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What are you hearing locally about the Ashley Madison fallout?


Kinsa

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*pulls out the miniature violins and plays Cry Me A River*

 

Nope, do not feel sorry for a bunch of cheaters. Not at all. Public humiliation is the natural consequence of their stupidity.

 

I agree, but part of me does feel awful that the women who were cheated on have to have their marriages in the limelight. But better to know than no know. Also, if the men lose their jobs, that effects the women. Although, from what I know of corporate culture, cheating isn't really frowned upon. 

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I am not naive. However, there are places where "services" are more plentiful,robust, and easily accessed, DC being one area very well k n own for this.

 

ND just happens to be a poor example. Due to the oil boom, they also have a prostitution and sex trafficking boom.

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How can public humiliation be considered a natural consequence for something that isn't a public 'sin' (for lack of a better word)?

 

I think anyone who engages in an affair is accepting the risk that the affair become known.  It's stupid to think otherwise.  So yeah, back in the day it may only have become known in the little community surrounding the person, but in this day and age the "community" is now huge and interconnected.

 

By purposely taking something that belongs within your private marital relationship *outside* of that relationship, you are entering the public realm.  JMHO!

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I agree, but part of me does feel awful that the women who were cheated on have to have their marriages in the limelight. But better to know than no know. Also, if the men lose their jobs, that effects the women. Although, from what I know of corporate culture, cheating isn't really frowned upon.

Very true. They are the ones I feel sorry for. The spouses and children.

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How can public humiliation be considered a natural consequence for something that isn't a public 'sin' (for lack of a better word)?

I consider exposure of a secret one natural consequence of trying to keep information hidden. Risk of exposure is inherent in keeping secrets.

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I am guessing that this was more of a scam on the part of AM. I am betting that a whole lot of men were catfished into keeping those accounts open on the promise of meeting a real live girl. Now THAT would have been a very worthwhile thing to uncover: take down the owners of AM for perpetuating a fraud. I am not saying these men are not their own victims, far from it.

 

 

This is what I was wondering about. Were the hackers upset that there was a site for people who wanted to cheat on their spouse? Or were they upset that AM misrepresented the # of women on the site and the probability that one would actually get to have an affair?
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ND just happens to be a poor example. Due to the oil boom, they also have a prostitution and sex trafficking boom.

I should have used my area instead. Prostitution is very limited here according to police and FBI statistics. The population base is low and everyone knows everyone else. It makes it very hard to set up a thriving sex trade that is profitable.

 

The point I was making was that while most of these AM guys may not have had opportunity, there are some areas in which it is very easy to engage in the sex trade.

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I should have used my area instead. Prostitution is very limited here according to police and FBI statistics. The population base is low and everyone knows everyone else. It makes it very hard to set up a thriving sex trade that is profitable.

 

The point I was making was that while most of these AM guys may not have had opportunity, there are some areas in which it is very easy to engage in the sex trade.

 

Oh, I know. I just recently saw a documentary about trafficking in ND, so that's why it stuck out to me. Sad stuff, in any event.

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Just wanted to say that my husband is in information security, and the basic thought is infosec isn't if you will be hacked, it's when. There is NOTHING you can do to totally prevent it. Nothing. The best you can do is make it not worth the effort, by making it take a long time, or make the data not as interesting, but that doesn't offer a guarantee. But, yes, these companies should be held to certain standards, at the very least. His job is basically trying to convince the heads of a fortune 500 company what needs to be done, and that it is worth the internal hassels and the money to do so. Thankfully, in the last few years that has gotten to be an easier sell because of all the major hacking scandals.

Right. I'm not saying it can be made impossible. Not at all. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. But there is no way it should be so easy. It's nuts how many companies "security" of client data is equivalent to leave a wad of cash in the driver's seat of an unlocked car with the keys. It's gross negligence. Saying something can't ever be 100% prevented doesn't absolve them of the duty to take reasonable preventative measures.

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I don't feel sorry for the cheaters but I do feel sorry for the spouses and children that also end up also being publicly humiliated.

 

Yes, but from their perspective, is it worse to be cheated on and everyone to know? Or better to be cheated on and even you don't know? Personally, I'd rather know.

 

And keeping in mind that in this particular case, so many people are on the list that unless your name is Josh Duggar, most people aren't going to even notice. Just another guy (or girl) out of millions.

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Ok I'm going to play the devils advocate for a minute here....

So let's say that one of these people - we will say a man, though I know there were legitimately women on the site, too - gets exposed for being on the site.

Let's say his family and friends hear about it and are appalled.

Let's say that his wife chooses to stay by him and work through everything,

I think this being such a huge public thing is bad for this reason. Everyone knows *their* business. People will be urging the wife to leave him/divorce him/whatever, when it's just not their place to have a say in it.

At the same time, is there even proof that these members were active on the site? What if someone signed up in a moment of stupidity - they will now be branded by their acquaintances/friends/family for a long time. Even if they were active, moments of stupidity. I can't just sit here and say that every person who ever does something stupid deserves public humiliation.

This could stick with these people for awhile, at least amongst their social circles.

Maybe people IRL are more forgiving and forgetful than I remember, but the people I've known who had extramarital affairs IRL pretty much live with a huge stigma for years afterward. And I personally don't think that's okay, which is why I say I do feel for all of those involved.

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Maybe people IRL are more forgiving and forgetful than I remember, but the people I've known who had extramarital affairs IRL pretty much live with a huge stigma for years afterward.

 

It amazes me what people can do and suffer no consequences whatever. People forgive, forget, or never hear about it in the first place because other people are too afraid to tell.

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Idk, it's possible that I view this through a very different lens bc I know and love ppl very, very much who have had affairs in the past.

It's not my relationship, but I've seen the fallout from it and it breaks my heart - not just for the people around them hurt by it, but for them, too. Just because I can't understand the situation or how they thought it was an acceptable idea doesn't mean I think they 'deserve' negative public fallout.

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Stats posted from Carolina sources...

 

 

charleston.af.mil x 4

charleston-sc.gov x 1

dhec.sc.gov x 1

ed.sc.gov x 1

greenwoodsc.gov x 2

grucharleston.uscg.mil x 2

jaspercountysc.gov x 1

nesucharleston.uscg.mil x 1

sc.gov x 1

spawar.navy.mil x 5

 

Plus work emails from 15 South Carolina school districts.

Given the lack of consequences to the former SC governor and now senator who disappeared while serving as governor to hook up with his Argentinian mistress, I'm guessing no one will give a crap about small change like a random person with an AM account.

 

A couple of friends in Virginia have been talking about someone posting the names and addresses of local people with accounts on local FB groups in Fairfax and Alexandria. Not email address, but by billing address. I haven't heard of anything like that local to me.

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Yes, but from their perspective, is it worse to be cheated on and everyone to know? Or better to be cheated on and even you don't know? Personally, I'd rather know.

 

It'd be difficult as a wife but no, I'd never want my kids to suffer that type of humiliation.

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Idk, it's possible that I view this through a very different lens bc I know and love ppl very, very much who have had affairs in the past.

It's not my relationship, but I've seen the fallout from it and it breaks my heart - not just for the people around them hurt by it, but for them, too. Just because I can't understand the situation or how they thought it was an acceptable idea doesn't mean I think they 'deserve' negative public fallout.

I've seen the fallout also. The secrets are seen as a larger issue then the public fallout.

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Given the lack of consequences to the former SC governor and now senator who disappeared while serving as governor to hook up with his Argentinian mistress, I'm guessing no one will give a crap about small change like a random person with an AM account.

 

A couple of friends in Virginia have been talking about someone posting the names and addresses of local people with accounts on local FB groups in Fairfax and Alexandria. Not email address, but by billing address. I haven't heard of anything like that local to me.

Pretty much. And anyone who says anything will be advised of being a liberal troll :/

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I skimmed the thread to see if someone already posted. I didn't see it, but if I missed it I apologize in advance for repeating.

 

Jeff Ashton - Gained fame nationally as the prosecutor in the Casey Anthony case. Ran for and won the State Attorney position for two nearby counties. He claims he signed up out of curiosity but never actually did anything. 

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Idk about "deserving" public fallout, but the spouse in the dark certainly deserves to know and for that I'm glad the hackers/revealers did what they did. Now everybody can make decisions in the light, not the least of which is getting tested for and addressing the potential of STIs.

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