Today I will not tell all the cute young women who are starting to homeschool that they are making themselves crazy for nothing.

[Joyofsixreboot]

School rooms, curriculum debates, the best co-ops, activities....all that may be nice but my gentle advice to just talk, relate and live with their kindergarten kids seems too simple I guess for the Pinterest Parenting generation. I sort of want to pat them on the head. I realize this makes me an old lady ;)

Just for the record, setting the table did teach them addition and subtraction and a box of cookies made division seem important!

[Guest]

It's a Rite of Passage! :D I remember pouring over reviews to decide on curriculum. This year, I haven't even ordered the stuff I know I have needed for three months. ;) i'll get to it...no rush.

[mom2myboys]

They will eventually figure it out. Hindsight and all that. ;) It is tough to watch though. Especially when the kids are younger than kindergarten. You just know that burn out is usually the result and you feel bad. Everyone has to learn in their own way though. May your tongue not hurt from biting it. ;)

[Scarlett]

I remember coming here and being reassured that it would all be ok.

 

I am old too. :)

[Garga]

I remember the irritation I felt when older homeschoolers would tell me to take it easy. What did they know?! They were obviously slackers.

[G5052]

Yes, I was thinking about this.  I'm starting our 15th year, and homeschooling just one 11th grader. I pretty much have the plan to completion set at this point. 

 

The only subject I had agonize about this year was Latin because we had to change online schools. That decision had to be made in January for various reasons. Then I began buying curriculum and was pretty much done by May.

 

There's a few options in 12th, but we'll make final decisions in January.  Then in 2017, I'll be done.

 

Comparatively little going on compared to what I see in those with little guys. I went to Staples yesterday amid the frantic moms and bought dividers and a few spiral notebooks. That is seriously all I needed.

 

But of course I have the pre-college stuff. We need to get the College Board account done, and figure out which fall SAT to do.

 

Yup. It changes!

[displace]

I'm just now making a school room. We need it to stay isolated from DD while we work. I use Pinterest daily to find worksheets we need for practice and therapy. Curriculum I go through like seasonal clothing (though reviews are read). We have a ton of extracurricular activities necessary for therapy. If I had started in PreK we would probably have been better off :)

 

I try not to give advice irl as our situation is unique (2e and all that jazz). I will start k4 with DD soon to make sure we're on the right track and learn good habits. :)

[Guest]

Idk, the planning and planning was the fun part for me. And I know plenty of older homeschoolers who I think are slackers!!

[Onceuponatime]

My decorating has dwindled to one educational poster a year. Last year I had the periodic table. I haven't decided what's going up this year, maybe the U.S. presidents. School starts for us next Tuesday. My big planning day is Saturday, when everyone else will be out of the house. This reminds me, there are still a couple of things sitting in my Amazon shopping cart.

 

I started out as a design your own unit study kind of person. Anyone remember the original Konos? I thought workbooks and textbooks were from the devil. My former self would be horrified at me now.

[happypamama]

Idk, the planning and planning was the fun part for me. And I know plenty of older homeschoolers who I think are slackers!!

It's still the fun part for me! I started in February, with putting this year together, small bits at a time. I am SO glad I did! I ended up with emergency surgery and a four week no lifting policy in June, plus a week of being out of the house every day for a camp, a short vacation, and a homeschool seminar that I put together during that time. About as soon as all of that was over, we took apart the house and spent the next four-plus weeks working, constructing, painting, sanding, etc., with my kitchen and schoolroom piled with stuff. I didn't even see my desktop for several weeks. And we started back this week. If I hadn't started planning early, I'd have been seriously panicking last weekend. But as it was, all I had to do was get the schoolroom back in order, and then it was easy to implement the cute little lists that were already stored in my beloved OneNote. No stress!

 

I do know what the OP means, though. Every day doesn't have to be a Pinterest project.

[Zebra]

It's a Rite of Passage! :D I remember pouring over reviews to decide on curriculum. This year, I haven't even ordered the stuff I know I have needed for three months. ;) i'll get to it...no rush.

 

 

I agree.   Part of homeschooling is learning how to handle everything.

[elegantlion]

I loved the planning part. I'll miss that. It took about year 3 for me to chill and not try to do all the things because it was in the book. 

[BlsdMama]

This made me smile today.  ;)

 

Preparing to start the 15th year this year and I'm so stinking proud of having done "First Day of" pictures yesterday it's unbelievable.  That's me - Mom Ninja Extraordinaire.   

 

Seriously have to figure out what I'm using this year though...................

[Kerileanne99]

Oh good. We are officially starting Kindy this year, I only yesterday finally bit the bullet and let her Montessori spot go, I have not ordered things yet, and the 'school room' is a little alcove in the living room. I was feeling very disorganized and late but now I just decided to call it relaxed😎

[abba12]

Different educational philosophies do not equal 'cute' naive young women. Plenty of homeschooling families succeed with academics in K and choose to invest time in finding the resources that make the most sense for their families. And when these families DO succeed, older homeschoolers just label the kids as 'gifted' or the parents as 'lucky' and move on, instead of seeing that maybe they just did things a bit differently for different goals. But when these families fail, older homeschoolers use it as justification that burnout was inevitable and it was a bad idea. It's the typical circumstance, if your child does something bad it's your fault, if your child is at the status quo you're doing a good job, and if your child is in any way more advanced or 'better' than the children around them in anything, well, obviously they're gifted/the parents are lucky, you had nothing to do with it.

 

My kids are younger, and in fact I leave their ages off my signature on purpose because of older homeschoolers judging my comments based on it, but DH and I are both eldests in large homeschooling families, and were involved both as students and in teaching younger siblings, and I myself always knew I would homeschool and began frequenting homeschooling support forums etc when I was a teenager in order to learn and keep up with the newest programs/books/ideas. I've been in the community a long time and seen it change. I'm not fussed with most of the new homeschooler 'concerns' like social outlets or trying to fit too much in or worrying because a child is a semester behind in something. But early academics and spending time researching the best curriculum for you/your child is not a newbie issue, it's a difference in educational philosophy.

 

And like an above poster, I too know far too many older homeschoolers who I personally believe ARE slackers, but who are criticizing me for starting too early or spending money on curriculum when I could just get a colouring book from the newsagent, and use their reading program (in a couple of years time of course) for free because they're 'all the same anyway, so why spend money'. I'm not naive, and I'm pretty sure I'm not burning out. I just have different goals and philosophies to you, and thats ok, but a bit of respect both ways would be nice. Referring to people with an early-start philosophy as 'cute' is rather demeaning

[Onceuponatime]

Abba12, I don't think this thread is about educational philosophies or rigor. It is about recognizing stress over some things that didn't matter in the end. I readily admit my younger self was naive and stressed.

[texasmama]

Wait, we're supposed to DECORATE???

[kewb]

I cringe when I think of what I must have sounded like when I started on this journey. I am thankful for the seasoned homeschoolers who let me ask my questions, agonize over decisions, and encouraged me to find my way. I always try to pay it forward.

[WinsomeCreek]

There's truth on both ends. After a decade at this I have learned some of what doesn't matter. More importantly, I have found that each kid has such different needs that what matters and what I stress about changes. I can't win!

 

Here's to small victories! And gaining steam! And pats on the head (I'm old, but cute- that counts)!

[73349]

Not everybody has six kids among whom to practice dividing cookies (and no doubt get etiquette practice as well as the math). For the rest of us, there are planned activities. ;)

[Hikin' Mama]

It is funny that you posted this. There is a possibility that my dil and grandkids will be living with us beginning next July until January. My granddaughter will be almost 3 and I started thinking about all the fun preschooly stuff we could do together, if her mom doesn't mind. And I laughed at myself thinking back to how I started with her dad (my oldest) when he was in Kindergarten. I've learned alot. :)

[G5052]

Wait, we're supposed to DECORATE???

 

LOL. I never did. I was so very broke early on as it was. Buying books came before cute decorations.

 

We schooled on the kitchen table, and then moved them to the dining room with computer desks on one wall.  

 

I guess with an 11th grader, it's too late now.  :mellow:

[Jenny in Florida]

Idk, the planning and planning was the fun part for me. And I know plenty of older homeschoolers who I think are slackers!!

 

Ditto.

 

Also, I had kids who, especially when they were younger, loved and appreciated me making an effort to make "school" special for them. We had a variety of small traditions that mattered to us, including shopping for school supplies, setting up their desks for the year and so on. They used to love it when I forbid them from entering the office/school room for a day or two before our official first day so I could clean out the remains of the previous year, make space for the new books and supplies and hang up new stuff on the walls related to that year's planned studies.

 

They excitedly bought plastic lunch trays like they had seen used in movies about school -- one for each of them in their favorite colors -- and enjoyed having me serve lunches on them a couple of days a week.

 

They got a huge kick out of the pencils I ordered from Oriental Trading with our school name on them.

 

They loved the lunchboxes they picked out so that I could pack food for homeschool park days and our own field trips.

 

I'm an old mom, retired from homeschooling, in fact, now that my kids have both gone on to college. None of the time and effort I put into all of that "cute" stuff was "nothing." It mattered to us then, and it created a lot of memories for all of us.

[texasmama]

I never decorated.  <sniff>

 

I did hang a cheap print with the movie cast of TKaM on it in the dining room/school area, if that counts.

[KrissiK]

Well....sure. But it's the same with anything. First time mom, compared to the mom who's just given birth to her sixth baby. Huge diaper bag, all the gear, calling the doctor about every little fever or cough. And then after you've had more experience, you're basically shoving a couple of diapers and a container of wipes under the seat of the car and taking off. Experience is something gained personally over time. I think you can share your wisdom gained by experience, but not the experience itself. Besides, there's something magical and exciting about preparing to homeschool for the first time. I remember those days. I couldn't wait and my boys were young, but I wanted to homeschool. So, my three year old was learning about Christopher Columbus and doing a few worksheets. I don't think it hurt them any. This year I haven't prepped like I usually do, but that's more due to the fact that one kid is going to parochial school this coming year and there's just been a lot of other things going on in our family to divert my attention. I kind of miss all that.

[Dmmetler]

At the same time, those early years are when you can have fun that way. At 5-6-7, she loved creating a classroom theme, decorating the boards, creating cute little desks for her dolls and stuffed animals, and all of that. As a 6th grader, it's more like " just hand me the book, and I'll give you the assignment tomorrow (she does most of her independent work after I'm in bed. I swear the kid is nocturnal). I've gone from one of those moms with cute little class pictures to the mom who takes a picture of her sleeping tween and calls it good.

[BlsdMama]

Different educational philosophies do not equal 'cute' naive young women. Plenty of homeschooling families succeed with academics in K and choose to invest time in finding the resources that make the most sense for their families. And when these families DO succeed, older homeschoolers just label the kids as 'gifted' or the parents as 'lucky' and move on, instead of seeing that maybe they just did things a bit differently for different goals. But when these families fail, older homeschoolers use it as justification that burnout was inevitable and it was a bad idea. It's the typical circumstance, if your child does something bad it's your fault, if your child is at the status quo you're doing a good job, and if your child is in any way more advanced or 'better' than the children around them in anything, well, obviously they're gifted/the parents are lucky, you had nothing to do with it.

 

 

And like an above poster, I too know far too many older homeschoolers who I personally believe ARE slackers, but who are criticizing me for starting too early or spending money on curriculum when I could just get a colouring book from the newsagent, and use their reading program (in a couple of years time of course) for free because they're 'all the same anyway, so why spend money'. I'm not naive, and I'm pretty sure I'm not burning out. I just have different goals and philosophies to you, and thats ok, but a bit of respect both ways would be nice. Referring to people with an early-start philosophy as 'cute' is rather demeaning

I don't disagree that a different philosophy (early vs. late) is fine.  As we're all WTM members I assume many of us believe in rigorous homeschooling.

 

What makes me smirk is that Pinterest projects doesn't always equate to "rigorous schooling" kwim?  For example, the BuzzFeed post above - really?  So much effort poured into "cute" rather than function or the focus is on adorable Facebook factor rather than educational or nurture value.  KWIM? No one was mocking you.

 

ETA:

Also, the reason many of us have "relaxed" a bit fifteen years into this journey is that we found the insane busy-work we poured hours into our older kids was not as beneficial and often more stress than needed.... Which is why we often recommend young and inexperienced mamas ease up a bit.  BTDT and bought the book at least twice, kwim?  It's certainly *not* because we're slackers.  And it's definitely NOT meant to come off condescending.  I *love* to see a mom TOTALLY lit about homeschooling.  What I don't love is when real life meets her lesson plans, she burns out, is stressed out, and considers quitting homeschooling because she thinks she's a failure.  And I've been doing this long enough to know people try to make their life look like Pinterest, fail to meet their personal pie in the sky goals, then give themselves a fat F for failing to be perfect.  Yeah, not a fan of mommy bloggers who Photoshop every photo and make these moms feel like fails.  But, obviously that's my personal soapbox/hang up.  

[Valley Girl]

Well....sure. But it's the same with anything. First time mom, compared to the mom who's just given birth to her sixth baby. Huge diaper bag, all the gear, calling the doctor about every little fever or cough. And then after you've had more experience, you're basically shoving a couple of diapers and a container of wipes under the seat of the car and taking off. Experience is something gained personally over time. I think you can share your wisdom gained by experience, but not the experience itself.

 

This. It's easy to look back and pat someone on the head for doing "too much" when we have the luxury and wisdom of hindsight. It's not nearly so clear-cut when you're wading in and trying to find your way. It's the experience itself that leads to that realization. I don't know that you can really get that secondhand.

 

[FO4UR]

I've gone from loving to plan, can't wait to get the new books in the mail and put the kids to bed to plan out the next season of school to I can't wait to be done with this planning so we can actually buckle down and get to work.  I think some of the excitement is a healthy way to deal with the anxiety of taking on a child's education.  It is painful to watch when that excitement steers someone down the vortex of Pinterest Perfection, but hopefully they will come to you in October and ask some real questions from a place of experience.

 

 

I used to love doing things like 3-hole punching papers and sorting them into binders.  Now I know that the kids are going to wreak havoc on my efforts anyway so I might as well get it done as quick as possible with minimal effort.  I have learned that we aren't going to school in any one space. I've got things organized & cleaned in our hot spots.  

 

I am saving away backpacks for the kids to give them Monday.  Even the toddler has coloring books and new crayons.  Our first official school day will commence with Nature Study at the lake, as will every Monday morning that the weather permits.  *I* need to squeeze out some living to motivate me to buckle down and work with these kids (who are preteens, and every.bit.of.it).

[Guest]

Joyofsix, have you been in an outside-the-home preschool lately??  Things are VERY rigorous!  My 3yo nephew is working on letter recognition every day.  He can spell his name and the name of his best friend.  Maybe the newbie homeschoolers are just trying to keep their children in line with their peers.   

 

And, "pat them on the head" is quite condescending, don't you think?

[SKL]

I feel similarly about moms with kids getting ready to start KG at b&m school.  It is a little embarrassing to realize I was similar when my kids were that age.  ;)

 

I agree that it's a rite of passage.

 

Some things don't get learned right if people don't go through certain steps that seem unnecessary in retrospect.

[TechWife]

I know this is a bit of a sensitive area for some, but I think overall, those of us who are experienced want the younger moms who are just starting out to realize that the relationships with the kids and the amazing things they do just because they are five years old (or seven, or ten, or sixteen) are not to be missed.  There is plenty of time for academics. Kindergarten - third grade work should be a small part of your child's day and your day. Don't miss out on the fun of being the mom of a young child in favor of spending countless hours researching the next best thing for your child, whether it be curriculum, finding the right co-op or searching for a magic bullet that's going to make your homeschool better (whatever that means to you). 

 

Make sure your homeschooling environment is pleasant to you - but don't worry if your style isn't full on school room. If you like organizing things into little bins, great - have fun. Just don't make the bins more important than the child that is tugging on your shirt asking you to join in building a LEGO creation, or a trip to the pool, or whatever. Your school area, be it a room or a couch, should serve you, not the other way around. If getting everything back the way it belongs after your one hour of kindergarten work takes longer than the school work itself, please simplify your system. 

 

None of us is encouraging the "slaker" mentality. I, too, really want to encourage younger moms that things really will be okay! I'm sure some of you will do school work more relaxed than I did and some will be more purposeful than I was, but I want you to realize that it  will be okay, no matter which way you choose. I'd also dearly love for you to realize that when we experienced homeschool moms say "everything will be okay," we are not patronizing you. What we realize is that the definition of what we consider "okay" is bound to change over time and, in fact, it will vary by family. We know you will find yourself doing things differently five years from know and that the things you are stressing over will seem like small potatoes in comparison to what you will be facing. We don't want to scare you, we just know things aren't always what they seem to outside observers. The family you think is slacking off? The mom knows that her older son is no longer involved in drugs, so if he would rather build something in their wood shop and doesn't do calculus before he graduates from high school - it's okay!  The teenager that sleeps or plays video games all day and the mom that seems to do nothing about it? You see, that mom is on her knees praying for her child, she is taking them to a therapist on a regular basis and trying to get their insurance company to cover medications as depression rages through her teen's life.  That mom who hasn't gotten around to teaching her eight year old how to read? They've been in and out of the hospital dozens of times - she knows her child is alive, so reading at a later age? It's okay! The kid who is reading at a high school level in third grade when your child is still sounding out two syllable words? It's okay, that mom isn't pushing her child too hard, she's just trying to figure out what the next thing to do will be for her child's best interest.  She is trying to balance academics with maturity, social skills and a full home life. The mom who puts her child in a computer programming course when you think she should be emphasizing good literature instead?  It's okay! Maybe you'll find yourself doing the same thing in two years. 

 

No matter what, we want you to enjoy the journey! We want to "pat you on the head" as the OP put it, because we recognize that the time you have now is precious. Life will change your circumstances, but most of all, it will change you. We know some of the joys and sorrows that are ahead for you, and we want you to know that you will come through on the other side. We want you to know that who your children are is more than the sum of what they can do. We want you to know that who you are is more than the sum of what you do as a homeschool parent. 

 

We want to to succeed. We want to "pat you on the head" as a way of recognizing your innocence and encouraging you on your journey. We aren't going to tell you to stop doing what you are doing (well, if you're my BFF, I might), but we wish we could give you every bit of knowledge and information about life that we have because we'd like to spare you some of the stress that we felt, that you would realize that while planning a first grade curriculum is stressful, it's a manageable stress and we wish you didn't have to go through that. But, you see, we realize that you will one day know what unmanageable stress is like. We know. 

 

So please, enjoy your journey. Savor every moment and please, come to us when you need encouragement. We know, we've been there. 

 

 

 

[purpleowl]

Referring to adults as "cute" and saying you "want to pat them on the head" is condescending.

 

There's an excitement that comes with doing anything for the first time.  Homeschooling isn't an exception.  Choosing curriculum and activities, deciding what your schooling space will be like, etc., for the first time is exciting for many moms.  They may not see it as "making themselves crazy," but as enjoying the newness of this experience.  

 

Also, being excited about those things in no way means that a mom is failing to talk to, relate to, or live with her kindergarten child.  

 

 

 

[ezrabean2005]

I know this is a bit of a sensitive area for some, but I think overall, those of us who are experienced want the younger moms who are just starting out to realize that the relationships with the kids and the amazing things they do just because they are five years old (or seven, or ten, or sixteen) are not to be missed.  There is plenty of time for academics. Kindergarten - third grade work should be a small part of your child's day and your day. Don't miss out on the fun of being the mom of a young child in favor of spending countless hours researching the next best thing for your child, whether it be curriculum, finding the right co-op or searching for a magic bullet that's going to make your homeschool better (whatever that means to you). 

 

Make sure your homeschooling environment is pleasant to you - but don't worry if your style isn't full on school room. If you like organizing things into little bins, great - have fun. Just don't make the bins more important than the child that is tugging on your shirt asking you to join in building a LEGO creation, or a trip to the pool, or whatever. Your school area, be it a room or a couch, should serve you, not the other way around. If getting everything back the way it belongs after your one hour of kindergarten work takes longer than the school work itself, please simplify your system. 

 

None of us is encouraging the "slaker" mentality. I, too, really want to encourage younger moms that things really will be okay! I'm sure some of you will do school work more relaxed than I did and some will be more purposeful than I was, but I want you to realize that it  will be okay, no matter which way you choose. I'd also dearly love for you to realize that when we experienced homeschool moms say "everything will be okay," we are not patronizing you. What we realize is that the definition of what we consider "okay" is bound to change over time and, in fact, it will vary by family. We know you will find yourself doing things differently five years from know and that the things you are stressing over will seem like small potatoes in comparison to what you will be facing. We don't want to scare you, we just know things aren't always what they seem to outside observers. The family you think is slacking off? The mom knows that her older son is no longer involved in drugs, so if he would rather build something in their wood shop and doesn't do calculus before he graduates from high school - it's okay!  The teenager that sleeps or plays video games all day and the mom that seems to do nothing about it? You see, that mom is on her knees praying for her child, she is taking them to a therapist on a regular basis and trying to get their insurance company to cover medications as depression rages through her teen's life.  That mom who hasn't gotten around to teaching her eight year old how to read? They've been in and out of the hospital dozens of times - she knows her child is alive, so reading at a later age? It's okay! The kid who is reading at a high school level in third grade when your child is still sounding out two syllable words? It's okay, that mom isn't pushing her child too hard, she's just trying to figure out what the next thing to do will be for her child's best interest.  She is trying to balance academics with maturity, social skills and a full home life. The mom who puts her child in a computer programming course when you think she should be emphasizing good literature instead?  It's okay! Maybe you'll find yourself doing the same thing in two years. 

 

No matter what, we want you to enjoy the journey! We want to "pat you on the head" as the OP put it, because we recognize that the time you have now is precious. Life will change your circumstances, but most of all, it will change you. We know some of the joys and sorrows that are ahead for you, and we want you to know that you will come through on the other side. We want you to know that who your children are is more than the sum of what they can do. We want you to know that who you are is more than the sum of what you do as a homeschool parent. 

 

We want to to succeed. We want to "pat you on the head" as a way of recognizing your innocence and encouraging you on your journey. We aren't going to tell you to stop doing what you are doing (well, if you're my BFF, I might), but we wish we could give you every bit of knowledge and information about life that we have because we'd like to spare you some of the stress that we felt, that you would realize that while planning a first grade curriculum is stressful, it's a manageable stress and we wish you didn't have to go through that. But, you see, we realize that you will one day know what unmanageable stress is like. We know. 

 

So please, enjoy your journey. Savor every moment and please, come to us when you need encouragement. We know, we've been there. 

 

***TechWife's post for my fridge***

 

Well said.

[KungFuPanda]

I envy their enthusiasm and energy level. Still, I WISH I would have paced myself for a marathon instead of sprinting out of the gate. I'm beginning our last four years EVER with my youngest and I'm TIRED.

[Guest]

Idk, the planning and planning was the fun part for me. And I know plenty of older homeschoolers who I think are slackers!!

Yeah. Especially the ones who just phone it in for their younger kids because they stopped caring, got overwhelmed, or just gave up. Drives me crazy.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I didn't start out that way, because I wasn't even online when I began homeschooling. I didn't know it was supposed to be competitive or expensive, so our early days were simple, charming,magical, calm...I didn't turn into the madwoman I am until later. I'm still not a Pinterest nut.

 

That said, if I were a new hs'ing mom reading this thread, I would feel a little stabby at the least, and might look for a friendlier forum at the worst.

 

Condescending =/= welcoming.

Head patting =/= mentoring.

Mocking =/= encouraging.

[KungFuPanda]

Different educational philosophies do not equal 'cute' naive young women. Plenty of homeschooling families succeed with academics in K and choose to invest time in finding the resources that make the most sense for their families. And when these families DO succeed, older homeschoolers just label the kids as 'gifted' or the parents as 'lucky' and move on, instead of seeing that maybe they just did things a bit differently for different goals. But when these families fail, older homeschoolers use it as justification that burnout was inevitable and it was a bad idea. It's the typical circumstance, if your child does something bad it's your fault, if your child is at the status quo you're doing a good job, and if your child is in any way more advanced or 'better' than the children around them in anything, well, obviously they're gifted/the parents are lucky, you had nothing to do with it.

 

My kids are younger, and in fact I leave their ages off my signature on purpose because of older homeschoolers judging my comments based on it, but DH and I are both eldests in large homeschooling families, and were involved both as students and in teaching younger siblings, and I myself always knew I would homeschool and began frequenting homeschooling support forums etc when I was a teenager in order to learn and keep up with the newest programs/books/ideas. I've been in the community a long time and seen it change. I'm not fussed with most of the new homeschooler 'concerns' like social outlets or trying to fit too much in or worrying because a child is a semester behind in something. But early academics and spending time researching the best curriculum for you/your child is not a newbie issue, it's a difference in educational philosophy.

 

And like an above poster, I too know far too many older homeschoolers who I personally believe ARE slackers, but who are criticizing me for starting too early or spending money on curriculum when I could just get a colouring book from the newsagent, and use their reading program (in a couple of years time of course) for free because they're 'all the same anyway, so why spend money'. I'm not naive, and I'm pretty sure I'm not burning out. I just have different goals and philosophies to you, and thats ok, but a bit of respect both ways would be nice. Referring to people with an early-start philosophy as 'cute' is rather demeaning

You have missed the point. I don't think the rigor-adverse crowd spends too much time on the WTM boards. We all understand what it feels like to have a very academic-minded homeschool and to have to defend that position against the super-relaxed among us.

[goldberry]

I remember the irritation I felt when older homeschoolers would tell me to take it easy. What did they know?! They were obviously slackers.

 

Mwahahaha!  Proud slacker here with DD16 starting college classes this fall!  Go, slackers!

[mommymilkies]

I don't disagree that a different philosophy (early vs. late) is fine.  As we're all WTM members I assume many of us believe in rigorous homeschooling.

 

What makes me smirk is that Pinterest projects doesn't always equate to "rigorous schooling" kwim?  For example, the BuzzFeed post above - really?  So much effort poured into "cute" rather than function or the focus is on adorable Facebook factor rather than educational or nurture value.  KWIM? No one was mocking you.

ETA:

Also, the reason many of us have "relaxed" a bit fifteen years into this journey is that we found the insane busy-work we poured hours into our older kids was not as beneficial and often more stress than needed.... Which is why we often recommend young and inexperienced mamas ease up a bit.  BTDT and bought the book at least twice, kwim?  It's certainly *not* because we're slackers.  And it's definitely NOT meant to come off condescending.  I *love* to see a mom TOTALLY lit about homeschooling.  What I don't love is when real life meets her lesson plans, she burns out, is stressed out, and considers quitting homeschooling because she thinks she's a failure.  And I've been doing this long enough to know people try to make their life look like Pinterest, fail to meet their personal pie in the sky goals, then give themselves a fat F for failing to be perfect.  Yeah, not a fan of mommy bloggers who Photoshop every photo and make these moms feel like fails.  But, obviously that's my personal soapbox/hang up.  

:iagree:  I've only been doing this since pulling dd from Kindy in 2006-2007 and I totally understand the OP.  It's about the unnecessary stuff that means stress, not fun.  It can be seen as more than just in homeschooling, but in classrooms and homes, too.  Life doesn't have to be Pinterest perfect.  It's ok to take a deep breath.  I hope nobody takes that personally.  I think we have to figure this out on our own, but oh how I wish I had listened to some of the advice I was given when I first started!

[plansrme]

Speaking from the perspective of someone who loved to teach her kids math but hated playing Candyland or going on nature walks or doing crafts, keep your condescending opinions to yourself. I seriously doubt that these cute widdle mommies are agonizing over calculus for their preschoolers. Short of that, just live and let live.

[KrissiK]

:iagree: I've only been doing this since pulling dd from Kindy in 2006-2007 and I totally understand the OP. It's about the unnecessary stuff that means stress, not fun!

But that's your opinion. Some people love that stuff. It's not stressful for them. It's fun. It's a hobby. I personally don't feel that way, but that's me. Last year I spent the entire summer re-writing History Odessey for my oldest. He used it for a week, hated it (it was an awesome curriculum, btw), I bought A Beka for him and we never looked back. A waste of time? Maybe to some, but I like writing curriculum. Even if it isn't used. I'm "in" to that. It is condescending to put people down for being "in" to something that you aren't.

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

I think the goal should be to encourage new homeschooling moms, especially those with young children, to avoid letting outside influences put unnecessary stress on their families. They should be encouraged to use *their* gifts to teach their children and not try to be someone they're not.

 

I started out slow and relaxed with my oldest. I had a couple of workbooks from Wal-Mart that we used occasionally, we counted ALOT, went to the library, read tons of books. It was great and both of my oldest two learned to read, write, and do simple math. I started feeling the Pinterest, blogger-mom pressure by the time I got to my third and decided we needed unit study, letter of the week, games, crafts, and cooking projects all documented in a lapbook. Trouble is, I don't like cooking, I'm not good at crafts or lapbooking, most unit studies stress me out, and the whole thing fizzled after 2 letters.

 

At first I felt disappointed and like I was depriving my kids of something important. Then, I started to feel like all those other moms who did those things were wasting their time, going overboard, and being ridiculous. Eventually I came to realize that I simply am not gifted in that way but other moms ARE and that's ok. It was stressing me out to try and be creative mom when really I'm more of a classical/traditional/CM type of mom. I should stick with being me.

 

I have friend who IS creative mom. She loves to cook, sew, and DIY everything. She throws amazing birthday parties. (My birthday parties involve inviting people over and serving cake - the end LOL). This past year she did the unit study/letter of the week artsy thing with her 4 year old and they had a great time. She wasn't stressed about it at all. Now this year K is coming and she thinks she needs a rigorous curriculum with workbooks, lots of writing, and time at the table. We're very close and she thinks she needs her school to look like mine. (Nevermind that I have 4 kids, the oldest of which is in 6th grade and my school doesn't really look like she thinks it does anyway.) I have been trying to encourage her to trust herself and keep doing school her way.

 

I think we need to be careful about judging young moms. They will learn a lot from experience just as we did. Some of them are super excited about school and have been researching for years - that's ok. Some are going to jump right in to school-at-home for K4. As long as they and their child are enjoying it, great! Some are going to spend every night on Pinterest planning the perfect activities to engage their little ones. If they enjoy it why is it a problem? We shouldn't encourage young moms to ignore their own gifts. We should be encouraging them to use their strengths as they teach their children. And we should be patient, understanding, and encouraging as they figure out what those gifts and strengths are. There is no one right way to start homeschooling.

[Hikin' Mama]

I get the point the OP is trying to make.

 

When I started homeschooling 15 years ago, I did exactly what the curriculum said to do. As an example, the curriculum said I had to prepare an activity in which I painstakingly cut out dozens of shapes from construction paper, then the kids had to sort the shapes and glue them into the correct poster board. This took me HOURS to prepare. The kids completed the activity in 5 minutes flat. I was mad and frustrated. But it was a lightbulb moment. The POINT of the activity was to teach shapes and practice sorting. The next time round with my next kids, we pulled out the toy box and sorted the toys into boxes according to size. Educational objectives were met WITHOUT hours of wasted prep time on my part. I think this is the kind of thing that comes with experience, and is the kind of thing the OP is talking about.

 

Another example: I had my first-round kindergarteners in an all-day co-op. It was a horribly stressful experience. I had a toddler and baby also - what was I thinking?!? We dropped the co-op for first grade, and didn't return to it until they were in high school.

I completely agree. I don't think the OP was trying to be condescending. It didn't come across that way to me at all.

 

It's sort of like potty training. When my oldest was two, everyone's kids his age were potty trained, or so it seemed. I was so stressed that mine wasn't and it wasn't for lack of trying. Well, he finally quit wearing a diaper. With my next two I decided I wasn't even going to worry about it until they were three unless they showed an interest before. With both of them, it was much easier. Now I see young moms trying to potty train one-year-olds and I chuckle inside because I know they are just causing themselves undue stress and it will happen easier, later. I'm not looking down on them, I'm just seeing it through the lens of someone who stressed myself out going down that road when I didn't need to.

[Guest]

I'm glad the OP started this discussion. I think I've spent my caboose baby's Kindergarten and First Grade years taking Titus 2 way too seriously and I'm not even a Christian any more.

 

< warm smiles >

 

My youngest kids are 16 years apart. My grown homeschoolers look more like TechWife's post than Pinterest pins. That's okay.

 

This year's crop of bright eyed neophytes are not my personal responsibility and I don't need to feel bad if the way I write about my own experiences doesn't resonate with them.

[mommymilkies]

But that's your opinion. Some people love that stuff. It's not stressful for them. It's fun. It's a hobby. I personally don't feel that way, but that's me. Last year I spent the entire summer re-writing History Odessey for my oldest. He used it for a week, hated it (it was an awesome curriculum, btw), I bought A Beka for him and we never looked back. A waste of time? Maybe to some, but I like writing curriculum. Even if it isn't used. I'm "in" to that. It is condescending to put people down for being "in" to something that you aren't.

The part was the stressing. On here and on FB I hear parents stress out loud about needing to make things perfect or staying up until 2 am cutting apart paper pieces for a project.  Those are the ones I'm talking about.  I know plenty of people who live Pinterest lives without using Pinterest and have a level of energy and creativity I can only dream about.  But those aren't the ones I wish I could hug and say "It's ok if you don't have a Pinterest school room and cut outs for the entire next year's activities.  It's ok." I don't think it's condescending to let people know they are hardly the only ones who don't live picture perfect lives and stress because of pressure. 

[Slache]

I don't find this condescending at all. I see the old lady / young woman comparison. I don't see value in being offend by this post.

[mamaraby]

Oh, look! Isn't it adorable the way some mothers love to pass judgement on other mothers? I mean, really, they think that shitake is important, but it's not cuz I say so. Aren't they so cute? I could just infantilize them and pat them on the head and hug them and cuddle them and wuv them forever cuz I'm totally better than that now.

 

Awwww....so cute.

 

Please, can we sing another verse in the mommy wars song? I could totally go with another round! Good times.

[Slache]

Why is it condescending to pass along hard-earned wisdom in an effort to spare other people the heartache of having to learn it for themselves?

The amount of headache that I have avoided because of the hive is insane. I'm so grateful for the people here telling me to relax when everyone around me wants me to force them forward.

[momacacia]

I love seeing a well-appointed schoolroom. This changes of course with ages of kids. We have mostly books right now. I wish some young, inspired mom would come in and decorate for my first grader. All my kids would love it! My oldest will be the Pinterest mom someday and put me to shame. That's who she is and she'll thrive in it! Little kids love the hands-on projects, even my "non crafty" one.

 

I fondly remember oldest's K room which was our sunroom transformed into MFW animals stuff. I kind of wish I had the energy to do all that for my next three. Instead, a smattering of it will happen for K4. Sure, maybe more experienced moms are bored talking K and potty training, but when my oldest was that age I got varying responses when I asked for help or talked about our schoolday. It's what I do for my SIL who is on baby #1 while I'm about to have #4. I tell her it really is hard, I'm sorry, it is hard. I tell her what sleep books I loved when she asks advice and that I'm pulling them out allll over again and feel like I'm starting all over again. Sometimes it helps people keep their fragile (at least mine is) sanity just to know someone out there says, "yeah, I get it, but really you're doing great." Not, "oh what a waste of time, just let the time pass and you'll be an expert like me!" Age and experiences do not necessarily equal wisdom.

 

Guess which experienced educators I retain respect for? Those who would talk K and potty training seriously with me or at least empathize with how hard I was finding it all at the time. The others, who had "oh so much experience" (30 years in one case), I don't respect their educational philosophy (they don't really have one), and I'd never go to them for advice (they're actually surreptitiously snoopy about my curriculums now, thanks in part to this board, lol). I didn't need patting on the head. I needed encouragement, not being blown off, and to be told it all really was going to be okay and that I really was doing a great job (which I was--even though the cool lapbooks and activity folders just were not my thing).

 

It's wonderful they're doing all this for their kids. Hopefully that energy will translate into great literature studies as they get older, math Notebooking so kids can retain some of what they studies that year, and maybe even some cool middle and high school experiments (extra kudos!!). They've gotta start somewhere.