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Keeping children clothed when company is over...


Epicurean
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We have some good friends that we see once or twice a month (they aren't local to our town). Lately, we have become increasingly uncomfortable with the fact that about half the time, their four year old will take his pants and underwear off for the evening (usually after using the bathroom).

 

I guess it bothers me on several levels. First, I don't want to feel like a creep for staring at his penis. It's one of those situations where you have to consciously try NOT to look, you know? Secondly, I don't want him rubbing his genitals all over me. If I'm sitting on the couch with my legs crossed, he often comes over to sort of hug my leg. That's not unusual for a four year old, and I wouldn't really mind otherwise, but something about a boy who isn't my child rubbing his penis on my bare leg kind of freaks me out. And thirdly, we have a two year old daughter. I just feel that it's inappropriate for him to be nude from the waist down in mixed company. I find myself getting creeped out when affectionately hugs her, etc. because his genitals are hanging out.

 

Part of me wonders if I'm unfairly sexualizing a young child, if that makes sense. But the fact is that it does make my DH and I uncomfortable, so we've dropped some hints the last few visits. Things like...

 

"Hey John, did you forget your pants in the bathroom?" (Parents laugh it off.)

 

"Do you think he should put some pants on in case he wants to go outside?"
"Oh, he can go outside without pants. We live in the country."

 

"He's in preschool this year, I guess he's getting old enough that he can't run around naked anymore."

"Yeah, not at SCHOOL anyway, ha!"

 

"I guess he's not used to having to be modest since he's usually only around his brothers."

"Yeah, modesty is not one of his strong points!"

 

:banghead:

 

So, subtle hints are not going to work. They never try to get him to put his pants back on. It's not like a battle of wills that they eventually give up on. They don't even attempt it. The child has no learning challenges, sensory issues, or anything like that.

 

Do you think we're unreasonable to ask that a four year old keep his pants on?

 

How on earth do we broach this subject without giving offense?
 

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Institute a rule at your home of no nakkie time. It's your house, it's a fair rule, the parents can enforce it or not be invited back over. I don't think you're being unreasonable. Yes, young children are innocent and love being naked - it's fun! But it's not inappropriate at all to set that boundary for your own children OR any who are visiting. I have a house full of little people, nobody runs around naked except in the brief time before and after bath. I doubt I have five anomalous children - it's entirely possible and reasonable to expect he can keep his clothes on for one visit!

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Is this at your house or theirs? At your house - just tell them it's a rule that everyone wears pants. No hints needed, just tell them straight out. Tell them it's an issue you are working on with your own kids if you feel you need a justification.

 

At their house it gets a little trickier. We have a toddler who doesn't like to wear pants. We allow him to have naked time at home, within certain parameters. One of those parameters is that everyone must wear pants when company comes over, but I suppose some might have a different view on that. Either way at their house their rules are the ones that count. If you are uncomfortable with them, don't go to their house.

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Well, my 4 year old takes his pants and underwear off after a certain time of day...

 

...but I'd not let him if we had guests over.

 

I'd say something privately to the mother. Your second concern would be the one I'd raise. It's a good way to teach the son about respecting personal space of others without body shaming. 

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It wouldn't worry me, but I think it's fine to ask for him to wear underwear at your own house.  You could just say that it's the house rule and ask the parents to go with that.

 

I don't think that you can regulate the child's behaviour in his own home - I'm sure that if I came to your house and insisted that your child used cutlery in the British rather than the American way, you would feel that it was none of my business.

 

I'd work on avoiding the things that worry you: if I didn't like the feel of his penis against my bare leg, I'd create a fun little ritual when he came to hug my leg: picking him up and giving him a hug (penis against clothes), or something.  Unless your daughter seems bothered, I wouldn't worry about that - they are just little kids.

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Do you think we're unreasonable to ask that a four year old keep his pants on?

 

At their house, yes. At your house, no.

 

I think they get the hints. They might just disagree. If this is your house, I would give them a clear reason for your expectations and try to meet in the middle.

 

My kids were asked to keep on underwear at least when guests were over, for sanitary reasons, but that was it. We wash our hands after touching our bottoms, so that's a lot of hand washing. It's not realistic. That is the main reason my kids ended up putting underwear on. I think that is clear and reasonable and you can also emphasize the fact that your daughter is learning about sanitation.

 

I don't really get your other concerns--to me, you can be naked until around first grade and nobody cares, some people are just less modest and they're practically babies at that age.

 

My first started wearing clothes regularly around four. My second loves naked time and when she was four I couldn't keep clothes on her for love or money.

 

But I also don't have much trouble not noticing baby boy penises... they all kind of look the same at that age, and unless he's standing there fiddling with himself I'm more likely to notice the noise he's making.

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Yes, I got the impression it was at your house. If it was at their house I'd just not go over again and if they ask I'd be frank about the issue.

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I wouldn't feel comfortable at all.  I once was buying a used cube slide thing and when I got to the house (Craigslist type thing) the little boy was naked and running up and down the slide, sliding, etc.....I didn't buy it.  EWE.

 

If you don't feel you can be completely open and honest with her about how you feel, you have two choices:  Put up with it or don't go over there anymore.  

 

So you have to just decide what you are willing to deal with.

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you don't need to be subtle with a four-year old.  be direct.

 

johnny - you need to go put your pants back on.  that's what people do after they finish in the bathroom.

and if he's rubbing himself against your leg - clothed or not - I'd again "johnny, that is inappropriate and you need to stop doing that to other people now". 

 

If his parents arent' saying anything - I would.

 

insist upon it.

 

 

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you don't need to be subtle with a four-year old.  be direct.

 

johnny - you need to go put your pants back on.  that's what people do after they finish in the bathroom.

and if he's rubbing himself against your leg - clothed or not - I'd again "johnny, that is inappropriate and you need to stop doing that to other people now". 

 

If his parents arent' saying anything - I would.

 

insist upon it.

 

You would insist on it in THEIR house?

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That would make me uncomfortable too. At my house, I'd tell him to put on pants. No bare butts on the couch. At their house, I think pants coming off would signal it's time for us to go home. Welp, Johnny's turned off the pants light. He must be winding down for the evening. Time for us to head home. Hahaha. And leave. If I stayed, I would not hesitate to ask him to get his naked self off of me. It's ok to have boundaries with children as an adult.

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You would insist on it in THEIR house?

 

I would insist their kid NOT rub himself against me or my children. (clothes or not) and I wouldn't be subtle either.  I don't give a rip if that offends the parent - they should be teaching their own kid that's not appropriate.

 

we do our children no favors not teaching them appropriate behavior.  four-year olds do NOT know what is appropriate or not. (and they can even forget basics - like putting their pants back on.)  and it IS a sanitary/hygene issue.  anything a bare bottomed child sits up on is NOT sanitary.  not to mention their little hands which are always exploring.  (then their hands aren't sanitary and whatever they touch isn't sanitary.) 

 

the only time my boys ran around naked was after getting out of the tub and we had to chase them down because it was time to get dressed.  that was how they learned.

 

if you want to allow your "not-potty-training" kid to run around with no bottoms - do it when you don't have guests.   but then if I knew you did at other times, I wouldn't trust your house to be sanitary and wouldn't be visiting so we wouldn't have a problem. . . .

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if you want to allow your "not-potty-training" kid to run around with no bottoms - do it when you don't have guests.   but then if I knew you did at other times, I wouldn't trust your house to be sanitary and wouldn't be visiting so we wouldn't have a problem. . . .

 

A generally more-or-less clean house with a bare-bottomed child vs. any door handle or light switch that adults touch (given how many people do not wash their hands after they go to the toilet).  I wouldn't be worried.

 

L

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Four years is old enough to keep one's pants on when visiting others. What is wrong with those parents?  You are just going to be upfront and TELL them your house rules for people older than 2 are no nudity. If Junior comes out of the bathroom naked and won't put his pants on, stand up and tell his folks, calmly, "I guess we need to say good night now".

 

And a four year old can get their "jollies" rubbing up against things or people.  I had to calmly keep redirecting a little girl who wanted to rub herself while sitting on my lap watching tv once as a babysitting teen. I didn't want to say anything to make her feel "bad" (not my job, and she was only a three-year-old, too young to know it was not socially appropriate)  but I sure didn't want her doing that!

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You would insist on it in THEIR house?

 

Yes.  "Johnny, you have company over and need to put your pants on".  "johnny, please do not rub your naked bits on me".

 

The other parents must think their child poops rainbows, and how could anyone not find his nudity charming.  Idiots.

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Yes.  "Johnny, you have company over and need to put your pants on".  "johnny, please do not rub your naked bits on me".

 

The other parents must think their child poops rainbows, and how could anyone not find his nudity charming.  Idiots.

 

I look forward to coming over to your house and imposing my cultural assumptions on your children.  It'll be fun.

 

I agree that you have every right to avoid physical contact if you are not comfortable with it, but telling the child to put his pants on in his own home is another matter.

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Yeah, you can't tell people what to do in their own homes.  That doesn't mean I think it's OK to have a 4 year old running around pantsless and rubbing up against guests.  

 

I would probably limit my social events with these people to public places for a while.  Or, adults-only get-togethers at your house. 

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Yes.  "Johnny, you have company over and need to put your pants on".  "johnny, please do not rub your naked bits on me".

 

The other parents must think their child poops rainbows, and how could anyone not find his nudity charming.  Idiots.

 

I must of missed the part about rubbing naked bits on people. 

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I look forward to coming over to your house and imposing my cultural assumptions on your children.  It'll be fun.

 

I agree that you have every right to avoid physical contact if you are not comfortable with it, but telling the child to put his pants on in his own home is another matter.

 

If I had a four year old running around nakked and it bothered my guests, yes, I'd  want those guest to speak up!  The right of my guests to feel comfortable in my house overrides  junior's desire to run around nakked.  I'd expect a teenager to put a shirt on, and my husband to not be sitting in his boxers and t-shirt, too.

 

Note - we do hide the Harry Potter books etc. when certain friends come over as we know they think it is Satanic.  Yes, we will bend to accommodate the "cultural assumptions" of any guest.  It is not that the wishes of our guest are being "imposed" on us - it is common courtesy,  We put our Lab elsewhere, too, if we know visitors are afraid of large dogs.  

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I would not feel comfortable instructing another person's child.  And I would be livid if anyone felt they had the right to do so to mine.

 

That said, you are more than free to leave if you find the behavior offensive.  I would...but first I would have no problem telling the parents:  Hey, we prefer everyone be fulling clothed during visits.  Can Johnny put on some shorts?

 

If they are offended, too bad.  If they refuse, I'd switch our playdates/hangouts to public places.

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My dd5 has a set of boy/girl twin 5yo friends whose parents are from another country. When they come over it is not at all unusual for one or both of them to shuck their clothes. Often there is context: the girls may have been playing dress up and the little girl didn't bother with clothes after that. The boy has sensory issues with clothing and will strip off the offending articles. One day we had a small wading pool set up in the driveway and both just stripped naked and hopped in with no regard:)

And as a separate issue (as she is usually clothed at the time) the little girl has a very obvious uh, stimming issue.

 

The thing is, they are just kids. Getting naked is not their issue, it is how we as adults choose to view it. It has actually been very healthy for my dd to discover that bodies are just bodies. I think that no other, however well-meaning, adult has the right to make pointed comments or shame the child into putting clothes on. Not their place. If it bothers you, talk to the parents. If they don't agree, don't invite them over if it is something that truly offends you.

 

We do have a couple of 'rules' that I mention in front of the parents and that works. Clothes on at the dinner table is the one that comes to mind. The little girl tends to ride the arm of the sofa as 'her horse' and so I insisted on a blanket 'saddle' as she actually wore a near hole in the arm. Am I thrilled with it? Not at all. But it is her parents job and concern. Mine is to teach my dd that people come in all shapes, sizes, and sorts and we do not judge. We take them as they are and decide if they are those we want in our lives.

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At my house, everyone needs to cover their bits. 

 

At their house, they get to decide, but I'd probably be uncomfortable enough with it in the described situation to not go over there. One, I wouldn't want him hugging me or particularly my toddler in the nude. Two, I know too much about the bathroom habits of four-year-olds in general to want to sit anywhere his naked bum has been, lol. If he tried to crawl in my lap I'd probably toss him to his parents with alacrity. 

 

If you don't think straightforwardness will end well, can you suggest meeting somewhere else that is family friendly? An evening picnic at the park can be lovely. 

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  The little girl tends to ride the arm of the sofa as 'her horse' and so I insisted on a blanket 'saddle' as she actually wore a near hole in the arm. Am I thrilled with it? Not at all. But it is her parents job and concern. Mine is to teach my dd that people come in all shapes, sizes, and sorts and we do not judge.  

 

I don't think it's judging if I don't let a 5-yr-old hump my sofa. 

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I don't think it's judging if I don't let a 5-yr-old hump my sofa.

No...not per say. But my making comments or inadvertently shaming her would be. Her parents are very aware of it, are working on it, and have even lost friends over it. Nothing I do or say is going to change the issue. So I have the choice to enjoy their company at my house during this time or not.

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My dd5 has a set of boy/girl twin 5yo friends whose parents are from another country. When they come over it is not at all unusual for one or both of them to shuck their clothes. Often there is context: the girls may have been playing dress up and the little girl didn't bother with clothes after that. The boy has sensory issues with clothing and will strip off the offending articles. 

 

well - they are in a different country with different societal norms.  so they need to learn the norms of the society they live within.

 

 

eta: I wonder if this attitude of "no biggie" to running around nekked in front of non-family is part of the reason for the increase in college students traveling abroad and stripping off for tourist pictures.  including at SE asian holy sites.  (the college students ended up in jail. . . . )  they obviously don't see public nudity as inappropriate.

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well - they are in a different country with different societal norms. so they need to learn the norms of the society they live within.

Lol, it isn't that I don't agree. And there have been times when I have been a bit uncomfortable. However, as both of their parents are university professors and are fully aware, again, their responsibility.

The kids are good kids. They aren't hurting anything with their sometimes disregard for clothing. In the grand scheme of things it just isn't even worth worrying about for me:)

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My dd5 has a set of boy/girl twin 5yo friends whose parents are from another country. When they come over it is not at all unusual for one or both of them to shuck their clothes. Often there is context: the girls may have been playing dress up and the little girl didn't bother with clothes after that. The boy has sensory issues with clothing and will strip off the offending articles. One day we had a small wading pool set up in the driveway and both just stripped naked and hopped in with no regard:)

And as a separate issue (as she is usually clothed at the time) the little girl has a very obvious uh, stimming issue.

 

The thing is, they are just kids. Getting naked is not their issue, it is how we as adults choose to view it. It has actually been very healthy for my dd to discover that bodies are just bodies. I think that no other, however well-meaning, adult has the right to make pointed comments or shame the child into putting clothes on. Not their place. If it bothers you, talk to the parents. If they don't agree, don't invite them over if it is something that truly offends you.

 

We do have a couple of 'rules' that I mention in front of the parents and that works. Clothes on at the dinner table is the one that comes to mind. The little girl tends to ride the arm of the sofa as 'her horse' and so I insisted on a blanket 'saddle' as she actually wore a near hole in the arm. Am I thrilled with it? Not at all. But it is her parents job and concern. Mine is to teach my dd that people come in all shapes, sizes, and sorts and we do not judge. We take them as they are and decide if they are those we want in our lives.

It's not shaming to make rules for your house that everyone wears clothes outside of the bathtub. And it's certainly not shaming to set (and enforce) a boundary of not letting a naked child hump a hole in your couch. I can't even imagine how that would happen during a visit. If they are letting their children damage other people's property and disrespect their rules, it's no surprise they are losing friends.

 

In the child's house, that would be up to the parents. I'd set personal boundaries (no naked touching me or my kids please) or choose to leave.

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It wouldn't worry me, but I think it's fine to ask for him to wear underwear at your own house. You could just say that it's the house rule and ask the parents to go with that.

 

I don't think that you can regulate the child's behaviour in his own home - I'm sure that if I came to your house and insisted that your child used cutlery in the British rather than the American way, you would feel that it was none of my business.

 

I'd work on avoiding the things that worry you: if I didn't like the feel of his penis against my bare leg, I'd create a fun little ritual when he came to hug my leg: picking him up and giving him a hug (penis against clothes), or something. Unless your daughter seems bothered, I wouldn't worry about that - they are just little kids.

I completely agree.
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No...not per say. But my making comments or inadvertently shaming her would be. Her parents are very aware of it, are working on it, and have even lost friends over it. Nothing I do or say is going to change the issue. So I have the choice to enjoy their company at my house during this time or not.

 

I agree and am always torn on these things.  I think I lean towards being honest.  Meaning I am honest that it bothers me and it will bother other people and they should be aware of that fact.  Whether or not my feelings are correct or other people all don't have major hangups, is another issue entirely. 

 

I have zero problem with the nakedness.  I do have a problem with a kid rubbing up on me while naked.  Not that I think they have ill intentions.  But a person's boundaries when it comes to being touched should be respected.  I wouldn't even necessarily enjoy a kid sitting on my lap fully clothed or otherwise.  I'm just not a touchy feely kind of person.  I feel differently about my own kids.  I don't think that makes me a weirdo or close minded.

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It's not shaming to make rules for your house that everyone wears clothes outside of the bathtub. And it's certainly not shaming to set (and enforce) a boundary of not letting a naked child hump a hole in your couch. I can't even imagine how that would happen during a visit. If they are letting their children damage other people's property and disrespect their rules, it's no surprise they are losing friends.

 

In the child's house, that would be up to the parents. I'd set personal boundaries (no naked touching me or my kids please) or choose to leave.

Hhmm. As I said in the post, I DO have some rules that I set, such as clothes in at the dinner table. The child on the sofa IS clothed, and her parents would replace the entire sofa if I required it. There is no disrespect.

The shaming I was referring to does not come from making rules, it comes from the pointed comments we as adults might make to the kids. I think it would even be unintentional. The point I was trying to make is that you can discuss rules with the parents if it is really important to you, but that you have to let them deal with it. I have personally decided that they are just kids and the nakedness is not really an issue I am willing to lose friends over.

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I don't think a 4 year-old is too old to be naked in front of non-family at his own house.  Rainbow-poop not required.

 

I think it's perfectly fine to request that said 4 year-old be clothed at your house.

 

I think it's perfectly fine to have personal boundaries about naked children of any age touching you.

 

I think it's ridiculous to be concerned about a 2 year-old seeing or being touched by a naked 4-year-old.

 

OP, just be honest with these people.  Either you can come to mutual understanding or you can't.

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A generally more-or-less clean house with a bare-bottomed child vs. any door handle or light switch that adults touch (given how many people do not wash their hands after they go to the toilet). I wouldn't be worried.

 

L

Haha! Your kids must be better wipers than mine. Underwear are insurance against their poor wiping coordination and general laziness :rofl:
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Haha! Your kids must be better wipers than mine. Underwear are insurance against their poor wiping coordination and general laziness :rofl:

 

I'm way more concerned about parents that knowingly allow thier children to have soiled bottoms than those who allow their clean-bottomed children to be naked in their own homes.  Idiots.

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A naked 4 year old would not bother me.  I would not have to consciously not look at his privates and I wouldn't think of them as "genitals" per se.   It all seems a bit weird to me, to be honest.

 

But. . .   if it's a big deal then I guess you'd better limit your visits to earlier in the day or outside at parks or other public places.  

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I do not understand why you are concerned about the two year old.   Are you afraid she'll ... what? Get the idea it's ok to be naked?

 

It's always ok to tell a kid to back off and not be touchy, whether or not clothes are involved.

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I'm way more concerned about parents that knowingly allow thier children to have soiled bottoms than those who allow their clean-bottomed children to be naked in their own homes.  Idiots.

 

There are some really good parents who don't always know the absolute second their kids don't wipe properly. As far as my own house goes, I don't care if guests use a bidet or a power washer, I don't want their naked butts on my furniture. 

 

I don't know how you meant this, but it kind of comes across as though you're telling the poster who said her kids aren't good wipers that she's an idiot. 

 

I do not understand why you are concerned about the two year old.   Are you afraid she'll ... what? Get the idea it's ok to be naked?

 

It's always ok to tell a kid to back off and not be touchy, whether or not clothes are involved.

 

Many people teach their young children to that the parts of the body covered by a bathing suit aren't for touching. I don't think it's terribly strange to not want a naked 4-yr-old to be hugging your toddler. Or your leg, lol. 

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There are some really good parents who don't always know the absolute second their kids don't wipe properly. Yes, there are.  There are also some who know their kids don't wipe well so they don't allow them to be naked on the furniture.  As far as my own house goes, I don't care if guests use a bidet or a power washer, I don't want their naked butts on my furniture.  Fair enough.

 

I don't know how you meant this, but it kind of comes across as though you're telling the poster who said her kids aren't good wipers that she's an idiot. 

It was meant as a response to the post about how parents who allow their 4 year-old to be naked in front of non-family are idiots who think their kids poop rainbows.

 

Many people teach their young children to that the parts of the body covered by a bathing suit aren't for touching.  Yes, they do. Those people that I've encountered also only allow bathing suits that cover a whole lot of body.  I think that's strange.  I don't think it's terribly strange to not want a naked 4-yr-old to be hugging your toddler. Or your leg, lol.  Yes, they do.  I think its strange in this context.  Not terribly, but strange nonetheless.

 

 

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I'm way more concerned about parents that knowingly allow thier children to have soiled bottoms than those who allow their clean-bottomed children to be naked in their own homes. Idiots.

Yikes, are you calling Arctic Mama an idiot? If so, then I guess I'm an idiot too, because my 5 and 7 year olds still don't always do a good job wiping. We're working on it, for sure. But yeah, I'm glad they wear clothes and take regular showers!

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Many people teach their young children to that the parts of the body covered by a bathing suit aren't for touching. I don't think it's terribly strange to not want a naked 4-yr-old to be hugging your toddler. Or your leg, lol.

 

I agree that "don't touch anyone with your naked private parts" is a good rule, very fair, very reasonable, one I'd put in place myself for a 4 year old.  But just being naked by itself, when the kids are so little, would not be a big deal to me.  There is not "mixed company" for toddlers and preschoolers, they're all just little kids.

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I said: Many people teach their young children to that the parts of the body covered by a bathing suit aren't for touching.  

 

And then 8circles said: Yes, they do. Those people that I've encountered also only allow bathing suits that cover a whole lot of body.  I think that's strange. 

 

That hasn't been my experience - it's very mainstream advice to teach children that 'private parts' are the area covered by a bathing suit. It's the wording used by the American Academy of Pediatrics, for example, and it's commonly used in schools and books. 

 

It's pretty standard among the parents I know, and they all buy the typical bathing suits from Target or the mall. I mean, it's a pretty useless guideline otherwise! 

 

What do people tell very young children in your area? 

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I said: Many people teach their young children to that the parts of the body covered by a bathing suit aren't for touching.  

 

And then 8circles said: Yes, they do. Those people that I've encountered also only allow bathing suits that cover a whole lot of body.  I think that's strange. 

 

That hasn't been my experience - it's very mainstream advice to teach children that 'private parts' are the area covered by a bathing suit. It's the wording used by the American Academy of Pediatrics, for example, and it's commonly used in schools and books. 

 

It's pretty standard among the parents I know, and they all buy the typical bathing suits from Target or the mall. I mean, it's a pretty useless guideline otherwise! 

 

What do people tell very young children in your area? 

 

Its more about context than following or not following the AAP guidelines.  Why do you need AAP guidelines about a 4 year-olds nakedness in his own house?  I don't know anyone who would reference that guideline in this context that wouldn't also be way more "conservative" about swimwear than I think is healthy.  

 

I think 2 year-olds and 4 year-olds should be able to be naked in front of family and close friends without any consideration to private parts. 

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Its more about context than following or not following the AAP guidelines.  Why do you need AAP guidelines about a 4 year-olds nakedness in his own house?  I don't know anyone who would reference that guideline in this context that wouldn't also be way more "conservative" about swimwear than I think is healthy.  

 

I think 2 year-olds and 4 year-olds should be able to be naked in front of family and close friends without any consideration to private parts. 

 

I am referencing it in the context of the OP being uncomfortable with the naked boy hugging her toddler - it can be hard to explain to a very young child that you shouldn't touch anyone on their private areas, except it's okay for Friend to give you naked hugs. 

 

I can't say that I remember this ever coming up with my kids, but I don't think it's over the top to not want naked hugs. She's not freaking out over it happening once, but saying that she's uncomfortable with it happening routinely.  

 

It wouldn't strike me as odd to see the children of family or close friends naked in certain contexts, like exiting the bath or stripping off swimming suits before coming inside, but I also don't think it's overly restrictive to tell a 4-yr-old that they should generally be clothed when it's not immediate family. 

 

I'm not expecting a tuxedo, just some underpants!

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I am referencing it in the context of the OP being uncomfortable with the naked boy hugging her toddler - it can be hard to explain to a very young child that you shouldn't touch anyone on their private areas, except it's okay for Friend to give you naked hugs. 

 

I can't say that I remember this ever coming up with my kids, but I don't think it's over the top to not want naked hugs. She's not freaking out over it happening once, but saying that she's uncomfortable with it happening routinely.  

 

It wouldn't strike me as odd to see the children of family or close friends naked in certain contexts, like exiting the bath or stripping off swimming suits before coming inside, but I also don't think it's overly restrictive to tell a 4-yr-old that they should generally be clothed when it's not immediate family. 

 

I'm not expecting a tuxedo, just some underpants!

 

If you'd read all my replies you'd know that I also think it's OK to have different boundaries & express them.  I don't think that people who have different cultural norms regarding nakedness of their children are idiots who think their children poop rainbows.

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