Am I too old to have another baby?

[Meadowlark]

Sure, I know this is all relative to my health but my mom thinks I'm INSANE to even consider the idea. I just turned 38 and have 5 children with my youngest being 2. We thought 5 was it and gave everything away (naturally). My Dr. Told me she "didn't advise me to have anymore" due to a thin uterus and scarring after 2 c-sections. When I asked if it would be life threatening, she said no...but she wouldn't recommend it. That was fine and dandy because we were d.o.n.e.

 

Well, now I don't want to be done! But everyone else is making me feel like an old fossil or something and I already get the looks and stares because of the 5 I have. Just wondering if this is pie in the sky wishing and longing for my youth back, lol OR if God is really trying to tell me to leave it up to him.

[Garga]

Impossible to answer. Only you can know. There are risks for birth defects due to your age and for complications due to what you've written above. Only you can decide what to do about it. For me, as a planner, I'd want to consider all outcomes, good or bad, and weigh whether I felt up to handling whatever happens. There can be defects and complications at any time, but your risks will be higher than most so you'll need to seriously consider them.

 

I am a very cautious person by nature. My answer reflects that.

[Peaceful Isle]

You are not too old!! If you want another one, and have peace about it, go for it! 

[Garga]

P.S. Getting looks from people because they think 5 is a big number is not something I'd worry about.  The medical side is what I'd worry about.

[HRAAB]

I had my last at 40 with no regrets, but I hadn't had a doctor recommend not having another pregnancy. I would consider what my doctor said. As for other well meaning busy bodies, I tend to block them out.

 

I've enjoyed being an older parent more than I could have ever imagined.

[DawnM]

Hmmm.....I would want more info on the bolded.  Do you really have a thin uterus?  Or is she just saying that is typical of those with 2 C-sections?

 

I had 2 c-sections and was never advised not to get preg. or told I had a thin uterus and my middle son was born when I was over 30.

 

 

Sure, I know this is all relative to my health but my mom thinks I'm INSANE to even consider the idea. I just turned 38 and have 5 children with my youngest being 2. We thought 5 was it and gave everything away (naturally). My Dr. Told me she "didn't advise me to have anymore" due to a thin uterus and scarring after 2 c-sections. When I asked if it would be life threatening, she said no...but she wouldn't recommend it. That was fine and dandy because we were d.o.n.e.

Well, now I don't want to be done! But everyone else is making me feel like an old fossil or something and I already get the looks and stares because of the 5 I have. Just wondering if this is pie in the sky wishing and longing for my youth back, lol OR if God is really trying to tell me to leave it up to him.

 

[freesia]

Go ahead. I had my last at 41 and I enjoyed her babyhood the most. The risk of defects is actually lower if you flip the statistics. At 41 I had a 97% chance of a healthy baby.

[gardenmom5]

after 10+ years of no more pgs, I gave everything away.  I'd held onto my cradle, my diapers, etc . . . . . that was in march.  dudeling was born the following January.  I was in my 40's.  I have a number of friends who had babies in their 40's. . . . .

 

 

eta: as for your docs advice to not have another . . . based on some things I have heard come out of docs mouths, I would get another opinion.

[Cinder]

My youngest was born weeks before I turned 40. But I had no health issues. I'd be more concerned about your health vs your age.

[scrapbookbuzz]

You are not too old but do very seriously consider what your doc told you about your innards.

A thin, scarred uterus not only presents problem for you while pregnant but could also be

very dangerous for a developing baby. A healthy uterus is a safe cocoon for a baby -  yours 

doesn't sound safe, does it? If you really want more kiddos, perhaps you might consider fostering

and/or adoption.

[Caribbean Queen]

38 is not very old. My sister-in-law had a surprise baby at 42. Your not having pie in the sky thinking.

 

People really hate to see someone with 6 kids. Especially close in age. You are supposed to have 2. If they are both the same sex you can try again - once. No more than 3.

 

Normally, doctors say you can have 3 C sections, right? I'd want more information from your doctor about her recommendation.

[Katy]

I'd go for it.  As long as your DH agreed.

[Sukale]

"I" am too old at 40 to have another one. I have back pain, diabetes, and am over weight. I youngest is 8 and my oldest is 17. I wouldn't want to start over again at this age.  I love getting a full nights sleep and being able to shower alone, with no little on asking me 1001 questions. I don't know if it is more my age or the ages of my other children that having me saying no?

[1bassoon]

My last was born when I was 36. I had a hard time adjusting to the fact that I was hitting a life change, and that we were no longer the "young, cute family having babies". . . . . . part of my struggle was not being ready to accept another stage of life, rather than wanting another child. {Circumstances then dictated that we were done, anyways. . .. . . . }

 

That said, I'd really, REALLY listen to your doctor. 5 kids with a healthy mama is very important.

 

I'm also all for big families, but finding now that they are older they are SO MUCH MORE WORK than they were when they were young. Oh, it's happy times, and I love the people they are and the adults they are becoming, but it is sooooooo much more mental and emotional work than I bargained for.

 

Just my .02. Since you asked, and all ;)

[MedicMom]

Not the age, but I would ask your doctor what exactly she meant. I was told I had a thin uterus after my second c section and my doctor recommended no more pregnancies. We thought that was taken care of, but miracles happen and I got pregnant.

 

It was a difficult pregnancy and I delivered at 28 weeks. Because of how thin the uterus was the placenta had no good place to implant and we had multiple problems.

 

I'd go talk to your doctor first and see what exactly she was talking about, whether it is normal scarring or if there is something else going on.

[Joyofsixreboot]

44 2/3 ;) with my last. To quote her she's the sprinkles on the icing on the cake. It is purely your decision.

[goldberry]

I'm along with the others to consider what the doctor says over the age.  If you are unsure, get a second opinion.  Agree that 5 kiddos need a healthy mama!

[SparrowsNest]

Sure, I know this is all relative to my health but my mom thinks I'm INSANE to even consider the idea. I just turned 38 and have 5 children with my youngest being 2. We thought 5 was it and gave everything away (naturally). My Dr. Told me she "didn't advise me to have anymore" due to a thin uterus and scarring after 2 c-sections. When I asked if it would be life threatening, she said no...but she wouldn't recommend it. That was fine and dandy because we were d.o.n.e.

 

Well, now I don't want to be done! But everyone else is making me feel like an old fossil or something and I already get the looks and stares because of the 5 I have. Just wondering if this is pie in the sky wishing and longing for my youth back, lol OR if God is really trying to tell me to leave it up to him.

 

In addition to the 5 I already had, I birthed 4 more children in the years between 37 and 42.  I am probably not the person to ask :)

[BrookValley.]

Like everyone else has already said, it would be your health I would worry about. If that is not a concern? Then you just have to do what's right for you. Family size is a very, very personal choice that, for some reason, people feel perfectly justified in passing all sorts of judgement on. Well, it's really no one else's business if you have six kids, or eight, or two, or none at all. And I don't know about you, but it's not the passing of my youth I mourn with the knowledge that I won't have any more babies--it's that I won't have any more babies. Man, I love babies! But again, that's *me*. Plenty of people hate the baby stage. Personal choice, like I said. :)  

[happypamama]

I'm also 38 and have five children, the youngest being two. I totally feel like I could have another baby if DH would go for it. But. I have had easy pregnancies and deliveries, no appreciable issues with being older, other than tiring more easily with the last one.

 

I know women who have had more than three c-sections, but that's not a guarantee that it would be safe for all women to do so. I would get at least a second opinion about your specific case.

[Mergath]

I certainly don't think you're too old, but I would want to be darn sure I was healthy enough before I got pregnant again. I'd do a lot of research into what your doctor said about your uterus before I even considered it. And I'd probably give some thought to whether I really, truly wanted another child, or whether I just wanted another to prove I could. ;)

[Spryte]

I don't think you're too old, but would discuss it with your doc further before making decisions.

 

I turned 40 just after my youngest was born, but our kids are all adopted - so I can't weigh in on pregnancy or birth issues. I will say that there was a noticeable difference in how I felt re: sleepless nights, but it's all worth it!

[Meadowlark]

_{I totally agree that it's the medical problems that I'm most concerned with. Funny though, how after 2.5 years I sort of forgot about those. I have a call into my OB/GYN doctor now, and a nurse is supposed to review my records and get back to me. From what I recall, the doctor said at the time that my uterus was thin but NOT superthin or dangerously thin. And the scarring was bad, but again, not horribly bad. She said she wouldn't recommend having more, but when I asked her if it would be life or death, she said something along the lines of "not really".}

 

_{But then again-is this an ultra conservative doctor? If I had had someone else, would they have told me this at all? It's so hard to tell. Being that she is the one that was inside by body, I know I have to trust her judgement. I also know that doctors aire on the conservative side these days for all sorts of reasons. Then again, I certainly don't want to make a "stupid" decision and put my life at risk, especially since I DO have 5 children who need their mama healthy. But this is the opinion of one (had just graduated from med school at the time) doctor.}

 

_{All I have to go by, is the 5 minute post delivery conversation and the follow up conservation which I brought up. Again, I don't remember pushing it too hard though since I thought we were done. At any rate, I'm not sure what information a nurse can really give me over the phone, but they won't see me face to face if I'm not a current patient. Oh this is so hard-I think emotionally and in every other way, I'm ready. But I just don't know what to make of her comments.}

[Meadowlark]

I'm also 38 and have five children, the youngest being two. I totally feel like I could have another baby if DH would go for it. But. I have had easy pregnancies and deliveries, no appreciable issues with being older, other than tiring more easily with the last one.

 

I know women who have had more than three c-sections, but that's not a guarantee that it would be safe for all women to do so. I would get at least a second opinion about your specific case.

 

I had 5 easy, healthy pregnancies too. I had a C-section for #1 and #5 because they both got hung up by the cord. Other than that-beautiful pregnancies in every way. I'm also very healthy otherwise-just lost 50 lbs. and feel great. It's just the uterus thing, which I was surprised about after just 2 C-sections too.

 

[BrookValley.]

Well, if I were you then, I'd consult with my doctor again *and* get a second, and then maybe third opinion--being careful to not try to search out the answer I want to hear--to gather all the information I could to make an informed decision.  

[marbel]

I don't think you're too *old* but I'd get another medical opinion on the advisability of it.

 

I had my first @ 41 and my second at 42.  So, to me you are still quite young!

[Wheres Toto]

I had my youngest a week before I turned 38 so I don't think you are too old.   But I would definitely get a further opinion to your doctor's warning.  That would concern me more than age.

[amy g.]

I had a baby at 40 and my last at 43.

 

How sad I would be without them!

 

But I agree with the others. Your health is more of a determining factor than just your age.

[Catwoman]

Another vote to be sure it is medically safe for you.

 

I think you should see a doctor who specializes in high risk pregnancies -- and then get a second opinion from another one, no matter what the first one tells you.

 

Your five children need you, and they are far more important than having another child if there is potential risk to your health. Also, are you sure you really want another baby, or could it be that you are starting to feel the years creeping up on you a bit and you don't want to take a chance of missing out on the chance to have another baby while you still can have one?

 

I guess what I'm asking is whether or not you truly want another baby, or if you are more worried that if you don't have another one now, that you might regret it later. (I don't mean that in a rude way -- I honestly couldn't tell by your OP.)

 

Honestly, the thin uterus thing worries me.

[73349]

38 by itself wouldn't bother me unless my relatives died young (<60, because you want to reasonably expect to live until the youngest is an adult), and number of previous children is immaterial, but since your previous doctor mentioned a concern, I would definitely go see another OB-GYN to talk about whether it's safe.

[milovany]

Haven't been able to read the other replies (will try later), but I'm 49 and I'd have another one if I could!  I'm ready!  Bring it on!  :D

 

Everyone's different and you have to decide, including healthwise, what you are willing/wanting to do. 

[gardenmom5]

"I" am too old at 40 to have another one. I have back pain, diabetes, and am over weight. I youngest is 8 and my oldest is 17. I wouldn't want to start over again at this age.  I love getting a full nights sleep and being able to shower alone, with no little on asking me 1001 questions. I don't know if it is more my age or the ages of my other children that having me saying no?

 

 

my youngest was 12 1/2 and my oldest was a senior.  in college.

 

not all bad - he can go have sleepovers at his sister's houses. (I have one who is still at home - so he's effectively an only.)

[rjand6more]

I had my #6 at 39.  No real health problems though.  Yep.  Everyone thinks we are nuts!  We keep them guessing whether we are having more. :)

 

Edited:  Ugh..spelled the wrong "whether"... 

[Anne in CA]

Speaking as an oldest child who had WAY too much responsibility for my younger siblings, especially the unplanned caboose, make sure your older children would REALLY not mind you being tired and out of commission quite a bit for a later life pregnancy and they will joyfully help when the baby is here. Because late life children are very often cared for by the older children in the family, it is a lot of work for them, and I love my siblings, but I really resent to THIS DAY the unreasonable sacrifices I had to make for their well being. My parents were simply tired of parenting and worked a lot. We had a farm and there was always an endless amount of work to do so they always had "work" to do while I took care of my siblings and the house. I kept thinking it would get better, but when I graduated from high school I moved 2000 miles away to save myself.

 

My brother just had a heart valve replacement, he almost died and my sister who is a nurse gave him medical advice that probably saved his life. The doctors admitted that he really should not have lived, but as a critical care nurse she was able to be more help than the average family member. He publicly thanked her on facebook for saving his life, which was the right thing to do, but I was a little angry thinking, the only reason you made it out of childhood is because I gave up the last part of my childhood. We lived in the country and he was a active child who took a lot of watching. I love my brother, I am glad he is here, but he was MY responsibility. 

 

If you have medical conditions that could leave you unable to parent actively, your older children will have to pick up the slack. I know a woman whose mother gave birth at 52, she almost died and was left without the health necessary to raise the child, who was 15 years younger than my friend. My friend raised her younger brother for three years, and then, like me, ran off and joined the Air Force to get away. 

 

I am all for having all the children you want, as long as you really can raise them yourself. I just didn't see anyone bringing up this aspect of having a child later in life so I wanted to put it out there.

 

 

 

 

[Orthodox6]

Your age is not at all a problem.  Your uterine health may be in the danger zone.  Sounds like a high-risk pregnancy, if one occurs, that would require close monitoring and very careful management. 

 

Mine were born when I was 31, 34, 39, and 44.  All healthy.  Miscarriage at age 45. 

[chocolatechip]

I don't think your age is an issue at all, as long as you do your due dilligence and make sure it's healthy and safe for you and potential baby. A friend of ours is 43 and she's due in December. 

[Desert Strawberry]

I had Luna at 38. I was definitely not too old. She is healthy and beautiful.

I am diabetic (since age 19, nothing new). I had increased risk because of that. My pregnancies all had to be carefully managed. Moreso after 30. Luna's was no riskier than Gem's and safer than Taurus's. 

My doctors have not advised me to stop. In fact my peri joked that he'd see me in a year. 

My recovery has been much harder this time. If she had been planned, I would have waited a little longer, gotten in better shape, and lost more weight. I had lost my baby weight from the last two, but not the first two. I would have also adjusted my nutrition. I ended up having a vitamin deficiency that took far too long to figure out.

[KungFuPanda]

Dp

[KungFuPanda]

"Old" and "old for having babies" are two entirely different things. I'd get a second opinion. I'd also get to the root of my feelings. You'll have to deal with the emotions of being done at some point. I have someone in my life who absolutely adored the baby phase and had lots of babies. She's not really enjoying the teen phase as much and it's HARD with a houseful of moody teens. Stretching the money is much harder emotionally with a houseful of teens. At this point she's letting them live so she can have grandchildren and be in her happy place again.

[DesertBlossom]

My grandmother was 49 when she had her last. You're practically a spring chicken in comparison.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I'm 40.  Wyatt is 1.  Wyatt's biomom is pregnant (due in a couple months) and we would be willing to accept the baby if need be. Baby will be our 7th or 9th depending on how you count it.  I'll be 41 by the end of the year.  It is what it is :)

 

It does sound like there are health concerns with physically carrying and birthing a child.  Might be something to consider.  But there is more than one way to have a baby :)

[Guest]

Do your homework and go get a second opinion from another obstetrician, preferably one friendly to older moms, and go for a detailed ultrasound of your entire reproductive tract to see what kind of condition it is in. They can evaluate the location and integrity of the scar and give you a more specific opinion on safety and related concerns. If all is well, go for it. It's your family.

[merry gardens]

If you haven't gone through menopause, then you're not too old. ;)

 

 

 

 

[katilac]

In addition to the 5 I already had, I birthed 4 more children in the years between 37 and 42.  I am probably not the person to ask :)

 

:svengo:

[1bassoon]

If you have medical conditions that could leave you unable to parent actively, your older children will have to pick up the slack. I know a woman whose mother gave birth at 52, she almost died and was left without the health necessary to raise the child, who was 15 years younger than my friend. My friend raised her younger brother for three years, and then, like me, ran off and joined the Air Force to get away. 

 

I am all for having all the children you want, as long as you really can raise them yourself. I just didn't see anyone bringing up this aspect of having a child later in life so I wanted to put it out there.

 

Just. . . . . . :grouphug:

 

This needs to be heard.

 

Thank you for sharing your heart.

 

[wintermom]

Hmmm.....I would want more info on the bolded.  Do you really have a thin uterus?  Or is she just saying that is typical of those with 2 C-sections?

 

I had 2 c-sections and was never advised not to get preg. or told I had a thin uterus and my middle son was born when I was over 30.

 

I had 4 c-sections when I was from 32 - 39 years of age, and what the doctor typically does is actually examine the uterus each and every time they are doing the surgery. Sometimes the uterus is fine, sometimes there is scarring that can be removed at the time of the c-section, and sometimes the condition of the uterus changes. By my 4th, there was both scarring and thinning of the uterus, which greatly increases risks to both the mother and baby. My dh and I opted to not have more children, though I would have loved more.

[BlsdMama]

Everything aside (as my best friend has had six c-sections so far and she scares the jeepers out of me everytime but the OB says her uterus looks beautiful) just basing this on age - if 38 is too old you'd be broken, the factory wouldn't work, and the eggs would be useless. ;)  Just my .02, speaking as a 38 year old woman not on birth control. ;)

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I had my last at 42, but I didn't have the concerns you have (2 c-sections and a thin uterus).  I am a lot more low-energy with this one than I was with my older kids, but not too old to be a mom.  

Only you can weigh the risks and decide if you want to go through with it again.  You can't please everyone, especially mothers, so do what is right for you, your body, your dh, and your children.

 

[mamiof5]

I also have 5 and I'm 38 (almost 39). Our youngest is 11 months old, and our oldest will be 20yrs old this Spring. I love children, and would have had a dozen if I could. But...I an exhausted! Have been praying to God that if it's His will, this is it for us. Don't get me wrong, we'd welcome a blessing anytime, but the kids are older, homeschooling is fun, but a lot of work, both dh and I are exhausted. Also, I've had super easy pregnancies and deliveries, so health is not that much of a concern. This is solely your and your dh's decision, and God's of course. I don't think you are too old to have another baby, I hear of more and more women having babies in their 40s. You know how are your family dynamics and how much energy you have. I know I feel old and tired for more babies, but that's me.

[Tammi K]

I had my 6th when I was 41. It was my most difficult pregnancy in that I found I was tired all of the time. But, he has been the most loved, cherished sibling. His brother and sisters adore him. He has been a joy and I have never regretted those long nine months.