MyThreeSons Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I've been thinking quite a bit lately about why it is that we compliment people on how good looking their kids are. And then we're supposed to say, "Thank you" when someone tells us our daughter is beautiful or our son is handsome. Really, I'd much rather hear that my son is kind, or was helpful, or some such thing. I went to a wedding a couple of days ago, and heard a lot about how beautiful the bride was. Yes, she is a very nice looking young lady, but I kept thinking how happy she looked, not how pretty she was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Wouldn't bother me, but it would probably be a reminder for me to put emphasis on something other than appearances with my kids. I don't mind people saying how cute they are, but when that's ALL people say it makes me lose a little bit of faith in humanity, lol. If that's all kids hear, well.... that's what they'll start to think as valuable about them. In THAT context It would grate on my nerves a little. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vera Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 She sounds like a sweet grandma. Since my kids don't have one of those, I am jealous. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 She sounds like a sweet grandma. Since my kids don't have one of those, I am jealous. I was going to say something like this. Please take this kindly, but do count your blessings. She sounds like a proud grandma. My girls have no grandfathers and one sort of reserved grandma. When I have their pictures professionally done, we basically have no one to send copies to. It breaks my heart that so many people in their lives have opted out of knowing and loving them. So. Smile indulgently, brush it off, and move along. Again, I mean this kindly. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 No, but if I already found the person who said it annoying or hard to deal with, it might bug me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 The choice of words sounds silly (and unlikely to be true) to me, but they aren't my words to choose. I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth and I'd say thank you and make my kids say thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 No it wouldn't bother me. For one I'm a fan of hyperbole, plus it's really just an expression. "I always enjoy seeing their faces" - I don't know your MIL but I wouldn't take that as ignoring their accomplishments (unless that's something she does regularly and it bugs you). I get a warm feeling when I see a photo of my grandsons. I do always enjoy seeing their faces in a photo if I can't see them in person. It's one reason why they're on my wallpaper and lock screen on my phone (along with ds, whose face I also enjoy seeing). Humans respond to visual representations of loved ones. It's normal. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 My MIL said our babies were the cutest ones in the NICU. She didn't say it just once but went on and on. It bothered me enough to still remember it. First, she's not supposed to be peeping at the other babies (privacy), and most importantly, they are all struggling and suffering in some way! Even my babies were not having a happy time with all their IVs, monitors, and stuff. Ugh. It seemed inappropriate. I know she meant it well as I'm sure your MIL does about your boys. I honestly think MIL may believe what she says, but it no longer provokes more than an eye roll from me. She means it to be kind and loving and I try to take it that way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 It wouldn't bother me. Maybe ignoring the accomplishes might, but that would depend on the relationship. Of course, I may be one of the annoying people. Every single baby I see, I think is the most beautiful baby in the world. And if I know the family well enough to hold the baby, I will gush about how the baby is the most beautiful, wonderful, sweetest, etc. I csn't help it. I really believe it. I even believe this about random babies that I see at the store or whatever, but I am not socially clueless, so I keep my distance. I do always smile and if I catch the parents eye, I will say something simple. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 LOL! You should put him in a dress and pigtails the next time you visit. ;) My kid brother was also too pretty to be a boy. And strangers used to think he was a girl. It could be worse. :p People did think he was a girl when he was younger. I'd have dressed in outfits that scream "male gender" and people told me my little girl was adorable. It was because he as curly hair. Apparently, boys are not supposed to have curly hair. I started saying that curly hair is not exclusive to the X chromosome. LOL. I'd tell her "well, maybe he'll decide to transition and become a really pretty girl some day". But then and again, my MIL would have the sense to not make that kind of comment, since her only son is now her only daughter. I can see how that kind of comment would bug you though. It sounds like she was maybe trying to get you to have more kids and give her a granddaughter? I have only boys. When we told her I was pg with boy #3 the very first thing out of her mouth was, "Ah shoot, I wanted it to be a girl. I already started making a pink baby quilt. Now I guess I'll have to figure out how to change it." I was so mad. Not to mention the fact that I had not asked her to make a blanket let alone a girl flavored one. It was like she was accusing *me* of having another boy on purpose just to ruin her project. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 No. Especially if they were my boys. Lol. ;) My mother would say something like that about her grandchildren. She is incredulous about her grandchildren being THE of anything. She asked me once, when firstborn was about a toddler, "Do all parents and grandparents think their children are the loveliest, most wonderful children in the world?!" (Shockingly that anyone could think that about their children when clearly her grandchildren were.) "Yes, mom, all parents and grandparents think that. At least I hope so." And I said to myself, "it's what keeps the children alive on bad days." Lol. But yeah, her brain struggles to get past the THE-ness of them. Grandparents are entitled, afa I'm concerned, to that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 If you are not religious, I'm curious as to why there is concern for offending God. It seems like there must be something else below the surface with this. Sorry I disappeared... I realized I was running late for something, and then my entire day was pretty busy. I think maybe it's got something to do with how she wants to take our kids to church whenever we're visiting. She doesn't bring up god all the time when talking to us, but it's not rare either. So, I guess it's kind of the combination of her judging us for not taking the kids to church while at the same time making comments like that. I can sort of understand people who take religion seriously. I have trouble understanding people who take religion seriously and want others to do the same thing while being sacrilegious (whether she was or wasn't being sacrilegious... that's one reason I was curious how others perceived this). It irks me. Not too dissimilar from how I feel about hypocrites. Plus, of course, all the added fun of MIL issues (I usually actually get along with her better than my wife does... which is not well at all). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 For the details: this was my MIL talking about my kids, in an email, to me. I'd sent her an email with pictures of my 4yo getting his yellow belt and my 7yo getting his green belt (she's always nagging me for more pictures). So, that's what she sent as her reply, followed by "I always enjoy seeing their faces!". Not a word about the belts or w/e. It was bugging me because hyperbole like that just bugs me in general. It also just felt disrespectful of god in a way - kind of like saying he did a better job on her own grandkids than on the other kids in the world. That said, I'm not religious, so I'm not real qualified to comment on that angle. Which is another reason it bugged me... why does she feel the need to throw god into the reply when she knows I don't believe? Her faith is already in her signature. I guess it's also making me feel odd, because I wouldn't say my kids are the cutest kids in the entire world... and they're my kids. So when someone else says they're the cutest, it makes me feel like somehow I'm not thinking they're cute enough. I think my kids are cute, but I wouldn't make some objective statement about them being the cutest. Maybe the cutest to me... I do say things like "You're my favorite (name) and you're my favorite (other name)". I believe you are seriously over-thinking this. She sounds like a proud grandma to me. I thought her comment was sweet. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Sorry I disappeared... I realized I was running late for something, and then my entire day was pretty busy. I think maybe it's got something to do with how she wants to take our kids to church whenever we're visiting. She doesn't bring up god all the time when talking to us, but it's not rare either. So, I guess it's kind of the combination of her judging us for not taking the kids to church while at the same time making comments like that. I can sort of understand people who take religion seriously. I have trouble understanding people who take religion seriously and want others to do the same thing while being sacrilegious (whether she was or wasn't being sacrilegious... that's one reason I was curious how others perceived this). It irks me. Not too dissimilar from how I feel about hypocrites. Plus, of course, all the added fun of MIL issues (I usually actually get along with her better than my wife does... which is not well at all). I can't imagine anyone thinking her comment was sacrilegious in any way. I think your personal issues with your MIL are causing you to over-react. I also think you are making a pretty big leap when you suggest that she is not taking her religion seriously simply because of her kindhearted comment about your kids. How could complimenting her grandchildren be perceived as doing something that violates her religion? I feel like I must be missing something because I am baffled by your attitude about this. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I think you're waaaaaay overthinking it. She complimented your kids. Take it in the spirit in which it was most likely intended and tell her thanks. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You're overthinking. For future reference, "cutest thing in the whole wide world," "so cute I could die," and "so sweet I want to eat you up" should also not be taken literally. I have a confession. when I see a baby's belly button, I want to eat it (and blow raspberries) . . . . I can't help myself. . . . . . (hangs head in shame. walks away.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 She sounds like a nice lady. I don't get it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy_of_4 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Wouldn't bother me at all especially in the context that you mentioned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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