Changing thought process?

[SquirrellyMama]

How do you change negative and harmful thought processes? Do you keep repeating something positive? What if you aren't believing the positive? Will you eventually if you say it enough?

 

Let's say my thought about myself has been that I am worthless and a failure. How do I change that thought? I can say to myself, "You are awesome!" What if I'm not feeling it? Will I eventually or is there another way?

 

Does it just take a lot of time?

 

Kelly

[MomatHWTK]

It takes time.  Research Cognitive Behavior Therapy.  Here's an example of a worksheet you might use:

http://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheets/cbt/none

 

:grouphug:

[fraidycat]

EFT

[fairfarmhand]

I sort of learned to talk to myself. "Why would I think I'm worthless?" "Because I bounced a check this month." "So you're saying that people who bounce checks are worthless? What if your kids bounce checks? Does that make them worthless?" So I learned to talk myself through these bad moments. I talk to the bully within my head. I would not put up with someone treating my sister or my kids this way, so why should I speak to myself that way?

[Joanne]

Yes, you can.

 

A good therapist can help, but there are many DIY options, too.

 

1. Meditation. There is a (scientific) reason meditation shows up in every major world religion. It is as close to a panacea as we can get. It is like exercising. When you exercise, you break down muscle fiber. The muscle fiber then repairs and rebuilds. Meditation is like that for the brain. The brain **literally** re-wires. Like muscles that have been built, the act differently even when not being exercised. The brain of a regular meditator is quantifiably different in positive ways.
2. Speaking of positive, I am not being "woo" when I talk about the scientific evidence of positivity. This can take many forms: gratitude exercises.
3. Service work to others changes the brain.
4. Laughter changes the brain.
5. Exercise changes the brain (and most other cells).
6. Fellowship changes the brain.
7. Look up "common thinking errors" and try to work through the ones you think you have.
8. Look at Albert Ellis' "REBT" theroy and see where his ABCD method might help you.

Thinking is comprised of habits. Train your brain to "go to" the improved thinking habits by making small, frequent, sustained changes over time.

1.  

[SquirrellyMama]

Thank you to everyone for responding. I am seeing a therapist, but I've been somewhat hopeless that I can change. I just wanted to know it could be done.

 

I was just about to meditate so I think I'll start there tonight.

 

I'll look into the other suggestions tomorrow.

 

Kelly

[datgh]

Yes you can!!!  It takes practice but you can definitely do it. Cognitive Behavior Therapy did it for me.  The first step is becoming aware of your negative thinking. The next step is to have a plan in place that you put into action every time you notice your thoughts becoming negative. It could be consciously redirecting your thinking to positive thoughts or if you don't feel up to the battle at the moment, finding something like a hobby that will occupy your mind and focus on it. Sometimes I will direct my thoughts outward meaning I focus on something around me even if it is counting the floor tiles or analyzing the flowers in ugly wall paper. Anything to stop the negativity.  It takes effort at first but eventually it gets easier and you start feeling the cloud that has been hanging over you begin to lift.  :grouphug: I have been there.  It does get better and you will come out the other side a much stronger person.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

(subbing to read later)

 

I <3 the WTM boards.

[Rosie_0801]

Take some B vitamins if you're not. Positive thinking is a lot easier when you don't have vitamin deficiencies causing anxiety. :)

[happi duck]

(Hugs)

I need this information too.

[SquirrellyMama]

I think part of my panic is that I have so many negative thoughts that need changing. Although, I think many of them stem from one major negative thought.

 

The medication I've been taking has helped with not being so tired all of the time, but hasn't done much for negative feelings. I'm hoping when warmer weather and more sunshine come that will be helpful.

 

Rosie- I do have vitamin B, but I often forget to take it.

 

Kelly

[elegantlion]

For me, those feelings vary widely in a month, so I try to recognize that some of it is hormonal. Practically, I play classical music a lot, it tends to "distract" those little voices in my head. 

[73349]

Knowing what affects your mood can make a difference. You mentioned sunshine. I'd also encourage you to consider music with positive lyrics. (If you can't think of anything, here is Up Kind of Day; and there are many

on YouTube.)

[lllll]

..

[monstermama]

I think part of my panic is that I have so many negative thoughts that need changing. Although, I think many of them stem from one major negative thought.

 

The medication I've been taking has helped with not being so tired all of the time, but hasn't done much for negative feelings. I'm hoping when warmer weather and more sunshine come that will be helpful.

 

Rosie- I do have vitamin B, but I often forget to take it.

 

Kelly

 

But you don't need to change all of them at once, and you don't have to start with the biggest ones first.

 

I'm not sure if you have the same issue, but I have a tendency when I'm having an episode of spiraling into a giant negative dogpile on myself - so I can go from "I forgot to run the dishwasher last night" to "I am a worthless human being" in about 5 minutes.  I've found that I have a couple of phrases that I can stop myself with, things that I've come up with that resonate with me as true even when I'm in a spiral.  For instance, if I'm berating myself for being a failure as a mother, I remind myself that I love my kid unconditionally, and that he knows that I do.  For me, that is usually enough to stop the spiral, because now I'm thinking of all the ways my kid reflects my love back to me.  Your truths will probably be different, and it took me some trial and error to find mine ("I love my kid" wasn't enough, it was him knowing that I do that does the trick, for whatever reason).  Perhaps you and your therapist can identify some underlying themes and find your own truths.

 

Best wishes to you.

[Guest]

I sort of learned to talk to myself. "Why would I think I'm worthless?" "Because I bounced a check this month." "So you're saying that people who bounce checks are worthless? What if your kids bounce checks? Does that make them worthless?" So I learned to talk myself through these bad moments. I talk to the bully within my head. I would not put up with someone treating my sister or my kids this way, so why should I speak to myself that way?

I do this, too! My favorite self-insult is, "God, I am so dumb sometimes!" So then I try to reverse that by providing ample evidence that I am not dumb. ;)

[Denise in Florida]

You have received tons of great advice. I plan to look up some of those suggestions myself. Also I second the B12 idea. 

 

 

I have a very small example of something I did that helped me a great deal a few years ago.  Your mileage may vary of course.

 

In 2012 I got overly invested in the Presidential Campaign and really really could not stand one particular person.  I could recognize that my anger and rage were out of proportion and not good for me. I decided to pray for him but just couldn't so I prayed everyday for his wife. :) I thought about her safety and how she might miss him when he was away etc. It let me step away from the anger and I started praying for them both, eventually my rage faded away and I could resume my usual peaceful compromise political discussions. :)  

 

I presume meditation would work much like prayer if that is your preference.

 

I hope you find a process that is a good fit for you.  Best wishes. 

[happi duck]

 

Yes, you can.

 

A good therapist can help, but there are many DIY options, too.

 

• Meditation. There is a (scientific) reason meditation shows up in every major world religion. It is as close to a panacea as we can get. It is like exercising. When you exercise, you break down muscle fiber. The muscle fiber then repairs and rebuilds. Meditation is like that for the brain. The brain **literally** re-wires. Like muscles that have been built, the act differently even when not being exercised. The brain of a regular meditator is quantifiably different in positive ways.
• Speaking of positive, I am not being "woo" when I talk about the scientific evidence of positivity. This can take many forms: gratitude exercises.
• Service work to others changes the brain.
• Laughter changes the brain.
• Exercise changes the brain (and most other cells).
• Fellowship changes the brain.
• Look up "common thinking errors" and try to work through the ones you think you have.
• Look at Albert Ellis' "REBT" theroy and see where his ABCD method might help you.

Thinking is comprised of habits. Train your brain to "go to" the improved thinking habits by making small, frequent, sustained changes over time.

Thanks for this list.

[happi duck]

Actually, the above just reminded me of something I used to do before meds...if I had a really negative self-talk thing going on, I couldn't challenge it, but I could redirect it...I'd think about all the other people all over the world feeling that way right at that moment, and send out some positive meditation vibes for them. May they feel safe, happy, healthy and at ease.

 

It gave me distraction, and a little way to feel better about myself, because doing for others is affirming for me, without my brain and I getting into a fight over who knew me best :)

I really like this...thanks for posting!

[Laurie4b]

Thank you to everyone for responding. I am seeing a therapist, but I've been somewhat hopeless that I can change. I just wanted to know it could be done.

 

I was just about to meditate so I think I'll start there tonight.

 

I'll look into the other suggestions tomorrow.

 

Kelly

 

Oh, absolutely it can work! BTDT. Don't struggle with it anymore. At. All.

When you are first filling in the positives, you may need to ask trusted people for the truth. Or, if you are a person of faith, you can use scriptures from your faith that affirm the truth (positive) to your current belief. It is also true that at first, the truth will seem like the fantasy and your current beliefs will seem like reality. That's normal. It will eventually change.