MrsWeasley Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 What would you do if someone accused you of stealing? I saw a mom at the park yesterday. She lives in my neighborhood. We've hung out a few times, but we aren't really friends. She called me last night and told me she had lost a couple books and wondered if I knew what had happened to them. I didn't, and I told her that. Less than half an hour later, she calls me back, telling me she knows I took the books. A nanny at the park told her that she had seen me go through her stuff, which I hadn't, and we had left abruptly, which was true: one of my kids kept getting into it with a different group of kids and had gotten aggressive and I felt it was best to leave ASAP. She told me that if I just gave them back, she wouldn't call the cops. I repeatedly told her that I didn't have the books, and eventually told her that if she felt she had to call the cops, then that's what she should do. No cops have shown up. I'm not sure how to handle the situation. She's part of a relatively close-knit group of moms in our neighborhood. I'm not really friends with any of them, but one of my kids likes to play with that group of kids. I don't want this to negatively impact his friendships or my relationship with my other neighbors. How would you handle this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I would either find the nanny that said you stole the stuff and confront her face to face, or do nothing because you don't have to defend yourself for something you didn't do. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 It's a popular park. I have no idea who the nanny is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 How else can you handle it? If you didn't take the books all you can do is to deny it. I suppose you could ask her the names of the books and offer to buy her copies. I don't really understand her reaction. Are these gold-plated books or something?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I would assume the nanny took them because why else would she claim that about you? Either that or the nanny got you confused with someone else? 25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I don't think there's much else you can do. I'm sorry :(. What a yucky situation all around. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lispy Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Threatening to call the cops over a couple of books--even if you did take them--is......perplexing. I am not sure what to make of that. As far as what to do, I don't think there is much to do at this point. Either someone actually took the books (maybe the accusing nanny??) and she'll either get over it or she won't. Another possibility is that the books were not stolen, she finds them, then feels bad (or not) for accusing you. She may apologize, or she may not. In any of these scenarios, there's nothing you can do. At this point, I'd try to put it out of my mind and just let things play out. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollie010 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 That would just drive me crazy. I'm sorry. I hope the books show up. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Maybe tell mom I wanted a talk with her and nanny together, and what happened to innocent until proven guilty? We lived in an area with nannies and I found the nannies more interesting to talk to than some of the moms, depending on the mom. It was an interesting neighborhood. It had started out middle class, then got crazy expensive. So there was a mix of low to middle class folks that had bought early on and new very well off folks. The original folks and some of the new folks were fine, but some of the new money folks with nannies were on another planet from me. Some of them were on my wavelength, but some were not. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Example of mom from that neighborhood with nanny who was not on my wavelength: she had a purse she was making from plastic bags because it was trendy. One of the middle class Moms asked her how she got the bags straight enough to crochet. She replied, "Oh, I don't use used bags, they are too hard to work with, I use new plastic bags, they are nice and flat." All of the Moms on my wavelength stared at her like she had two heads. But, we knew from experience that she was not someone that responded well to other points of view, so we just looked at her and looked at each other and said nothing, all thinking, "OK, so you are using MORE plastic bags so you can make a purse that is trendy because it is about saving the environment. Right." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I might go to the mom and tell her that the two of you are going to go talk to the nanny together. Maybe she won't have the guts to lie to your face? Maybe she will realize it was someone else? Sounds like maybe the nanny did it? 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I'd find a new park. She's going to gossip to all her friends and make the environment toxic for you and your kids. :( 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I wouldn't leave the park. I think speaking to them together it a better bet. What a crappy situation. I'd be tempted to invite the mom to search my house and car. We have nothing to hide. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Easier said than done but: Live your life, don't give up your park, ignore dirty looks but don't hesitate to say "did you get your books back? I still can't believe you thought I took them. :) " On the bright side you probably have some wicked street cred now. ;) Just my two cents! 21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Does she even know the nanny, or was it just some random person at the park? How frustrating. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Do not offer to replace the books. It will just reinforce her accusations. If she says anything to you about it again, ask to meet at the part so you can find out who the nanny is so you can talk to the nanny. But, she sounds nuts to me and I wouldn't worry about it. I wouldn't change parks and I wouldn't hesitate to defend myself if she said anything more about it. If she said anything I would just act like the entire accusation is just silly...which it is. I wouldn't try to justify or explain why I left early etc. If you are explaining you are losing. Just keep saying something like "I didn't take them and the very idea is silly. I am sorry you lost your books, but you really need to stop talking to me about it because I didn't take them." 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Does she even know the nanny, or was it just some random person at the park? How frustrating. I'm wondering the same thing. Also, if you don't even know the nanny, how does she know you well enough to be able to tell the mom who you are? Most people aren't paying such close attention to the other families at the park, so I would suspect that the nanny is the thief and is trying to pin it on you. She chose you to blame because she saw you leave the park at approximately the right time. I would be incredibly angry at the other mom for making that kind of accusation. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Crazy! I'd keep going to the park, too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I wouldn't leave the park. I think speaking to them together it a better bet. What a crappy situation. I'd be tempted to invite the mom to search my house and car. We have nothing to hide. Or threaten to sue for Libel. OK, I wouldn't do either of those but still... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I would say "she is mistaken" and nothing more. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I'd find a new park. She's going to gossip to all her friends and make the environment toxic for you and your kids. :( I wouldn't. I'd consider the matter closed and treat it like the crazy, completely unfounded accusation it is if anyone made a peep about it. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiara.I Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Just as an "in case" scenario: There's no chance that, say, your toddler grabbed the books and shoved them in a diaper bag or anything, is there? Toddlers do occasionally do things like that (speaking as the mom who just tried to cover up a hole in a child's birthday cake with icing and hoping nobody notices because the two-year-old decided to help herself to cake....) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I'd feel bad, but I'd also assume either she's slightly off or the nanny took her books. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I'm dying to know what these books were. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 There may not have been any books taken. The woman may not be using all 4 cylinders. Too bad that she has your phone number... 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I'm dying to know what these books were. I was wondering if these "books" were on a level of 50 shades and that is why is it such a big deal :lol: . 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 The whole situation is weird. My guess is that her friends know her quirks and will not take her accusations too seriously. If she trashes you she will do more harm to her own reputation than she will do to yours. I do like the idea of telling her you will not replace the books but that you will confront the nanny with her and get to the bottom of this. My guess is that your offer to do this will make things right with other moms who might be tempted to believe this. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 My guess is 1.the nanny took them, AND 2. the accuser is crazy. Do not offer to replace the books, and do not leave the park. You did not steal the books, period. :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 SHe sounds nuts. Years ago (when I was 16) I was in Venturer scouts(part of boy scouts here in Canada, I don't know if you have it in the USA). I was accused of stealing a boy's knife. I had not taken it, in fact I described exactly where I lost saw it...jabbed into a tree near where we built our lean-tos where the other girl in the group had stuck it. She told everyone I stole it, the police were called, his folks were calling mine and threatening etc. IT was a huge gong show, nothing I said would get them to believe my innocence, so I stopped answering them, I left the group, moved on. My reputation was tarnished for the next 2 years, when suddenly I heard through the grape vine that while they went camping with the group, what did they find jabbed into a tree still 2 years later, rusted but there...yeah his darned knife. No one ever bothered to apologize for how they treated me and my family, they acted like they never did anything wrong with their accusation. All because that girl did not want to admit she lost it so she blamed me. CHances are even if this crazy lady finds her books she will never apologize or even admit they are the same books. SHe will carry on as always with no regret for making such accusations. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Unfortunately she sounds nuts. Keep her at arm's length forever. You can't win an argument with a crazy person. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 How incredibly weird. If I thought someone had stolen some books I would be very annoyed and think badly of them but I can't imagine calling them up and accusing them and threatening them. For that matter, I'd love to see the poor cop's reaction that would have to take that call about some stolen children's books from a park. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 I might go to the mom and tell her that the two of you are going to go talk to the nanny together. Maybe she won't have the guts to lie to your face? Maybe she will realize it was someone else? Sounds like maybe the nanny did it? I've been thinking about this. It would feel great to meet the nanny if the nanny realized that it was someone else, but how would I handle the situation if she kept insisting that it was me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Does she even know the nanny, or was it just some random person at the park? How frustrating. I have no clue. I wish I had asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 I'm wondering the same thing. Also, if you don't even know the nanny, how does she know you well enough to be able to tell the mom who you are? Most people aren't paying such close attention to the other families at the park, so I would suspect that the nanny is the thief and is trying to pin it on you. She chose you to blame because she saw you leave the park at approximately the right time. I would be incredibly angry at the other mom for making that kind of accusation. Since the call, I've wondered why the nanny thought it was me, why the nanny wouldn't say something if she saw someone digging through someone else's stuff, why she believes the nanny over me, what happened between the first and second call that made her so adamant... I wish I had thought more clearly on the phone to ask the other mom. I'm not angry: anxious about the gossip, a little hurt that she so eagerly believed the nanny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Just as an "in case" scenario: There's no chance that, say, your toddler grabbed the books and shoved them in a diaper bag or anything, is there? Toddlers do occasionally do things like that (speaking as the mom who just tried to cover up a hole in a child's birthday cake with icing and hoping nobody notices because the two-year-old decided to help herself to cake....) I didn't think of that. If he did, it's not there now, but I definitely will ask my big kids if they took any books out of my bag when they awake tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 and what happened to innocent until proven guilty? Unfortunately, I think this is no longer part of our culture. Seems to me it is now guilty until proven innocent. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I'm thinking maybe she didn't have those books at the park at all that day. That she thought of bringing them but just forgot to then thought she actually had brought them and that they'd gone missing. She probably found them on her shelf/table once she got home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Tempting to take a couple of really smutty books, walk up to her when she is in a group and enquire whether they are the books she said you stole. Then refuse to believe her denial claim your toddler found them by her bag, shove them in her hands and leave. Maybe say she shouldn't bring such stuff to the park. But what would do is file it under crazy person with the other stuff I have. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Ivy Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Any update on this? Did you find out what happened to the phantom books? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Tempting to take a couple of really smutty books, walk up to her when she is in a group and enquire whether they are the books she said you stole. Then refuse to believe her denial claim your toddler found them by her bag, shove them in her hands and leave. Maybe say she shouldn't bring such stuff to the park. But what would do is file it under crazy person with the other stuff I have. :lol: :lol: :lol: That would be the perfect revenge!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I'm not that social, so I don't think I'd care much about the wider social scene. I'd say, perhaps, to a couple of friends I cared about and thought might be effected, "So-n-so has some missing books. She said to me that another lady said to her that I was going through her things. I didn't, but she said she believes I took the books, and she's pretty upset. I wanted you to know because maybe it's not really her fault that if believes the story.Mistakes of what people think they saw get made, and who the heck knows where this story got messed up. It's just that things might get weird if she needs to talk about it with you, or whatever. I don't think it's anybody's fault. I hope she lets it go soon. I can't imagine why I'd take someone's books. I can order any book I want off of amazon, just like any ordinary human being." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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