Jump to content

Menu

Love overflow - strategies for not overwhelming returning students


Laura Corin
 Share

Recommended Posts

Calvin is home for Easter.  It's wonderful having him back.  He's working part time at a book shop and has a lot of studying to do (long story).

 

Anyway, more than last holiday, I find myself having to hold back from smothering him with affection/asking him too many questions.  He tells me about his life, but I feel as if I could close him down if I asked too many questions.

 

How do you manage to express the love enough for your own needs whilst restraining yourself enough to give your student space?  So far, I've been making him breakfast, and sandwiches to take to work, washing his clothes, making his favourite dishes...  What do you do?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

While ds appreciates the his sibling fan club (and they really do act like groupies :D ) I know that his introverted nature can only handle so much. He also has a very private streak - so dh and I have to be careful not to smother him with questions as well.

 

One way I try to make up for it is to buy ds treats that I know he likes, that I would not normally buy. Picking up a little box of peanut butter cups, his favorite cereal, etc. are small ways to love on him; and he does notice it.

 

I have to have enormous patience not to bombard him with too many questions about his life. I know that he will volunteer a lot of information, but it will come out in trickles, rather than gushes. It's hard because I want to know everything Right Now! :)

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When my daughter first came back, we just talked about it.

 

We kept an open communication about how this was an adjustment for both of us, and it worked out fine. I think sometimes telling our adult kids how we feel and admitting that we're not quite sure how to navigate this goes a long way towards keeping the peace and letting them know we respect their boundaries even as we're trying to figure out just where those boundaries are.

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My son is only 90 minutes away. So, we see him more often than was true with our daughter when she was in school. That probably helps keep the I-must-hug-you-NOW mania somewhat under control for me,

 

With that said, I try to focus on practical stuff when he comes home for a weekend, I encourage him to bring his laundry, and I wash, dry and actually fold it for him. (That last step often doesn't happen when he washes his own stuff on campus.) We ask in advance for a list of any snack foods or treats he'd like us to have on hand and any meals he especially wants me to cook, and I hit the grocery story before he comes home to stock up. Similarly, we either ask for a list or take him shopping while he's home so he can take back snacks and groceries for his dorm. I buy some healthy, practical stuff I know he has trouble keeping on hand, but I also buy silly stuff that I would normally consider too expensive. For example, he likes the small, eight-ounce bottles of diet soda, because they fit nicely in his mini-fridge. So, I usually buy a couple of eight-packs of those for him to take back with him.

 

He and my husband usually have a show or two they are watching on Netflix and/or we wait to rent movies we know he'd like to see until he's around. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had real trouble with this when ds came home from his 10 month exchange year.  He turned 18 just a few weeks before his return.  I could NOT stop hugging and touching him for the first few days.  AND I just burst into tears when he came out of customs at the airport. It was unexpected and spontaneous and uncontrollable. 

 

Fortunately he is very patient with his silly mom.  : )  

 

Nowadays, when he is home, I do what many of you all do-make and buy his favorite foods, laundry, take him shopping for any clothes, books or other gear he needs.  We welcome his GF and other local friends when they come over.  

 

I love the idea of actually talking about this with our kids. I hadn't thought of it but it makes perfect sense.  

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We have a big, loud, affectionate family (extended family). I'm pretty sure my kids resigned themselves years ago to just sucking it up  :lol:

 

My kids seem to like the attention of asking all about college, etc.  We start hearing about it all before we leave the airport.

 

We do all of the other stuff too - favorite meals (forget healthy that week!), playing games we like, they go out with friends and/or have friends over, etc.

 

And I let them sleep in.  They always seem to need to catch up on sleep.  Based upon their college schedule, this doesn't surprise me.

 

They still chip in with chores though, both farm and house chores.  They don't seem to mind at all.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...