Home'scool Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Last year my mother passed away. She was bit by a tick, developed an infection called Babesiosis, and died within a week. It was very fast. By the time I got to the hospital she was already on life support. The doctor said she had no hope. We decided as a family to take her off of the life support and she passed away 10 minutes later. Here is my concern: My mother was always terrified of being on life support, and basically terrified of any major illness. When I saw her at the hospital she was medicated heavily, but they could only medicate her to a certain level otherwise her respiratory system would be compromised. She was basically unresponsive, but there were some indications by the flitting of her eyes that she knew people were talking to her. Does anyone know how aware she would have been and if she would have been in any pain? Secondly, when we decided to take her off of life support the doctor removed us from the room and pulled the curtain so we couldn't see. Is that procedure very bad? Is that why they removed us? I just hate to think of some violent procedure being done to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I don't think the procedure is violent, but it is not pleasant. If she was heavily medicated, it probably was easier on her than for many. As for pain, I don't have an answer for you. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Do you have a hospice in your area? I understand why this would be weighing on you and why you would want some answers. Contact Hospice and tell them your situation. Maybe there is someone who can talk to you and give you some answers. That is where I would start. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 First - hugs. So sorry.. what a traumatic and sad experience. I can't imagine. My understanding is that most patients do have some awareness. My mom was also on a respirator and sedated. She had awful claustrophobia and being on the respirator was just awful. She was cognitive enough at one point to request it be removed even though she knew it would kill her. After they removed the respirator she was sedated again. Once my sister, my aunt, and I arrived she started to go downhill. My other sister and her husband began the Lutheran prayers for someone who is dying... my mom's oxygen began to go up in the middle of the service. This happened 2x. She knew what we were doing, even though she couldn't respond. It was like she was telling us "I'm not ready yet!". We ended up taking her home via hospice and she passed about 12 hrs later. You were probably a great comfort to her in her last hours, even though she couldn't respond back. She probably wasn't in pain on the meds. and having you there talking with her probably gave her some peace. In my experience as a hospice volunteer, many patients become agitated as the sedation wears off... this is very, very difficult and upsetting for the family. Sometimes it's pain and sometimes there's more emotional or confusion element to the agitation. No one wants to see their loved one suffering at the end. The good thing about sedation is that it can calm them down enough so that they are more aware of their surroundings and their loved one's presence. I remember having several discussions in hospice meetings about the difficult balance between the patient's fear/pain agitation level and wanting the patient to be aware of loved ones in those last hours. And speaking as a hospice volunteer who still went through this with my own mom... it was very hard.. and I questioned myself and how things happened (could we have done something different, should we have done this or that, etc. etc.). I think it's very normal to go through the "what ifs", most especially when a loved one dies so suddenly and unexpectedly. I know I definitely had a feelings (and still do sometimes) that it wasn't the right time and my mom died too soon- even though she had been declining for 5-6yrs beforehand. I'd also recommend your local hospice. Most have grief counseling or at the very least someone you can talk to about your experience. Many gentle hugs... 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: We went through something somewhat similar. My mom was in an automobile accident that a younger, healthier person would have walked away from with just a few bruises. Because of her age and fraility and way too many years of smoking, she quickly developed pneumonia and my brother agreed to putting her on a ventilator. I don't fault him for that -- I was asked first and deferred the decision to him. I knew she did NOT want to be on a ventilator. But none of the conversations we had over the years ever involved a scenario of "what if it's something like pneumonia that you might recover from in a few days?" Instead, the conversation was always taken to mean "if there's no real hope of recovering, never hook me up to any kind of life support." Anyway, long story short is that many weeks later we had to make the decision to remove her from the ventilator. Do a "terminal weaning" in medical speak. We were in the room and I can tell you that for her there was nothing traumatic about it (although she wasn't intubated through her mouth at the time -- she'd had a tracheostomy and the ventilator was hooked up through that). She was heavily medicated, as I suspect your mom was. They kept her on morphine a lot. Not specifically for pain, but apparently because it helps very well with "air hunger" that comes with being on a ventilator. And of course it's going to help with pain, too. I understand what you're going through. Our ordeal was over two and a half years ago and for me time has worked its magic and I'm in a better place mentally now. But I still occasionally get those nagging "what if" thoughts. I really do believe I went through some sort of PTSD type thing for a year or so afterwards. So I echo those who say it may be beneficial for you to talk to someone. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I've been through this. I was young and rude and asked all of those questions. She wasn't in pain. She was essentially just really stupid and tired. I understand that she wasn't conscious, but there is still an element of exhaustion they experience. When they pass some will convulse or make hideous facial expressions or vomit. It's the process of dying and it's not something she would have wanted you to see. I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 Thank you for all your kind responses. The idea of calling hospice is a good one -- I didn't think of that. I think I will feel better just talking through the situation with a professional 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 (Hugs) Sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. ((Hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pehp Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I agree with calling hospice. I was with my mother when she died and in my grandmother in her last hours. No life support situation either time, but still difficult to witness. I hope that talking to hospice will provide you with some answers and some peace. It took 3 years after my mother died (suddenly) to come to grips and begin to feel normal again. Healing truly does take time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryAtHope Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I'm so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 (((((Hugs)))) I just sat with my brother less than 2 weeks ago and watched our dad take his final breath. I know how difficult it is. My poor brother is really suffering over it...he was the one who was caring for dad in his ( brothers) home and made the decision to take him to the nursing home at the end. He fears taking him to the nursing home is what killed him....but it isn't. It is just difficult to let our loved ones go. I am sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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