anyone regret waiting a year or going slow? - late birthday?

[luuknam]

Here's another consideration....testing requirements.

 

NY requires testing every other year beginning in 4th (which means you can use 4th as your skip year and test in 5th).  Because of DDs LDs, I opted to "hold her back" in 1st grade.  To her...whenever it comes up as to what grade she is, we call her 3rd grade.  But on paper, on her reports and her IHIP, she is 2nd grade.  

 

This buys me an extra year before I have to test her.  She will need that extra year.  

 

Or, you could have waited and held her back in 3rd grade, reporting her as 3rd grade twice. Only useful of course if you're not sure how the LD is going to play out. If it's obvious she's going to need to repeat a year, for academic reasons, it doesn't matter.

 

It also depends on the LDs... for some kids repeating one year wouldn't make much of a difference. I'm not sure what the rules are on accommodations. But, from what I remember, the OP's kid is above average academically, so testing shouldn't be a concern.

[sweetpea3829]

Or, you could have waited and held her back in 3rd grade, reporting her as 3rd grade twice. Only useful of course if you're not sure how the LD is going to play out. If it's obvious she's going to need to repeat a year, for academic reasons, it doesn't matter.

 

It also depends on the LDs... for some kids repeating one year wouldn't make much of a difference. I'm not sure what the rules are on accommodations. But, from what I remember, the OP's kid is above average academically, so testing shouldn't be a concern.

 

 

I could have waited...but likely would have had considerably more questions from the school department.  As it was, the IEP team asked if I had made a mistake on her IHIP when I reported her as 1st grade again.  I explained that I intentionally reported her as 1st grade and why.  They felt it was a good idea.  It wouldn't really have mattered what they felt, but if I had waited, they may have given me a harder time over it.  Who knows.  

 

If she makes tremendous strides with her LDs and eventually gets to a point where she is grade level or higher, than I can always report her IHIP a grade ahead.  

 

It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme.  The grade level reported on her IHIP is just a number.  She is working on curriculum that is appropriate for her and her IHIP reflects that.  She has no idea that her IHIP states a grade lower than her peers.  Neither, do I believe, would it matter much to her, as we have spent a LOT of time discussing how everybody is working on material that is appropriate to their individual abilities.  

 

In fact, I don't necessarily even report what grade level materials we are using.  

 

DS is reporting at 2nd grade, but is working on material that is grade levels above 2nd.  

 

*shrug*

 

Overall...I really don't think it is a big deal, especially for us that are homeschooling.  When it comes right down to it, it doesn't really matter what grade you report your kids at (other than for testing requirements).  If you were to enroll them in the PS, they would likely enroll them in the grade level they would have been according to age.  You *might* be able to test them up a grade level.  

[Bluegoat]

Speaking generally, I think it also makes a difference depending on what the school-starting age is.

 

In the last number of years there was a change in the cut-off date here, from the end of October to the end of December, so K level kids may be 4 until Christmas.  There has been a big increase in red-shirting since then,  My impression is that in that 4 to 5 year range, there really is a lot of developmental variation in kids, but it starts to even out a little more in the 6 to 7 age group.

[OneStepAtATime]

Speaking generally, I think it also makes a difference depending on what the school-starting age is.

 

In the last number of years there was a change in the cut-off date here, from the end of October to the end of December, so K level kids may be 4 until Christmas.  There has been a big increase in red-shirting since then,  My impression is that in that 4 to 5 year range, there really is a lot of developmental variation in kids, but it starts to even out a little more in the 6 to 7 age group.

:iagree:

[PagesandFields]

I agree, a 5 year old is not "behind".  I just disagree with the term "punished" when they are being given more time to do what they need to do.  While it is "only on paper" that paper designation still affects things for many parents and for the student.  We don't live in a vacuum.  If a parent wants to keep their child at whatever the birth date determined grade would be for their area and adjust as needed further down the line, that';s great.  Do that.  I don't think that is a bad idea at all.  It can work well for many kids.

 

I just don't want the OP to feel she is "punishing" her child if she feels strongly that he should remain even on paper at the grade/material he is currently functioning best with.  I do not see it as a punishment  if she chooses to give him the extra time to mature, which includes what she is considering doing with the paper trail.  When he is older, if he still needs more time, it will almost certainly be harder to repeat a grade on paper because of how people react to the idea of being held back.  I just very strongly disagree with the idea that anyone is "punishing" their child by giving them extra time when they are young, even on paper.  OP doesn't need that kind of guilt and pressure.  She needs to do what her instincts are telling her would be best for her child, whatever that decision may be.

 

Ellie feels that the child should keep being advanced on paper and that is fine.  Many here do.  Many here don't, too.  People are sharing their views which is what the OP has asked for.  Using the term "punishment" was not, IMHO, helpful to the OP, even if Ellie feels this is the case.  It is hurtful and in my strong opinion not accurate.  

 

I did not "punish" my child by having her stay in the same grade level "on paper" two years in a row.  It was freeing for both of us.  There are many parents here who have done the same and been grateful for that freedom.  I seriously doubt they would consider what they did a punishment.

 

Thank you!  I understand that people have their own opinions about things.  We all have different lives, different experiences, different opinions.  It's one of the things that makes the world interesting!  Nobody on the planet could make me feel like I'm penalizing my kid for allowing him as much precious growing time as possible.  I know I'm not.  In my experience I would feel more worried that I was punishing him by insisting that he reach an academic/social maturity level that he's not prepared for...With this kiddo I'm pretty sure that in a few years he's going to make leaps and bounds... I'll deal with that when I get there...With my littler one?..  I totally get the don't ever hold back a kid ever idea... But kids are different from each other... and sometimes until you've had a particular kind of kid you don't fully understand what their situation could be like.  I will always teach him where he is at, where he wants to be, and wherever his unique gifts take him.  If I wait to officially begin K a year... truthfully he will be closer in age to most of the kids than if he started as early as he could...  Especially in my area.  I don't ever plan to send him to school, and am mostly looking at where to begin him/call him in terms of paperwork and some curriculum material that I want to line up to a possible future class.  We're going to continue with my original plan of doing 1 1/2 years of K... then do 1 1/2 years of 1st.  This will line us up to take advantage of a few years of Latin and other classes that I would love for my kids to have an opportunity to be a part of... if it works out.  

 

Life is unpredictable.  I've had experiences lately that make me grateful for every single day, every single breath, every single thought.  We ALL love our kids.  Of course we do.  We're spending our extra time in a homeschool forum for cryin' out loud!  We all do our best for them, with every fiber of our being.  

 

Thank you all SOOO much for reading, putting thoughts to paper.  Sometimes other perspectives and other stories can help you think through your own so much.  So truly, thank you.  

[Ottakee]

I would go with calling the child the younger grade.........and teaching them at their level.

 

One thing to consider is that years ago when kids more often started K at just 5, K tended to be learning your colors and numbers to 20 and writing your alphabet and singing and playing, etc.  NOW though, in most Public Schools K is all about learning to read, writing sentences (and even paragraphs), spelling, higher level math, etc...........basically much of what used to be called 1st grade work.

 

In our area they cut off is not Sept. 1 but many/most parents with kids that have summer birthdays (esp. the boys) tend to hold off on K until they are just turned 6.  That extra year of maturity (despite how bright they might be) really seems to pay off.  My SIL is a public school teacher and she says she can almost always pick out the "young" boys in a class.  They often struggle more.

 

I know that homeschoolers have a lot more freedom but often at some point the child will need to have a grade designation----for sports, summer camps, recreational classes, or if life circumstances change to attend school.

[lea_lpz]

^^^for all the above reasons we chose to do k over two years, with this year being transitional-k and next year officially kindergarten. I was really conflicted last year about whether or not we'd classify him as k or t-k but now I am so happy we did it! It's so much less pressure when it comes to school this year since I don't have to worry if he gets antsy and we cut table time short. We have a lot more time to read, explore, craft, and practice practical skills.

[cintinative]

I didn't read the prior posts, but we held back my oldest because his birthday is in mid-September only two weeks before the cut-off and because he was little (size) and because it was full day K.  After a year of K we pulled him out of publisc school.

 

Now that I am homeschooling him, I have those inevitable thoughts of "what if?"--"what if I had homeschooled from the beginning? etc."  A lot of this is rooted in the fact that I feel that there was lost opportunity the year he was in K.  Also watching my youngest really "catch up" because I started in K with him prompts this thought.  But ultimately--I just want to encourage you--you will NOT ruin your kid for his life if you hold him back.  Any reason I might have to choose to fret now, my child does not also have. He is blissfully unconcerned with the fact he is older than some kids in his "grade." And since we are homeschoolers, grade level is totally relative anyway.  I just want to encourage you not to worry.  Go with your mommy gut. 

[Joyoustxmama]

I haven't read the whole long thread here, but that's exactly my plan for ds 2 who has a summer bday. He will have two K years - one at age 5 and one at age 6. Even if he is bright and quick, I really believe in later and slower being better for most kids. Especially for the majority of wiggly boys with fine motor delays. I was worried about this too, wondering if I would hurt my kids in the long run, but in researching, it appears many parents are trending this way now, holding summer bday kids back a year. And honestly I'm in no rush to shove my kids into college straight out of high school. Only exceptionally mature/focused kids imho are really ready for college at 17-18 yrs old. College is SO expensive, and I'd like all my kids to have a concrete, self-motivated career plan before we as a family send them.

 

Ds 1 has an early fall bday so we are calling him a 1st grader at age 6, but he will be 7 within 6 weeks of starting that year (which is somewhat artificial to us anyhow but I do just to simplify things for my kids given the first question every adult they meet seems to ask is "what grade are you in"?). Ds 1 is bright but emotionally immature; he also has sensory issues and fine motor delays.

 

Ds 3 will be born in May this year; I am undecided what to do with his "grade level" but whatever I call him for 'social' reasons, I will choose his subjects on age/skill, not grade.

 

I can't imagine I'll regret slowing our pace...but can easily imagine regretting the converse.

[kiwik]

I'm not Ellie, but I think that the "label" is the issue.

 

As homeschoolers, we are free from the lockstep of public school, so it doesn't matter if my 5-yr-old is struggling to hold a pencil and isn't ready to do any formal work yet. I don't have to put a label on him by declaring him *not yet a kindergartner* or *in the lower grade*. He is just homeschooled, and I teach him where he's at. Conversely, if I have a 5-yr-old who reads Dickens for fun and is working through Algebra, I don't have to wring my hands over what grade to place him in. He is just homeschooled, and I teach him where he's at.

 

How can I know at 5 whether my child will have the maturity or executive function to go off to college at 17 or 18 or 19? Public school parents have to make that call at 5, but as homeschoolers we can give our kids more time before we make that decision. I think the "punished" refers to a child still being in high school at 19, because they were a wiggly 5-yr-old. Now some wiggly 5-yr-olds may still be struggling with executive function at 18, but most wiggly 5-yr-olds will develop into perfectly mature 18-yr-olds who are more than ready to head to college. The solution being advocated by Ellie and others with BTDT experience is to always list your child in their proper grade level on paper while continuing to teach them where they are. Then there is neither the stigma of being held back nor the drama of being skipped forward. They are with their same age peers until they graduate, and you can graduate them whenever you feel they are ready.

 

I don't think anyone is advocating that you push kids ahead academically who aren't ready. I think some are advocating that you step away from the idea that a 5-yr-old can be "behind" at all.

I think kids should have finished school before they can vote or at least shortly after. I think a 19 year old being in school because they were a less ready 5 year old is punishment. I also know that at least in our public schools it is easier to repeat a grade than skip one. If for some reason you need to stop honeschooling it would be far easier to say that he is registered as 4th but I would like him in third than to say he is registered as 3rd but I want him in fourth because he is working ahead.

[The Girls' Mom]

My oldest had a late birthday, and will be graduating as an 18.5 year old.  It is perfect for her.  She started public school as the oldest in her class.  She did fine.  I pulled her out to homeschool in the 6th grade.  We attempted to accelerate her a bit as she was capable academically to do so, but ended up dropping her back because she wasn't emotionally ready.  The "extra" time was really needed for her to mature.  In fact, if she were planning to go away to college, I would probably have given her another year and graduated her at 19.5.  She's just a late bloomer emotionally.  I don't regret it.  

That said, my younger two will be graduating just a few weeks after their 17th birthday.  They have been the opposite.  They are somewhat academically advanced, and very mature for their ages.  (I think they would graduate themselves and move out now if it were legal! lol.)  We have the luxury of adjusting school to the child's needs.  

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

I think kids should have finished school before they can vote or at least shortly after. I think a 19 year old being in school because they were a less ready 5 year old is punishment. I also know that at least in our public schools it is easier to repeat a grade than skip one. If for some reason you need to stop honeschooling it would be far easier to say that he is registered as 4th but I would like him in third than to say he is registered as 3rd but I want him in fourth because he is working ahead.

And i think this entirely depends on the child and the circumstances.

 

For instance there are several homeschoolers in our co-op that are graduating at 19 and were grateful for the extra time to pursue outside interests and solidify their studies, get more DE credits under their belt, etc. before heading off to college.

 

I'm not sure i understand how voting affects academic graduation being a punishment or not being a punishment.

[strawberryjam]

 

I figure we can always proceed through material quicker when he's older...  

 

This is what we've done. It's mostly gone really smoothly. We basically unschooled Kindergarten. Grade 1 was pretty slow. Grade 2 was partially unschooled, we pretty much only did phonics and math. Grade 3 was quite a bit more structured. A typical school day is 4 hours, 3-4 days a week. It's been fine. He did an entire year of math in 12 weeks. Same went for things like writing, spelling and reading. It was just the right thing for him to wait. He is also the youngest in his grade level with an end of the year birthday. I decided not to hold him back, so he's just playing catch-up instead. This was definitely the right choice as he's starting to accelerate in some subjects and holding him back would not have been good for him. It takes him a while to be ready to learn something, but when he's ready... he gets it really quick and doesn't forget it. I was worried when he was in Grade 1, but we realized at the end of the year he's actually a Gifted student and part of the package is being "Asynchronous", which means he is at different grade levels for every subject. For example in Grade 1 he could not read or write but he could do complicated math in his head (nothing crazy just above his grade level) and understood jr. high science concepts in great detail (he's obsessed with astronomy and all things science).

 

If I had to do it all over again. ... I would have just stuck to the foundational stuff and focused more on doing baby steps consistently instead of taking larger breaks. Maybe. Like working on writing for 5 minutes a day is better then just putting it off for months at a time. Either way, I'm amazed how fast he's making up for lost time. He went from reading really simple early "Dick and Jane" style readers to reading chapter books in about 3 months. We also skipped through a lot of math concepts that were just "no brainers" by the time we got to them. 

 

This is my 4th year of homeschooling and one thing I've learned: baby steps. Baby steps make it happen. Being consistent day in and day out, with little bits of learning at a time. All of a sudden the little bits add up and you're looking back surprised at how you got this far. I remember when I thought my son was never going to read. Now he can read almost anything. I still don't quite understand how it happened, lol. 

 

Remember you can always do school year round too. Last year we schooled full time for half the summer break. We did "Rain Schooling". If it was a nice day we stayed outdoors and went places like the beach or a park. If it rained we did school. :) I like schooling year round as it keeps things fresh in their minds and you skip the whole "back to school" transition. Instead we just take shorter breaks throughout the year whenever we need them. So if you wait a year and regret it later you can always make up for it still!