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I need the advice of all you more seasoned homeschoolers!  For some background:

 

I have been homeschooling about 3 years now from the beginning and my oldest is in 2nd grade going on 3rd grade.  We just moved from WV up to NH to build a homestead and live off grid.  We are starting from scratch up here and are already behind schedule on getting our yurt up so we are living in a hotel sucking away our savings which is all budgeted for the various projects we must get done before winter.  I have had no time to research schooling a highschooler.  No time to figure out how to get her math up to level (she is a bit behind and struggled with Math 3 in school this year)  It is partially our fault too because many times before we had talked to her in the past about how much homeschooling can benefit.  Keep in mind though this was years ago when we could have pulled her out and had time to transition and figure out our path.  I just feel incredibly overwhelmed and the last thing I want to do is fail her!

I know budget wise would could school her for little cost or free but that it would take a massive amount of planning and time that we realistically do not have.  My husband does not want to hear any of this.  He wants her to move up here because he misses her which I of course understand.  I feel though that he is glossing over this and putting off researching because of his desire for her to move up here.  Also we are expecting a new baby this September!  I know that I am not capable and am stretched way too thin as it is and this is just one too many things on my pate for this year!  That said I would have to defer the research, planning and teaching to my husband and my 17yo step daughter.  My husband also needs to go back to work this fall after completing a sizable list of things that have to built on the homestead before winter hits.  Things like our well, solar system, bath house.....  So things that are pretty essential and not easily put off.  I can understand pulling a child in 12th grade out of necessity and having to make it work but the fact is that this is not necessity.  She can move up here and go to our PS or she can stay wit her mother in WV and attend the school she has been going to.  

 

My question is what would you do in my shoes?  Is it responsible of us to pull her out of PS to homeschool 12th grade with no plan or direction?  Is it possible to pull off a solid plan for 12th grade in 3 months time on a small budget?  

 

Thank you all so much in advance for letting me get this off my shoulders for one and for any and all advice.  Any help or insight is greatly appreciated because I am feeling very overwhelmed and lost here.

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Let me clarify things.  

 

You have a 17 year old step daughter that is going into her senior year at a school she has been attending since she was a freshman?

 

 Your husband wants to pull her out of school and homeschool her for her senior year, off grid, away from her friends, the year she is supposed to graduate, and you would be homeschooling her right after having had a baby, your home is not set up yet, you have other littles who will need you and you have no plans in place, and no idea what to do but your husband is pressuring you and her to do this?

 

 Do I have the scenario correct?

 

Homeschooling High School on a limited budget with the summer to plan would seem doable to me.  But with all that you are facing, it seems a really hard path.  What does your stepdaughter say?  Is she on board with this?  What about her mother?  If step daughter is really wanting this, too, then maybe she would be willing to step up to the plate and help plan.  Hopefully she would also be able to function relatively independently on many things or even most things.  But if she is not on board, I wouldn't even attempt it.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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Let me clarify things.  

 

You have a 17 year old step daughter that is going into her senior year at a school she has been attending since she was a freshman?

 

 Your husband wants to pull her out of school and homeschool her for her senior year, off grid, away from her friends, the year she is supposed to graduate, and you would be homeschooling her right after having had a baby, your home is not set up yet, you have other littles who will need you and you have no plans in place, and no idea what to do but your husband is pressuring you and her to do this?

 

 Do I have the scenario correct?

 

Homeschooling High School on a limited budget with the summer to plan would seem doable to me.  But with all that you are facing, it seems a really hard path.  What does your stepdaughter say?  Is she on board with this?  What about her mother?  If step daughter is really wanting this, too, then maybe she would be willing to step up to the plate and help plan.  Hopefully she would also be able to function relatively independently on many things or even most things.  But if she is not on board, I wouldn't even attempt it.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

Yes you have the scenario correct.  As for my stepdaughter she had no plan to help with the planning.  She wanted to homeschool for the sole purpose of being able to move up here and not switch public schools.  Her mother is not keen on the idea but at 17 DD is old enough to override her in the eyes of the court.  She has a track record of not following through on things as well.  I should also add that we cannot do anything online based because being very rural we only have satellite internet and a pretty low data allowance that anything streaming would eat through in days.  

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This sounds like a bad idea to me from a college admissions standpoint.

It's pretty bizarre to pull someone out for their senior year, and I think that colleges will be suspicious that there is some major issue that precipitated this.  Also, high school is not easy to homeschool, and getting up to speed on both doing that and college applications and admissions will be challenging.

 

If the situation is that your husband wants one last chance to have his daughter live with him before she goes off into adulthood, have her live with you for the summer and then either go back to WV or enroll in the local high school in the fall. But before enrolling her in the local school, make sure that they will let her graduate even if she is only there for one year.  Around here that is not a given, and switching brick and mortar schools that late in high school can really, really mess you up in that case.

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Without more special circumstances, I vote no on pulling out the step-dd.  That seems nuts unwise no matter what her post-high-school plans are.

 

ETA, if circumstances are such that she absolutely needs to get out of the mom's house, she could attend the PS where you live, though it would be so much simpler if she can stick it out one more year in WV.  I'd tell her no way on the homeschooling.

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Yes you have the scenario correct.  As for my stepdaughter she had no plan to help with the planning.  She wanted to homeschool for the sole purpose of being able to move up here and not switch public schools.  Her mother is not keen on the idea but at 17 DD is old enough to override her in the eyes of the court.  She has a track record of not following through on things as well.  I should also add that we cannot do anything online based because being very rural we only have satellite internet and a pretty low data allowance that anything streaming would eat through in days.  

I would not have a high schooler switch schools for senior year unless there were serious concerns about continuing in the current school or home environment.  

 

If she does decide to move in with you (assuming you have water and shelter at that point), I would explore whether the local high school is a decent option, whether virtual school is an option (that is, whether the school would help with internet access issues), and whether dual enrollment in a local college would be an option (which would have the advantage of getting her started in college, so she would have one less transition to make).  

 

Is she on track to graduate if she stays in WV?  

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Yes, she is on track to graduate if she were to stay at her current high school.  I called up our local high school and spoke with the guidance department about the situation.  I was told that for one they would require an updated custody agreement that has my husband listed as the sole physical custody and custodial parent. Right now his custody agreement is joint with her mom as custodial parent.  We then need to come in with her transcripts for an interview to make sure that the credits line up and meet their requirements for graduation.  As for homeschooling her up here the superintendent's office said I would also need an updated custody agreement and proof of withdrawal from her current high school.  For the withdrawal, it must be done by the custodial parent in writing.  After that we would send in our letter of intent along with the proof of withdrawal and the official copy of the custody arrangement.  They would not tell me if the would still approve the homeschool though, since it is for 12th grade only.  Does that sound right?  If I don't take all of those steps her mom could get in trouble for truancy through her school down in WV

 

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Senior year is not a good year to do this under the best of circumstances.  I would have her finish where she is, visit as much as possible, and have her come live with you the summer after graduation.  Is there even a remote possibility of early graduation at her current school? 

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Does that sound right? If I don't take all of those steps her mom could get in trouble for truancy through her school down in WV

While it depends on the legal write up of the custody arrangements since your step daughter is 17, it does sound right in general terms. Her mother would have to withdraw the child and custodial arrangements have to be legally changed.

 

If custodial arrangements aren't legally changed, it can become a messy case of "kidnapping". My cousin's first wife has full custodial rights until their kids are of legal age. So my cousin can't just take the kids for an overnight without some form of a paper trail of consent.

 

I'll let her finish high school where she is at. Your husband wanting more time with his daughter isn't a strong enough reason in my opinion for the upheaval.

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What are her college plans? Would she be interested in taking a gap year after graduation (from the HS in WV) to live with you guys while working or volunteering or something? Is there a local CC that she would be interested in attending while living with you for a couple of years, then transferring? Is there a local 4yr college she could apply to while finishing HS in WV, so she could either live with you or live nearby and spend lots of time with you while she's in college?

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What are her college plans? Would she be interested in taking a gap year after graduation (from the HS in WV) to live with you guys while working or volunteering or something? Is there a local CC that she would be interested in attending while living with you for a couple of years, then transferring? Is there a local 4yr college she could apply to while finishing HS in WV, so she could either live with you or live nearby and spend lots of time with you while she's in college?

This was my thought, also. Unless the situation is bad with her mom, it would be best for her to finish where she is. It would give her more options. A gap year would be great time to learn about homesteading. If she doesn't need money, she could be your au pair for a year :-).

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Two of my older kids pulled out of public school to "homeschool" for their senior year. Here's how it worked for us. First, they transferred to a public "homeschool" charter school offered by the school district. They did a combination of online, public school, and independent courses their senior year. The independent courses took a bunch of my time to research and set up in advance, as well as my time to grade and provide help during the school year. The final transcript was Issued by the school district showing three years at the public high school and one year at the charter school. We had no issues with college applications as the transcript looked normal. This charter school is also used by quite a few of the non-traditional athletes and arts folks to allow for extended travel during the school year.

 

Ignoring the custody stuff - maybe a charter school like this would be available in her currernt district? There are also options for high school that include offline courses. BYU and North Dakota (NDCDE) come to mind, but I know there are others as well. With the offline courses, you purchase books and materials from the school and send assignments back and forth for grading.

 

Without time and energy to plan, I would not recommend diving into it, however.

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My Ds just graduated high school last week.  Senior year was tough... and we have been homeschooling for 9 years.  Running the gauntlet of college admissions alone takes a HUGE amount of time.  I spent hours and hours researching to make sure I was not missing anything as his sole adviser. Not to mention the time it took to get together the information required by the Common Application as a homeschooler.

 

You will also be homeschooling two of your younger ones with a preschooler and a toddler?  And having a baby?  And starting a homestead off the grid from scratch?  I hate to say it, but I feel a bit panicky for you.

 

I also feel for you all and how much you will miss her if she is not there with you.  There is something appealing about having another person who might also be a helping hand.  But, knowing what I know now about how hard senior year can be, personally, I would be hesitant to pull her out.  

 

I wish you the best of luck with all of this.

 

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Yes, she is on track to graduate if she were to stay at her current high school.  I called up our local high school and spoke with the guidance department about the situation.  I was told that for one they would require an updated custody agreement that has my husband listed as the sole physical custody and custodial parent. Right now his custody agreement is joint with her mom as custodial parent.  We then need to come in with her transcripts for an interview to make sure that the credits line up and meet their requirements for graduation.  As for homeschooling her up here the superintendent's office said I would also need an updated custody agreement and proof of withdrawal from her current high school.  For the withdrawal, it must be done by the custodial parent in writing.  After that we would send in our letter of intent along with the proof of withdrawal and the official copy of the custody arrangement.  They would not tell me if the would still approve the homeschool though, since it is for 12th grade only.  Does that sound right?  If I don't take all of those steps her mom could get in trouble for truancy through her school down in WV

 

Whether you decide to homeschool or not, there are some legal issues that appear to be cleared up, because it appears that in NH, you do NOT need to involve the local public school superintendent of your intent to homeschool (although ITA that you should have that whole custody thing taken care of before you do anything).

 

This is HSLDA's legal analysis of NH law. Notice the "Commencing a Home Education Program:" section; you are supposed to file a notice of intent with a "participating agency," but that does NOT have to be with the public school. Here is a list of participating agencies.  I would contact one of them and see what their advice is.

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I don't see how you could homeschool for cheap, much less free, unless you already own a bunch of books. If she won't have steady access to high speed internet, you're left with all books, and high school texts are expensive. Even buying used adds up to a fair amount. 

 

Even if you had the time to hunt down cheap resources for every subject, the other objections just sound overwhelming to me. You guys aren't going to have time to breathe, much less guide her through senior year. And I would not be surprised if the reality of leaving her home and friends to live off the grid with lots of very young siblings doesn't match up to how she's thinking it's going to be. 

 

So, no, assuming there are no extreme circumstances at her home,I would not be on board with it, certainly not to the extent of planning it and making it happen. If dh wants to make it happen, he can start researching and planning and taking the steps needed, and he needs to know that you will not be able to offer her much time and assistance. It's not a question of willingness but of reality. 

 

I would honestly be very reluctant to even have her move and go to public school. It's her final year. If she is planning on further education, switching schools is a disruption, and y'all won't have time to help her through the process. If she is going to work, moving off-grid does not seem ideal for finding a job. 

 

In the end, I would likely leave it up to them, but I'd step back from the research and planning. If they don't have the time or willingness to do that, then it certainly won't work out. 

 

 

 

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If she is planning on college and things are fine with her mother, I would keep her where she is. Senior year is a lot of work for both the student and mom if you are going through college admissions. You have a lot on your plate, to say the least. Unless there are extenuating circumstances for her that make you think she must move, leave her in WV.

I live in NH-PM me if you have questions about the law. I've been doing this for 12 years here. The law has changed several times over that time period. The comment above quoting HSLDA is accurate. However, typically the local school district with its superintendent is the reporting agency. You do have the option of choosing another, but that requires approval from that agency and you let the school know you are doing that. I don't know which district you are in, but ours is very accommodating to homeschoolers. Your children may participate in classes and extracurricular activities-it's called dual enrollment. My daughter plays soccer for our high school. We've also used the art program and excellent music program in the past. The school can be very helpful as you continue, so you may want to keep them as the reporting agency, depending on your district. The New Hampshire Homeschooling Coalition is a great resource. Check out there web site. And again, please PM me with any questions. Prayers for you as you make your decision and get settled in your new home.

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I know budget wise would could school her for little cost or free but that it would take a massive amount of planning and time that we realistically do not have.  My husband does not want to hear any of this.  He wants her to move up here because he misses her which I of course understand.  I feel though that he is glossing over this and putting off researching because of his desire for her to move up here. 

 

Honestly, it seems like your husband is being very selfish here. Unless his daughter hates where she's living and is begging to move in with you, he is pushing something that is completely impractical and almost guaranteed to fail, simply because it's what he wants. I'm sure he will miss her, but his proposed solution to that is unfair to you, it's unfair to your other kids, and it's also unfair to his daughter.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would flat out say no to homeschooling and tell your husband that you will only agree to having her move to NH if (1) he handles all the legal paperwork to change the custody arrangement; (2) she goes to public school; and (3) he's the one who drives her to and from school every day. If he agrees to those things, then he can ask his daughter if she would still want to move if it means going to a new PS for her senior year.

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Granted I can only comment based on what I read, and what I read isn't a whole lot of information, so if there's more information that clears up any of my  misconceptions, feel free to correct me.

 

I think dad might feel guilty about moving away from his daughter and is desperately trying to make up for it in an impractical way. I think it was bad timing to move out of state before she finished high school and now it's bad timing to pull her out her senior year.  My parents have been divorced since I was 1 and you couldn't have dragged my dad out of the state his kids lived in. That's all assuming there isn't a serious issue with the school she's in and/or a serious issue with her mother. I think it's bad timing to try to build a homestead in a place with extreme weather with a pregnant wife.

 

If I were in your shoes,  if it's at all humanly possible, I would insist on moving back to WV, be jointly involved in step-daughter's life so she doesn't have to choose one parent over another or leave school her senior year,  have my baby and recover, then go back to NH and start homesteading. I think your husband should think through and work out the timing better before he makes these huge decisions that have such an incredible impact on people.

 

This is coming from someone who would like, in the future, to get some property and have a self sufficient lifestyle. It's not the what I'm taking issue with, it's the when.

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You're behind in essential parts of your homesteading endeavor and aren't prepared for winter.

You're already homeschooling young kids who are still at the age of needing lots of direct instruction.

You're pregnant with your 5th child and have 2 toddlers running around.

You don't have the resources to direct a high school education.

Your dh doesn't seem to have a firm plan for an official custody change.

 

I'm very sorry; but, I just don't see how bringing your dsd to NH for her senior year is practical. Other posters have probably hit the nail on the head - it sounds as if your dh is feeling a little bit guilty for moving and has put blinders on and can only see the ideal, not the reality.

 

Maybe dsd can visit for the summer to help prepare y'all for winter, attend her senior year in WV, then come back yo NH, if that's what she wants. Does dsd have any college plans? Moving now could really mess them up.

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