Beaniemom Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 DS is deaf but uses spoken English as his primary language. He also has auditory processing issues so it takes him longer to process, form a response, and get the words out. He has picked up the habit of defaulting to "I don't know" in answers to questions with almost everyone. What really has me concerned is that I have seen him go from an outgoing toddler to a more and more reserved child who is hesitant to begin conversation with others. Admittedly we have had some big changes in the recent 2 years and are gearing up for another cross-country move and that may have some bearing on his behavior. He is very intelligent and is increasingly becoming aware of how different he is from other children. He has notice that on the playground when children don't understand him they ignore him and stop playing with him. Adults can be just as bad not taking the time to listen and just going on what they assume he's saying. I'm just not sure how to encourage him to join in conversations since he has become discouraged and self conscious. With his sisters I remind them to wait and give him a chance to talk but even I have trouble remembering sometimes so I don't expect other 7 year-olds to be aware. I just wish I could make things easier for him. Any wisdom from The Hive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Is there a reason he isn't learning and using ASL? Even if he speaks along with it for the benefit of those who don't use sign language, it can be invaluable for allowing him to express himself much more freely and rapidly. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Agreeing with Jean. He will never have full access to the hearing world, and that currently includes his family. What good is talking when he won't be able to understand most of the answers without working at it? Many Deaf people refuse to use their voices because it actually makes life more difficult. Statistically, his eyes and hands are going to work better than his ears forever. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaniemom Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 To clarify since Jean and Rosie brought up excellent points... We began learning ASL once he was diagnosed at 7 months old. From that time until Kindergarten he attended Maryland School for the Deaf. He struggled with expressive ASL because of fine motor delays and developmental coordination delays. We still use ASL but he prefers to use spoken English as his expressive language. Even when I sign to him he will speak his response. We are returning to a more deaf friendly area so that will be a plus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaniemom Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 Statistically, his eyes and hands are going to work better than his ears forever. You are right that his eyes will always work better than his ears although with his cochlear implant his ears do a decent job. His brain is where the major disconnect is happening from what tests have shown. There is also a disconnect impacting his fine motor skills rather seriously which makes his hands not as reliable as they should be right now. Therapy is slowly improving the later and we are keeping up his ASL skills as much as he will cooperate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 He's having OT? Ah, we cross posted. It sounds as though your problem is that he does not wish to communicate? How's his spelling? How much ASL is actually used in the home? Are you using only the tricky (to him) parts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaniemom Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 OT since he was 3. after we move we'll likely be back to twice or three times a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Ever read up on retained primitive reflexes? You might seek out Sally Goddard's stuff and see if it matches your collection of interestingness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I would keep encouraging. Is there a strength your DS has or activity he enjoys? Frequently when DS had self esteem issues it was helpful to remind him we all have strengths and weaknesses and I would remind him of his and mine. Maybe he can start to default from I don't know to give me a second or something like that? If he knows he can respond but will need some time. I think having a group of friends or jus one or two friends may be helpful. Maybe Boy Scouts, or a deaf community or just an understanding mom/son. Boy Scouts tends to be very inclusive and is usually only a few boys. As he is bright it may help to find another bright boy or even mature boy who will understand. Idk if that's helpful but I hope you two can brainstorm something. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Is there an ASL sign that would indicate, 'gimme a minute?' (So that he can do something to indicate he needs time to formulate his answer in lieu of saying "I don't know.") I might allow him to go with his current response in large group settings if trying to formulate the answers is overwhelming (people are more patient with toddlers) but make sure it doesn't form into a habit by intervening in safer settings to give him time to form an answer. So in a small group of people you see frequently I might say, "It's Ok hon, they want to know what you think go ahead and take your time..." Unless you think that would make him self-conscious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaBearTeacher Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Have fun, silly time with him. This will help him forget his self-consciousness for a while and speak without pressure. If he sees he can speak it might boost his confidence for other situations. This might help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Here are a few non professional thoughts. When I lost hearing significantly I noticed that hearing uses the brain, surprise haha. It's like I also developed a slow processing brain as well. The words you hear take longer somehow to get to the brain and get the proper context. Often about the time I'm saying "excuse me" or worse"whaaat?" the *hearing* comes through. We also have a child that processes slowly in conversation. We completed sentences for him for many years. Around 5 - 7 he became more frustrated, got mad when he couldn't get a word in the group and stuttered for a short while. It will take time to learn how to have a conversation with people he doesn't know well. At home however you can build his self esteem by insisting everyone take the time to listen and interact with him. I tell my kids if they had diabetes they could not ignore it. Every family has something. No matter what language he uses you will all have to slow down as well. You can do it! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I have a good friend that is legally deaf. She was raised with parents who decided to take a speech track. She did intensive therapy for years (speech and OT) and it did work for her. She went to regular school and a regular college. I actually met her post college when we were interning at the same company. If what you're doing isn't working, I think this friend would urge you to push for more therapies and answers. Is he doing speech therapy as well? If he really WANTS to speak, that might be the thing to work on. I also think having some regular activities of seeing the same kids over and over, where they could be educated and guided in their interactions regularly might be a good way to go. I can see why seeing random kids at the park might not work well. If he has a cochlear, his odds of effective speech communication and understanding are MUCH greater. My friend was actually fitted with a cochlear just a few years ago about age 40! She has blogged about it and it's been super interesting talking about how her brain has had to be retrained (previously, she had hearing aids, and very much relied on lip reading). She very much speaks with an 'accent', but I find her understandable. Similar to talking to someone from a European country with an accent I would say? She had to do therapy after her cochlear surgery too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaniemom Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 Ever read up on retained primitive reflexes? You might seek out Sally Goddard's stuff and see if it matches your collection of interestingness. This is new to me. Thanks for the new direction to research. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaniemom Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 Is there an ASL sign that would indicate, 'gimme a minute?' (So that he can do something to indicate he needs time to formulate his answer in lieu of saying "I don't know.") I might allow him to go with his current response in large group settings if trying to formulate the answers is overwhelming (people are more patient with toddlers) but make sure it doesn't form into a habit by intervening in safer settings to give him time to form an answer. So in a small group of people you see frequently I might say, "It's Ok hon, they want to know what you think go ahead and take your time..." Unless you think that would make him self-conscious. I like the idea of giving him other ways to let people know he is processing. That would likely work in situations with adults not sure about other 7 y/o children. Have fun, silly time with him. This will help him forget his self-consciousness for a while and speak without pressure. If he sees he can speak it might boost his confidence for other situations. This might help. You are right. He does speak more freely when playing silly things with his sisters than even talking with them about tv shows. I have a good friend that is legally deaf. She was raised with parents who decided to take a speech track. She did intensive therapy for years (speech and OT) and it did work for her. She went to regular school and a regular college. I actually met her post college when we were interning at the same company. If what you're doing isn't working, I think this friend would urge you to push for more therapies and answers. Is he doing speech therapy as well? If he really WANTS to speak, that might be the thing to work on. I also think having some regular activities of seeing the same kids over and over, where they could be educated and guided in their interactions regularly might be a good way to go. I can see why seeing random kids at the park might not work well. If he has a cochlear, his odds of effective speech communication and understanding are MUCH greater. My friend was actually fitted with a cochlear just a few years ago about age 40! She has blogged about it and it's been super interesting talking about how her brain has had to be retrained (previously, she had hearing aids, and very much relied on lip reading). She very much speaks with an 'accent', but I find her understandable. Similar to talking to someone from a European country with an accent I would say? She had to do therapy after her cochlear surgery too. We have been doing speech and it is helping but slowly. He seems to have hit a plateau where his learning delays are interfering with his progress. We have been in a position for the past year where regular activities were not really possible. With our move we will have a more stable schedule and regular activities. Unfortunately we did Cub scouts and had a pack where the leaders didn't lead and other boys actively excluded DS. We are going to try with another pack. It's always interesting to hear about how cochlear implants impact adults who get them later in life. Thanks for the advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 How's his spelling? How much ASL is actually used in the home? Are you using only the tricky (to him) parts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaniemom Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 How's his spelling? How much ASL is actually used in the home? Are you using only the tricky (to him) parts? He won't even try to spell most works. We are currently working at copywork and scribed narration to get him to write anything. Orally he can idenify starting sounds and syllables, the later is a newer development, but struggles to identify the letters associated with middle or ending sounds. Quite honestly I have no clue how he has progressed even as far as he has with reading. The ASL at home is sprinkled through everday routines and now that he is out of PS in our schooling. I tend to simcom which I know is not the most effective way to produce ASL but has become a habit. I am really beginning to work on isolating the language I use so ds can focus on one at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I was wondering whether typing on a hand held gadget might speed things up. It sounds like not yet. Is it possible to divorce spelling from speech? Do you use only ASL signs? It's pretty close to impossible to produce decent ASL while you talk, so, annoying as it is, dropping the speak-signing is a good idea. The non-lexical parts of the language should be easier for him to produce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.