Do you expect others to have their phone on "do not disturb" mode at night?

[Spring Flower]

I've gotten a fair number of texts during the night lately. At first I thought, "How rude!" but now I am beginning to wonder if the problem lies with me. My brother in law, that I am not particularly close with, texted me at 5:30 AM on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday. A few weeks later my sister texted me at 2:00 AM to ask me about a hoodie. Last night I got a text about midnight about a field trip in the fall. To me, texting is like making a phone call, and I would assume that a person's phone would make a noise and wake them up. Then I got to thinking, maybe it is socially accepted that everyone turns their phone off at night. Maybe I've missed this boat? Straighten me out here! 

[Chris in VA]

IDK-- I guess I don't see texting as a phone call. It's like an email to me--you see it when you want. I often text when convenient, thinking the person doesn't need to look. I don't expect a reply until a decent hour.

 

My bad, I guess.

[Love]

. 

Edited November 19, 2015 by Love

[Cottonwood]

I only really expect my DH to have his on silent at night.  I haven't really thought what I expect of people outside of the house.  I don't text after about 10, but that's about when I don't call others either.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I don't expect people to put their phone on do not disturb because they may need that phone in order to get that call that you hope you never get.  So, I use almost the same courtesy about texting as I would about calling - not late at night or early AM unless I know they are open to it.  I plug my phone into the charger in my room at night when I go to bed.  Not next to my bed, but across the room.  I expect that if it rings or if I get a text in the wee hours of the morning, it can't be good news.  And lately, I have reason to worry ... lots.  

 

ETA:  I view texts as more urgent than emails, but only slightly less urgent than phone calls.  I have no trouble sending emails in the middle of the night.  

[73349]

I turn mine off, and expect everybody else to as well, but I'm not a midnight texter anyway.

[zoobie]

I email at weird hours. I wish you could text and have it sent at a decent hour.

[Arcadia]

My phone and hubby's phone's volume is set to mute when we go to bed.

 

Hubby used to have incoming calls from his parents at midnight or later. He end up muting his phone.

[elegantlion]

I don't expect. I don't text before 9 or after 10, unless it's urgent.

[Lara in Colo]

My cell is my only phone--- I keep it on and near the bed at night-- if there was an emergency, I want to hear it-- I treat others the same way and assume they will hear anything I send or call.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I do expect them to be put on "do not disturb" but I stop myself from texting in the middle of the night anyway, even though it would often be more convenient to do it when I'm thinking of it even in the middle of the night.  So. . . I expect it but I don't count on it (which makes sense in my mind but not so much when I type it out.)

[regentrude]

I can't vote because I have no expectations.

I myself don't text at night because I am asleep. My phone spends the night on the kitchen counter recharging, and I would not hear any calls.

I would assume that people who keep their phone close by at night but do not wish to be disturbed turn off the sound.

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

I myself don't text at night because I am asleep.

Some of the people I text live in different time zones.  I am not asleep because it isn't bedtime for me but it might be for them.  I still am aware of what time it is for them, though, on the off chance that they do not put their phone on "do not disturb".  Personally, I would consider it my own fault if I got woken up by a text when I didn't put it on "do not disturb" but I am aware that other people might have reasons (elderly parents etc.) that might keep them from using that function.  

[Joules]

I use my phone to get emergency calls.  I don't want anyone texting or calling me during the night, because of the adrenaline rush over nothing.  I never assume that others turn their phone off at night, I only call or text during decent hours

[marbel]

I don't text or call anyone after 9:30pm unless I know they are likely not to be disturbed by the phone.

 

I don't silence my phone every night.  This week I have a kid away at  camp.  While I doubt anything will happen to her, I still want to be accessible.

 

 

[redsquirrel]

Well, I keep my phone next to my bed, but it is silent and not on vibrate. Go ahead and text me all you want, I won't hear it.  My mom is an early riser and often texts me at 5am. I've never heard it. I see it when I get up and answer her when I've had my coffee, lol.  DH keeps his phone next to his bed and if it wasn't on silent it would boop and beep all night for unimportant work emails and alerts and texts. I've never head it make a sound. The phone does light up but we just flip them over and we never see the light. It's not a big deal.

 

FWIW, I do have a land line so if my mom or my sister needed me in the middle of the night they would call me. 

 

 

I think more often the text is taking the place of email. People send it whenever. It is up to the owner of the phone to have their phone configured to make it work for them. My son actually snapped at me because I texted him at school and he beeped during class.  Ummm...it was actually important information and it is his job to silence his phone during classes, not my job to know his schedule and text accordingly. I didn't expect him to see it until between classes when he is allowed to access his phone, but I sent it when I had the information he needed.

[JonesinIndiana]

I turn my phone off at night because of late night (11pm and later!) texts from some friends. I consider texts to be like a phone call and I wouldn't dream of calling or texting that family before 10 am!

[Pawz4me]

My cell is my only phone--- I keep it on and near the bed at night-- if there was an emergency, I want to hear it-- I treat others the same way and assume they will hear anything I send or call.

 

We're the same.

 

I use the same etiquette for texting as I do for phone calls.  If it's too late/too early for a call, then it's too late/too early for a text.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't have that sort of phone.

 

 

[redsquirrel]

Some of the people I text live in different time zones.  I am not asleep because it isn't bedtime for me but it might be for them.  I still am aware of what time it is for them, though, on the off chance that they do not put their phone on "do not disturb".  Personally, I would consider it my own fault if I got woken up by a text when I didn't put it on "do not disturb" but I am aware that other people might have reasons (elderly parents etc.) that might keep them from using that function.  

 

Except, with an iphone you can make exceptions to the 'do not disturb'. My mother can always reach me no matter what my phone is set to. It is a matter of adding her name to a list. So can my son and so can DH. DH is in a band and often has late gigs. He frequently texts me very late at night to let me know he is leaving. Even if I do have my phone set to do not disturb, his always get through to me.

 

And with an iphone, if the phone is on do not disturb, someone can call and it goes silently to voicemail, the caller can call right back again and the phone will ring. That way if there is an emergency someone can get through.

 

So there isn't really a reason to have your phone's sound on even if you are wanting to be available for one or two or however many specific people. There are easy ways to make sure their calls or text get through no matter the time or the setting.

[Ellesmere]

My phone is always on while at home but only makes noise for calls so late night texting would go unnoticed here. I would have guessed a lot of people think of texting as an anytime thing. I don't call my husband at work but I text him during business hours and we know he'll get to it when he can. I'll note in the text if it is urgent; otherwise, just get back to me whenever.

I'm not a huge phone user and I only call/text between 9am-8pm unless it's someone I know very well. 

[Spring Flower]

Except, with an iphone you can make exceptions to the 'do not disturb'. My mother can always reach me no matter what my phone is set to. It is a matter of adding her name to a list. So can my son and so can DH. DH is in a band and often has late gigs. He frequently texts me very late at night to let me know he is leaving. Even if I do have my phone set to do not disturb, his always get through to me.

 

And with an iphone, if the phone is on do not disturb, someone can call and it goes silently to voicemail, the caller can call right back again and the phone will ring. That way if there is an emergency someone can get through.

 

So there isn't really a reason to have your phone's sound on even if you are wanting to be available for one or two or however many specific people. There are easy ways to make sure their calls or text get through no matter the time or the setting.

 

Thanks for sharing this. I had no idea!

 

Is there a way to program my iphone to automatically go to 'do not disturb' at certain times? The few times I've turned my phone on 'do not disturb' I completely forgot to turn it back on and missed a few important calls/texts the next day.

[Kathryn]

My cell is my only phone and it's on my bedside table at night. I don't use do not disturb because I don't want to miss an emergency call. I don't know who such a call would come from so I can't put them on a list to make sure they can get through.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Except, with an iphone you can make exceptions to the 'do not disturb'. My mother can always reach me no matter what my phone is set to. It is a matter of adding her name to a list. So can my son and so can DH. DH is in a band and often has late gigs. He frequently texts me very late at night to let me know he is leaving. Even if I do have my phone set to do not disturb, his always get through to me.

 

And with an iphone, if the phone is on do not disturb, someone can call and it goes silently to voicemail, the caller can call right back again and the phone will ring. That way if there is an emergency someone can get through.

 

So there isn't really a reason to have your phone's sound on even if you are wanting to be available for one or two or however many specific people. There are easy ways to make sure their calls or text get through no matter the time or the setting.

Except if that really important call is from a hospital, or a police department, or from a friend's phone when the kid's phone died for some reason.  I can't predict where that "call or text you don't want to get but really need to take" will come from.  

[PrairieSong]

I often leave my phone charging on the kitchen counter. It's far enough away that a ding from a text would not wake me, but I would hear a phone call. I don't text or call people late at night unless it is a real emergency.

[Ottakee]

Except if that really important call is from a hospital, or a police department, or from a friend's phone when the kid's phone died for some reason.  I can't predict where that "call or text you don't want to get but really need to take" will come from.  

Mine is set so that if the same person/number calls twice in a row it will ring even if I have it on "sleep" mode.  I have a Droid Turbo.

 

Personally, I don't call/text people after 9 unless I know for sure they are ones to be up later (like my mother) and I don't call/text people before 9 in the morning unless again I know they are up early.  I have 2 friends that I can text anytime after 6am but others you don't text until 9pm.

[catz]

I am not huge at texting.  I pretty much just text during daytime hours.  But I do silence my cell at night and it doesn't bother me if I get a text.  We have a land line that all the important people have so I don't worry about silencing my cell phone. 

[Guest]

My cell is my only phone and it's on my bedside table at night. I don't use do not disturb because I don't want to miss an emergency call. I don't know who such a call would come from so I can't put them on a list to make sure they can get through.

This. Anyone that knows me is respectful of decent hours, but they also know I can be reached if it is necessary. Occasionally I get a text from one of my FL friends who forget I am not an hour behind them. :)

[Annie G]

Thanks for sharing this. I had no idea!

 

Is there a way to program my iphone to automatically go to 'do not disturb' at certain times? The few times I've turned my phone on 'do not disturb' I completely forgot to turn it back on and missed a few important calls/texts the next day.

 

Yes, the settings has a Do Not Disturb setting and you can set it however you want.  I have mine set to be silent from 10 AM until 6 AM except for calls from favorites. I'm changing that tonight to allow calls from any number since the above post mentioning a hospital or police office trying to contact us. 

 

I mostly have that setting to avoid hearing texts, Facebook notifications, email, and snapchat notifications waking me up at night.  Nobody ever tries to call me that late except in an emergency so I really don't need to restrict voice calls. 

 

Thanks to the above poster who brought that to my attention!

[Ripley]

I'm a night owl, so late night texts don't generally bother me.  But I also don't live with my phone on or near me because I don't like being super accessible.  I have a landline that only my immediate family and my ex-husband know the number for. And they only use it if it's time-sensitive and they can't reach me on my cell.

 

But when someone texts me and I'm in bed, I just block them. Sometimes, I remember to unblock them the next morning. There are some exceptions - like friends whose family time is the evening, who I don't text after banking hours, or friends who I know will be up that I'll text or call until midnight.

 

But to me it's a courtesy thing, and like other posters I follow a loose rule of no calls or texts between 9pm and 9am. I prefer the people texting me do as well. I feel a bit off put by the idea that I should have to program my phone in a way so as not to be disturbed during socially accepted sleep hours. To that end, I use my phone when and how it's convenient for me, not when and how it's convenient for others. This means I miss out on people and texts, but that doesn't bother me.

[Farrar]

I selected no because I don't expect everyone to, but I do think most people have their phones on do not disturb unless they specifically don't mind getting texts in the night - maybe because they have the phone in another room. I have a friend who hilariously texts in the middle of the night all the time so I've gotten used to it. I'll be like, why were you up at 3 am and she'll be like, oh, I had to use the bathroom and I remembered such and such a thing then went back to sleep.

[Spryte]

I don't text or call after 9 - 9:30. I might email. But nothing like a phone call.

[Jenrae]

No. I don't text or call after 9:00.

 

I have had friends that sent text at midnight and I was quite irritated by it!

 

I leave my phone on because it is my only phone and need to answer during the night if there is a family emergency.

[Excelsior! Academy]

I can't vote because I have no expectations.

I myself don't text at night because I am asleep. My phone spends the night on the kitchen counter recharging, and I would not hear any calls.

I would assume that people who keep their phone close by at night but do not wish to be disturbed turn off the sound.

 

This. ^

 

I would never call someone very late at night unless it is an emergency.  Texting...meh.  I don't check my texts and would assume adults know to silence or ignore their phones in situations where they don't want to be disturbed.  

[HRAAB]

My cell phone is on quiet mode at night.  If I didn't have a landline, I wouldn't do that.  Since I do, anyone that would need me for an emergency has the other number.  I guess I would expect someone who has no other phone to have it on in case of an emergency; otherwise, no I don't expect that.  I would never text anyone during the middle of the night about trivial items.

 

I am a little antsy right now since I'm expecting a phone call any minute from my oldest dd saying she's headed to the hospital.  Last night, every time I woke up, I checked my cell just in case even though they could call on the other line.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Except, with an iphone you can make exceptions to the 'do not disturb'. My mother can always reach me no matter what my phone is set to. It is a matter of adding her name to a list. So can my son and so can DH. DH is in a band and often has late gigs. He frequently texts me very late at night to let me know he is leaving. Even if I do have my phone set to do not disturb, his always get through to me.

 

And with an iphone, if the phone is on do not disturb, someone can call and it goes silently to voicemail, the caller can call right back again and the phone will ring. That way if there is an emergency someone can get through.

 

So there isn't really a reason to have your phone's sound on even if you are wanting to be available for one or two or however many specific people. There are easy ways to make sure their calls or text get through no matter the time or the setting.

True.  My family knows to call twice if they really need me and the phone is on "do not disturb".  

[NorthwestMom]

I voted yes before I read your examples.

 

I DO expect people to have Do Not Disturb on at night in that I do not expect them to answer the phone or texts. I assume they are unreachable.

 

I DON'T ever call or text between 9pm-7am, unless it is an emergency, because I don't want to disturb anyone who hasn't used Do Not Disturb. So I don't assume everyone has set it.

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I voted yes before I read your examples.

 

I DO expect people to have Do Not Disturb on at night in that I do not expect them to answer the phone or texts. I assume they are unreachable.

 

I DON'T ever call or text between 9pm-7am, unless it is an emergency, because I don't want to disturb anyone who hasn't used Do Not Disturb. So I don't assume everyone has set it.

You said it better than I did.

[Rachel]

I expect my husband to turn his phone to do not disturb at night because I couldn't sleep otherwise. He gets tons of email and random texts from employees. As far as other people, I'm not one to text in the middle of the night. I do send early morning texts but those are only to close family members who I happen to know silence their phones at night. If I'm texting an aquaintance or a neighbor, I wait until a decent time.

 

I always set my phone to do not disturb at night and occasionally in the afternoon while my kids nap. My husband always gets through and close friends/family know they can call twice to get through in an emergency.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I set my phone to "do not disturb" off and on through the day too - in the store checkout line (it is rude to be on the phone when the cashier is trying to help you), at the library, at church, if I take a nap. . .      It is so easy to do and I've programed myself to then turn it back on once I'm done.  

[frogger]

I think more often the text is taking the place of email. People send it whenever. It is up to the owner of the phone to have their phone configured to make it work for them. My son actually snapped at me because I texted him at school and he beeped during class.  Ummm...it was actually important information and it is his job to silence his phone during classes, not my job to know his schedule and text accordingly. I didn't expect him to see it until between classes when he is allowed to access his phone, but I sent it when I had the information he needed.

 

Emails don't beep at you when you receive them- phones do. I think email replaced letter writing and texting is closer to a phone call.

 

My husband's work requires he keep the phone on and no it is not just one or two people that might call him. It could be people from Barrow, AK to West Virginia and D.C. 

 

I would prefer to only be woke up when he is actually needed.

 

 I haven't been particularly angered by people who text at night. I hadn't thought much about it and I think social standards still need to emerge regarding texting as it is a newer form of communication. I would prefer it be treated more like a phone call. People use it more in real time rather than a delayed "check your mail when it is convenient" way.

 

During the day when you attend meetings or other functions it is easy to silence something or put it on vibrate. You will still be alerted if something important happens because you are awake and can look at the phone without making noise. This wouldn't be the case for a child taking a test or something but still one cannot expect other people to keep track of when you are doing something important. Night time though requires the noise if you are to be woken and it is a socially accepted practice from the past to not wake people with phone calls.

[Word Nerd]

I expect many do use Do Not Disturb (as I do), but not enough that I would assume I wouldn't disturb someone with a late-night text. I don't call or text between 8 or 9 p.m. and 8 or 9 a.m. (OK, so to be honest I don't call *ever* unless absolutely necessary.)

[Sunshine72]

I would never assume someone has their phone on do not disturb or keeps it in another room while sleeping. I treat a text like a phone call and don't text outside of the times I would phone someone in the olden days.

[chocolatechip]

I would never call late at night unless it was an emergency. 

 

But to me a text is like an email. It can be sent to the recipient to be read whenever they have the chance. Do Not Disturb settings can be set to exclude texts but allow voice calls. 

 

I have a landline so I just put my phone in airplane mode at night. 

[cjzimmer1]

I agree with others who view texting like e-mail.  I do it when I think of it.  My husband has facebook on his phone plus one of the systems at his works e-mails his as backup jobs run over night, between the 2 his phone is chirping and beeping all day and night long.  Plus night is the only down time so that's when the phones are charging near outlets on the kitchen counter.  I guess it never occurred to me people would take them into their room at night so never thought a text messages would be bothersome.

[Guest]

It's not really the right phrasing for me to vote. I don't text people at off hours unless it's crucial. I don't expect people to put their phones on DND mode, but it doesn't surprise me if they do. I usually leave mine on because I am always concerned that my mom or dad could get me if needed.

[MyThreeSons]

I leave my phone on so that my son can get my attention in the middle of the night if he suffers a medical event. He is at risk for a couple of serious issues, and since he sleeps in our little studio apartment next to our house, I cannot hear him yell. I rarely get text messages from anyone else during the night, but I do get new alerts that are sometimes not really alert-worthy, in my opinion. 

[ScoutTN]

I turn the volume down very low at night, but do not silence it.

I silence my phone during church and that is about the only time.

[matrips]

I keep my phone on for emergencies. And I agree, I think of texts like phone calls and would never text late at night or early am. My phone makes a buzzing sound for a text and its woken me up several times by people texting me. Emails are quiet, at least as far as I know, so I have sent them at all hours. Reply when you want. But texting is noisy, and also seems like an immediate response is needed.

[wendyroo]

My husband gets all sorts of inane texts all day and night: a storm warning 50 miles from us, a free app of the day alert, a confirmation that something he ordered is getting ready to ship and then later a text to say it has shipped.

 

He keeps his phone next to the bed (and uses it as an alarm clock), so he has it set to automatically silence all texts unless they come from me between 9pm and 6am.  He does not silence voice calls in case of emergency.

 

Wendy