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Wistful moment


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At supper tonight, my oldest was remembering something about her twin sisters. She said, "And when you two were five, you ....." and then she said what she remembered about them. It was some funny memory, so they went on laughing and chatting and just being silly. I had to get up and "check my eyes."

 

Do you ever, just for a moment, feel a pang that your children are no longer five? I don't know why it caught me that way, the clear, pure, sweet memory of them at that age. I've never been one to pine for the baby days or wish they would "stay little." They are where they are, and up to (and including) now I've enjoyed each stage.

 

My heart did jump, though. As if I could hold that five year old for a moment, but... no, she's gone.

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Yes. Just this evening at supper I was telling ds6 about how ds20 ate spaghetti when he was little. We would strip him down to his underwear, and give him a bowl full of spaghetti. Then he would suck whole noodles down one after another. Then he would go straight to the bath. However now I know it is not good to let them slurp the whole noodle. So if I could go back in time with the wisdom I have now? Sure, in a heartbeat. :)

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Not exactly. However, in the last few months it has begun to register with me that when the boys finish this year I have only five more years of teaching, if all goes well. I strongly suspect that the first morning I don't have to get up and start teaching at nine I may just sit down and bawl like a baby. And I don't think it matters if I work very hard to love each day and moment as we go along. I'll still be a horrible, sloppy mess on that day. It's not that I want them to be this age forever, or that I don't look forward to next year and the year after next and years to come. It's just the awareness of time passing that I never really fully appreciated before, I guess.

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Oh, how sweet!

 

Facebook recently told me about a post I made five years ago when DS2 was about two. We were at an event, and all of us got ice cream. I had intended to share a few bites of mine with DS2, but he wanted his own. So I have the cutest picture of him, blond curls, chubby cheeks, his little John Deere hat, and this happy little face at his own cup of ice cream. I put that same shirt and hat on DS4, and if you didn't know better, you'd think the pic was of DS4 because they look so much alike. Now DS2 is almost seven, sporting a Batman hoodie and half-in grownup teeth, and the chubby cheeks and little round baby tummy are gone. It just went too fast. No matter how much I enjoy it, it goes too fast.

 

And the cute stuff they say when they're little! I miss their baby voices and the preschoolisms and how hilarious it is when they use big words.

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To my wife: I just read a post about being wistful. Is there something wrong with me that I don't feel that?

 

Wife: You mean aside from being a guy? No, you're good.

 

:lol: :lol: You and my husband would get along just fine. :lol: :lol: He doesn't feel it, either, and he wouldn't even be reading a post about being wistful. So you're ahead. LOL.

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