Scary Feeling/Trusting your instincts

[AndyJoy]

I've mentioned this on a similar thread but I'll say it again. When I was a tween/teen I knew three different men who creeped me out so I avoided them at church and around town. All 3 ended up being arrested for pedophilia. I trust my gut when it tells me something is not right. This doesn't mean I am not cautious or too trusting when I don't get a creepy feeling, but when I do I don't ignore it.

[DesertBlossom]

I've had that feeling a couple times. In college this guy I worked with kept asking me out. I was uneasy about him and kept giving him really lame excuses, but he wouldn't give up. One day he caught me alone in the break room, tried massaging my shoulders and told me he wanted to keep our relationship on "down low." So creepy. But it really reaffirmed to me he was not someone I wanted to be alone with, ever. I finally lied and told him I was dating someone else and he left me alone. But eek.

 

A few weeks ago we were at the river wading and playing in the water. It was a weekday and no one else was there. Dh and a few kids wandered upstream about 100 yards. A group of people came down to the water. The 2 women wandered way off and there were 3 guys left near me. One waded into the water and all of the sudden I realized the 3 guys had formed a triangle around me, each about 15 to 20 ft from me. Two on the bank and the one in the water. I have never felt dread like that before. I mean, all that space, no one around and I'm suddenly very casually surrounded by them. I picked up my toddler and quickly started walking in the direction of dh. The whole group left shortly after. I want to believe it was just random. But it was really scary feeling.

[gardenmom5]

I had that feeling once. I was at a park and my husband wasn't too far away, but far enough. And something w/ a guy just felt very, very off. I wanted to run out of there, but I also wanted to play it cool and inch away.

 

Remember some of the worst guys looked normal and handsome and "everyday." They don't have horns or a tail.

 

I say trust your gut.

 

Alley

 

ted bundy was a good looking, charming, brilliant college student.  he was also a serial killer.

 

I think listening to your 'gut' is a good instinct. But people have deceptive 'guts.' I have a friend who was terrorized in the highway by a guy who felt - in his gut - and absolutely believed that my friend was abducting the girl with him. In truth, the girl was his daughter who he was driving home from from a normal activity. The guy rammed my friend's car 11 times, and by the time it ended, half the cops in the city were called in and his daughter is still deeply traumatized. The guy was just delusional. So I guess some people should not listen to their guts.

n

 

except - that wasn't "his gut" - that was his "delusion".  big difference, no matter what you call it.  the guy was obviously mentally unbalanced.

 

I consider people talking to themselves - generally - no big deal. most people do it at one time or another.  it's often called "Thinking out loud".  however,  my bil talked to himself in such a way that I'm not the only one who was scared of him.  ( he's dead now.).  before I knew there were incidents of violence against their mother and sister.  he was never officially diagnosed mentally ill - but I'm positive he was.

[plansrme]

I read Blind Man's Bluff (excellent book, by the way) several months ago, and it includes a chapter on the USS Scorpion, a lost submarine that was providing extremely difficult to find.  The Navy brought in a mathematician who found it by applying Bayesian search theory.  As the book describes it, Craven (the mathematician) asked everyone looking for the sub for their best guess as to its location.  He then averaged the guesses, and the sub was located on the sea floor something like 400 yards from the location he pinpointed based on their guesses.  The point of having everyone guess is that people know more than they think they know, and the guessing process attempts to harness that knowledge we don't know we have.   So yes, chalk one up for intuition.

 

I don't think intuition is some magical sixth sense; I think it is our inability to describe what it is about a particular individual or situation is raising red flags.  The guy in the produce section that creeps you out--maybe you unconsciously notice that he is carefully inspecting things one doesn't usually inspect, like carrots, or that he doesn't have a cart or something else that, if you really thought about it, would tell you he's not really shopping for salad ingredients.  Maybe he is staring at you when your back is turned (isn't there evidence that we can, indeed, tell when someone is watching us?).  Anyway, all that is to say that I think intuition is just not being able to coherently articulate the clues we are sensing.

 

Even though I believe intuition exists, i.e., that we know more than we think we do and are calling it "intuition," there also are people like my mother who see evil and hidden meanings everywhere.  She is not intuitive; she is delusional.  

 

 

[creekland]

 The guy in the produce section that creeps you out--maybe you unconsciously notice that he is carefully inspecting things one doesn't usually inspect, like carrots, 

 

...

 

Even though I believe intuition exists, i.e., that we know more than we think we do and are calling it "intuition," there also are people like my mother who see evil and hidden meanings everywhere.  She is not intuitive; she is delusional.  

 

Whoa!  Doesn't everyone inspect carrots?  I certainly do.  How else would I get the best group in length/width for my ponies?  I also want those that don't bend easily.  I almost picked up some "great sale" carrots, but then realized I could probably have tied them in a knot if I wanted to.   :glare:   I believe I inspect everything in the produce aisle...

 

And otherwise?  Your mom, my dad, what a pair they would make... talking with him on the phone is often - interesting.  

[Danestress]

.

except - that wasn't "his gut" - that was his "delusion". big difference, no matter what you call it. the guy was obviously mentally unbalanced.

 

.

I understand that. But I doubt he did, which was my point. 'Trust your gut' can be good advice. But I wonder how much our gut instinct is colored by anxiety, stress, gender or racial bias, mental health problems, trauma, dementia, substance abuse, etc. I suspect few people are particularly good analyzing that on the fly.

 

It doesn't much matter in many situations. I don't owe strangers the time of day. If someone makes me uncomfortable, I don't need an explanation to leave, ignore them, etc.

 

But if my 'gut' has the power to hurt, I need to be careful. If my fear keeps me from enjoying life, that can hurt me or my kids. If am overly confident about my gut protecting me, that can actually make me vulnerable. I don't want to rely on my gut so much that I stop thinking rationally when I have the time to do so.

[mom2scouts]

I've had this happen to me twice. The first time I was walking on a city park trail with my young children.  We stopped at an overlook that was filled with office workers on their lunch break.  A man next to me started talking to me and alarms started going off like crazy.  I tried to avoid talking to him.  I suddenly realized that all the office workers were leaving and I was going to be left alone with this guy.  I debated following the workers, but my car was at the other end of a trail, it was a hot day, and I couldn't figure out how I was going to get back to my car with two young children if I went that way. This was before cell phones.  I immediately started back on the trail walking quickly and realized the man was following me.  i got so scared that I picked up my youngest child, grabbed the other child's hand and started running and the man ran after me! He only stopped when I ran up a trail near a building and a worker was out emptying trash. I got to my car and thought about reporting it to the police, but I was so scared that I just drove home. 

 

Another time was when I was with my family and a large group in a city.  We were out enjoying the night in the tourist area when I started to get concerned about the young man behind my family.  There were people everywhere and it should not have been unusual to have someone walking on the sidewalk behind us, but the alarms in my head wouldn't stop.  My husband doesn't seem to have an ounce of intuition, so I knew he wouldn't pick up on my growing fear.  I suggested we turn and take another street and the man turned and followed us.  As my fear grew, I saw a few members of our group on the other side of the street mixed in with a large group of tourists. I *loudly* said, "OH LOOK!  THERE'S THE REST OF OUR GROUP! LET'S CROSS THE STREET AND JOIN THEM!" As soon as I said it, the man did a 180 degree turn and walked away from us and that was not subtle.

 

I think there really are subtle clues that we are subconsciously picking up on. After the fact, I can go back and think of things that were unusual, but not so immediately obvious that most people would consciously notice them. The problem with listening to our intuition is that we will never know if it saved us from harm, so we tell ourselves we were just overreacting.  I think you did the right thing.

[ashfern]

Our family went to a state park on a Dec. weekend. It was cold so not many people/cars around. I was on the phone so I told DH to take the kids to walk around the lake and that I would meet up with them. There was an older man (60ish) there in the parking lot with his dog. He was just hanging out so I was watching him while I was on my call. I got a super creepy feeling about him. If I went the same way that my family did I would have to walk right by him. I decided to go the opposite way and I actually ran until I met up with the family. I forgot all about it until a young woman went missing from the same state park a short time later. Her dog was found but she wasn't. When they finally caught the guy who killed her and I saw his photo it was the same guy who had made me uncomfortable that day in the park. I'm glad that I trusted my instincts/feelings on that day. I can't know for certain that he would have kidnapped and killed me but he did just that shortly after that day.

[fairfarmhand]

Yes, I've had the feeling. I was jogging in a secluded spot and a guy approached me with some strange story that just didn't seem to add up. I talked for a minute, but he kept getting closer, so I ran off and called my dh to come get me.

 

I couldn't explain exactly what freaked me out until later. I just had a feeling that things weren't right, there was no one there and the road was deserted.

 

Several months later, he shot his wife, burned the house down, and committed suicide by cop. He lived about 3-4 houses up the road from us.

 

I can't explain the feeling I had when I went to the news website and it was the same guy who'd approached me.

 

(I posted abut this. I felt very foolish at the time, but in retrospect, i am glad I listened to my feelngs.)

[SparklyUnicorn]

The guy could have been working security.  It is odd in a way that he was there, but it sounds like security.  I worked in a department store and our training included how the security operates.  They target certain people because statistically they are among those who tend to steal.  Women of a certain age range are one of those groups. 

 

Anywho...nothing wrong with going with your gut really.  I have sometimes had strong reactions around certain people where they just gave me the creeps. 

[Garga]

Yes, I've had the feeling. I was jogging in a secluded spot and a guy approached me with some strange story that just didn't seem to add up. I talked for a minute, but he kept getting closer, so I ran off and called my dh to come get me.

 

I couldn't explain exactly what freaked me out until later. I just had a feeling that things weren't right, there was no one there and the road was deserted.

 

Several months later, he shot his wife, burned the house down, and committed suicide by cop. He lived about 3-4 houses up the road from us.

 

I can't explain the feeling I had when I went to the news website and it was the same guy who'd approached me.

 

(I posted abut this. I felt very foolish at the time, but in retrospect, i am glad I listened to my feelngs.)

 

I remember that!

[.Michelle.]

The guy could have been working security.  It is odd in a way that he was there, but it sounds like security.  I worked in a department store and our training included how the security operates.  They target certain people because statistically they are among those who tend to steal.  Women of a certain age range are one of those groups. 

 

Anywho...nothing wrong with going with your gut really.  I have sometimes had strong reactions around certain people where they just gave me the creeps. 

 

This reminds me of the episode of Mr. Selfridge when they started putting plainclothes guards in the store and wound up freaking out all of the ladies who were shopping.

[SparklyUnicorn]

This reminds me of the episode of Mr. Selfridge when they started putting plainclothes guards in the store and wound up freaking out all of the ladies who were shopping.

 

Yeah that's what they do.  They try to appear like they are just shopping.  Ideally they find women to do that because let's face it how many guys do you see shopping in the women's department? 

[inmyopinion]

I understand that. But I doubt he did, which was my point. 'Trust your gut' can be good advice. But I wonder how much our gut instinct is colored by anxiety, stress, gender or racial bias, mental health problems, trauma, dementia, substance abuse, etc. I suspect few people are particularly good analyzing that on the fly.

 

It doesn't much matter in many situations. I don't owe strangers the time of day. If someone makes me uncomfortable, I don't need an explanation to leave, ignore them, etc.

 

But if my 'gut' has the power to hurt, I need to be careful. If my fear keeps me from enjoying life, that can hurt me or my kids. If am overly confident about my gut protecting me, that can actually make me vulnerable. I don't want to rely on my gut so much that I stop thinking rationally when I have the time to do so.

I like your comment "I don't owe strangers the time of day" b/c as others have said, the author talks about us ignoring our instincts b/c we do not want to be impolite.  I am the person who can start a discussion with anyone anywhere, will help someone looking for something, am often asked questions and will answer them (Have you tried this soap?  Where is the (insert item here)?) and get in to numerous conversations about homeschooling with strangers in the supermarket and my family jokes about me making friends everywhere.  This incident hit home that I needed to explain to my kids that if they feel funny, they do not have to be "polite".  

[inmyopinion]

The guy could have been working security.  It is odd in a way that he was there, but it sounds like security.  I worked in a department store and our training included how the security operates.  They target certain people because statistically they are among those who tend to steal.  Women of a certain age range are one of those groups. 

 

Anywho...nothing wrong with going with your gut really.  I have sometimes had strong reactions around certain people where they just gave me the creeps. 

You are absolutely right, I did consider this as a possibility and even mentioned it to security as a possibility.  I have also joked that some guy somewhere is probably talking to his family over dinner about the crazy middle aged woman who kept showing up where he was and then threw the wallet she was looking at in the cart and ran away.  

Thanks to everyone for sharing stories and being so supportive.  It is scary to think how often "almosts" happen.  I know that stranger attacks and such are rare, but I think what we need to remember is that perpetrators case so many victims before choosing one.  

[shawthorne44]

What is the perception of, if not a terrible event that will happen [unless the person with the precognitive "sense" changes actions, like the OP's example]?

 

ETA: although the pp's comment about making subconscious equations works, too. I assumed the OP was talking about precognition, not the brain's ability to make calculations quickly, without our full awareness of it. That'll teach me to assume.   :closedeyes:

 

People see more things than the conscious mind makes note of.  Each tiny thing isn't 'actionable' enough to take conscious note of, but another part of your brain makes note of it.  Maybe it was that every time she turned toward him he quickly looked away.   She probably caught some evil leering microexpressions.on his face.   (Goggle microexpressions, it is pretty darn cool)   

 

Not just in danger situations.  I wish I could remember the book title, it was a great book, but it has been awhile.  The book was on our subconscious mind.  He told a story about an ancient statue that was found on the sea bed somewhere.  It passed the tests and the panel of experts that examined it thought that it was real.  But, they all had a feeling that something was not right with it, but they couldn't say what wasn't right so they kept quiet.  Eventually, one of them did speak up, and the rest of the experts agreed.   So, they put it though extraordinary tests and were able to prove that it was a fake.  

 

OP, I also congratulate you on saying something.  They most likely watched him really closely after that.  

 

I've had that feeling.  In my case it was extremely strong.  My perception was that the two men were deliberately trying to scare me like the way a cat plays with its kill first.  The group of men I attached myself to for safety didn't see it though.  

[Reefgazer]

Long ago, I learned to trust my instincts for just about everything.  Sometimes it's wrong, but rarely, so the odds are with me.  It's the primary driver of how I operate.  If my instincts/gut feeling are in conflict with what my reasonable mind tells me, I sit back and don't make any decisions until I can sort out what is causing the conflict.  In a situation where you need an immediate decision, instinct rules.  It's a gift - use it.

[inmyopinion]

People see more things than the conscious mind makes note of.  Each tiny thing isn't 'actionable' enough to take conscious note of, but another part of your brain makes note of it.  Maybe it was that every time she turned toward him he quickly looked away.   She probably caught some evil leering microexpressions.on his face.   (Goggle microexpressions, it is pretty darn cool)   

 

Not just in danger situations.  I wish I could remember the book title, it was a great book, but it has been awhile.  The book was on our subconscious mind.  He told a story about an ancient statue that was found on the sea bed somewhere.  It passed the tests and the panel of experts that examined it thought that it was real.  But, they all had a feeling that something was not right with it, but they couldn't say what wasn't right so they kept quiet.  Eventually, one of them did speak up, and the rest of the experts agreed.   So, they put it though extraordinary tests and were able to prove that it was a fake.  

 

OP, I also congratulate you on saying something.  They most likely watched him really closely after that.  

 

I've had that feeling.  In my case it was extremely strong.  My perception was that the two men were deliberately trying to scare me like the way a cat plays with its kill first.  The group of men I attached myself to for safety didn't see it though.  

I think the book you are talking about is something by Malcolm Gladwell, not sure which one, but it sounds familiar.  

[inmyopinion]

I think the book you are talking about is something by Malcolm Gladwell, not sure which one, but it sounds familiar.  

"Blink" By Malcolm Gladwell.

[Reefgazer]

It may not work for you, for whatever reason, but no one here is claiming it's "precognition", and it's not mysterious.  It's being sensitive to your environment and picking up on environmental cues that most ignore or misread. 

Heh, me too.   ^_^

 

Regardless of the unsupportable claims of various forms of precognition, people still believe it. 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Precognition

 

[shawthorne44]

I think the book you are talking about is something by Malcolm Gladwell, not sure which one, but it sounds familiar.  

 

You guys are so amazing!   Yup, that is it.  

Did any of you guys do that online prejudice test that he mentioned?   That was fascinating.  

[amsunshine]

I don't owe strangers the time of day.

This reminds me of a time when I was home with my 2 toddlers and dh was at work. A well dressed man came to our door wanting to sell something or other (can't recall what). When I told him thank you, I wasn't interested, he suddenly asked me if I knew what time it was. I got a strange feeling and said no and started to close the door. He put his hand on the door and said, "can you look?" I just said no again and slammed the door. I called my girlfriend who lived around the corner and warned her to not open her door to this guy as he might be coming her way. I don't know if there was something creepy he was trying to do but he was clearly trying to get into my space and relying on what many people would consider common courtesy, ie, giving strangers the time of day. At any rate, I don't open the door for salespeople anymore.

[Reefgazer]

That's not listening to your gut - that's bat-shit crazy.

 

I think *some* people's guts aren't reliable, and those people shouldn't trust them.  But if you know that yours is reliable and has served you well before, it is a smart choice to pay close attention.

I think listening to your 'gut' is a good instinct. But people have deceptive 'guts.' I have a friend who was terrorized in the highway by a guy who felt - in his gut - and absolutely believed that my friend was abducting the girl with him. In truth, the girl was his daughter who he was driving home from from a normal activity. The guy rammed my friend's car 11 times, and by the time it ended, half the cops in the city were called in and his daughter is still deeply traumatized. The guy was just delusional. So I guess some people should not listen to their guts.

But in your case, if your gut was deceptive, no one was harmed -so better safe than sorry. The guy probably never knew you felt suspicious, you got out safely, no harm, no foul.

De Gavin heled me recognize that our fear of being impolite puts us at risk. Telling a man who tries to edge in on you and your children, "Please leave us alone. You are making me uncomfortable," might seem rude and hurt feelings, but that isn't the worst thing. It's okay to choose to be assertive even if it seems unkind.
And I find it liberating to remember that. I was raised to think that being nice is the absolute most essential thing for a girl - and that is just not right.

But even so, I don't believe our guts are right and our instincts reliable. Sometimes we have to rise above our guts. We have phobias of innocent spiders, and not of guns. Ted Bundy apparently seemed very safe to women, but young black men get reported as suspicious (or worse) just for walking down the steet. Graveyards give some people the creeps, but we love the sun, which can kills us over time.

So I guess I feel compelled to argue that our 'guts' aren't always reliable, but I also see no reason to stay somewhere you feel nervous.

 

[gardenmom5]

People see more things than the conscious mind makes note of.    

 

 

THIS.

In January, I was sitting at a red light when from the corner of my eye I noted a car coming from my left cross-street, being driven in such a fashion that I had my hand on the horn before it made into the intersection to make a left turn from the thru lane (not the turn lane) despite oncoming traffic.  before the on coming car hit it, spun around from the far side across a very large intersection and hit me head on.

 

I've tried to think what it was that set me off, as it was before 'any'thing happened - but I noticed something from the corner of my eye.

 

I ended up with a twisted bone in my lower leg.  my entire leg STILL hurts.

[brehon]

I learned that my "instincts" are not reliable at all, ever since I finally figured out that the strong sense of impending doom and danger for me is always a product of PMS.

I quite literally saved both my and my partner's lives by listening to my instinct. As we walked into the residence of the person who had called 911 my instincts started screaming to Get. Out. Now! On first glance there was nothing discernible that could explain the feeling. I stopped and started backing up as my partner walked into me - we were in a narrow entry way. I pushed my partner back outside and slammed the front door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Turns out the person who called 911 was going to commit suicide...and take out the first emergency personnel who walked into the living room.

 

 

 

He called for chest pain.

[mellifera33]

I'm another whose gut is unreliable. I take the usual precautions, but if I listened to my gut I would never go anywhere. Is there a way to develop a more reasonable intuition? 

[bluemongoose]

I agree with trusting your gut. I've had to lots of times, but the one that sits in my brain the most is when I was young and single and living downtown. I had a job that I had to leave the house before light and walk 2 blocks to my car in a city parking lot. One morning I was walking to my car and a man across the street was hanging outside a kinkos that was not open yet holding a small bag (kinda like a bank money bag in shape). Now there were often people hanging about early in the morning, so Im not sure what initially gave me the creeps but I started to walk a little faster toward my car. He crossed the street and got behind me and so I started to jog and then he started to jog. Then I broke into a full run and ran out in front of oncoming traffic to cross the street to my car (light had just turned green so I made it before too much risk). He couldnt cross as quickly due to traffic, but just as I slammed my car door and locked it he reached my car and hit it with his hand. I floored it. After pulling away I saw 4 police cars driving only a block away...clearly looking for something.

 

For all those who say we discriminate against black people and think black men are always out to get us (not ignorant to this happening, just wasnt in this case)...this was a white man. Not only that, but there was a small old house was between my apartment building and the car lot that was owned by a church next door. On the porch lived a homeless black man that was huge like a football player and over 6ft tall. Many people would have thought him scary because of his stature and he was scruffy due to being homeless, but he was a very kind man. I often brought down extra food to him and his wife. When he heard about me being chased, the next morning he started waiting outside my apartment and would walk me safely to my car. I can never think of him without feeling his kindness.

[ashfern]

I couldn't remember the names but did a search and this is the hiker he killed with his photo at the bottom. http://www.nbcnews.com/id/22541845/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/t/autopsy-georgia-hiker-died-blow-head/#.VXsNxs9Viko

[Reefgazer]

Good question about whether or not it can it be developed; I don't know.  I do know that DD is *very good* at reading people's emotions and picking up on  non-verbal cues.  She was able to do this from a very young age, and I think it's probably a good indicator that she is receptive to environmental cues, as well.  I do not see it in DS.  It makes me think that this is a skill that is inborn or developed very early in infancy.  But I really don't know.

I'm another whose gut is unreliable. I take the usual precautions, but if I listened to my gut I would never go anywhere. Is there a way to develop a more reasonable intuition? 

 

[Garga]

When I was a teenager at my (small and not very intimidating) boyfriend's house a man came to the door selling something or other. My boyfriend and I were alone and boyfriend answered the door. We were both at the door. We said, "No thank you."

 

Then the man said, "Can I come in and use your bathroom?" My alarms started shrieking. I mean, seriously, what grown man asks to enter the house with teenagers who are obviously there alone? As if we would say yes! No way! A grown man with good intentions would know that wasn't appropriate.

 

My boyfriend started to say, "Yes," but I cut him off and said, "NO." The man blinked and said, "But I just need to use the bathroom." I said, "NO, " while my boyfriend, who didn't understand why I was being rude said, "Well, my parents aren't home, so I guess we can't..."

 

I shut the door on the guy.

 

I'm not sure whether boyfriend ever really understood why I was so "rude" but oh well.

 

And then there was the guy who waited until everyone else had left the church except for me, him and one other guy. And then this guy asks me (I was single and about 18 at the time) if I could give him a ride into town. I said, "NO." No explanation, no apology, just NO. Again, he blinked and started asking again, and I said, "NO" again and drove away. I remember thinking, "What 40 year old man waits until the 18 year old is alone in the parking lot and then asks her for rides?" A man up to no good, that's what. If he needed a ride, he should have asked a man his own age before they all left the building. I have no idea whether the guy ever got a ride to town or was stranded at the church, but that wasn't my problem.

 

I tell my kids all the time that No is a complete sentence and you owe no one any explanations about anything. You don't have to help anyone if you don't want to. (With rides or bathroom breaks). I tell them that even if they're not sure why they want to say No, that if they want to say No they are allowed. They don't have to have a reason. They don't have to worry about being rude. If they made a mistake and were rude and their intuition was off, then they can just apologize later. But if they were right, they've saved themselves from harm.

[TranquilMind]

I've never had that feeling that severely, but I have had it. I always pay attention to it. Sometimes it's difficult because I usually live cross culturally, so things that set off my alarms may be completely normal in that culture, but still, I pay attention until I can get a better sense of what's triggering it.

 

That said, even if I had the feeling very strongly in a culture with which I was totally familiar, I wouldn't report someone to any authorities on the basis of the feeling alone. I wouldn't report unless I had something on which to base it that I knew would be meaningful to those authorities; otherwise, they wouldn't investigate and they may discount me if I reported something more substantive later.

This, the bolded.  I'd need some evidence to report it to anyone.

But I never fail to listen to my gut reaction.  Well, almost never.  It is always right. 

[TranquilMind]

Yeah that's what they do.  They try to appear like they are just shopping.  Ideally they find women to do that because let's face it how many guys do you see shopping in the women's department? 

Well, but some guys DO buy stuff for their wives in the women's department, I suppose. 

 

Mine doesn't.  He knows better and pays attention when I say stuff like, "Boy, it would be nice to have a (whatever)".  And it is never a clothing or jewelry item, that's for sure. 

[TranquilMind]

When I was a teenager at my (small and not very intimidating) boyfriend's house a man came to the door selling something or other. My boyfriend and I were alone and boyfriend answered the door. We were both at the door. We said, "No thank you."

 

Then the man said, "Can I come in and use your bathroom?" My alarms started shrieking. I mean, seriously, what grown man asks to enter the house with teenagers who are obviously there alone? As if we would say yes! No way! A grown man with good intentions would know that wasn't appropriate.

 

My boyfriend started to say, "Yes," but I cut him off and said, "NO." The man blinked and said, "But I just need to use the bathroom." I said, "NO, " while my boyfriend, who didn't understand why I was being rude said, "Well, my parents aren't home, so I guess we can't..."

 

I shut the door on the guy.

 

I'm not sure whether boyfriend ever really understood why I was so "rude" but oh well.

 

And then there was the guy who waited until everyone else had left the church except for me, him and one other guy. And then this guy asks me (I was single and about 18 at the time) if I could give him a ride into town. I said, "NO." No explanation, no apology, just NO. Again, he blinked and started asking again, and I said, "NO" again and drove away. I remember thinking, "What 40 year old man waits until the 18 year old is alone in the parking lot and then asks her for rides?" A man up to no good, that's what. If he needed a ride, he should have asked a man his own age before they all left the building. I have no idea whether the guy ever got a ride to town or was stranded at the church, but that wasn't my problem.

 

I tell my kids all the time that No is a complete sentence and you owe no one any explanations about anything. You don't have to help anyone if you don't want to. (With rides or bathroom breaks). I tell them that even if they're not sure why they want to say No, that if they want to say No they are allowed. They don't have to have a reason. They don't have to worry about being rude. If they made a mistake and were rude and their intuition was off, then they can just apologize later. But if they were right, they've saved themselves from harm.

Good for you.

 

I let a guy use the bathroom once.  He did.  He then came to the sofa, said, "Sit down with me".  I warily did it (because I was an idiot in my youth!).  He suddenly in one motion turned, scooped me up under knees and neck, flopped me down on the sofa, jumped on top of me and said, "You KNOW you want me."

 

I should have been scared.  But for some reason, I started to laugh hysterically.  I think God helped me out there, because there was nothing funny.  I couldn't stop and kept laughing.  NOT the reaction he thought he would get.  He finally got up, confused, walked across the room, looked at me again, where I was still laughing hysterically, and walked out the door.

 

I laughed about this for days.  At work the next day, I told me co-worker, and we kept saying, "You KNOW you want me" when we would pass each other. 

[lmrich]

Once at Target this dude was eyeing my daughter and following her. I was ironically following and watching him. He never approached her but he was watching her. I brushed by him, made eye contact and said excuse me. I then said loudly, "come on dad is waiting in the car with the dog." When I turned around he was gone.

 

Now to my creepy story..... I was 17, and it was Halloween around 7:30 and my best friend just walked down the street. Most little kids were done with trick or treating. The doorbell rings, and we answer it thinking it was a little kid. It was not. Some guy dressed in a creepy costume. He apologized saying it was the wrong door; he was going to a party nearby. Ok we said Happy Halloween. We closed the door and thought how creepy.  He stood in my driveway for like ten minutes and then walked on. My friend and I left for a party and he was standing by the stop sign at the end of the street. He waved at us and walked in front of my car slowly staring at us and motioning for me to unroll my window. Creepy - but we laughed about it. We came home 2 hours later and he was still at the stop sign. He started walking down the street after my car. We got to my house ran inside and then he just stood in the driveway. My dad called the cops after 30 minutes, but he was gone. It was creepy. 

[TranquilMind]

Once at Target this dude was eyeing my daughter and following her. I was ironically following and watching him. He never approached her but he was watching her. I brushed by him, made eye contact and said excuse me. I then said loudly, "come on dad is waiting in the car with the dog." When I turned around he was gone.

 

Now to my creepy story..... I was 17, and it was Halloween around 7:30 and my best friend just walked down the street. Most little kids were done with trick or treating. The doorbell rings, and we answer it thinking it was a little kid. It was not. Some guy dressed in a creepy costume. He apologized saying it was the wrong door; he was going to a party nearby. Ok we said Happy Halloween. We closed the door and thought how creepy.  He stood in my driveway for like ten minutes and then walked on. My friend and I left for a party and he was standing by the stop sign at the end of the street. He waved at us and walked in front of my car slowly staring at us and motioning for me to unroll my window. Creepy - but we laughed about it. We came home 2 hours later and he was still at the stop sign. He started walking down the street after my car. We got to my house ran inside and then he just stood in the driveway. My dad called the cops after 30 minutes, but he was gone. It was creepy. 

It was Michael Myers. 

 

 

;)

[Greta]

A week later, a mere week later, a vicious serial killer was caught in the next town over. This guy: David Parker Ray http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Parker_Ray (Careful, it's disturbing stuff. He would torture the victims. I think the wiki site is pretty tame, but some sites go into more details and it's disturbing.)

Wow, Garga, that is quite a story! I live in Albuquerque, and I remember that trial being all over the news for the longest time. I really made an effort *not* to keep up on the details, because even the few that I knew were horrifying beyond words. I am so glad that your mom is okay!

[idnib]

Gavin de Becker describes intuition as a very fast cognitive process that skips steps so you don't know how you arrived at the resulting feeling, or something like that. It's not an extra-scientific or psychic thing. It can certainly make wrong conclusions, but it's real and sometimes life-saving, so paying attention to it makes sense. 

 

Reading his books is worthwhile. 

 

 

The Gift of Fear has numerous stories about people who "didn't know what triggered their intuition", yet when they spoke about what happened later, they could absolutely recall what it was: stuff like fear on the face of the shop clerk and a guy wearing a winter coat in summer signaled the person that a robbery may be happening. These situations were too immediate for the brain to consciously process all those signals, yet the brain enabled the person to feel fear.

 

I think there's an example in one of his books in which a woman was coming home at night and started walking to the porch of her empty house. The porch had some shrubbery around it. She got a really bad feeling and turned around, left, and called the police. When they came and examined the porch area, they found cigarette butts and she realized she had seen them and not consciously registered them, and perhaps even smelled cigarette smoke as she walked up. 

 

It's about the conscious mind not seeing everything the subconscious mind does. We have evolved instincts but cannot always put those feelings into words.

 

I've been teaching my kids the same idea. One day we were at the park and my son said very seriously, "There's something strange about that guy but I can't say what it is." I looked over and he seemed fine to me, just a guy out in the later afternoon walking his dog around the park with 50 people nearby. But DS, who had never done anything like this before, looked downright scared: wide eyes, large pupils, shallow breathing. We left immediately. I didn't want to make him think he was being silly or overreacting. I'd like to think he learned he can just leave a situation even when it looks fine on the surface.

[Greta]

I don't seem to have good instincts or a gut that conveys useful messages. I need help! I think I had the "be polite" message pounded into my head so much that it stamped out the survival instincts. And now I'm afraid that I may have unintentionally passed that along to my daughter.

 

Although, come to think of it, her instincts work better than mine. Once when we were at our usual grocery store, she said to me in a tone of voice that I knew was serious that we needed to hurry up with our shopping and get home. I asked her why, but she didn't want to say, so I just went on with the shopping, though I did try to hurry. I was vaguely aware of three young adults there who just somehow didn't fit, didn't seem like the usual customers. But I didn't think anything of it. Just before we got to the checkout, two of them went running out the door with carts full of liquor, and the third had pulled their car up to the front for a quick getaway. My daughter KNEW they were up to something the moment she laid eyes on them. They made her so uncomfortable she wanted to go home. She didn't tell me because, she explained later, everytime she tried to talk to me about it, one of them was nearby. I told her that if anything like that ever happens again, she can just tell me, "Mom we have to go home now" and we will go, no hesitation. My husband also really praised her for being aware and observant (he didn't add "while mom was oblivious" though he could have!). So I hope that was a good experience for her in that it taught her to trust her gut.

 

I just wish I could "fix" my broken gut!

[Greta]

I think 'gut' is over-rated. I don't get gut instincts ( in fact, this bugged me so much about first time motherhood - use your instincts - um, I don't have any) but I do have the cognitive ability to use common sense in most situations. For me, there is nothing intuitive about it - its a habitual learned cognitive process of being aware of what is going on around me.

 

In other words, being sensible.

 

I guess I'm not very sensible, then! :lol:

[Laurie4b]

I had a feeling like that once. A young man had come to our door asking if we had any odd jobs to do. I knew that he was a neighbor's son. There was no WAY I was opening that door. I talked to him through it and told him no. Later I talked with dh about it and he said he thought the kid was very respectful, etc. He didn't get the same vibe. Well, there was a reason for that vibe. Turns out the kid was violent toward women--not men; so I sensed something that dh did not because it wasn't there in the interaction with dh. I really cannot say what it was that made me so darn sure that I should not open that door, but it was a very strong feeling. I do not necessarily think that bad things would have happened that day if I had. I am just sharing that I think we can unconsciously pick things up that are important to pay attention to. 

[gardenmom5]

Good for you.

 

I let a guy use the bathroom once.  He did.  He then came to the sofa, said, "Sit down with me".  I warily did it (because I was an idiot in my youth!).  He suddenly in one motion turned, scooped me up under knees and neck, flopped me down on the sofa, jumped on top of me and said, "You KNOW you want me."

 

I should have been scared.  But for some reason, I started to laugh hysterically.  I think God helped me out there, because there was nothing funny.  I couldn't stop and kept laughing.  NOT the reaction he thought he would get.  He finally got up, confused, walked across the room, looked at me again, where I was still laughing hysterically, and walked out the door.

 

I laughed about this for days.  At work the next day, I told me co-worker, and we kept saying, "You KNOW you want me" when we would pass each other. 

 

reminds me of the story from "the hiding place" of corrie's sister-in-law.  she couldn't lie, and wouldn't lie.  they were harboring jews and the Nazi's came to their house.  the leader demanded she tell him where she had hidden them.  she pointed to a spot under her kitchen table and promptly burst out laughing.  she couldn't stop laughing. he started yelling at her how she wouldn't mock him and he eventually stormed out. . . ..well, under the table was a rug, and under the rug was a trap door leading to a hidy hole where she had hidden the jews she was harboring.

 

 

this was harmless, but today I had an experience that made me think of this thread.

 

we took to the bus to dd's graduation - so we didn't have to deal with limited parking.  the bus goes past our house, between two colleges.  despite being a large bus, there were only maybe half a dozen people on it.  an older man got on - with signs/vibe of not being all there mentally.  (no way was I going to encourage him.)  He kept trying to insert himself into my conversation with ds, but eventually got up and moved to the front of the bus.  he really wanted to talk to  people, but no one would talk to him.  as he was getting off, he loudly said every body on the bus must work for the IRS because no one would talk to him.

 

so you see - it's not our "gut", it's we all work for the IRS. . . . .

[momto10blessings]

Nm.

Too much info.

[Tsuga]

Has this every happened to you?  

 

Those who have read "The Gift of Fear" will understand this: The kids and I were shopping today and this guy kept walking around the area we were in, which was all ladies accessories. Average looking guy, seemed pleasant enough, said nothing to us but after the third time he came around I got the scariest feeling I ever have had in my life, and I have interviewed inmates at a women's prison so that is saying something! We left briskly from that area and I was trying to convince myself I was overreacting BUT I remembered that book and the point that I had picked up on something and the fear I felt was proof of that. I went as far as calling my husband to come and meet us (he works within 5 minutes of where we were), and I am thankful that he came as he knows I have NEVER done that before. 

 

We were all fine and I am sure we were never in danger,  It is fully possible that the guy was not up to anything at all but that feeling was so real.  Intellectually, I felt foolish for calling my husband and I did alert the store security but was clear that he had done nothing wrong.  They probably thought I was crazy but I felt it was better to overreact and be wrong then to do nothing.  

 

 

From the Book: Gavin says that "eerie feeling" is exactly what he wants women to pay attention to. "We're trying to analyze the warning signs," he says. "And what I really want to teach today and forever is the feeling is the warning sign. All the other stuff is our explanation for the feeling. Why it was this, why it was that. The feeling itself is the warning sign."

 

 

Not for that long a period with my kids, but yes. Trust your gut. There are things the brain can't verbalize or articulate mentally, that the brain processes. That's not woo, that's just nature. Instinct. I'm glad you did what you did.

[UmMusa]

This has been fascinating to read.

[J-rap]

I do feel like I have a pretty good "gut instinct" sometimes.  That's what I call when my brain and senses take in information and reach a conclusion when I'm not consciously thinking about it.   So, I believe it's rational.  I certainly can't trust it all the time, but I often listen to it because usually there's nothing to lose.

 

I have had one unexplained feeling not based on anything rational that ended up saving someone's life hours away from me, but it's too personal to go into details.  That experience did make me believe that there can be "feelings" beyond reason that we might experience during our lifetime, that we should listen to.