Former Homeschoolers, Check In Here

[Veritaserum]

My oldest five have been in school for three weeks. The oldest has gone to school before (half of 8th grade and the first part of 9th). It's the first time for the rest. I'm having mixed thoughts and feelings. My oldest two are doing really well at their small liberal arts, Monetssori-based charter school for 8th and 10th grade. My younger three are not doing as well. They're at a larger, very strict and rigorous charter school. My 5th and 3rd graders are doing ok for the most part. They both are above grade level in reading and math are doing fine in their other subjects. Math at the school is taught by level (kids are assessed and placed in a math class based on ability). Spelling was taught this way in previous years as well, but I learned tonight at a school meeting with my 2nd grader's teacher that the school director has ordered that spelling be taught in the home room instead of sorting the students by level.

 

That brings me to my worries about my 7yo. My 2nd grader is a late bloomer when it comes to language arts. She's also a summer baby and one of the youngest in her class. When we homeschooled, I gently nudged her along. She can sound out most simple words, but I knew before school started that she wouldn't be assessed at 2nd grade level. Today I learned that her reading level was scored at .4 (roughly equivalent to 4th month of kindergarten). Her spelling list is full of multi-syllabic words (level K of Spalding). Her teacher is frustrated by the spelling change because there is such a wide range of ability within the class (with my child being at the extreme low end). She told me about modifications she's incorporating to help the lower kids and challenge the higher kids, but I'm really worried about my child feeling "stupid" or "behind."

 

In my experience with teaching my own children how to read, some are ready at age 4 or 5 while others are 7 or 8 (or possibly older). There seems to be a brain maturity thing or something. My 7yo has been in occupational therapy for motor delays and has improved quite a lot there, but reading just hasn't clicked yet. She currently seems happy about school (she's a social creature) and not too bothered that she can't read as well as most of the other kids. We've been working on reading after school, but I don't foresee major improvement happening in the near future. I came home from tonight's school meeting and talked with dh. He could tell I'm considering pulling her out and wants her to stay in for now and keep on working after school.

 

In some ways having them in school is less stressful and less work, but in other ways it is more stressful and more work. Being a parent is hard. :-/

 

How are things going for you?

[Anne in CA]

A former home school mom of 16 years, here. I was previously Anne in Ore. I am sad not to be a home school mom anymore, but dd, 15 is doing well in ps and I am proud of her academic progress. She needs to work on other things... but she is doing very well at this time academically 

[OneStepAtATime]

Hugs OP.  Have you done any real solid phonics instruction with her?  Maybe something OG based that really breaks things down and puts it all back together again?  Unless your DD is unhappy, I might consider leaving her in for now but working on the reading/spelling at home with an OG based program if you haven't used one already.  What is the school using for either? Whole word?  Phonics?  Rote memorization?  If she really starts to get demoralized, though, I would be proactive and talk with the school.  If things don't turn around quickly, I would pull her out before the damage is serious.  I did not with DS and 3 years out he still has emotional scars.

[Veritaserum]

Hugs OP. Have you done any real solid phonics instruction with her? Maybe something OG based that really breaks things down and puts it all back together again? Unless your DD is unhappy, I might consider leaving her in for now but working on the reading/spelling at home with an OG based program if you haven't used one already. What is the school using for either? Whole word? Phonics? Rote memorization? If she really starts to get demoralized, though, I would be proactive and talk with the school. If things don't turn around quickly, I would pull her out before the damage is serious. I did not with DS and 3 years out he still has emotional scars.

The school uses Writing Road to Reading (Spalding, phonics-based). I used Phonics Road (Spalding Based) when I homeschooled her last year. We also used games from Happy Phonics. I've used All About Spelling in the past. I sold it when I switched to Phonics Road, but now I'm kicking myself because I think that approach would be helpful for her. My youngest brother had emotional hang-ups from being a "low reader," so it's definitely on my radar.

[OneStepAtATime]

The school uses Writing Road to Reading (Spalding, phonics-based). I used Phonics Road (Spalding Based) when I homeschooled her last year. We also used games from Happy Phonics. I've used All About Spelling in the past. I sold it when I switched to Phonics Road, but now I'm kicking myself because I think that approach would be helpful for her. My youngest brother had emotional hang-ups from being a "low reader," so it's definitely on my radar.

Could you start looking into evaluations?  Might she be dyslexic?  Would that help her get additional tutoring at school and possibly accomodations while she learns to read more effectively?  There is a hereditary component to dyslexia so if one family member or more struggled to learn to read, they may have also been dyslexic.

[Harriet Vane]

My dd graduated and is wending her way through her gap year. My ds chose to go to a traditional school, so he is at a local private school. I miss homeschooling terribly even as I rejoice to see them both thriving. Ds loves his school and is acclimating well. Dd worked hard as a homeschooled high schooler, and I am very, very proud of her accomplishments. It's all good. I'm just sad to see the end of the homeschooling journey. 

[Veritaserum]

Could you start looking into evaluations? Might she be dyslexic? Would that help her get additional tutoring at school and possibly accomodations while she learns to read more effectively? There is a hereditary component to dyslexia so if one family member or more struggled to learn to read, they may have also been dyslexic.

My brother has double vision (corrected with glasses). His reading improved after that was caught. Dd7's eye exams have all been 20/20, but we never did anything more invasive than an eye chart test. I don't think she has dyslexia.

[DawnM]

I am still HSing my youngest, but my middle son is a 10th grader and in school for the first time at a lovely small charter school.   He loves it and I am happy for him.  But it is a distance from us (19 miles each way) and I can't wait to move closer at the end of this school year.  We did find a carpool so that helps.  

 

Youngest is chomping at the bit to go but there was no room for him this year.  He gets sibling priority next year.

 

Oldest is probably going to take the GED.  He has some special needs and fights me on things and I am just done with the battle.  He will hopefully take some CC classes after he passes the GED.

[whitestavern]

My dd15 is in her third year of school.  She loves it and is thriving.  My ds13 is going for the first time this year; he's in 8th.  So far, so good.  I must say I'm enjoying the time to myself.  My house has never been so neat, I'm getting a lot done, I am able to exercise every day, and I really like the quiet.  I'm sure I will miss it in the coming months though :)

[Ottakee]

What would your daughter think if you out her back to 1st grade? If she is the youngest in her class and really struggling that extra year might really help. You could tell her for this school she is a first grader. In our area most summer birthday kids, even those not struggling, are started a year later.

 

Evals might be very helpful as well.

[creekland]

How former?  My oldest has graduated college, is married, and working in his degree field (business).

 

Middle is starting his senior year of college, but with plans to do a (free) 5th year for fun, then head to med school.

 

Youngest went to ps for high school, but is now starting his sophomore year of college.

 

Me?  There are times I miss the at home years with homeschooling.  I don't miss their ps years - too much to keep track of schedule-wise.  There are other times when it's nice having an empty nest.

 

But today?  I'm at school - bored stiff - as classes today are working well on projects independently.  I hope there are good threads to follow today...

[Catherine]

I've just started my career as a former home schooler!  My youngest started high school a week ago.  He is at a public contract school; different from a charter in some mysterious way that I don't understand.  I would have preferred to continue teaching him, but he was firm in wanting to try school and so here we are.  

 

I so understand the worries. This child has had some learning struggles and is most definitely "2e" so I find I'm needing to figure out my role here: I want to continue to teach, and advocate for his best interests, but he is reluctant to allow this.  Remembering how much his older brother struggled in high school, I am not comfortable distancing myself completely.  This role is challenging to figure out.  

 

 

[bettyandbob]

Based on your statements about reading and a relative's double vision, I'm going suggest you research vision therapy and see if that fits your dd. Many dc who are late readers are diagnosed as dyslexic when they action have tracking and other eye issues. 

 

I made the discovery of problems in ds late (10.5). He was actually an early reader and loved reading. At age 10, after reading for long periods one of his eyes would shake and roll. It was quite disturbing to witness. He got terrible headaches. He had had an eye exam by an opthamologist (MD) the year before and nothing unusual was noted. Both eyes healthy, vision better than 20/20 in both eyes. The problem was the eyes had never worked together. This was ds's normal so he didn't know to say exactly what he saw--he didn't know that it was different than everyone else. 

 

When the headaches and eye rolling started I did some research. The MD school of thought was surgery and anchoring the eye. Data didn't show a good success rate.So, I looked at vision therapy. That seemed like a less invasive place to start. Ds had an eval with a developmental optometrist and I sat in. I saw the testing slides and quickly realized ds's eyes were way off. The optometrist  was shocked ds was a strong reader. He said most kids in his position don't read or greatly struggle. He said ds was fighting it, hence the headaches. 

 

The recommendation was for twice a week in office therapy. For various reasons, I couldn't handle that at that time. About a month later I lamented about this issue to our pediatrician. He sent us to an optometrist very close to home who specialized in sports vision. That optometrist set ds up with a home program of exercises using the computer and lenses. He also prescribed noncomputer exercises. Ds did the exercises diligently--he was highly motivated, as reading was his favorite activity. We had once a month optometrist visits. The optometrist check ds's progress remotely. About 9 months later the eye rolling stopped, the eye shaking stopped, the headaches stopped. Ds had a follow up evaluation and was released from the practice. 

 

Some people think vision therapy is kooky. I have a friend who is an opthamologist in Sweden. They test all children for tracking and convergence at a young age and they follow with vision exercises before they consider surgery. She was surprised with my ds's success because he was older. 

 

Anyway, before you decide to go the wait for reading to kick in route, you might want to consider if convergence and tracking are a problem. If they are, she might learn to compensate, but it will always be a problem. 

[bettyandbob]

As for being a former homeschooler, it's great. I'm glad I got the time I did get to homeschool. My older kids had a much stronger foundation in math and basic knowledge of history and science than they would have gotten in public or private school by the time they entered high school. I also got a handle on serious and less serious medical needs they had. Those years also gave me more time to get to know my dc as people--a true gift.  

 

My oldest is in college. My dd is a senior in public high school. My youngest is in eighth in a special education program at the local middle school. I am working three jobs mashed around youngest's schedule. It's frustrating to be juggling this schedule, but I am dealing with it. 

[Veritaserum]

Dd7 has a handful of symptoms that are listed for vision-related learning difficulties but no red flags. I did locate an optometrist near us that specializes in vision-related learning difficulties and vision therapy, so I may take her in for an evaluation if I'm still concerned. Today her reading was surprisingly fluid. Each day her teacher sends home a new short reader at her reading level. Dd read almost every word in the book without my help. Maybe the switch is finally flipping. :)

[catz]

My oldest went to school for 2 years for K and 1st.  I did find navigating school more difficult than homeschooling at that age.  :grouphug:

 

One thing I was going to say, is when my oldest went to all day kindergarten, I was shocked at how "old" his kindy class was.  The oldest student in class was 6 in April BEFORE starting kindy in September and there were only a couple kids that had a birthday the following summer.  And those kids did just struggle compared to their older peers.  I've had a couple parents confide in junior high/high school that they'd regretted bumping up.  Including one that reprimanded me for not bumping my October birthday kid that was ahead academically forward.   If she is really young for grade compared to grade peers and testing at 2 years back, it may be worth considering a bump back.  Especially if red shirting is common in your area.  As someone who was young for grade and kind of quirky and 2E, it can be hard to assert and reinvent yourself in a small school environment if you get pigeon holed as immature or struggling. 

[Veritaserum]

My oldest went to school for 2 years for K and 1st. I did find navigating school more difficult than homeschooling at that age. :grouphug:

 

One thing I was going to say, is when my oldest went to all day kindergarten, I was shocked at how "old" his kindy class was. The oldest student in class was 6 in April BEFORE starting kindy in September and there were only a couple kids that had a birthday the following summer. And those kids did just struggle compared to their older peers. I've had a couple parents confide in junior high/high school that they'd regretted bumping up. Including one that reprimanded me for not bumping my October birthday kid that was ahead academically forward. If she is really young for grade compared to grade peers and testing at 2 years back, it may be worth considering a bump back. Especially if red shirting is common in your area. As someone who was young for grade and kind of quirky and 2E, it can be hard to assert and reinvent yourself in a small school environment if you get pigeon holed as immature or struggling.

The cut-off here for starting K is 5 by September 1st. School starts in the second half of August. I'm not aware of anyone who redshirts their summer kids. I do know a few families who have pushed for their fall birthday kids to go straight to first grade instead of K. There's a boy in dd7's 2nd grade class who did K last year and skipped 1st to be in 2nd grade this year. If I tried to switch her to 1st, she'd for sure be older than everyone. She's also super tall for her age and taller than most of the kids in her 2nd grade class even though she's the youngest.

 

If school continues to be rough for her, I think it would be best and easiest to go back to homeschooling. Her oldest two siblings are at a lovely Montessori charter school that would be a much better fit for her (and me!). They didn't have any openings for my younger kids this year. Fingers crossed for next year. Tonight dd7 spent a couple of hours working on a report. The school she's at pushes younger kids to do more work at a higher level than I think is developmentally appropriate. Dh is opposed to pulling her out unless she starts really struggling. This is way more work for me than homeschooling her would be. I don't think she'd like being the only kid (besides my 3yo) home, though.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Straddling a fence. My freshman and junior have gone back to a very small rural school. I miss them. I think I could do better but socially they are happy and are doing AP and dual credit things. I just feel like they could have done com. College for these years and had an associates degree at 18 instead. I had to go and give them a say, :LOL:

[Jenny in Florida]

Like Creekland, I'm a former homeschooler because both of my kids have gone on to college and life.

 

My daughter graduated from college in 2011 and is now settled on her own in NYC, working, studying her craft (acting) and making a life for herself.

 

My son started his second year of college a couple of weeks ago. Although he technically has enough credits to qualify as a junior, thanks to some CLEPs and a year of dual enrollment before he left home, he considers himself a sophomore. He plans to take the full four years on campus to finish his degree, because, "It's common knowledge that you get the best roles in your senior year."

 

In the course of my homeschooling years, I discovered a passion for education. So, now that my own children are "done" with me, I fill my days teaching and tutoring other people's kids. After more than a year of mostly empty nesting, I'm finally beginning to be able to appreciate the quiet and having the house to myself for a few hours at a time. While I cannot honestly say I loved every minute of our homeschooling years -- I was often frustrated and irritable and felt unappreciated -- I'm very glad we made that choice. 

[Jann in TX]

Former homeschooler here-- 13 years total.  

Oldest dd is my 'aspie'.  She really really struggled with attention and focus in her high school years (not to mention a partial seizure disorder that would reap havoc with her memory-- like one day when she was 13 she forgot the number 5 after a millisecond seizure!) .  Other than Algebra 1 and Algebra 2 (2 years each!) I don't think she completed ANY other high school level subject-- she just dabbled on her good days.  At 19 we 'graduated' her and she decided she wanted to go to college-- so she took the CC placement test and passed!! (barely...)  Anyways to make a long story short she graduated with HONORS with her AA in Photography (3 year program at our CC).  Her program is ranked HIGHER than the Photography programs at any of our state universities-- she studied with professors who wrote the texts the state schools were using-- her CC had merged with a leading private photography school... after being a struggling photographer for a few years--last week she found out she was being promoted to full time at her photo studio!!  She is excelling and should be managing her own studio in the near future!

 

Middle dd is my 'problem child'.  She was a premie and has always had health issues-- and beginning at puberty she has had some mental health issues as well (related to hormonal imbalances and the fact her thyroid stopped working!).  She was expelled from our homeschool in 7th grade and attended PS until the 2nd week of 10th grade when she needed to come back home due to severe anxiety.  During her time at PS she excelled-- great 'model' student at school but VERY aggressive and abusive towards me in particular at home...  She did very little for me in 10th grade.  In 11th and 12th she did dual enrollment at the CC (carpooled with her sister) and once again was a model student!  We graduated her from our homeschool with 28 college credit hours earned and a 4.0 gpa.  She absolutely BOMBED the ACT/SAT tests... like so low no college would admit her... but she did not give up.  She wanted to attend TAMU in Corpus Christi and after she received her rejection letter she sent in the first chapter of a novel she was writing-- and was immediately accepted.  Due to health concerns she transferred to Texas State for her remaining 3 years (she became room mates with her sister).  She just graduated with HONORS  (English with a minor in Spanish) and has just earned her TEFL certification and after a gap/volunteer year will start working on a PHD in cognitive linguistics (most programs she is interested in actually skip the 'masters' and go for a 4-5 year PHD instead).  I had lunch with her yesterday-- she was actually a JOY to be with!

 

Youngest dd has always attended PS.  She is 10 years younger than her sisters and is my 'social' child.  Our local school district is excellent and she is thriving.  Wouldn't you know that her BEST friends are homeschooled!  I would not hesitate to homeschool her if the situation warranted it... but for now PS is her best fit (especially since I need to work full time to finish paying off 2 kids in college at the same time).

 

I look back on my homeschooling years as a blur-- learning challenges, attitude issues not to mention I was having serious health issues too (I homeschooled several years from my bed!).  These boards were my life line.  So much encouragement...  

 

Now I spend my days teaching math to homeschoolers online.  I absolutely LOVE my job-- can't wait for classes to begin next week!!!

 

 

[lynn]

My sons (10th) adjusted well in school. He had a very good speech program at our cover school and that knowledge helped him greatly. he takes all ap classes and is meeting kids who are his intellectual equals with the same interests it's good to see.

 

My daughter is in fourth grade she is in October birthday so she's one of the older kids in a bit more mature and some of the kids annoy her but she enjoys going to school. We struggle whether to bring her home again or not. On the one hand she is not learning up to her potential but likes her teacher and several of her subjects. And the other is she is very content and happy to go to school and to be part of it. She never gives me any problems and never mentions wanting to homeschool her we are just standing by and seeing what we need to do. She did recently join Girl Scouts and seems to enjoy that.

[TravelingChris]

I am a retired homeschooler so yes, a former homeschooler.  Oldest is now back in an apartment (a very nice one) with a roommate now and our older cat. THe cat appreciates not having stairs and my son was the original founder of that cat along with me when we returned a video to a video rental store and the kitten was abandoned outside.  My middle is married and a student at Arizona State online.  She and her husband just bought a house.  My youngest is a freshman in college.

 

I am not having all that much to do.  THings like taxes, insurance issues, planning vacations and short weekend trips, and the overwhelming task of getting rid of homeschooling books.  I was hoping to be doing volunteering but right now my health isn;t quite good enough yet.  I hope to start that next year if not sooner but I will see how my health goes. It is annoying not to have that much to do. 

[Chris in VA]

I stopped homeschooling when dd entered 5th grade--and she's in 10th this year. (I also homeschooled ds for 4 years of high school.)

 

There are days I miss it, and there was a brief time this summer I considered pulling dd. For us, it is the social stuff that is difficult to deal with--the lack of morals and totally different worldview of some of her friends is, actually, shocking to me, and I don't shock all that easily. But I was definitely shocked this summer as some things came out about dd's involvement with things I really thought she'd stay away from. Hopefully, that is behind us. I do wish we could control some of the interactions at school, but when you send them, you have to let them go in some ways.

 

Ds is doing well, using his film degree and everything! Today is his birthday, and he's turned out pretty well. LOL!

 

There are days I wish we hadn't homeschooled, or at least not the way we did. But in general, I did the best I could with the information I had, and with the person I was at the time. I have a lot (a LOT) of regrets about my second son and our lives during that period, and I wish I could go back and change an awful lot. But there it is--can't change the past.

[sarasue7272]

My ds8 has been in school for exactly one month. It is going very well. His teacher said he had a good foundation in math. His reading level is just below grade level, but that's no surprise. I do worry that he won't get the reading instruction he needs to progress, but I'll have to wait and see. He seems to like school. I'm glad he's getting the extras i didn't always get to at home.

I am enjoying the alone time with ds4. The first two weeks were rough without his playmate, but now he is in preschool 9-12 m-th.

[Veritaserum]

I'm leaning toward pulling dd7 out to homeschool again. Aside from the academic challenges, she's the target of some mean kids. Every day she tells me about something that happened:

*"You can't sit here."

*theft of her things

*"friends" who turned out to just being using her for access to the couple of toys she brings to recess and who have been saying/doing unkind things ever since

 

I asked her to tell me all the things she likes about school:

*playing with puzzles if she finishes her work early

*school lunch

 

Dh wants to stick things out for a bit longer. I want to homeschool her so that she's not facing the double whammy of academic and social issues. The school my oldest who children are at is K-12, but they didn't have openings for 2nd grade. I'm thinking the best option is to homeschool her until that school (Montessori, liberal arts) has a spot for her. My 3yo is a complicating factor since he is extremely active and attention-seeking. He's a major factor in why we stopped homeschooling. Once he's solidly potty trained I can put him in preschool for 2-3 days per week, but he's not quite there yet.

[maize]

I would pull her out, mean kid stuff can have a long term impact.

 

Hopefully everyone gets into the Montessori school for next year, that sound like a much better fit and she should get sibling preference in any lottery, yes?

[maize]

I understand about the three year old, mine is in preschool twice a week, first time I have ever sent a child to school of any kind!

[Veritaserum]

I would pull her out, mean kid stuff can have a long term impact.

 

Hopefully everyone gets into the Montessori school for next year, that sound like a much better fit and she should get sibling preference in any lottery, yes?

Yes. Openings still may not be available, but if there is an opening they will have priority lottery placement.

 

I understand about the three year old, mine is in preschool twice a week, first time I have ever sent a child to school of any kind!

This weekend he dumped out a 5-gallon bucket of rice, mixed the rice with water, and flooded the kitchen to the point that the basement ceiling leaked. These types of things all happen in 5-10 minute episodes where he's not by my side. I need to strap him to me, I guess. It's exhausting. I have never had a child this into mischief. He's curious and clever, which is a destructive combination.

[Veritaserum]

This is my son: http://m.imgur.com/gallery/JHVFNo8

[bettyandbob]

I'd remove her from the school based on the bullying. The effects of bullying stay for years.

 

I'd still consider vision therapy rather wait and see on the reading. If she's out of school, evaluations and therapy will hopefully be easier to schedule.