bzymom Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Thank you to those who offered support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 (((Hugs))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I am so sorry. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I wish I had magic words and a ton of $ to give you. I'll just say I have the utmost admiration for those who stick it out when things seem hopeless or when things are terribly difficult. Vent here whenever you need to--maybe someone can network with you, as we have people from all over the world on here. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 What a burden to be carrying. I'm so sorry. Are you a member of a church, or could you find one nearby and start attending to make friends and develop a support network? Brainstorming solutions with trustworthy people IRL can do wonders. :grouphug: ...lots of them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 . 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. If you don't have family or friends you can turn to locally, would you consider moving with your daughter to where they can help or just moving away and relying on public assistance until you can find full-time work? For many years, I was involved with the founding and running of an Interfaith Hospitality Network in my city. There are other networks all over the country. The program takes in homeless families and provides shelter, food, caseworkers, etc to help families get back on their feet. Usually many churches are involved in each network with the goal of connecting families to as many people as possible to help with employment, housing, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Do you have family or friends in areas with better job prospects? I am so sorry ~ Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Can you move in with one of your kids for a while, until you are able to afford a place of your own? I'm so sorry you are going through this. :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I am glad you spit it out because just having it typed it up may have been a measure of relief. 1. Any church connections? Networking for work or temporary housing? 2. Sounds like no family nearby or willing to help in any way? What about friends? Even if you lost some friends due to his behavior, someone may be willing to help you out. Are you able to rent a house you share with others to reduce the bills? Keep submitting resumes. Sometimes it takes months and months and it seems like nothing will ever come of it but it only takes one job and eventually you will find something. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I appreciate all the brainstorming. I know there is no answer, I just felt like a kettle with a plug today and had to vent. Please tell yourself the opposite: "I will find a way." It may not happen immediately but if you resign yourself to the belief that there is no answer it will be all the harder to think clearly and search out options. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 So it's you and the 20-yr-old to worry about? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Can you put your part time income into a separate account? Buy gift cards with it? Sell anything? Everything? Go to college? Use student loans and Pell Grant to escape? But actually go to school! The money legally can be used for housing and food. If your youngest is 20 and you have no assets, divorce should be fairly uncomplicated. Once you are divorced, what state resources would you be able to access? Food stamps, TANF? Is your 20 yr old disabled based on his anxiety and ASD? There may be additional resources for him. If there's a state with better resources for you and him, move there! Send resumes to attorney's offices. If you get hired in one, use connections to find a good family attorney for advice to proceed further. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Have you looked for any jobs that include housing, e.g. apartment manager, in-home caregiver, house mother, historic property caretaker? When we lived in married student housing during my husband's grad school years, the live-in office manager was an older divorced woman and she was not attending college. Her adult children lived in the area and the housing complex provided a wonderful social community for her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 first off :grouphug:Secondly, In answer to the thread title, you just do. There is no miracle, or secret way, you just do because there is no other option.I have no wise words to help. If you have a great resume but can't work locally due to ex, look into moving, apply for jobs elsewhere. You already have no supports where you are now, so there is nothing holding you there. If you get a new job and need to move for it you may qualify for moving assistance from welfare if it is available where you live, I am not sure of how us welfare works. Out here when I left my ex I did not qualify for actual welfare, but I did get a 1 time payment to pay for my first month's rent and dd on my new apartment and the cost of the uhaul van. I had to show proof that I had a job waiting for me, and that I was moving without a spouse. It was the only way I was able to afford to move. I had no job, and no prospects where we were living. But I got a job in my hometown and had it waiting for me, and I had an application in to rent an apartment in the same building as the daycare that hired me. The other thing is to think outside the box. Does your town do door to door newspaper delivery? I delivered newspapers for a year, sucked rocks in the winter. I started work at 130am, I would strap my kids into the van with blankets tucked around them and they would sleep while I worked. I would stop the car for 3-4 houses then pull it forward etc. I finished my 3 routes by about 530am (must be done by 6), go home tuck my kids back into bed and get a couple hours of sleep myself before heading to my daycare job. The newspaper job I made roughly $1500 a month. You do not need a fancy resume to get that sort of job, just access to a working vehicle and the dedication to get it done no matter what the weather is. If you did that for a few months and saved it you would have enough to pay first and last and dd on a rental. Keep it until you get a better day job. ALso think outside of your particular profession. Someone with dedication, work ethic and brains for example working in fast food, will quickly move into a supervisor role. Supervisors tend to ma much more than regular staff and after 6 months as a supervisor get benefits. SO yeah not a glamorous job, but you do what you gotta do. Basically if it can give you fulltime hours and enough money to at least give you something to save while you keep looking for something better take it. Don't limit yourself to just what you know, or to specific hours etc. THe goal is to have enough to leave a toxic situation.And then you just putting one foot in the front of the other. And even when you are exhausted, or sick, or sore or whatever, you just keep going, because that is what your children need you to do.ETA: I just read the replies, I see you kids are older, so all the more reason to not limit yourself to a particular set of hours. Could you move in with 20 yr old or your other kids until you are on your feet? It must be hard not having your family to turn to, on one hand their comments are hurtful, on the other they have a point. Especially if this has been going on for a long time, like it sounds like it has. If you are determined to get out, you will find a way, even if it seems impossible right now, you absolutely can find a way to get out. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 great advice Swellmomma. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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