3rd grader will. not. write.

[Carrie12345]

I have a busy day, so I may not check in until tonight, but I am desperate for suggestions.

 

My 8yo 3rd grader HATES to write.  I don't just mean the subject of writing as communication, but the physical aspect of writing.  I decided not to push him all these years because the meltdowns and tantrums were preventing us from doing ANYTHING.  We've kept most of his learning verbal and hands-on.  He's never even been into coloring, so picture answers weren't even an option.

He's a fairly intelligent kid and reads well.  He's not great at the sitting still, though our new "school space" is helping with that a bit.  He doesn't struggle too much with simple math or fill-in-the-blanks papers (though his handwriting is atrocious, and who can tell if that's a physical issue or a lack of practice?)  Ask him to write multiple words for one answer and he reacts as though someone's threatened to beat him.  He's not confident with spelling, but is usually correct (and close when not correct) when encouraged.

 

We had a rough time finding a private practice to have my daughter evaluated for learning disabilities, and even the crummy one we found is now closed.  Our insurance is great, so I might be able to find an OT to evaluate, but I still feel like it's more of a mental thing than a physical one.  Should I try that route anyway?

 

We do participate in a co-op, and this hasn't been a giant problem so far, but I've mostly kept him in non-academic classes with a few 1st-3rd academic classes that aren't very heavy on writing.  Next year, he'd be in the 4th-6th category, and is going to miss out on a lot of great opportunities if he doesn't progress at least a little bit.  And he needs a portfolio this year.

 

Typing doesn't go much better.  HWOT is hit or miss, usually miss.  Tracing is always a miss.  I am completely out of ideas.

[HomeAgain]

The only sentence that stood out to me was I decided not to push him all these years because the meltdowns and tantrums were preventing us from doing ANYTHING.

 

This sends off red flags, and I'm not sure if its because he learned a tantrum gets him out of what he doesn't want to do or that there is a genuine problem.  If it's the first, then it's time to just suck it up, start slow, add in various motor skill exercises (everything from tweezer work to painting, to washing a table with counterclockwise circles).  You start with one word a day and build up copywork slowly to a full sentence.  Tantrums mean consequences.  And they still mean the work needs to be done.

 

But you need to find out if it's the latter, and rule out that possibility.

[OneStepAtATime]

You need an evaluation. He could have dysgraphia. He may need OT. He may need other targeted, systematic helps as well. The longer you wait the harder it will be to remediate. You need answers. Read up on the various causes of hand writing issues and seek evals. Good luck and best wishes.

[camino]

I second getting an evaluation. If he doesn't  have dysgraphia, you may find that he makes progress very quickly with targeted practice with a good OT. If he does have dysgraphia, you might need a different approach with established accommodations throughout the school day.

 

I know everyone is different but, for what it's worth, I did push my -year-old son, despite his incredible reluctance. We did years of private OT, year-round, plus daily practice at home. His handwriting, which was horrible in K, actually deteriorated as he got older and his ideas became more sophisticated. His first-grade teacher was flabbergasted. Some people will not improve with practice and often people with dysgraphia will seem to get worse.  

 

The developmental pediatrician, who diagnosed my son with severe dysgraphia, basically said to stop making him write. Scribe everything. Make homework oral. Just make sure his writing challenges don't impede his intellectual progress in math/writing/critical thinking, etc. We started homeschooling last year in third, and I haven't totally done that, but almost. We started cursive, slowly and with loads of encouragement, and he does a lovely job with it but it is totally impractical. It takes him sooooooooo long to try to be neat. It is almost like he needs to figure out each letter as he goes along. You said you think with your son it is mental and with mine it is as well. His brain knows what it wants him to write but can't get the message to his hand. Unfortunately, it is also physical. After a few words, his hands hurt. I know keyboarding is my son's future but of course progress is slow at this age in that area.

 

Anyway, I think the best thing is to make sure that you know what you are dealing with. My son is also very bright, a voracious reader and a curious child, and this particular challenge has been extremely frustrating and humiliating to him to the point of really affecting his self-esteem.

 

[MysteryJen]

Camino, I liked your post because you have great advice. I am sorry for your son's feelings. My ds2 has major struggles with writing. The recommendations we received in his evaluation were typing, voice activated word processing, and generally being encouraging. His cursive is decent, but it takes far too much time to be useful for him to use for school.

His writing is okay, he can read his math and he likes to type. He has been strangely resistant to using Dragon, but is coming around. We still do oral exams.

 

It helps that we are a family of atrocious penmanship, so his writing is a matter of degree.

[MerryAtHope]

I agree, you need an eval. to see what's going on and what will help. 

 

My oldest was a very reluctant writer who didn't even start to like coloring until he was 9 or 10 (I remember at the time being so surprised, thinking he was beyond the time frame completely). I used to make small, workable goals for him while still keeping the majority of his work oral.

 

You said your son does okay with simple math and fill-in-the-blanks but not sentences. 

 

I'd do a review of letter formation--observe whether he can write letters automatically or if he seems to have to think about letters, if he starts them differently each time, or if he starts some from an odd position--things like that. You may want to go back and just focus on automaticity with letter formation. (I'm not saying to do this instead of an eval, but for now, as you are waiting for an eval, I think I'd look at some basics and see if you can identify some issues). 

 

You mentioned that spelling is somewhat of a struggle--that he's not automatic and confident here. I would shore up spelling skills before worrying about a lot of writing. If spelling isn't automatic, writing is really difficult--thoughts get forgotten as you try to think about how to spell a word, and so on. I like All About Spelling for this because it has a gradual progression of writing activities--at first it's just words, then 2-word dictations are added, then longer phrases and sentences, then by level 3 there's a sentence-writing activity. Activities build in a doable fashion for a reluctant writer and you can take it at his pace and break it down as much as needed. 

 

I used to tell my son that writing wasn't optional but we were going to make it doable. When he was comfortable with words, I told him we'd practice until he could write a simple sentence of 4-5 words. Then we'd work up to two sentences, and then to a short paragraph of 4 sentences. (I didn't tell him this all at once--I told him our goal was to make writing easier for him but the only way to do that is to practice, and then I set a doable goal to work towards, emphasizing trying to work with a good attitude, and praising progress.)

 

We did writing assignments orally for years. I wouldn't worry about the co-op requirements so much. If you have him tested and he qualifies for accommodations, you can talk to the teacher about that. If not, help him gradually achieve what's needed but do things orally at home too if he has to turn in papers (and again, discuss with the teachers).

 

For the portfolio, maybe you can work on a couple of written samples needed gradually. If he needs original work, have him compose orally and then copy it into his own hand a sentence per day or whatever is doable until it's done. But here again, if you have him tested, you'll know what's appropriate with regard to accommodations and can discuss that if needed with your oversight instructor.

 

This article has some helpful tips for dysgraphia: http://blog.allaboutlearningpress.com/dysgraphia/

 

With regard to tantrums--we used to talk about a self-control toolbox--what things were appropriate & what things were not, when he was frustrated. We all have frustrations, but how do we deal with them? How does daddy deal with them? How does mommy? I remember one day I was late for something and couldn't find my car keys, and suddenly it clicked—I was modeling how to have a full-blown temper tantrum! Normally I'm pretty calm and pleasant, but overwhelm me in a few ways, and there I was ranting and crying over lost car keys. (I laugh about it now!). So...the self-control toolbox was a good reminder to me as well! Am I perfect? Nope. So don't expect perfection from a child. Can I grow and learn to be more self-controlled? Absolutely, and I started working on it and continue to. 

 

Some things I suggested to my kids: get a drink of water, go to the bathroom, ask to go for a short walk or shoot some hoops for 5 minutes & then come back to try again, lay down for 5-10 minutes, pray and so on. A mini-tramp or regular trampoline would be good in this situation too.  That lets them get off some adrenaline and then they can relax. My son would say he felt like punching something, so I suggested his pillow. But mostly I tried to encourage them towards exercise or appropriate chores—something they can use their muscles and something to accomplish. We did jumping jacks and marching too. I found marching particularly helpful—any exercise that encourages right-left brain connection might be useful. 

Experiment, think through what you or your husband do when frustrated, and see if those things would help your child (or maybe you'll find things to work on as I did!). Think of it as trying to find their "reset button." What will help the child reset when he or she feels out of control like this?

 

Then try writing again. Also, try to do the writing at a good time of day for him (ie, not when he's tired or hungry, but his best working time). 

 

[texasmama]

A good OT could really help your son with his handwriting so that is what I would pursue.

[give_me_a_latte]

I am SO THERE with you. We aren't dealing with anything like the others have mentioned....but an eval certainly won't hurt!!! My son just HATES WRITING. Like you, I've gone slow and steady the past few years. And I've spent a LOT of time on handwriting and copywork. He's up to copying sentences, but anything more than that is like pulling teeth. I make sure to go over every single letter and have him rewrite any that are wonky. He hates it, but expects it now. I really feel like I need to have him progress in this area though. I just plan to gradually increase his copywork this year, and start making him write things that I know he can do...like fill in the blanks or whatnot. Hopefully that will help. I also have some "fun" writing things I need to get out. Like Jot it Down and other ideas for fun, loosy goosy writing. I think maybe if he had something to create on his own, he might be more inclined to write? Maybe? I don't know. My daughter writes and writes all day, on her own free time. But my son just....doesn't. 

[Farrar]

I guess your post doesn't scream dysgraphia to me. I mean, maybe? I'm certainly no expert. It's one of the ld's I had less experience with when I was teaching, actually.

 

But to me, I see that he's young. A lot of 8 yos hate to write. And even when we're trying to gently push (and I'm all about the gentle pushing) we can be looking for too much too soon. While one hopes for more than a sentence, a sentence seems like a good start. Stick with that.

 

I think doing something like Jot It Down is a great idea. Take the pressure off and focus on it in a different way.

[Carrie12345]

I can't believe I forgot to come back here!

 

Thank you all for the input.  Lots to consider.  I've started my search and it's not going well yet  :glare: , but I'm thinking our new local autism center may be able to help me with leads.

 

 

The only sentence that stood out to me was I decided not to push him all these years because the meltdowns and tantrums were preventing us from doing ANYTHING.

 

This sends off red flags, and I'm not sure if its because he learned a tantrum gets him out of what he doesn't want to do or that there is a genuine problem.  If it's the first, then it's time to just suck it up, start slow, add in various motor skill exercises (everything from tweezer work to painting, to washing a table with counterclockwise circles).  You start with one word a day and build up copywork slowly to a full sentence.  Tantrums mean consequences.  And they still mean the work needs to be done.

 

But you need to find out if it's the latter, and rule out that possibility.

 

I definitely don't believe it's "just" a behavioral issue.  Having parented a child with neurological differences and two with simple attitude problems, this definitely feels closer to the former and farther from the latter.