When Quitting Isn't an Option...

[shinyhappypeople]

... but you're all.freaking.done.

 

And public school isn't an option (2 rapes last year, drug use is common)...

 

And private school isn't affordable ...

 

And even if private school WAS affordable your younger child hates the math they use (Saxon) and prefers homeschool STRICTLY on the basis of math alone (ok - that made me laugh when she told me)....

 

And your older child struggles and, though making steady progress, is still "behind" academically and couldn't go straight into a traditional classroom for that reason alone...

 

And the idea of shiny new curriculum holds no appeal because it's just more stuff and not the magic bullet you once thought it was when you were a new homeschooler....

 

And those stupid "Yay! School's starting!  Can't wait to have some free time again!" videos are popping up on facebook and they make you cry...

 

And you know that you're homeschooling for important reasons, that this homeschool thing is a GOOD thing... 

 

And yet you don't want to do it anymore, but you HAVE to woman up and do the hard thing, not only "just enough to get by" but do it WELL, because you owe it to these amazing people that have been entrusted to you by God...

 

What now?

 

This isn't exactly a JAWM, but it is a "Don't be a jerk and pile on me when I'm already down, and yes, you know who you are.  Be kind.  If you can't be kind, be quiet" post.

[Aiden]

No words of advice or wisdom, but hugs and prayers headed your way.

[Hunter]

Shiny :grouphug:

 

I'll do my best to find time to tap a bit out on this phone later.

 

I'm here. I'm thinking about you. You are not alone.

 

And if anyone piles on you, they will have me to deal with. And I am certifiably crazy with documentation to prove it. And they will be sorry, because who wants to go head to head with a crazy oldschooler. Just yuck, right?

[Azalea]

Does your area have any online charters that are flexible (not K-12 or anything like that). The online charter we are using allows us to pick most of the curriculum we use. We also have a teacher that comes every two weeks. He is a lovely young man, who is a real cheer leader. I know this charter has curriculum available for struggling learners or kids who are behind. 

[texasmama]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

When was the last time you had an extended period of time alone in your house just to sit and absorb the silence?

 

Can you parse out the things that are easy, the things that are hard and the things that feel impossible?

 

What changes can you make that would help you?

 

Have you done school this summer?  Can you take a break?

 

What can you outsource?  (even just for a season)

 

P.S.  I understand and have been there.  Sometimes I still am.  Public is out, private is out of reach.  It is all me all the time.  :)  I'm the Obi Wan Kenobi.  Sometimes that feels heavy.

[Tawlas]

I don't know anything about you and your family, or your specific circumstances or what is making things so unbearable right now. I have so much sympathy for you though and I also want to send some prayers and hugs your way.

 

If it were me though, I'd cut myself some slack? Your kids are fairly young. . . what about a semester of completely different approach? If you follow a fairly traditional classical method, what about a few months of Project Based Learning? An hour on reading and math each day (work with one child while the other practices an instrument, math facts and other independent stuff), then a few hours of projects. For you too! What do your kids like to do? Do you have a passion to share? Follow that up with some time spent reading your favourite books from childhood. Either you read or you all listen to audiobooks while you do puzzles, handwork, draw, play lego etc.

 

Nothing bad will happen if you don't do history, science and goegraphy for six months. Give yourself permission to rekindle the joy in living and learning together - it's more important than mastering any thing else.

 

Jeez, I've almost talked myself into it too lol !

[Guest]

Start "unschooling".

[Arcadia]

:grouphug:

 

Maybe unschool the younger kids this coming academic year. Could you afford a tutor for the older for a subject just to give you some down time?

[MooCow]

I have felt this way........about many things, not just homeschooling. Without going into all of it, this is what I learned about myself: just accept it. (It is totally against my nature btw).

 

I have lots of conversations with my Creator, I whine, complain, try to get out of it, everything,you name it. In the end, I realize God has got this and me. So I submit. And then most of the time I can do it and it gets less of a burden.

 

I also try to have very good self care.

[Guest]

First of all, you are very brave. (((((((((((((((((((((((((shiny)))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

What's been helping me is rereading the oldie moldie goldies. I have nice bound books that smell like the dusty attics in faraway places that they came from, but GWS and HEM both have online archives with articles written by the pioneers and without all the depressing curriculum ads.

 

http://homeedmag.com/HEM/issueindex.php

 

http://issuu.com/patfarenga/stacks/bb179dac91264c10bb183f89bf955935

[Lang Syne Boardie]

If anyone acts like a jerk or piles on problems, they're just showing themselves to be starry-eyed neophytes who should be ignored until they've grown a little. Many veteran hs'ers go through this -- not because we lack character, not because we don't know the stakes, but because we DO have character and DO know exactly what it takes (having done it)...which is why we're so freaking exhausted.

 

I have to agree with the #1 suggestion offered in this thread:

 

Unschooling.

 

I only dare advise this for literate, responsible families who already have more books on their home shelves than most inner city and very rural neighborhoods possess at all, and who have (ideally) already taught their children to read. It's a risky game, IMO, but veteran classical-type hs'ers are very likely to do unschooling well because they've laid a good foundation and own all the best tools. Get the joy back. Read everything John Holt ever wrote (again), and just start learning without all the pressure.

 

If unschooling is too far for you to go, consider this compromise:

Make homeschooling a job that you can face and accomplish every day. In other words, scale WAY down. Work on the 3Rs with ample rigor, and unschool the rest. To some, that's not real unschooling and will therefore mess it all up. To others, that's half-@ssed homeschooling and unworthy in every way; who cares if you're tired? To me, I don't care what anyone thinks because this is my school. :p Hitting the 3Rs with deliberation and commitment, in just 2-3 hours per day, and then letting them learn what they will, is the best of both worlds, IMO.
 

[8filltheheart]

Have you determined exactly why you feel that way?  I know that for myself i cannot move forward until I have pinpointed exactly why I feel stressed.  If you know why, these questions are likely unhelpful, but if you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed w/o having pinpointed the exact reason, knowing what needs to change may help you feel like you can move forward with more control.  (FWIW, that is an assumption on my part.  My stress level is highest when I feel lack of control over a situation.  If I can figure out a path forward that gives me some sense of control, I can cope better.)

 

• Are you feeling the way you are bc of things that are out of your control that are not directly related to homeschooling or is the stress directly related to teaching your children?
• If it is directly related to homeschooling, why does homeschooling seem oppressive?  Is it the actual teaching (methodology or subjects) or the stress from feeling responsible for their educations?  
• Are there certain subjects which are more overwhelming than others?
• Are there any subjects or methods you enjoy?  
• What are your children's attitudes toward their education?  Do they accept any responsibility toward their own educations?
• Do your children help with household functioning?  Your spouse?  or are you managing the household (cleaning, cooking, laundry, and homeschooling) by yourself?
• Would focusing just on reading, writing, and math reduce your stress?
• Can you create a list of short-term achievable objectives that everyone can work toward and successful completion of them reduce your stress?

Those aren't for public answering, just personal contemplation.  The list can go on as you find your path through your emotions.  Follow the path down the direction your answers take you.  For me, effective change means positive goal outcomes, so I have to create a goal to head toward and accomplish.

 

((((Hugs))))  Being overwhelmed and stressed is no fun.  I have been there before.  My problems had nothing to do with homeschooling but definitely had to do with issues that I felt like I had no control over.

 

(getting daily exercise is another must for me.)

 

[Rebel Yell]

If anyone acts like a jerk or piles on problems, they're just showing themselves to be starry-eyed neophytes who should be ignored until they've grown a little. Many veteran hs'ers go through this -- not because we lack character, not because we don't know the stakes, but because we DO have character and DO know exactly what it takes (having done it)...which is why we're so freaking exhausted.

 

I have to agree with the #1 suggestion offered in this thread:

 

Unschooling.

 

I only dare advise this for literate, responsible families who already have more books on their home shelves than most inner city and very rural neighborhoods possess at all, and who have (ideally) already taught their children to read. It's a risky game, IMO, but veteran classical-type hs'ers are very likely to do unschooling well because they've laid a good foundation and own all the best tools. Get the joy back. Read everything John Holt ever wrote (again), and just start learning without all the pressure.

 

If unschooling is too far for you to go, consider this compromise:

 

Make homeschooling a job that you can face and accomplish every day. In other words, scale WAY down. Work on the 3Rs with ample rigor, and unschool the rest. To some, that's not real unschooling and will therefore mess it all up. To others, that's half-@ssed homeschooling and unworthy in every way; who cares if you're tired? To me, I don't care what anyone thinks because this is my school. :p Hitting the 3Rs with deliberation and commitment, in just 2-3 hours per day, and then letting them learn what they will, is the best of both worlds, IMO.

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

[rebcoola]

Hugs and prayers coming your way.  

[SnMomof7]

If anyone says they never feel this way...they haven't been homeschooling for very long. I really really considered quitting after the twins were born. But it isn't an option for us either.

 

1. Take a break from school right now. At least a week. Try to take walks outside.

2. What are you using for school? Is everything independent that can be? That helps a lot here. Teacher intensive or complicated hands-on fries my brain.

3. Cutting back to 3Rs is a time tested survival solution for us as well.

 

Hugs.

[leeannpal]

Have you thought about public school at home options or other virtual options. Maybe just the fact of having someone else to be accountable to would help you and your kids.

[shinyhappypeople]

A week or so ago I read an article being shared around on fb and in it she said "Homeschooling is easy."  I wanted to reach through the screen and smack her.  She'd been homeschooling a year and her kids are young. 'Nuff said about that, I guess.

 

Homeschooling is not easy.

 

I don't want to use a public charter type program (btdt) because they add a TON more pressure.

 

I've thought about maybe just having the daily pattern of read something, write something (journal?), do one math lesson. 

 

I am SO failing my kids.

 

Oh, the only thing that has me feeling kind of interested is The Private Eye.  I picked it up for a buck at a used book sale and it's so artsy, and "what if...." and non-schooly.  It totally appeals to me.  I wish we could just do THAT (plus math).

 

Well, we could.  It's not like anyone's checking up on us.  I'm legally supposed to cover the same subjects as public school (I'm in CA).  I could call watching Gandhi, and The Hiding Place, and Liberty's Kids "history" (I like movies), same for the missionary bios we read (geography?), Private Eye is "science" (it actually really is, sort of).  

 

I can't do a whole year of flaking.  Maybe one month. (We haven't even started back to school yet.  Is it bad that I'm burned out before we even begin?)  Anyway, I can't fathom going this light for a whole school year, because at some point they really do need to master the comma rules.  This is seriously a HUGE thing for me.  It *bugs* me that they still don't understand the whole comma thing.  I am failing them if they can't use commas correctly.  And I know I'm blowing this out of proportion, but have you ever had that ONE thing that just drives you nuts?  So, yeah, for me it's commas.  I can't fail them in commas.

 

I sound like a total crazy person.  Sorry.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

You don't sound like a crazy person, but you do sound as if you're not reading the replies in the thread. :) Nobody has suggested flaking out on your kids' school, or that it's ok to "fail" them. What are your thoughts concerning the various strategies offered here?

[Hunter]

Yes, box days are not fun anymore. They just are not. And I don't have any concise books for the 3R's that are just perfect. I have a cobbled mess, that takes up too much room and delivers too little results.

 

Adam had his weeds; we have crappy curricula.

 

What helped me was settling for smaller results. I decided on a limited amount of storage space, picked the best of what I had that fit there, and decided to settle for the results those books will bring.

 

Education time, education mess, and education expenses were out of control, and I was not experiencing better results. I was doing slightly better than average, and I'm still doing slightly above average, but have less mess.

 

It's hard to get excited about slightly above average teaching, especially if that teaching is being given to student that functions a bit below average. But I think it's a really healthy and balanced place to be.

 

Education now takes up a balanced percentage of resources. Life is more balanced now and everyone feels a bit better.

 

We are not competive gymnasts here. We are not CEO's of big companies. No one plays in symphony. I'm striving for healthy and balanced. Our days have a rhythm. Nothing grand and exciting takes place, but the rhythm is comforting.

 

I might not be using the "best" curricula, but the subjects that need to be learned are being taught or being unschooled. They have their place in the rhythm.

 

We didn't experience peace here until I dropped my standards.

 

:grouphug:

[Hunter]

We cross posted. I'm writing more soon. Hang in there.

 

I get the comma thing!!!!!! :grouphug:

[Hunter]

We cross posted. I'm writing more soon. Hang in there.

 

I get the comma thing!!!!!! :grouphug:

[MomatHWTK]

Try curricula that allows independent work.  Supplement some days with videos and games that don't require your direct input.  Don't read facebook.  Don't compare your child's progress to other children's performance. 

 

I use a checklist for the kids two of the four will follow it and get their independent work done.  One I have to que up his work, and make reminders.  At the very least, if I can't get to the individual instruction studies, they get their checklist work done. 

[wintermom]

 

 

And yet you don't want to do it anymore, but you HAVE to woman up and do the hard thing, not only "just enough to get by" but do it WELL, because you owe it to these amazing people that have been entrusted to you by God...

 

 

 

I have no idea how you are currently defining "do it WELL" but were I in your place I would stop thinking that there is only one possible way to homeschool "well." There are many, many ways, and if the way you are doing it is overwhelming to you, then perhaps you should re-examine this idea. 

 

Yes, homeschooling is challenging and exhausting and it can be a wonderful option, but if it is causing YOU mental and physical stress, that's not a good option for your family either. ((hugs)) 

[lllll]

nm

[momacacia]

Just want to say (hugs) and I hear you. Different issues and situation, but just no motivation this year. I'm tired. Baby coming in a month and fear he will mess up all I envision for our school. Homeschooling IS the best thing for us now in many wonderful ways, but I'm not looking forward to the day to day of all day with my kids again and the energy it will all take. I'm grateful they want to homeschool--just hoping oldest can motivate herself even a little more this year--without so much nagging from me. Thanks for this honest post, OP. :)

[Corraleno]

Oh, the only thing that has me feeling kind of interested is The Private Eye.  I picked it up for a buck at a used book sale and it's so artsy, and "what if...." and non-schooly.  It totally appeals to me.  I wish we could just do THAT (plus math).

 

Well, we could.  It's not like anyone's checking up on us.  I'm legally supposed to cover the same subjects as public school (I'm in CA).  I could call watching Gandhi, and The Hiding Place, and Liberty's Kids "history" (I like movies), same for the missionary bios we read (geography?), Private Eye is "science" (it actually really is, sort of).  

 

I can't do a whole year of flaking.  Maybe one month.

 

Private Eye is fantastic, it's one of my favorite homeschooling resources ever. You can totally do that + math + some free-choice reading and journaling. Really, your kids are the perfect ages for a year like this — they are old enough to have interests to pursue, they can research topics of interest on their own, they can come up with their own projects and implement them, etc. 

 

This is not "failing them." This is not "a whole year of flaking." This will not set them back or prevent them from graduating or going to college. It will not even prevent them from learning comma rules! It may be exactly what you all need to take the pressure off and reignite the spark. If you are this unhappy with the way things are now, it will only get worse in high school. Slow down, breathe deep, reassess, and find that spark again.

 

:grouphug:

[Farrar]

If spending half your school year (or even the whole school year!) sitting around watching videos, doing a little math, and doing The Private Eye would rejuvenate you, then please, please, I'm begging you! Do it! That sounds plenty educational for a 10 and 11 yo, especially if we're talking short term. And if there's a chance that after a few months of that you'd all be ready to actually tackle a homeschool overhaul, then it would easily be time well spent.

[PeterPan]

I don't know what all you have going on, but it sounds like this is your year to unschool.

[Laurel-in-CA]

My kids were older when I "fired" them from homeschool - sent the boy to CC @ 16 and enrolled the girl in a charter for high school where SHE met weekly with teacher and provided samples. SHE was accountable and I just had to get her there and only occasionally consult with teacher or sign papers. (It was Pathways, based in the north bay of CA.) And I fired them because things were horrible and emotional and I none of us could stand each other anymore. It was amazing what a difference outside accountability made for both of them. 

 

At that age, I would choose whatever *I* wanted to read aloud with them for literature, keep only what's worked in the past (sounds like you know what to do for math), see about a tutor/subcontractor/mentor (online or otherwise) for the most emotionally difficult subjects, have a reading list for history and/or science--if you don't do textbooks, and choose something video-based like Essentials in Writing. For us, some years, science was reading and 4-H. This would be designed to reduce stress and maximize independent learning...and find time for Private Eye if that's what YOU want to share with them the most. Take your current worst day of the week OFF....when my kids were younger that was why we had co-op on Mondays, because then they wanted to get up and get going on that otherwise horrible day of the week.

 

If they keep reading something challenging, doing math, and writing about something, they will keep learning. Take some time for yourself, to refresh and restore; homeschooling can leave mom so tattered and worn. I found it really helped me to have a day away to pray, schedule, list the challenges, and ask God to help me teach the kids I had rather than be disappointed over the ways my kids didn't meet my expectations. A lot of my stress came from not understanding myself & my kids first. Gotta include that in the plan. And then I would remind myself everyday that it was a marathon and everybody wants to quit at some point but success is in just continuing to move forward no matter how you feel, that there would eventually be improvements (and more if I was looking for the positives) along the way.

 

Bless you. It IS a tough road. Anybody who criticizes when the road is hard just hasn't hit any bumps yet themselves.

 

 

[...................]

1. Textbooks - so school is a no brainier and you can have a feeling of success no matter your mood

 

2. Chocolate ((hugs))

 

3. Activities- getting out of the house regularly rally helps me a lot!

 

4. Outsourcing- so you can be held accountable

 

5. Some enjoyable books and other little hobbies for you- I think we get this way partly because we allow homeschool to be our entire lives (anyway for me)

 

6. Volunteer for a cause you enjoy helping in, whether it is related to the kids or not. Reaching outside yourself will always help.

 

7. Ask for and accept help if any is offered or available- knowing you are not alone is healthy.

[lovemy9kids]

I just wanted to add, that I know exactly how you feel.  In fact, I feel it several times a year!  I can bang up a schedule with the best of them, but getting myself to do what is on the paper is a whole other story.  It is so hard, especially when there are no other options.  I look at other families who have the means for private school, and I admit I feel a little jealous at times.  However, I try to remind myself that the grass always seems greener etc.  I have to pray every single day before my feet hit the floor, "Lord, please give me the strength, discipline, and motivation to accomplish what you have called me to do."   You are not alone in this fight.   Hang in there! :001_smile:

[shinyhappypeople]

You don't sound like a crazy person, but you do sound as if you're not reading the replies in the thread. :) Nobody has suggested flaking out on your kids' school, or that it's ok to "fail" them. What are your thoughts concerning the various strategies offered here?

 

I'm reading them, but still thinking and processing.

 

It feels like flaking because I realize I only have 3 years to get my struggling learner ready for private high school, and I realize that 3 years is not a very long time to go from 4th grade math through pre-algebra, from barely writing a paragraph to writing a multi-paragraph research paper or essay.  And I have totally, unequivocally flaked on science these past years because it doesn't light my fire, so it's been easy to put off and ignore.  There's something about a hard deadline with my older DD (almost 12 yo) that's freaking me out.

[elegantlion]

I agree that your kids are the perfect age to do something totally different. You don't even have to commit to a year, it could be 6 weeks or a semester. 

 

What inspires you? 

 

What subjects are they excited about doing? 

 

Could you designate one day as field trip day and just explore your area? 

 

What stresses you? 

 

What self-education do you feel you need? I get the comma thing too. 

 

When I felt in a rut, I would often brainstorm with ds for ideas. I was often surprised how opinionated he was about doing or not doing something, even at 10. 

 

I would probably ask for 5-10 things from each child that they wanted to learn about, prioritize them and maybe put together some loose unit studies. If you did that along with the 3Rs, it could be a solid year. 

[Farrar]

I'm reading them, but still thinking and processing.

 

It feels like flaking because I realize I only have 3 years to get my struggling learner ready for private high school, and I realize that 3 years is not a very long time to go from 4th grade math through pre-algebra, from barely writing a paragraph to writing a multi-paragraph research paper or essay.  And I have totally, unequivocally flaked on science these past years because it doesn't light my fire, so it's been easy to put off and ignore.  There's something about a hard deadline with my older DD (almost 12 yo) that's freaking me out.

 

First and foremost, think of yourself as a sick patient. It is not your fault you caught a virus - viruses happen. The only cure for this one is long term rest. A sick person who is taking time to heal is not flaking! And you're not flaking either. You're taking time to heal yourself, your soul, and your homeschool. Please do it.

 

Other thoughts:

 

* Don't get caught up in trying to win unschooling or anything. Do what you do, let the kids lead, let yourselves have time off. Don't go from teaching to running around catering to their interests because that's not a break.

 

* Think about making a routine that's super easy so you can all stay sane and feel like you're moving forward even when you're not doing much. Something like, on Monday we play Bananagrams and 24 and other games. On Tuesday we watch a documentary off Netflix. On Wednesday we go to the library. On Thursday we read poetry together. On Friday we do The Private Eye. Or whatever seems to make sense to you. But just super simple like that.

 

* You talked about keeping up math a little. Think about turning math over to Khan. Free and off your plate. Instead of teaching, you're there for when Sal Khan's explanations don't make sense and to go, oh, yay, you get to upgrade your avatar to the sock monkey looking thing instead of pulling your hair out teaching. And if they don't move forward much, it's okay because you're all basically unschooling.

 

* Do lock the door to them every day and make them leave you alone. They're old enough to fend for themselves. Take time for you. Go out in the evenings alone sometimes. Get yourself away from the house. This is for them in the long run (and, also, obviously, for you).

 

* Three years is a TON of time to get from barely writing a paragraph to writing an essay. And it's really a ton of time to get from fourth grade math to pre-algebra. Many kids go into pre-algebra after fifth grade math! I know you'll likely say your dc will need longer, but you get the drift - you will have covered most of it. And a ton of being able to do that stuff is developmental. I don't want to underestimate that stuff - it doesn't happen like magic, it does taking teaching, quality teaching helps. But also, it's really a long game and you're the sick patient. Rest and rejuvenate. See where you all are in six months. If you spend the next three years not teaching that stuff, okay, that's potentially an issue, but the next six months to a year? It'll be okay. And they may begin to find ways to practice those writing skills and math skills in other ways in the mean time. It's really going to be okay and doable.

[Random]

Shiny, :grouphug:

 

I am in a similar situation.  Totally worn out before the year begins.  Unsafe public schools.  Insurmountable barriers to better school options.  Academically challenging kids.  I tell myself they would most likely fall between the cracks at the PS, and that at least we are not skipping over their deficiencies.  We are working on them.  I feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of their education.  I have one kid who is just...keeping the weird in 'weird unsocialized homeschooler.'

 

 

 

Thanks for reaching out, Shiny.  I'm getting a lot out of these responses.

 

 

 

[KrissiK]

I'm sorry. I feel your pain. I had a rough year last year. Fortunately, we are able to put ds1 in parochial school next year. He was the biggest amount of trouble for me. But, I feel like you do. I have lost my inspiration. We're starting back in 2 1/2 weeks (we'll be on the same schedule at home as DS is at school) and while I have the curriculum, I haven't even touched it. I really have no advice! Just hang in there.

[MomatHWTK]

Math: CTC Math- multiple levels to each student, up to 4 students per account and on sale now.  The program offers a pretest for each section so you can select and shore up any missing elements from any grade level.

 

Language Arts: There are so many options.  Choose a step by step program that goes from paragraph to paper or use something like PLATO Language Arts.

 

If you require daily handwriting, consider using copywork that emulates the writing style you want the children to have. (My oldest is practicing cursive using quotes from Jefferson right now.)

 

If you require independent reading, select textbooks or living books that cover specific subject areas.  Over the years my oldest has read books about spelling skills, mathematics, science, history, etc.  To give him an extra layer of coverage in those subjects.  For my struggling reader, I require fewer books for reading time and the textbooks I select are at a lower grade level.  (i.e. I might assign a 2nd grade book for four grade history supplemental reading but still teach from my own 4th grade resources.) 

 

Science: We are using PLATO middle school for my middle two kids this year.  The option you like sounds good.  You might also look at a Discovery Education subscription or the Discovery Education Science Tech Book.  Also, other publishers offer e-texts with online activities to keep things interesting.  We have also enjoyed The Happy Scientist, Netflix documentaries, and the science series at World Book in the past. 

 

General:  Brain Pop isn't deep but is wide in the scope of topics and adds a good "schoolish" knowledge base for my kids.  I also use Always Ice Cream and Clever Dragons but the kids choose their own subjects to study.

 

I am concerned about your comments that you have to get your dd to a certain level.  If your child struggles with reading, she struggles- You can help her achieve her full potential but you can't suddenly make her a better reader than she has the ability to be.  That doesn't mean you give up, but don't up unreasonable expectations on yourself.  I got good results with one of my students using Reading Kingdom (though it would probably seem a little childish to a 12 year old.)  Take a look around at some of the reading remediation programs available, take advantage of any free trials and find one that helps. 

 

I am doing a lot of intensive hands on work with the kids this year in addition to their independent checklist options.   But the checklist basically covers something from each of the 3Rs so that they are getting the "ps equivalent" dosage each day regardless of what else we do.  Knowing we've covered the basics allows the kids and I more freedom to do the fun learning stuff in our time together.

[SamanthaCarter]

op - This is a helpful thread for me to read. 

[Tawlas]

A week or so ago I read an article being shared around on fb and in it she said "Homeschooling is easy." I wanted to reach through the screen and smack her. She'd been homeschooling a year and her kids are young. 'Nuff said about that, I guess.

 

Homeschooling is not easy.

 

I don't want to use a public charter type program (btdt) because they add a TON more pressure.

 

I've thought about maybe just having the daily pattern of read something, write something (journal?), do one math lesson.

 

I am SO failing my kids.

 

Oh, the only thing that has me feeling kind of interested is The Private Eye. I picked it up for a buck at a used book sale and it's so artsy, and "what if...." and non-schooly. It totally appeals to me. I wish we could just do THAT (plus math).

 

Well, we could. It's not like anyone's checking up on us. I'm legally supposed to cover the same subjects as public school (I'm in CA). I could call watching Gandhi, and The Hiding Place, and Liberty's Kids "history" (I like movies), same for the missionary bios we read (geography?), Private Eye is "science" (it actually really is, sort of).

 

I can't do a whole year of flaking. Maybe one month. (We haven't even started back to school yet. Is it bad that I'm burned out before we even begin?) Anyway, I can't fathom going this light for a whole school year, because at some point they really do need to master the comma rules. This is seriously a HUGE thing for me. It *bugs* me that they still don't understand the whole comma thing. I am failing them if they can't use commas correctly. And I know I'm blowing this out of proportion, but have you ever had that ONE thing that just drives you nuts? So, yeah, for me it's commas. I can't fail them in commas.

 

I sound like a total crazy person. Sorry.

Absolutely, they need to learn comma rules - but not RIGHT NOW. They've got years to learn them and chances are they'll learn them faster when they're older ;) Go ahead and switcht things up and when you start to itch for more structure, add more in, slowly, until it's enough. Repeat as needed. Back off again if it's too much. It's YOUR homeschool. You seem like a pretty concientious parent. You can't fail your children in a few months (years?) of delight directed learning! It's impossible!

[mamiof5]

Not sure if my response can help or not? I sure hope so though! Maybe sometimes it is good to "take a step back". Life goes by too quickly (we have an almost 20yrs old and a 9 month old baby...struggling right now fulfilling the needs of such different ages). The day will come that they'll be old enough to leave the nest, and you will cherish the years you had with them and maybe wish it didn't go by so fast. Will pray for your family, and all the homeschooling moms out there who are so burnt out :(

[LMD]

I hear you shiny. Crispy over here. We're only half way through the year and I'm DONE. We're moving, it's becoming a long drawn out process and while I'm super happy to be here, I'm freaking out with the instability. Half my books are still in boxes... I hope.

I do plan to get a fire lit underneath me, reading homeschooling books like homeschooling at the helm etc is helping with inspiration. But now, and for the last few months I'm just so tired. The kids still have violin lessons, which forces some routine and accountability. I'm trying to be consistent with maths... They are reading a lot.

 

I think We're just at the adjustment stage AVA talked about, realising that homeschooling higher grades + multiple kids + littles + running a household = a LOT of work, no breezy 'finished by lunch' days anymore... It's hard. You have my sympathies.

[dragonflyer]

Take a good look at your expectations.

I had never had a formal science course before high school.

I had one year of American history before high school.

My mother made the decision to focus only on the 3Rs, she has no regrets about how she hs'd, and being able to write well and remain solid on math made high school easy.

I have taught 11th graders (classically homeschooled) who were unable to do fractions.

In college, I would edit English papers from students (public school) who could not implement basic capitalization and punctuation rules.

I am not saying that these are OK, but rather these are areas that many students struggle in for years.  You do not have to arrive by the end of the 8th grade.  Punctuation will be taught again in high school.  No previous knowledge of science or history is assumed in high school.  Most math teachers are struggling to teach algebra to students who did not master multiplication/division/fractions in elementary school.

 

You sound like a conscientious mother and teacher.  Maybe you could have a really relaxed semester and then jump back in after the new year.  Maybe you need to take this whole year off and love on your children.  Something that might be encouraging is scheduling a mommy field trip to the private high school and asking the math and english teachers if you could see actually examples of student work for ninth grade.  As others have said, 3 years is a huge amount of time, and most of the growth will happen as it is developmentally appropriate rather than on a schedule you can set.

 

Hugs to you, you are doing a difficult job at an amazing level!

[Deee]

Hopefully some perspective on commas: I worked with a paediatrician who had no idea how to use commas.  Sometimes she'd put them all over the place, sometimes she'd leave them out entirely.  Once, the head of department wrote, "Someone has stolen all the commas from this page!!!!!" on the draft of a paper we co-authored.  The paediatrician is a professor now.....

 

Homeschooling IS hard.  But you get to make choices when you only have one or two kids.  DS14 and I have had enough of formal grammar. Analytical Grammar was making English a huge chore, so we dropped it.  We were up to the punctuation section.  Instead, we are reading "Eats Shoots and Leaves" by Lynne Truss.  Its funny, over the top, very English and it gets the job done.  Being the grammar police is very appealing to DS.  The three of you could read it together on the lounge.  There is a workbook online and its just enough.  Enough is good.  In fact, some days, enough is bloody outstanding!

D

[Critterfixer]

Would a tutor for certain subjects be possible? That might take some of the heat off. 

[SailorMom]

Hang in there, it's worth it.  You will get past the hump, it just takes time....

Give yourself a break now and then.  Your kids are young enough to have "Free Fridays" (or whatever day works for you).  Make that a museum, zoo, or park day, or do absolutely nothing, but they have to read a book for an hour.  You don't have to do it all year, or even all of the time, but give yourself permission to have a day off :)

Really - you'll be amazed at how much more efficient and able you all are to accomplish better quality work when you're not burnt out :)

Another idea: Take a week (or however long you need) where all they do is research and write a paper, and maybe make a project to go with it.  You're just there to make sure they aren't playing video games :)  Give them the word count requirements, tell them to pick whatever interests them, and let them go to town.  They can get really creative with this :)

 

[Arcadia]

Was on my phone so didn't realize both your kids are a year older than mine.

What my 5th grader did last year to kind of fulfil CA requirements was

LA - workbook for grammar, vocab

Lit - short online class

Math - AoPS books

Music - music theory workbook

Art - he just draw, this year we didn't attend art summer class.

History/social studies/geography - just read (we did ad-hoc writeups just to make sure they could)

PE - swimming

Technology - playing with programming using Khan and doing their project reports using powerpoint.

Science - outside class for fun

 

The outside classes were all wants and not needs. It gives kids someone else to answer to and me a break for me time to recharge.

 

On an exhausting year for me, I had used just workbooks to get the 3Rs done and let my kids self explore for the bulk of the day. We had also spend a day a week being "couch potatoes" at the library for the "free" air-con and nice sofas. My kids read what they want and I read what I like.

 

We attended high school open houses last year to get an idea of expectations and what is available. It is worth a saturday morning or a weekday evening to attend a open house. The guidance counsellors were there to answer parents's queries.

[EmilyGF]

I think you've gotten a ton of great advice. Hugs to you, too.

 

I just want to add something that I've experienced over the last few months. I was feeling pretty worn down and frustrated and kept cutting things down until we got to 3Rs. They were also reading independently in the afternoons. I thought I was burnt out because I was doing too much, but I was burnt out because I wasn't learning anything. I've since implemented a much more rigorous literature-based curriculum and feel renewed and refreshed because I'm being exposed to new ideas after being in a rut for a while.

 

Not sure this is your problem, but since it goes against the common advice, I wanted to throw it out there.

 

Emily

[Wildiris]

Harsh as it may sound--Buck-up baby! You do need to Woman-up and take responsibility for educating your kids. Yea..I know the excuses, I know the burnout, I know the thankless job and the hours of work that no one really cares about, but you need to move beyond your own inertia. If you don't take on the task of educating your kids, who will? 

 

I am sorry you are feeling down, but I have no sympathy, yet I can empathize. No, there are no easy ways out for the daily grind of homeschooling, work outside the home, and work around the home. What were you expecting? Kids with learning issues take extra work one-on-one. Can you make your kids a priority in your life? If you want to be doing something else, then fess up, admit that you are done and find the best alternative you can for your kids. 

 

Look at the end game. Do you want your kids to graduate from high school? If they do graduate from high school, will they have enough skills to qualify for a minimum wage job? Are you handicapping them in the future by neglecting even the basics of their education now? If you have three years to get your struggling learner up to speed, get moving. Don't wallow. Don't compare. Your kids will respect your effort. They are watching your actions. 

 

 

 

 

[Farrar]

I think you've gotten a ton of great advice. Hugs to you, too.

 

I just want to add something that I've experienced over the last few months. I was feeling pretty worn down and frustrated and kept cutting things down until we got to 3Rs. They were also reading independently in the afternoons. I thought I was burnt out because I was doing too much, but I was burnt out because I wasn't learning anything. I've since implemented a much more rigorous literature-based curriculum and feel renewed and refreshed because I'm being exposed to new ideas after being in a rut for a while.

 

Not sure this is your problem, but since it goes against the common advice, I wanted to throw it out there.

 

Emily

 

I second this. Sometimes doing more but more rich content driven stuff, more projects, more field trips, is a better answer than cutting back and cutting back. I mostly think it sounds like you need a break, but if you take one, when you recommit, think about this good advice.

[Corraleno]

Harsh as it may sound--Buck-up baby! You do need to Woman-up and take responsibility for educating your kids. Yea..I know the excuses, I know the burnout, I know the thankless job and the hours of work that no one really cares about, but you need to move beyond your own inertia. If you don't take on the task of educating your kids, who will? 

 

I am sorry you are feeling down, but I have no sympathy, yet I can empathize. No, there are no easy ways out for the daily grind of homeschooling, work outside the home, and work around the home. What were you expecting? Kids with learning issues take extra work one-on-one. Can you make your kids a priority in your life? If you want to be doing something else, then fess up, admit that you are done and find the best alternative you can for your kids. 

 

Look at the end game. Do you want your kids to graduate from high school? If they do graduate from high school, will they have enough skills to qualify for a minimum wage job? Are you handicapping them in the future by neglecting even the basics of their education now? If you have three years to get your struggling learner up to speed, get moving. Don't wallow. Don't compare. Your kids will respect your effort. They are watching your actions. 

 

 

Did you actually read Shiny's posts in this thread? She's already beating herself up, I'm not sure why you think it's helpful to kick her some more. She's already said that there are no other alternatives and she knows homeschooling is best for her kids. And there's NO evidence that she is "neglecting even the basics" of her children's education, or that any of the other suggestions in this thread would "handicap her children's future" — way to pile the guilt on someone who's already feeling stressed and overwhelmed. :glare:

 

For the record, when my kids were the ages of hers, they were doing exactly the things that have been recommended here: math + Private Eye and nature study + lots of reading and discussion + documentaries, with some Latin & Greek thrown in. I can assure you that my kids will graduate from HS, go to college, and have all the necessary skills to be successful. Taking time to reassess and regroup and find a system that will work for all of them isn't "neglect," it's smart and proactive. And it's likely to lead to far better outcomes for both her and the kids, versus continuing along the same path while feeling utterly trapped and miserable.