ExcitedMama Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 DD has been wearing underwear for about a month now. She's doing great and goes potty about every 30 min to an hour. She still has a couple of pee accidents per week. She's actually having more accidents now than when she started training because she's holding it longer and being more resistant to my reminding her to go. She's very independent and all about doing everything herself. I told DH that we should take a beak from Sunday school while she's PT. When should I let her go back? After she's stopped having accidents for awhile? We moved over the summer and have started attending two churches near us ever since, DH likes one better than the other and of course I like the other one, and since one starts early and the other late we choose based on what we have going on. This is the only time I'm really ever away from the kids, unless they're with DH. We both make it a point to be with them and DH volunteers with DS' Cubbies group. I hate leaving them with strangers to begin with. They have different volunteers and often one male and one female volunteer. I have no idea who these people are since they're always changing and I really don't like it. Given that I don't like leaving them with strangers anyway the idea of leaving DD now that she might need to go potty really stresses me out. DH is an amazing man, but I'm still far more nervous about leaving the kids when there's a male volunteer and so is DH. It's an unfair assumption of course but I worry. It really doesn't help that DH is a police officer so I hear far too much about how vulnerable kids are to being abused. I guess I need to know what's normal so I can decide when to feel comfortable. In my ideal world DD would not go back until she was like DS and I knew she wouldn't need to go potty during the service and we could just take her at the end. Of course I don't know when that would be. What would you do or have you done in this situation? Thank you so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 What is she getting from Sunday School at age 2? I didn't put my kids in SS until age 3 because I didn't see the point. At that age they could tell me if anything happened. (Not that I believe it likely, but I do get surprised sometimes at what teachers do when they lose their cool.) My kids potty trained early, and one of them had to go frequently. I would take her to the restroom right before an activity (such as gymnastics, Kindermusik...). Usually that was sufficient, but she did know how to take herself to a kid-sized toilet if she needed to. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Do they have rules about safety? The churches I have attended have rules that no adult can be alone with a child, and they are also background checked. Seeing what sort of policies they have in place might make you feel better. I'd be hesitant to send a chlld who's regularly having accidents to Sunday School alone anyway. What sort of potties do they have? Are they low enough that she can go alone, and can she pull up her clothes/wipe alone (probably not at 2.5) Could you volunteer in the room for a couple of weeks? I was a Sunday School teacher for that age and never minded if a parent stayed (especially if there were potty issues! :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderchica Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Ask how they handle toileting. At my church, male volunteers are not allowed to change diapers or assist with pottying. We always have 2 people present. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I'd wait until she has fewer accidents. (Nothing to do with safety.) I strongly dislike pull-ups when in training, so they would not be an option. I would encourage dh to go ahead himself with ds. I would probably take turns with staying home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldilocks Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Ask how they handle toileting. At my church, male volunteers are not allowed to change diapers or assist with pottying. We always have 2 people present. My church is like this also. In addition, if a child is PT they get a special sticker to remind the nursery worker to ask them every 15 minutes if they need to potty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 If you want to take her to the church sunday school, absolutely ask questions about how things are done and I would definitely volunteer a couple of Sundays to see how things actually work. But if you don't want to take her to the church sunday school, don't do it! Don't feel guilty - I know plenty of people who keep their littles with them during services. Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Raised by an overprotective mom here and quite frankly I'm grateful. She's your kid, do what you feel is best. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I have a totally different perspective about potty training, kids in church, time away from kids, "over protection", and in general parenting than what has so far been represented in this thread. Let me know if you'd like to hear it. (BTW, I raised my kids in a church and can and will absolutely answer within that context, without commentary on church/Christianity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 We used cloth pull ups - thicker than regular underwear - during the early phase of potty training. My kids were all trained before they started sunday school at age 3 or 4. Before that, they were with me in church and DH or I took them out if they needed tongi during the service. Using the cloth pants caught most of the small accidents and I always brought a change of clothes until they were solidly trained. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExcitedMama Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Thanks so much everyone! It's so hard not having people IRL who actually enjoy and want to spent time with their families so DH and I are getting a lot of grief for our choices. It's been getting to me. Thank you so much for making me feel less crazy! -momacacia thank you so so much I really appreciate it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I'm surprised at the frequency of her using the potty. Is she emptying her bladder completely at every stop? I would think a child ready to train would be able to hold it for longer than an hour, frankly. So, I guess I'm saying I take a little bit of issue with you reminding her every half hour to go. She might be resistant because her body doesn't need to go. AFA the nursery at church (not sure if you call it that--we start "official" Sunday School at 3 or 4; kids before that are in the nursery, where it's all play and basically babysitting), I would only leave her if you feel confident in the leadership. We have backround checks and abuse training that is mandatory for any volunteers--does your church? It doesn't guarantee safety, of course, but it does help, IMO. You might suggest it, if your church doesn't have the training already. I don't have a problem leaving mine--but YMMV. I would expect a nursery attendant to take my child to the potty. I like the way my church does kid-stuff--the kids 2nd grade and under can always stay with parents in church, but they can also go to a kid-oriented service, just for the first half of the service, when the "big" church is doing prayers and the sermon. We have Eucharist every Sunday; the kids come in for that part of the service. Some parents get their babies/little bitties from the nursery at the start of that part, so the family can go up to the rail together. Littles get a blessing, and then communion when they are ready. It's the best of both worlds, IMO--of course, we are liturgical, and not everyone has church like this, I certainly know. :D Anyway, I trust my gut and intuition about people, and also haven't had super-bad experiences that color my perspective, so leaving my child with a sitter is not a huge deal to me, esp for an hour or so at church. Again, YMMV. I guess you need to do what you need to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 When my kids were that age, their bathrooms were in the classroom. It didn't require them to go anywhere out of the room or anything like that - it was just a small bathroom for tiny kids. Or is that not what you're talking about? I have to say I don't really get *why* you would take her out of class just because she's potty-training. Usually they're used to that sort of thing, though for class I usually sent mine in a pull up even if they never had any accidents. On the other end of the spectrum, we've had kids dropped off to us who were in the middle of potty-training and wet themselves 3 times in an hour and half lol... I think it would be best to have your DD in a pull up UNLESS she's capable of going on her own (as in, asking to go, recognizing that she needs to go) as opposed to being taken to the bathroom every __ minutes. IMO, a kid who is still at the 'being taken/reminded every time' phase is not truly potty trained yet, and proper measures should be in place for a class environment where the volunteers are unable to take the child to the bathroom every time they turn around. That's not their responsibility. Are the volunteers what you're concerned about? Why? Has the church done any sort of background check on their volunteers? Most churches worth their salt will have done so. Also, volunteers aren't husband and wife unless there is a third adult in the room with them. I think you are being a little overprotective. I've always been very glad and thankful for the volunteers in the children's ministries at our churches, and started putting my kids in the classes by the time they were a few months old. These people are, for the most part, good people. You could volunteer, too; that's actually a requirement at a church we used to attend. Then you could get to know the people, the system, see how everything works, and become more comfortable with it. If there were things that were legitimate safety issues, you could bring them up to the children's pastor or person in charge, and as long as you did so with the right attitude, they'd listen. Idk, I guess I think getting involved would be a good idea no matter what because you're more likely (general you) to be invested in it if you're a part of it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Thanks so much everyone! It's so hard not having people IRL who actually enjoy and want to spent time with their families so DH and I are getting a lot of grief for our choices. It's been getting to me. Thank you so much for making me feel less crazy! oookay.... so I just went back and read through the comments and this one makes no sense to me in the context of this thread. Sending a child to an age-appropriate Sunday School/Children's Church class means the parents don't enjoy or want to spend time with their families? :confused: :blink: :001_huh: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 In the course of a lifetime, having littles be with mom for a bit longer really doesn't matter, I don't think. I don't think it matters too much the other way either but as Sadie said, I think it's more important to do what you're comfortable with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 FWIW, none of my six kids were potty-trained at that age. Even if they had been, none of them would have been willing to attend a once per week Sunday school class - way too much separation anxiety around here. (I have done a toddler preschool at that age for some of them, but that was multiple hours per week, which is different.) Third, I'd be weighing the costs vs. benefits, and I have a hard time imagining that the benefits are worth the hassle. Just my two cents. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professormom Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Thanks so much everyone! It's so hard not having people IRL who actually enjoy and want to spent time with their families so DH and I are getting a lot of grief for our choices. It's been getting to me. Thank you so much for making me feel less crazy! We have kind of a different perspective on kids in church too. We didn't do nursery or child care during church (which is kind of what Sunday school is at 2.5 in my view... Not saying this in a judgey way at all). We had all kinds of reasons for this, from teaching them to sit still when needed to teaching them to quietly entertain themselves to helping them feel like they are part of the church community. My point is basically you are perfectly entitled to keep her with you during the service if that is what makes you comfortable and works better logistically. What I am hearing is that everyone sends their kids to the child care/Sunday school, and that is making you feel like you need to do this as well. You are not being overprotective by keeping your very small child with you during church, just doing what works best for these particular circumstances. (I say this as someone who is very much about independence as they get older, too. No one that knows us would accuse us of being overprotective, haha.) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 If I couldn't trust someone to take my kid to the potty without worry, then I wouldn't leave them in their care at all. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExcitedMama Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Sorry PeacefulChaos that I wasn't clear. I'm not in anyway judging people who drop their kids off at Sunday School. In fact I know it's completely fine and normal and I need to be ok with it in general, at least at a certain age, and I've gotten better with DS. I guess it's the equivalent of sending your child off to school and that first separation is a transition. With DD being so young it has been harder in general and now that I don't want her being naked and going to the bathroom with anyone else that separation has been harder. I meant in my comment that IRL we are always getting judged by family, friends and acquaintances for being together as a family in general so I don't have anyone I can talk about this with. Everyone thinks we're weird since we want to be together. Everyone we know actively tries to avoid being with their spouses and kids so I just don't have anyone I can talk to about this. They wouldn't understand at all why I wouldn't do it. I would assume homeschooling families would relate more since they are choosing to be with their kids. I hope that makes sense this time. DD can go potty by herself, getting up and down on the toilet, wiping after peeing, pulling up and down her underwear and pants. She tells us when she needs to go but of course she can get distracted and have accidents so I've been working on reminding her after so much time if she hasn't gone and giving her more time in between reminders. The children's ministries are at the same time as the general service. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 If she can take herself to the toilet, then why not tell the SS teachers to let her take herself? I do think worrying about someone seeing your 2.5yo naked is a bit overprotective, but what's more important is the vibe you get. If you don't feel right leaving her with those people, then don't. In our church, Sunday School and church are not at the same time, so everyone brings their kids to church (if they attend at all). They sit at the back if their kids are likely to make a lot of noise or need to exit during the service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Most of the kids at my church go to creche or kids church starting at about 10 months. But they don't have to providing they are not too disruptive. I woukd either put a pull up on for just then or keep her with you for a few weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professormom Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Everyone thinks we're weird since we want to be together.That stinks... But you are not alone. Didn't you know that there is a secret club for people who actually LIKE to be with their families? Many of our members are on these boards, heehee, and I officially nominate YOU for membership. Do I hear a second? ðŸ˜Hugs to you. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I second it! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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