fact, in our family, I have no doubt this dress will be passed down until it is in tatters. It fits her perfectly (a little tight across the chest, but oh well). She tried it on last summer. We just don't spend money if we don't have to. A wedding dress is a one time dress for a one time event. Who cares, so long as it fits and doesn't look crazy? I don't get this whole princess bride/spend 50K thing. I just can't wrap my head around it. Some old lady made that dress by hand about 40 years ago for $60 and material costs. Seriously. It looked fantastic. I'd rather buy real estate any day than fancy dresses. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 In the unlikely circumstance that I ever threw an expensive reception or party of this nature (our wedding cost $800 in our kitchen and was catered by the local mom & pop supermarket), I wouldn't think twice about sending a bill to someone who RSVP'ed and then didn't show. That person is the tacky one. How rude. Unless they had some sort of emergency or extenuating circumstances I'd not only send a bill but I'd send it registered mail. You obviously misunderstand the concept of "guest". You don't charge a guest. You charge a customer for a service provided. Your guest owes you nothing. A gift is given out of desire, that's all. I guess you would have customers at your wedding, who were being charged for their dinners. Don't exclude their kids and it is unlikely you will have the no-babysitter excuse. 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkW Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 You obviously misunderstand the concept of "guest". You don't charge a guest. You charge a customer for a service provided. Your guest owes you nothing. A gift is given out of desire, that's all. I guess you would have customers at your wedding, who were being charged for their dinners. Don't exclude their kids and it is unlikely you will have the no-babysitter excuse. No I think the guest misunderstood the concept of an RSVP. It's just rude. The babysitter excuse on the day of sounds very convenient, but if true then fine, I'd probably accept that. If they simply said "Sorry we can't come" and had no excuse. Bill in the mail, without question. Yes, they are an invited guest but the whole point of an RSVP is for planning purposes, it's not just some sort of fluff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 No I think the guest misunderstood the concept of an RSVP. It's just rude. The babysitter excuse on the day of sounds very convenient, but if true then fine, I'd probably accept that. If they simply said "Sorry we can't come" and had no excuse. Bill in the mail, without question. Yes, they are an invited guest but the whole point of an RSVP is for planning purposes, it's not just some sort of fluff. I fully understand the purpose of an RSVP and agree that a guest should relay his regrets, at least by email, should a babysitter not show for a no-kid wedding. I would not call a bride on her wedding day (unless I were a close relative or friend). You do not bill guests. You bill customers who have contractually agreed to do something. That is lacking here. You do not have legal authority to enforce your bills anyway. So it is pointless and inflammatory. You have to understand that things will happen when young children are involved and if you force parents to leave them home, some parents are not going to be able to make it. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I can agree that the guests should have contacted someone in the wedding party so they wouldn't worry, but then I would be one of those brides worried that my dear guest was in a ditch somewhere and that might affect my day. (Dh will tell that I am obsessed with the danger of ditches.) I guess I can see the argument that they wouldn't know how to get in touch with anyone, but why on earth would I be inviting someone to my wedding that hardly knew me?!? A text doesn't seem like a bad idea, it's not like it would be on during the wedding, but I could check if I was worried, right? I had a small light snacks wedding, but even with a big one. The cost of throwing a wedding is like any other party: It is a gift to the guests! Don't pay more than you can afford to gift your guests. And like with any other gift, don't expect anything in return. (That would make it not a gift, but a bribe or barter!) I can't even imagine the kind of pettiness involved in weddings nowadays. Hopefully Mergath is right and this will kill the trend. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The couple had options. Things happen that prevent attendance. We got married during the nor'easter of '92. The best man was still circling the airport as we were taking pictures. There were bridge closings and flooding. Every guest who was unable to make it reached out to us, or our parents, or a friend to let us know. The couple was rude for just not showing up. However, the one thing ruder than someone's rude behavior is pointing it out to them. The sending of a bill is ludicrous and the ruder behavior. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 No I think the guest misunderstood the concept of an RSVP. It's just rude. The babysitter excuse on the day of sounds very convenient, but if true then fine, I'd probably accept that. If they simply said "Sorry we can't come" and had no excuse. Bill in the mail, without question. Yes, they are an invited guest but the whole point of an RSVP is for planning purposes, it's not just some sort of fluff. You've never suddenly had something come up with your kids that prevented you from going to a planned event? Lucky! But how could they prove it anyway? Have the babysitter send you a letter explaining the problem? I remember one no-show at my wedding. It was a coworker of my husband's. The guy (and his wife) stayed home to accept delivery of a new tv that day. Ah well, more food and wine for us, later. Our caterer packed us up a picnic basket and cooler of leftovers. My sister and her kids (who were invited) got to take some home too. And since it was a hot day and people didn't drink much wine, we had almost a case left over. (I realize that doesn't work for everyone.) Still, can't imagine sending the guy a bill, even if his reason was pretty cheesy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkW Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I can't fathom the idea that letting people know they've been rude is more rude than the instigating behavior. I think in order for that bill to go out, there is more to the story. In any case, polite silence just leads to further resentment and further distance. Everything on the table with me, cards face up. Marbel I did say up above that if they truly had an excuse I'd give the benefit of the doubt. :) I suspect that these people have a history which precipitated the response they got. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I can't fathom the idea that letting people know they've been rude is more rude than the instigating behavior. I think in order for that bill to go out, there is more to the story. In any case, polite silence just leads to further resentment and further distance. Everything on the table with me, cards face up. Now this I can agree with. But there are better ways than sending a bill to do that. A text/call/email the next convenient day: "Really missed you at my wedding! What happened?" And go from there. But even then, the cost of the dinner should never come into it. Everyone should just have their weddings off meal times and serve appetizers and cake. Everyone likes that better anyway. Don't they? Maybe that's just me. :lol: 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I can't fathom the idea that letting people know they've been rude is more rude than the instigating behavior. Allow me to elaborate. Sending a guest a bill for their rude behavior is the ruder behavior. Calling the guest and saying you were worried about them when they didn't show up alerts the guest that they should have contacted you without engaging in rude behavior yourself. You don't have to be a pushover but you don't get to be rude yourself. Besides, I always try to remember to never apply malice when stupidity will suffice. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.