Tiramisu Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 One of dd's specialists got a bit worked up about dd's decision to hs this year, saying it was prompted by anxiety and could start a pattern of avoidance behavior. She's not worried about the academics but social-life skills. So I told her I'd been hsing for nine years and have already hs'd a kid with severe anxiety who very successfully learned to deal with it through positive experiences that built up her self-confidence that were only possible through hsing. I also told her I don't think the skills learned through a school experience directly translate into skills necessary in the real world. In most other situations in life, we have some choices about how we spend our time. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Ugh. Sorry you and your dd had to deal with that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 :grouphug: I'm sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 "...and could start a pattern of avoidance behavior...." Hmm, maybe it's just avoidance behavior on my part, but I'd consider avoiding that specialist if she can't be more supportive. Her opinion was simply her opinion and not a professional response, especially if she got "worked up" over it. Frankly, a poorly socialized professional should know better than to share her uninformed opinions about homeschooling. Seriously, socialization concerns??? Haven't we outgrown that one, people? (((hugs))) 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Sorry you had to deal with that :grouphug: but I think you dealt with it very well, so good for you :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Is that specialist one you can fire? And is it someone whose opinion on behavior matters anyway? IOW if it is a specialist who deals with auto immune issues for example, you can smile brightly, pass the bean dip and listen to their pontifications on their specialty and ignore the rest. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Wow, smokin' response! I'm always caught flat-footed in the face of such blatant idiocy and rudeness. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Even if it *was* precipitated by anxiety and an avoidance response, that *doesn't* mean it's a bad choice. It also doesn't mean it turns into a pattern of behavior. You can talk it through with her and see, and if it was, clarify that. Sometimes it's the right choice even if it was made for other reasons. I think, no matter what, it will turn out for good for her with you working with her. :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Ah, I just love the comments from the ignorant "specialists" that seek to undermine us as parents. Sorry you had to face that but I am glad you were able to stand up and say she was wrong. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Ariel Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I am so tired of so called specialists who think they are the "parents" to our children. Good for you for standing your ground! Find someone who supports you and your dd. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 Is that specialist one you can fire? And is it someone whose opinion on behavior matters anyway? IOW if it is a specialist who deals with auto immune issues for example, you can smile brightly, pass the bean dip and listen to their pontifications on their specialty and ignore the rest. It's the psych and she's been really good until now, better than anyone else we've worked with. I almost think I could say pass the bean dip. But I've been paying out of network for her because of the difficulty in finding people who are in network, work with children, and have openings, and it makes me a little more particular about what I'll put up with when I'm paying this much money. If my kids were in school, we'd qualify for the reduced lunch program so financial choices like this aren't taken lightly and affect the entire family. It couldn't hurt for me to start the search again and stay with her just until we find someone else. The other big point is, because she's a psych, I think there's a real danger in her projecting her own views about hsing or dd's choice to homeschool on dd's emotional state and having that affect her interpretation of dd's feelings, moods, etc., and, thus, dd's treatment. That part of it is scary to me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 Even if it *was* precipitated by anxiety and an avoidance response, that *doesn't* mean it's a bad choice. It also doesn't mean it turns into a pattern of behavior. You can talk it through with her and see, and if it was, clarify that. Sometimes it's the right choice even if it was made for other reasons. I think, no matter what, it will turn out for good for her with you working with her. :) I said the same thing to my mom last night! When dd told us she was considering hsing again and when she finally decided, we were rejoicing. I said to my mom while I we were talking about the psych's comments, I don't care why dd made that decision because I think it's a good decision. My mom, the child therapist, completely agreed. We're all thrilled no matter what her motivations were. Not that we are ignoring her motivations. All of us in the family obviously have been and will continue to work hard on talking and taking care of all dd's needs with the help of all her specialists. Her pediatrician, BTW, who has known dd for years is thrilled with the positive change in her. In terms of patterns of behavior, we actually just had a huge breakthrough. Dd has a medical phobia brought on by a traumatic experience when she was a young child, and the pediatrician and I have been worried for years what would happen if she ever needed specialized medical care and had to see someone other than the ped, because she very much has had a pattern of avoidance when it comes to seeing doctors. Then at a well-check last week the ped spotted a potential problem and wanted her to see a specialist. Well, yesterday, we went to the children's hospital and dd was great. It was obvious to me she was nervous but she couldn't have handled it better. It was so normal that it only hit me afterward what a tremendous breakthrough it was. Contrary to what the psych might think, I think dd is actually starting to break negative patterns of behavior and is starting good patterns. Lots of healing going on here. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 It's the psych and she's been really good until now, better than anyone else we've worked with. I almost think I could say pass the bean dip. But I've been paying out of network for her because of the difficulty in finding people who are in network, work with children, and have openings, and it makes me a little more particular about what I'll put up with when I'm paying this much money. If my kids were in school, we'd qualify for the reduced lunch program so financial choices like this aren't taken lightly and affect the entire family. It couldn't hurt for me to start the search again and stay with her just until we find someone else. The other big point is, because she's a psych, I think there's a real danger in her projecting her own views about hsing or dd's choice to homeschool on dd's emotional state and having that affect her interpretation of dd's feelings, moods, etc., and, thus, dd's treatment. That part of it is scary to me. And this last is HUGE and should absolutely be something to be worried about. But wow it stinks that she was working out otherwise. So hard to find a truly good mental health professional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heathermomster Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 One of dd's specialists got a bit worked up about dd's decision to hs this year, saying it was prompted by anxiety and could start a pattern of avoidance behavior. She's not worried about the academics but social-life skills. So I told her I'd been hsing for nine years and have already hs'd a kid with severe anxiety who very successfully learned to deal with it through positive experiences that built up her self-confidence that were only possible through hsing. I also told her I don't think the skills learned through a school experience directly translate into skills necessary in the real world. In most other situations in life, we have some choices about how we spend our time. I am curious to know what specific behaviors did the specialist observe first hand that led her to believe your DD was too anxious to attend ps? I don't understand why the doc believes your DD's homeschooling decision was based upon anxiety? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 I am curious to know what specific behaviors did the specialist observe first hand that led her to believe your DD was too anxious to attend ps? I don't understand why the doc believes your DD's homeschooling decision was based upon anxiety? Only because she some anxiety in general and the decision was made shortly before school started. As far as I can tell, that's it. Unless dd shared some concerns about school starting with her privately at previous meetings. Dd never mentioned that to me, though. Of course, many kids feel some anxiety at the start of the school year, so I think that's natural to some degree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heathermomster Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Only because she some anxiety in general and the decision was made shortly before school started. As far as I can tell, that's it. Unless dd shared some concerns about school starting with her privately at previous meetings. Dd never mentioned that to me, though. Of course, many kids feel some anxiety at the start of the school year, so I think that's natural to some degree. If the the doc actually noted something specific, it would have been nice if she had shared that info with you so that you could be on the look out for the behavior. Lots of students favor homeschooling for no other reason than they enjoy it. I would have leaped at the opportunity to be homeschooled in middle school and late high school, and I have no SLDs or anxiety. I am always struck by the socialization argument, as if a child's life begins and ends at the front door of a public school house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 If the the doc actually noted something specific, it would have been nice if she had shared that info with you so that you could be on the look out for the behavior. Lots of students favor homeschooling for no other reason than they enjoy it. I would have leaped at the opportunity to be homeschooled in middle school and late high school, and I have no SLDs or anxiety. I am always struck by the socialization argument, as if a child's life begins and ends at the front door of a public school house. And the thing is, the psych made a distinction regarding the socialization. She didn't mean there'd be a problem with socializing at a party, for example, but that she would fail to develop life skills. The more I think about that, the crazier that part of it is. It's very simplistic but can't think of anything better to prepare someone for adult life than getting up (when you could lie in bed) and doing your work (when you could easily do something else) on your own, everyday, when it's all up to you and there's no herding going on to help coerce you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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