JumpyTheFrog Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 When I was a kid, if there was someone at school I wanted to be friends with I'd invite over to play after school. It was that simple. Now that it seems like everyone I meet is so busy, how do I move from being just friendly acquaintances at regular event X to actual friends? I have severe food restrictions that pretty much eliminate going out for lunch and I don't like coffee, so going to Starbucks is also out. Further complicating things is that it takes many, many hours with a person before I start to feel at all "connected" with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Why dont you invite them over to lunch and make it yourself? Also Starbucks has more than just coffee (I don't like coffee either but they have hot chocolate and chai) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Why dont you invite them over to lunch and make it yourself? Also Starbucks has more than just coffee (I don't like coffee either but they have hot chocolate and chai) Yes to this. But I'd start with a "coffee date" because an invitation to the house may seem too open-ended. "Meet me at Starbucks for coffee" makes for an easier escape for everyone. Escape might be too strong a word. But if conversation lags, it's easier to cut the event short if it's not a meal in someone's home. Starbucks has tea, cider, juice drinks, smoothies, and probably (overpriced) bottled water. I drink coffee but I hate Starbucks - it always tastes burned to me; still, I meet people there a lot because it's the only place to go. (Very few independent cafes around here.) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 If there is a particular interest you share with this person, you could make a suggestion based on that. Or you could say "I am in desperate need of a Girls Night Out, do you want to get out with me sometime next week?" Most women I know would jump at that chance! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Yes, I agree with the idea that a neutral place is better to start with than at home. Anything that might be of interest could be a good start. If there are any free or cheap concerts, a walk in a fun place, museum or gallery visit, a movie. I like the Starbucks hot chocolate myself, but the cider is also nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I use social media and messaging or emails to get to know someone a bit more typically or I invite them along in a group setting kind of event. Eta: if it was a mother of a kid involved with my kids in an extracurricular; I'd maybe suggest a park day. Kids run off and play and we chat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I will say, though. I have found that you do get to know someone even better after you have met their household and learn a bit more about them. I don't want to go into details but I did have one friend that our kids hit it off, she seemed nice, we always chatted well and had fun on park dates. I attended their home for a more personal day, kids playing and us doing crafts. Met the spouse and from that part on, after watching their interactions and experiences I had after inviting them a couple other times, I felt like the whole picture of the situation creeped me out tremendously. So, it can be that park dates can go great and as you pursue getting to know them even better, it may still turn into a weird, not going to work situation Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Invite them over. Eating makes you stick each other out until you eventually find something to talk about. Can you drink herbal tea at Starbucks? You get to know each other better in your own homes, anyways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purpleowl Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Find a common interest as a reason to get together. A friend and I started hanging out more because we were both interested in learning Latin. At this point, for various reasons, we have given up on the Latin side of things but still hang out, calling our meetings "Latin" with the quotation marks, lol. :) We meet at the coffee shop inside a bookstore. I'm not a coffee drinker either - I get a soda and sometimes a pastry. Do you do any sort of crafty-type thing? If you do some kind of hand work and someone else does too, you can find a place to meet up for that (again, bookstores are nice). You don't have to do the same kind of craft - I quilt and my friend crochets. Board games are great if you and your DH can have another couple over, or if you can have 2-3 friends over (just because many games need 3 or 4 people). My parents are friends with a couple and each month they swap off who hosts a game night. One good thing about that is that you could control snacks if you hosted. Another thing is that you don't have awkward pauses in conversation while a game is going on, but at the same time, you can still have a conversation and get to know each other better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Can you ask her for a favor? A ride? Borrow a book? That's how I've always gotten to know my neighbors--they've asked me for something. My best neighbor friend treats my fridge like her own. I got to be friends with another baseball mom once when I desperately needed a ride for my kid (the one who was friends with her kid) somewhere, and she was going the same direction. I read somewhere that asking for a favor is actually a legitimate way to pursue a friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Do you have walking paths or hiking trails? I've gotten to know my friends best when we met regularly to walk or run together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 I guess I should've made it clear that it seems to be hard to find people around here who aren't too busy to make plans with. Years ago we used to invite families from church over about every other week. It worked because they generally had such large families that they didn't want to spend money on extracurriculars for their kids. How does a person find people under retirement age who aren't too busy to be interested in making friends? I know other people on this forum have had the same problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Meet for coffee, and/or a walk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Hmmm I think you just have to ask people, "hey are you too busy to meet for coffee?" Eventually you are bound to find someone who isn't too busy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Women Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 I had good results this year with an open invitation to moms at our co-op. I knew I wouldn't know everybody who might respond, but I figured I would get people who were interested and who had some time. I just put out an email to everyone asking if anybody was interested in having lunch. I had 3 people who responded, and we've gone about every other week, sometimes just 2 of us, sometimes all 4. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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