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GU10 soccer, accidents, parents


SKL
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I need some perspective about 8yo girl collisions during soccer practice (or games).

 

If a girl accidentally knocks down another girl (no animosity between the girls) what is the reasonable response of the parents of each girl?

 

Would you want to be told about an accidental collision you missed so that you "could talk to your daughter about it"?

 

If so, what would you say to your daughter about it?

 

Assume there is no continual pattern of knocking down / roughhousing / foolishness with any particular girl on the team.

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I wouldn't find it unexpected for an organization to 'cover their backsides' by making sure every parent gets the info that a helicopter patent might want. No big deal.

 

I'd say, "Hey, your coach mentioned there was a collision on the field today. Did you get hurt? Do you think you could/should have done anything to prevent it? Ok, good talk."

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A collision that was an accident and did not result in injury doesn't warrant any special action or response at all.
Unless the girl who was knocked down was upset by it for an extended time.  Then I'd mention it to her parent.

I would not mention it to the parent of the knock-down-er.  I really and truly see no point to that.  It's soccer, it happens.

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Accidental knock-downs during soccer? 

Please tell me nobody is making even a semi-big deal over this. 

No, I wouldn't want to know if my kid did the knocking down, unless somebody suspected it was intentional. I wouldn't need to be told if my kid were knocked down, either, unless there is cause for concern (injury).

It's soccer. I played for years and years (parents coached). In fact, at that age it was co-ed, so boys AND girls were knocked around constantly. 

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I have boys, but they played on a co-ed team. I have seen other parents really get up in arms about it. There was one team... ack. Every season, they were just relentlessly on our kids and parents about every single little foul. It's like, look, they're kids. They're young. They're clumsy. See how they also all get called for handballs all the time? That's because they're not in full control of their bodies yet. See how sometimes they just trip when no one is even there? See how your kid just knocked over one of ours and none of us are mad at you. Yet every single game against them they would be on us. And then would try to corner our poor coach and talk about what hooligans our kids all were. Argh. They were the only team where this was an issue so it's not like I'm ignoring some bad behavior or anything. It was just so annoying, but it seemed to be the culture of the team. Blame, blame, blame.

 

Ideally, assuming everyone gets up and is okay and it's not part of a pattern or anything, I wouldn't expect the parents to be involved at all.

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Thanks for the perspective.  That's kind of what I thought, but I started to wonder.

 

I was informed by another mom that my kid accidentally knocked her kid down during practice.  Her kid fell on her face, and her glasses broke and pinched her face.  She wanted to tell me "in case I wanted to talk to [my kid] about it."  She also mentioned that her daughter said "the mom didn't see it happen" - so I guess she has taught her kid that moms are supposed to discipline their kids when stuff like that happens.

 

I did not witness that incident, but I watch practices enough to know that my kid isn't running around trying to knock people down.  So I don't know what there is to talk about.  I'm sorry about the glasses - but that has happened to my kid, too.  Our eye doctor recommended sports glasses (which I did not buy, but perhaps should consider).  Glasses or not, an accident is an accident IMO.

 

Glad to know it isn't generally expected that I discipline my kid for an unintentional soccer collision.  I won't mention it to her.

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Coming at it from older kids - it's been to long since I've had a u8 playing.   

 

Yes, unintentional knock downs, shake off and go on.  I can see where the other girl is coming form since it sounds like they may need to replace glasses.  Her mom may have pushed - "what happened to your glasses?"  Maybe she will get sports glasses this time?  Maybe the other mom is trying to hint that you should pay for them?  Sorry, but if your child needs to wear glasses during a sport like soccer, you should expected them to get dinged.

 

Over the years the unintentional still happens, but some kids figure out how to make intentional look legal.  I still laugh at the girl who was knocking down every girl on our team, it was so many she had to mean it.  Then she tried it with my daughter.  My dd is solid.  The other girl fell down.  Every parent on our team cheered.  Then there was the team that was notorious for bad behavior and rarely got called on it.  That team caused both my girls to stop playing.  (It was during a season change, they chose not to sign back up.)  This other team had knock-downs down to an art form, bad language.  I heard they punched someone in the hand shake line.  THAT did get called but too late for the game.

 

I think your reaction is right in line.

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Unless my child is hurt, there's nothing to be said. Collissions happen, both intentional and unintentional, especially as they go up in levels, either gender.

 

ETA: i just saw your update. Yeah, I would be confused. I think I would say, "Oh, yes, that's unfortunate." And that would be that.

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I have boys, but they played on a co-ed team. I have seen other parents really get up in arms about it. There was one team... ack. Every season, they were just relentlessly on our kids and parents about every single little foul. It's like, look, they're kids. They're young. They're clumsy. See how they also all get called for handballs all the time? That's because they're not in full control of their bodies yet. See how sometimes they just trip when no one is even there? See how your kid just knocked over one of ours and none of us are mad at you. Yet every single game against them they would be on us. And then would try to corner our poor coach and talk about what hooligans our kids all were. Argh. They were the only team where this was an issue so it's not like I'm ignoring some bad behavior or anything. It was just so annoying, but it seemed to be the culture of the team. Blame, blame, blame.

 

Ideally, assuming everyone gets up and is okay and it's not part of a pattern or anything, I wouldn't expect the parents to be involved at all.

I've seen teams before with a really strange parental culture. I remember one Lacrosse team that played against my youngest a year or two ago. This team was hypersensitive about our coach's "yelling." So whenever the coach would shout anything, the opposing parents would get all condemnational about it and, by the end, one woman was huffy and ended up in a conflict with one of our parents. Our coach was not "yelling at" the kids. He would just coach, saying normal things like, "Get to the goal!" Or, "look at Visnik! He's Open!" It was weird. If you don't want anyone to speak above a whisper, play chess.

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I would ask if they have thought about getting sports glasses for their daughter! As she can assess at this age kids can easily break them during soccer, and yikes! The glasses are expensive, but flexible enough to last many years and save her vision! We have some, and I remember watching a little girl without them get hit in the face. Agh, queasy-making. I am amazed they have to wear shin guards do religiously, but glasses aren't commented on.

 

Anyway, I would just look at her blankly.

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Thanks for the perspective.  That's kind of what I thought, but I started to wonder.

 

I was informed by another mom that my kid accidentally knocked her kid down during practice.  Her kid fell on her face, and her glasses broke and pinched her face.  She wanted to tell me "in case I wanted to talk to [my kid] about it."  She also mentioned that her daughter said "the mom didn't see it happen" - so I guess she has taught her kid that moms are supposed to discipline their kids when stuff like that happens.

 

I did not witness that incident, but I watch practices enough to know that my kid isn't running around trying to knock people down.  So I don't know what there is to talk about.  I'm sorry about the glasses - but that has happened to my kid, too.  Our eye doctor recommended sports glasses (which I did not buy, but perhaps should consider).  Glasses or not, an accident is an accident IMO.

 

Glad to know it isn't generally expected that I discipline my kid for an unintentional soccer collision.  I won't mention it to her.

 

I'm going to go against the grain here.  It sounds like there was an accident that resulted in a painful, though slight, injury--- and an upset kid who thought the incident warranted parental reaction.  I'd ask my child about it.  You didn't see it, you don't know the context, you don't know how she reacted to the incident, you don't know anything really........... I don't think 'this kid has been trained that punishment happens resulting from accidents' is necessarily a safe assumption. 

 

I'm not saying discipline your kid at all, and I absolutely believe you that she's not someone who knocks people down on purpose.  But this is a weird age physically (play gets more intense) and socially (the social world of 8 year old girls in complex).  Can't hurt to have a conversation about it and see if there's more to the story.  Not unlikely it will conclude with "accidents happen! do you think we should get you sports glasses?"

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I sincerely hope I don't have interact with many parents who use "stare blankly" as a preferred communication tool. Yikes.

 

Oh yes, because that's totally what I said. Way to read the worst into what someone else says. I sincerely hope I don't have to interact with many parents who use the "assume the worst and judge the other parent" as their preferred communication tool. Yikes! How unpleasant.

 

I'm sorry, but in the OPs case, that's precisely what I would do. It's soccer. Kids fall down. Kids run into each other. Like Farrar mentioned, they don't really have full control over their body. If your kid wears glasses, then as the parent, you should be thinking about safety regarding your child's glasses. That's your responsibility.

 

The OP has an eye on her child and at practice. The coaches also have an eye on things. If her child was tripping people, that's one thing. That doesn't aound like what this was.

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I'm sorry, but in the OPs case, that's precisely what I would do. It's soccer. Kids fall down. Kids run into each other. Like Farrar mentioned, they don't really have full control over their body. If your kid wears glasses, then as the parent, you should be thinking about safety regarding your child's glasses. That's your responsibility.

 

See, this is basically what I would say to the other parent. In a bit more genial manner, since it's in person, of course.  "Stare blankly" to me just conveys "why are you bothering me, I hope you go away soon."  I'm not saying take blame, apologize, or anything like that. 

 

 

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See, this is basically what I would say to the other parent. In a bit more genial manner, since it's in person, of course. "Stare blankly" to me just conveys "why are you bothering me, I hope you go away soon." I'm not saying take blame, apologize, or anything like that.

Do you have kids who play soccer?

 

I don't feel the need to explain that to the other parent. U10 soccer? Unless this is her kids' first year and she's never seen another soccer game/practice, then this should be fairly obvious. It's soccer. It's a sport that can involve some contact. I don't think it's the OP's responsibility to explain that to the other parent. I also think that further explanation on the part of the OP only opens up more opportunity for the other parent to get to her real point which is likely "you need to pay me for my kids' glasses."

 

I definitely wouldn't say something to my kid. That's what the coaches are for. My club makes it clear that I'm not to coach my child, and this, imo, veers into that territory. We might have general sporsmanship discussions or help with the interpersonal off-field stuff, but if the coach didn't feel it was an issue, I wouldn't make it one.

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I don't have a U10 kid, just a U8. But I deal with 7-8 year old girl drama allllll the time, I run a Brownie Troop. 

I understand why you say "stare blankly". It's not the way I deal with other adults, personally.  Or anyone.  To each her own.

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I don't have a U10 kid, just a U8. But I deal with 7-8 year old girl drama allllll the time, I run a Brownie Troop.

I understand why you say "stare blankly". It's not the way I deal with other adults, personally. Or anyone. To each her own.

Well, we're all going to do what we feel best. You've made plenty of assumptions about me based upon one part of one post. I don't think you are the sole arbiter of "best practices" or the only inhabitant of the moral high ground.

 

ETA: I'm also not the only one who said that in this thread and think it's interesting that you chose to single me out for it. Apparently it's ok that others do that, just not me. Fascinating.

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Well, we're all going to do what we feel best. You've made plenty of assumptions about me based upon one part of one post. I don't think you are the sole arbiter of "best practices" or the only inhabitant of the moral high ground.

 

ETA: I'm also not the only one who said that in this thread and think it's interesting that you chose to single me out for it. Apparently it's ok that others do that, just not me. Fascinating.

 

*stares blankly*

 

 

 

Just kidding.  I quoted you as being part of a "camp" and was reacting to that "camp".  I certainly am not the sole arbiter of "best practices". I feel like I was playing devil's advocate a bit on this thread; nothing against the OP, it's just from the first post I thought it was very clearly an accident, and the update made it seem slightly less clear, so I updated my opinion from "no big deal at all" to "maybe ask your kid about it in a neutral way".  I honestly believe that it was an accident, it's soccer, this is not a big deal at all.  And I definitely don't think the OP is responsible for the glasses.

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Accidents happen in soccer and kids get hurt. My son was a goalie and one of his teammates accidentally  kicked him in the hand and broke his finger (he was wearing goalie gloves too).  I still don't even know who kicked him and my son didn't have any hard feelings about it because it's soccer and it happens.

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Was she injured? Having a collision doesn't mean she was injured necessarily.

 

Was it a head collision of some sort? ANY head injury should be evaluated at the time and the parent informed so they can pick up on signs of possible issue.

 

I would want to know if my kid was hurt or if they had sustained possible concussion causing events. I wouldn't be angry or freaking out. I'd just want to know, "oh this happened. She seems fine but jic .." Kind of thing.

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After the description I would change my answer a bit.  I would expect in the case of broken glasses and slightly hurt nose that the coach would approach me when I went to pick up my child to let me know what happened.  I would not want to talk to the parent of the child that accidentally collided with mine, nor would I really care which kid it was that did the colliding.  My older two wear glasses, but I knew that there was a risk of them being broken.  At older ages, kids are not allowed to wear non-sports glasses on the field during a game because of the risk of injury it they breaking.

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I would go as far as to say safety glasses should be required in soccer. My son in U10 has taken a cleat right across his face twice in the last two weeks. He was playing goalie and both times it just bad timing. Poor kids eye was black & blue for a while.

 

Our season is just getting started and several kids have taken a fast ball to the face. I can't imagine if a child had glasses on. I wouldn't be concerned about replacing the glasses rather if the broken glasses could injure the child's eyes.

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I was hit in the face while playing basketball at age 14. My glasses were so bent that they ended up snapping later that day when my dad tried to straighten them. It never occurred to anyone to mention anything to the other girl's family. A foul was called on her and she apologized for hitting me since it was beyond the normal expected collisions/fouls even though it wasn't intentional. Fortunately my glasses had an under-18 breakage warranty, which was significantly cheaper than buying sports goggles back then. Today there are tons of affordable options and I will definitely go that route if (when!) my kids need glasses. Another pair was broken at youth camp by an overly-enthusiastic peer doing The YMCA. Soccer would generally be a much greater risk than a camp sing-a-long, LOL.

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In short, no. I would not. I would expect to be notified, as regentrude mentioned, about possible concussions. It's soccer. They run into one another. If another parent suggested I speak to my kid about it I would nod politely and thank them for letting me know. If the coach mentioned it I'd look for a different league.

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Read the thread. I would say I was sorry to hear about the glasses and I might blurt out insensitively, "I didn't realize and I don't think the kids realize those aren't sports goggles!"

 

Contact happens. it was their responsibility to provide sports goggles. This isn't the Girl Scout daisy picking badge!

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I'm going to go against the grain here.  It sounds like there was an accident that resulted in a painful, though slight, injury--- and an upset kid who thought the incident warranted parental reaction.  I'd ask my child about it.  You didn't see it, you don't know the context, you don't know how she reacted to the incident, you don't know anything really........... I don't think 'this kid has been trained that punishment happens resulting from accidents' is necessarily a safe assumption. 

 

I'm not saying discipline your kid at all, and I absolutely believe you that she's not someone who knocks people down on purpose.  But this is a weird age physically (play gets more intense) and socially (the social world of 8 year old girls in complex).  Can't hurt to have a conversation about it and see if there's more to the story.  Not unlikely it will conclude with "accidents happen! do you think we should get you sports glasses?"

 

A little more context here.  This is the second year of soccer for both my kids and the kid who was knocked down.  I am friendly with the other mom and always say nice things about her kid.  She really is a cute kid, but her coordination isn't great and she's spacey.  Her mom says she is immature.  She is often not paying attention at practice.  (Which I'm guessing contributed to the accident.)  In addition, she is very sensitive, cries easily, and takes a while to get over it.  In fact, before the season started, coach mentioned to me that she was glad she didn't have to play her the whole game (unlike last fall when we only had 8 players) because "I can't have [her name] crying and having to leave the game at a critical point in the game."

 

I would never say this out loud, but frankly I think the mom ought to be talking to her own kid about not taking things personally and understanding that soccer is a contact sport.

 

My daughter is not a great player with dangerous tricks.  She doesn't have an issue with this other girl or anyone else on the team.  She loves going to soccer practice and seeing all of the other kids.  Sports make her happy; she doesn't have a need to build drama around the sport.

 

This is the reason I don't want to ask my kid about the incident:  I don't want her to get defensive about what that girl and her mom might be thinking and saying about her all the time.  I don't want her thinking, every time the girl cries, "I wonder what she's going to say and whom she's going to blame."

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SKL, I think your instincts are correct about how to handle the situation and I think you are doing the right thing by not making a big deal out of it, because your dd did nothing wrong.

 

I suspect, as others have already mentioned, that the other mom spoke to you because she was hoping you would volunteer to replace her dd's glasses.

 

If you do anything in reaction to this incident, I think it should be to buy sports glasses for your own dds.

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With all of these plugs for safety goggles, I just want to say that goggles are not always the answer. My son played baseball in them for a season or two but switched to contacts at about 9. The goggles eventually fog up no matter what clever tip or trick you use. Perhaps in a cooler climate or a different sport, the goggles would be more helpful. But contacts were the answer for us.

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I need some perspective about 8yo girl collisions during soccer practice (or games).

 

If a girl accidentally knocks down another girl (no animosity between the girls) what is the reasonable response of the parents of each girl?

 

Would you want to be told about an accidental collision you missed so that you "could talk to your daughter about it"?

 

If so, what would you say to your daughter about it?

 

Assume there is no continual pattern of knocking down / roughhousing / foolishness with any particular girl on the team.

People playing soccer are going to be knocked down.  Assuming the play was clean and there was no malicious intent, it's no big deal at all.  I certainly wouldn't feel the need to talk to the other parent or my child.

 

Is this a rec team?  If so, maybe there is an expectation of no contact? 

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Thanks for the perspective.  That's kind of what I thought, but I started to wonder.

 

I was informed by another mom that my kid accidentally knocked her kid down during practice.  Her kid fell on her face, and her glasses broke and pinched her face.  She wanted to tell me "in case I wanted to talk to [my kid] about it."  She also mentioned that her daughter said "the mom didn't see it happen" - so I guess she has taught her kid that moms are supposed to discipline their kids when stuff like that happens.

 

I did not witness that incident, but I watch practices enough to know that my kid isn't running around trying to knock people down.  So I don't know what there is to talk about.  I'm sorry about the glasses - but that has happened to my kid, too.  Our eye doctor recommended sports glasses (which I did not buy, but perhaps should consider).  Glasses or not, an accident is an accident IMO.

 

Glad to know it isn't generally expected that I discipline my kid for an unintentional soccer collision.  I won't mention it to her.

She should not be playing in glasses.  That is a very bad idea and a serious eye injury could occur if the ball hits her in the face.

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People playing soccer are going to be knocked down. Assuming the play was clean and there was no malicious intent, it's no big deal at all. I certainly wouldn't feel the need to talk to the other parent or my child.

 

Is this a rec team? If so, maybe there is an expectation of no contact?

Yep. I'm coaching my son's U6 rec team. I've stressed since day one that they will fall, and your goal should be to get right up so you don't get kicked or stepped on and can get back into the play (unless truly hurt)! They did amazingly at their first game and nobody got upset about collisions/trips/falls. In fact it became a point of pride for them to show me how quickly they could get up.

 

At the coaches' meeting during concussion training they stressed that it's a myth that soccer can be "no contact." Maybe this league didn't make that clear (or the mom is overly a sensitive and that is her expectation), but having played/coached myself I snicker at the possibility of achieving no contact.

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Right, I'm always relieved that so far the girls (on either side) have never kicked a goalie in the face.  It could happen so easily.  The girls are good kids who would not want to hurt anyone.  (Maybe that changes as they get older, for some of them.)

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