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Moxie
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Sigh.

 

I'm trying to clean the house. I keep finding lists of great school ideas and resources we never got around to using. I feel terrible about the gaps and the wasted resources and my inability to pull off the education I wanted to give them. I feel so judged by everyone, myself mostly.

 

Gully, guilt, guilt.

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:grouphug:  I'm there with you.  We finished homeschooling a few years ago and I STILL feel guilt over gaps and missed opportunities. And today on Facebook I posted a pic of the new Harper Lee book and my oldest responded by telling me she's never read TKAM. So yeah, all my IRL homeschool friends now think I'm a sham because my kid didn't read TKAM.  

 

 

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Come on in!!

 

Sigh.

 

I'm trying to clean the house. I keep finding lists of great school ideas and resources we never got around to using. I feel terrible about the gaps and the wasted resources and my inability to pull off the education I wanted to give them. I feel so judged by everyone, myself mostly.

 

Gully, guilt, guilt.

*sigh*

 

I could have written this word for word.

 

I often want to cry.

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Come on in!!

 

Sigh.

 

I'm trying to clean the house. I keep finding lists of great school ideas and resources we never got around to using. I feel terrible about the gaps and the wasted resources and my inability to pull off the education I wanted to give them. I feel so judged by everyone, myself mostly.

 

Gully, guilt, guilt.

 

I'm in the same position. Today I filed papers and moved the school records to the back of the cabinet. I have so much I wish I'd gotten done with ds.

 

Trying to move along, though. 

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:grouphug: I hope that in time your disappointment fades.

 

For everything you didn't do, I bet there is something you did do. If you can't see it, it's because you're still so fresh in the moment. If others can't see it, they're not trying to - probably never were, and never will. (And that's a reflection of them, not of you.)

 

You walked the walk. Lots of people don't or won't. Gaps can be filled, resources passed on, but some lessons come from the life we live, the example we set, the effort and time we give. There's also something to be said for the Kenny Roger's school of wisdom: knowing when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. I think we've all known people who have died on the hill of some ideology, and not been any better off for it.

 

By all means, mourn the loss of a dream and of ideals but give yourself some credit, Mom(s).

At least partial-credit? :cheers2:

 

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I feel you!  My oldest daughter is starting high school in the fall and there is so much that I feel that we haven't covered or that we never got around to.   :crying:   Things definitely didn't go as well as I hoped.  She is going to a private school in the fall, and I have to admit that as sad as I am to see her go, I also am glad that any gaps she has will be their responsibility and not mine.   :coolgleamA:

 

I'll still be homeschooling younger DD for 7th grade, and I hope that I will be able to close some gaps this year for her.  

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:grouphug: I'm there with you. We finished homeschooling a few years ago and I STILL feel guilt over gaps and missed opportunities. And today on Facebook I posted a pic of the new Harper Lee book and my oldest responded by telling me she's never read TKAM. So yeah, all my IRL homeschool friends now think I'm a sham because my kid didn't read TKAM.

If it is any comfort, I read TKAM just for fun (not for school) and have always wondered what all the fuss was about. So I, for one, am willing to let you off of the hook for this one. You're welcome!

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I really, really understand.

I quit after just 5 years. I did get to help a homeschooled little boy for a year--we did SOTW and it was a blast.

 

I will tell you, though--you have planted seeds, and you may see growth you did not expect.

 

My dd was at the library with me two weeks ago, and picked up a fun book to read. Then she turned to me and ASKED FOR SOMETHING MEATIER!

"I have a candy book, Mom--I need some meat now." :svengo:

 

So we went to the Sonlight site, and I made a list--She picked up Frankenstein and READ IT. ON HER OWN. :hurray:

(Funny thing--the day she finished it, Final Jeopardy had "Frankenstein" as the answer, and she got it! Who says it isn't useful to read the Great Books...)

 

You have given your best, the best you had, even if it's not the best you wanted to give. I believe it will be a blessing in your child's life.

 

Mourn, because it is mourn-worthy. But then remember what went right, what was precious about the time, what you did well, what good was invested.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

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I'll come in for a bit. We're putting oldest DS in school next year. I'd wanted to hs through jr. High, but I just can't do it with him. He takes up an inordinate amount of my time and energy. But there are so many things I wanted to finish with him... mainly Latin. I'm hoping to get done with Second Form this summer and was wanting to after-school him next year to keep up with the Latin, but I just don't see that happening. And we were doing so well, but he's going to be busy, and tryng to get adjusted and I think he's going to have a pretty heavy load academically as it is. But it just kills me to give up on the Latin.

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I'm there with you.  I'm filling out my youngest son's final transcript.  I've been going though shelves of stuff.  The cool stuff that's still cool to me we never used. 

 

Lord of the Ring curriculum, Sonlight complete years, just so much money wasted and the dream of what my homeschool could of been had I had different sons LOL

 

They made their path and I'm proud but it was not what I wanted for them.   

 

I wrestled the past few months with the same feeling of failure but have come around to my son's received a great education.  It was tailor made for them and no one else in the world learned exactly what or how they chose to leaned

 

I'm happy and over the guilt.  I encourage you to accept you did the best you could with the kids given you. 

 

I decided not to sell the curriculum but donate to a family in need.  The high school years can be expensive so if all this curriculum can help someone that wants to go through high school but doesn't have the resources I have plenty.  I'm even giving a very nice hardly used microscope . 

 

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:grouphug:  You're not guilty of anything.  If you kept your children home knowing that they would do better in school, then perhaps there might be some guilt.  It seems to me you're trying to do what is best for your children.  You should not feel any guilt at all for doing that.  Sorrow and sadness but not guilt.  Please don't discount what you have given them by homeschooling.  And remember, it doesn't have to be forever.  

 

Be gentle with yourself.

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I am waiting to hear if I got a job (elem media specialist). Part of me really wants the job, it sounds exciting, we could pay off debt, it is a school I would like my kids to go to. Another part of me will be relieved if I don't get it, though I do need to make some money.

I made the mistake of talking to my ds8 about it after he was crying about missing his grandparents. He hopes I do not get the job, and he does not want to go to school. 😪 I think he generally doesn't want me to work. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

 

And yes, the reality has not lived up to the ideal and that makes me sick to my stomach.

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I'm putting my five school-aged children into school for the first time this fall. We went back-to-school shopping yesterday. It was nowhere near as fun as choosing new school programs. Speaking of new programs, I've got boxes full of school stuff to sort through and sell or donate. I'll probably not be able to part with a few favorites (plus my younger kids are young and maybe I'll be homeschooling again someday). I am glad that for the last two months of this school year we went on a bunch of field trips. Those are better memories than regular days full of more traditional school work.

 

I do feel a loss of identity, though.

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I was put out to pasture a year ago when my son officially finished high school one month after my then-19-year-old daughter took the savings she had built up over the previous two years and moved into her first apartment 1,000 miles from home. 

 

I've been working and volunteering. We moved across town to be closer to my husband's job. I got through the awful job of sorting through/packing up/giving away most of the homeschool materials I had sitting on our shelves with no more tears and drama than seemed reasonable to me.

 

It's been a year.

 

And tonight I burst into tears trying to explain to my husband why I am looking forward to finding a way to get a different car. (Briefly, because driving around in my "mom" car reminds me every stinking day -- often catching my by surprise all over again, as though it is new information, that my kids aren't here.)

 

 

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I went back to teaching (PS) when ds#2 enrolled in PS for high school 5 years ago.  I HSed for the previous ten years.  Over the past 5 years I have had days when I wondered if I could / should have done a better job at HS/ing my 3 dc.  Other days I see the benefits they gained by being home during that decade.  I should have put more focus on penmanship as both my boys have terrible penmanship.  I wish I had put together a "yearbook" of sorts for each dc each year to show the highlights of what they learned that year.  We didn't get as far in maths as I'd hoped, but all 3 dc have been able to achieve &/or excel in the higher maths they have taken since finishing HS/ing.  In history & geography we covered way, way more than what is taught in any PS here in NZ, but we covered no Te Reo or Tikanga, putting all 3 dc a bit behind their PS peers.  Our eclectic Classical / Literature-based approach helped to inspire a love of stories & learning in general.  None of my 3dc like to read junk, but prefer quality literature.  Ds#2 was disgusted to find that Goosebumps was required reading in his Y9 English class  :huh:

 

The best things my dc gained from our HS/ing years aren't really curriculum or grade based, but instead are attitudes & habits.  Dd was given the support & freedom to follow her passions during her HS/ing years, leading to her choosing a life at sea.  She found her years at uni to be challenging, but she loved the learning & thrived on the discussion & debate part.  Ds#1 is so much farther ahead than his PS peers, as he was not pressured into aiming for uni (something he isn't suited for & has no desire)  He will finish his engineering apprenticeship by the end of the year & will be a qualified tradesman in a trade with job options all over the world.  Ds#2 has taken the skills he learned in his early years HS/ing to excel at PS high school.  He is disciplined, organised, & has a strong desire to learn.  He accepts that his success or failure depends on him alone.  He has been able to juggle his high performance sports demands with Y13 studies & has surprised us with outstanding results so far.  All this while going to school 10 hours south of here on hockey scholarship.  Changing schools for your final year of high school is never easy & he has done this with ease.  

 

And don't forget the non-academic skills (cooking, laundry, budgeting, working, etc.) Those skills are very important & not likely covered enough, if at all, in PS.  HS/ing gives us the time to focus on what is important to us.  Yes, there is always something we could have / should have done better, but what we did do was right for our family at that time.

 

Blessings,

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My 15 year old is frantically scrambling to finish TT Algebra so that he can move on to Geometry in B&M school next year.  He still hasn't finished World History but I am putting it down as finished and yelling daily for him to do some of it.

 

And when I looked at his Health topics, I realized we still haven't given the kid any s*x ED.  I bought a book and handed it to him.......how lame am I?

 

He starts school in 30 days.

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Don't feel guilt. I'm a B&M teacher and me and my colleagues always end the academic year reassuring each other that although we didn't get everything done we wanted we did our best. In addition I was going through my old uni papers (why oh why do I still have my REVISION POST-IT NOTES saved?????!!!!!!) and I realized that I was a good student (I graduated with a 2:1 = B average) but I do not remember HALF of what is in those papers. As long as you have encouraged your children to learn and continue to do so you have given them a gift.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Bumping this as school starts next week. I'm kind of a mess right now for a lot of reasons. Sending them to school for the first time is a big part of it. We got teacher letters yesterday and Back to School Night is in a few days.

Two of mine went back Thursday. My high schooler starts tomorrow. He is the one I'm most concerned about. I wish I could just fast forward to next month. Ugh.

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My youngest three start classes at a private Christian school for the first time on Wednesday (oldest will continue to homeschool). I'm feeling very sad and also super stressed. I know there will be things that I don't like about the whole school thing. (Homework? Getting up at 6:30 every day? Packing lunches and washing uniforms? Not going to like any of that!) But I'm optimistic that it will be a good change overall. I hope. But maybe it won't. Two of my kids have LDs, so I'm really nervous about how they will do in the classroom.

 

And then DH leaves very early on Thursday for a two-day business trip, so I will have to handle the second and third days of school without his help. Which is a big deal, because I'm terrible in the mornings. I really don't want to talk to anyone usually, until I've been awake for awhile, and DH handles the breakfast regularly. Argh.

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