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2 minutes ago, Slache said:

Ok. Thank you for calling me vindictive. My view (from mom's perspective) is "I've told you not to do this, you're still deliberately doing it, I'm tired of being inconvenienced, I'm not doing this for you, this will make you stop."

Lol! Servant is new to the thread!

Everyone knows (or can surmise) who I'm talking about and this would never happen. I'm just being vague because I feel like I'm being rude posting it.

I figured you were talking about them.  But you asked if I thought your way of handling it would be vindictive.  In my opinion, yes.  When I tried to reply without answering that question, you brought it up.   So why the comment about calling you vindictive?

Edited by myblessings4
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Slache, I wouldn't use the word "vindictive," but I would probably say "forceful." I'm a forceful person, myself, so I would probably do something similar, but then I have no patience for the "We don't talk about things" dance a lot of families seem to do. I'm also a big boundary enforcer. The past few years have had a lot to do with that, and this whole scenario is just so passive aggressive on the child AND the parents' parts.

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Can I go into labor now?

We're listening to In the Year of the Boar and Jackie Robinson. My kids think it's hilarious. I love audiobooks. They're among the best inventions ever.

Today we have no plans. It's wonderful.

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1 minute ago, myblessings4 said:

I figured you were talking about them.  But you asked if I thought your way of handling it would be vindictive.  In my opinion, yes.  So why the comment about calling you vindictive?

Trying to be funny. Sorry. Booya!

Just now, ThatBookwormMom said:

Slache, I wouldn't use the word "vindictive," but I would probably say "forceful." I'm a forceful person, myself, so I would probably do something similar, but then I have no patience for the "We don't talk about things" dance a lot of families seem to do. I'm also a big boundary enforcer. The past few years have had a lot to do with that, and this whole scenario is just so passive aggressive on the child AND the parents' parts.

Oh my goodness this. I think this is the summary of the entire clash between households. They think I'm a terrible person for being direct and they make me insane by not being sincere. Oi. That's like five years of therapy right there. Thank you.

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3 minutes ago, Slache said:

Ok. Thank you for calling me vindictive. My view (from mom's perspective) is "I've told you not to do this, you're still deliberately doing it, I'm tired of being inconvenienced, I'm not doing this for you, this will make you stop."

Lol! Servant is new to the thread!

Everyone knows (or can surmise) who I'm talking about and this would never happen. I'm just being vague because I feel like I'm being rude posting it.

Sorry. Just woke up and only halfway through my first cup of coffee but it tastes funny so I've stopped drinking it. No caffeine means I'm not fully functioning yet. If it's not a real question, I'll bow out and you guys discuss away.

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6 minutes ago, Slache said:

Child needs to be able to access the house in an emergency.

Put a lock on the washer.  (Just in case you are ever in this situation, lol!)

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2 minutes ago, Servant4Christ said:

Sorry. Just woke up and only halfway through my first cup of coffee but it tastes funny so I've stopped drinking it. No caffeine means I'm not fully functioning yet. If it's not a real question, I'll bow out and you guys discuss away.

You guys were all just supposed to agree that I was right. Now I'm torn.

2 minutes ago, Susan in TN said:

Put a lock on the washer.  (Just in case you are ever in this situation, lol!)

Yeah, no. I'll just send my kids to your house so you can deal with it.

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Just now, Slache said:

Trying to be funny. Sorry. Booya!

Oh my goodness this. I think this is the summary of the entire clash between households. They think I'm a terrible person for being direct and they make me insane by not being sincere. Oi. That's like five years of therapy right there. Thank you.

This, believe it or not, ended up being the basis of 90% of the conflict between Dave and me. We made no progress until he realized that his FOO's habit of not discussing anything was unhealthy at best and toxic at worst. He thought I was awful and mean for pointing out the issues between us or candidly talking about my feelings. He literally felt attacked by my honesty, and all the awfulness that came after really boiled down to this (and a super unhealthy way of retaliating to perceived slights). It was really an act of God's graciousness that allowed him to understand what I was talking about and see what a healthy relationship looked like. I still can't talk to his mother, because it triggers so much from what we worked through. She's not allowed around the kids because of how deeply seated her issues are. Dave is still working on enforcing boundaries with his dad. His mom refuses to acknowledge any boundaries are even there.

I'm so, so thankful for the hard work Dave has put in (and continues to put in) to change the patterns he learned growing up. It's not perfect, but it's sooo much better.

Not really sure what the point of that was, other than maybe commiseration? Lol.

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1 minute ago, Slache said:

You guys were all just supposed to agree that I was right. Now I'm torn.

You're right that something needs to be done to enforce the boundary. I'm not sure throwing the clothes on the floor is a good, straightforward solution. I agree with the trashbag on the porch idea. Everyone (usually) has trashbags. It's less inconvenient than finishing processing the laundry, and it makes a clear statement.

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1 minute ago, ThatBookwormMom said:

This, believe it or not, ended up being the basis of 90% of the conflict between Dave and me. We made no progress until he realized that his FOO's habit of not discussing anything was unhealthy at best and toxic at worst. He thought I was awful and mean for pointing out the issues between us or candidly talking about my feelings. He literally felt attacked by my honesty, and all the awfulness that came after really boiled down to this (and a super unhealthy way of retaliating to perceived slights). It was really an act of God's graciousness that allowed him to understand what I was talking about and see what a healthy relationship looked like. I still can't talk to his mother, because it triggers so much from what we worked through. She's not allowed around the kids because of how deeply seated her issues are. Dave is still working on enforcing boundaries with his dad. His mom refuses to acknowledge any boundaries are even there.

I'm so, so thankful for the hard work Dave has put in (and continues to put in) to change the patterns he learned growing up. It's not perfect, but it's sooo much better.

Not really sure what the point of that was, other than maybe commiseration? Lol.

I can relate to all of this. And the thing is, in my opinion, not talking leads to nasty actions. I've had a credit card opened in my name because I refused to lend money, a dog adopted for me because someone felt we needed a dog, my wedding plans changed behind my back because she didn't like my opinion for her son's wedding. I mean seriously! And these are all things that should have been discussed and respected, but none of them have ever been discussed. If I bring it up I'm called nasty names and told not to do things like that. So you get to not communicate with me, alter things to go your way and then refuse to talk about it? No.

1 minute ago, ThatBookwormMom said:

Doesn't work. ☹

TeA!

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13 minutes ago, Slache said:

Jump up and down.

Walking on an elliptical machine helped get things started with one of mine, lots of hip motion...

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Lol. Youngest, who wouldn't eat much of his breakfast, just reached up and pulled down the cereal bowl of oatmeal. No mess at all, he sat quietly on the floor and finished every last bite with a spoon. He wants to be sooo independent. I didn't know he could reach that far on the table, now I do. I wish I could've taken a picture. It was cute.

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Good Morning!!!!!

COFFEE!!!!!~D

Friday!!!

I made it through to Friday. Yesterday was a long, long day. Mostly good. Last night I found Out that the new gal in bell choir is the sister-in-law of a good friend of mine from high school.😂 When you live in my town and go to my church, this is what happens.😂

Today I have three meetings and then... I’m done meeting families till after Christmas. Phew. Tons of other paperwork to do, but the driving around stuff is done.

 

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The only thing my family does not discuss is politics. Well, some of us do, because we are all on the same page, but then when my aunt and uncle come over we absolutely do not discuss politics.  But it’s fine. 

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1 minute ago, Servant4Christ said:

Lol. Youngest, who wouldn't eat much of his breakfast, just reached up and pulled down the cereal bowl of oatmeal. No mess at all, he sat quietly on the floor and finished every last bite with a spoon. He wants to be sooo independent. I didn't know he could reach that far on the table, now I do. I wish I could've taken a picture. It was cute.

My baby was massively behind in talking forever and it was often adorable. The other day I rubbed his head and said "I rubbed your head" and he replied "I noticed." I was like who the heck taught you to talk!? It's unacceptable.

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Slache, I'm guessing that other boundaries are probably more important to enforce than the laundry one.  I guess I'm saying I wouldn't use the laundry scenario to enforce the boundaries that need enforcing - I would choose a different issue.  But then my own mother offers to do laundry for me every time she stops by, so maybe I'm not the best person to ask, lol.  (I turn her down 90% of the time, but sometimes I give her a back log of towels and she takes them, washes, dries, folds, and brings them back to me.  😂😂😂)  Totally different context as we generally have a healthy relationship, lol.  

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10 hours ago, Paradox5 said:

Never heard of washer magic. Will look next time. I’m pretty sure the smell is from the part where the inner drum and outer casing meet. When it leaked, the appliance guy took the metal off and I could see it all gucky brown/black.

The vacuum is a Kenmore with triple HEPA filter. The smell is hard to describe. It smells like mildew or dirt.

Is it a front loader? If so have you cleaned inside the rubber seal at the front of the tub?

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1 minute ago, maize said:

Is it a front loader? If so have you cleaned inside the rubber seal at the front of the tub?

Also, if it's a front load, you're supposed to leave the door open after each wash until the inside is completely dry to prevent the mold/mildew stuff.

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2 minutes ago, Slache said:

I can relate to all of this. And the thing is, in my opinion, not talking leads to nasty actions. I've had a credit card opened in my name because I refused to lend money, a dog adopted for me because someone felt we needed a dog, my wedding plans changed behind my back because she didn't like my opinion for her son's wedding. I mean seriously! And these are all things that should have been discussed and respected, but none of them have ever been discussed. If I bring it up I'm called nasty names and told not to do things like that. So you get to not communicate with me, alter things to go your way and then refuse to talk about it? No.

Yeah, exactly. It really boils down to a lack of respect and boundaries. I used to be a conflict avoider, but now I'm willing to wade in and stand my ground when necessary. I do try to pick my battles, and I constantly remind myself that I'm only responsible for my actions (so I don't yell, etc), but I have no problem saying, "This is wrong or hurtful, and this is why."

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Just now, KrissiK said:

The only thing my family does not discuss is politics. Well, some of us do, because we are all on the same page, but then when my aunt and uncle come over we absolutely do not discuss politics.  But it’s fine. 

No, they don't talk about essentials. (Krissi is in the other room) "I leant $60 to Krissi a month ago and she said she would pay me back a week later and never did. Did you know she gets Starbucks every morning? How could she be this selfish? She's getting coffee and my car payment is late. Thanks for nothing." (Krissi enters the scene) "Hi Krissi, how are you? Have you seen the latest episode yet?"

So now I'm harboring bad feelings, my car payment is late and I'm not offering the opportunity for you to make it right. This is how they do EVERYTHING and it's resulted in massive toxicity. If I were to gently say "Hey Krissi, is there an update on that $60 I leant you? I really need it" I would be reprimanded. It makes no sense.

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12 minutes ago, maize said:

Walking on an elliptical machine helped get things started with one of mine, lots of hip motion...

No elliptical, unfortunately. We have an exercise bike! Will that work?

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5 minutes ago, ThatBookwormMom said:

No.

Lol. End of last pregnancy, I was willing to do anything. I was overdue and sooo ready. DH refused. He won't when it gets close to time. Scares him, I think.

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5 minutes ago, ThatBookwormMom said:

I only have the three steps of my porch. Will that be enough?

Yes.  Not sure how much or how long you should do it though.  

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Just now, Servant4Christ said:

Lol. End of last pregnancy, I was willing to do anything. I was overdue and sooo ready. DH refused. He won't when it gets close to time. Scares him, I think.

Yeah, there will come a time when this is what we'll do to make things happen, but today is not that day. I'm too uncomfortable, and I' pretty sure Dave thinks he'll break my water or something, lol.

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24 minutes ago, ThatBookwormMom said:

No elliptical, unfortunately. We have an exercise bike! Will that work?

Ellipticals really get your hips/pelvis swaying.

I had access to a gym. You could sign up for a free trial somewhere 🙂

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29 minutes ago, ThatBookwormMom said:

I only have the three steps of my porch. Will that be enough?

Come visit me, Bookie! I have LOTS of steps. My knees regularly remind me just how many there are. Unfortunately, they did not help to induce labor for me, not one bit. Not with Oldest OR Youngest. Trust me, I tried.

Edited by Servant4Christ
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The only time I actually went into labor on my own I was out working in the garage cleaning up stuff, emptying bins and reorganizing.  I didn't lift anything really heavy and dh was there with me, but it was a bit of bending and stretching.

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So I know you have all been waiting with bated breath to hear how my wheeled cart/backpack situation worked out.   I bought a new dolly with big rubber wheels that can handle our gravel.  Then I popped the wheels off my backpack, hot glued the plastic from around the wheels (that came off with the wheels) back on to cover the wheel holes and avoid the fabric fraying.  Then I used paracord and made a cute little knotted strap around the bottom and around the top (through the handle) to hold it in place.   It should work.  

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3 hours ago, Slache said:

Husband is wro- I mean we're having a disagreement and I want your opinion.

Parent owns a house, child rents an apartment. Parent says child can no longer do laundry at house. Child does not want to pay for laundry so child stops by a few times a week when child knows parent is working, puts laundry in washing machine and picks it up in a few days knowing parent will have rotated it in the necessity of doing parent household laundry.

The wise and all knowing Slache says parent needs to pull clothes from washer and throw them on the dirty floor. Matt says that's vindictive, I say it's showing that laundry will not be done. He says find a different way to show the boundary but neither of us could think of one.

Ok, go!

Change the locks and don’t give them the key. 

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12 minutes ago, Where's Toto? said:

The only time I actually went into labor on my own I was out working in the garage cleaning up stuff, emptying bins and reorganizing.  I didn't lift anything really heavy and dh was there with me, but it was a bit of bending and stretching.

I'm thinking I can scrub my bathrooms and floors, and maybe that will help? I'll feel better, anyway. Lol.

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A thought process I took on many years ago that has served me well is that I do not loan ANYTHING (including money) unless I'm willing and able to part with it permanently. That way, if it returns, awesome. But if it doesn't, I'm not putting myself in a financial bind nor do I feel the resentment and frustration toward whoever borrowed from me.

Edited by Servant4Christ
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EdPo: 

Bookie, how are you liking MFW? I've considered it many times but always decide against it because of all the DK and Usborne books. Do they just have you skip the evolutionary views/pages or is that content not in these particular titles? Oldest is the type who cannot just skip over pages. He's a read it cover to cover type. I am too.

I'm still waiting on my Amazon order to arrive. I do not have Prime. 😥

Edited by Servant4Christ
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11 hours ago, Paradox5 said:

Never heard of washer magic. Will look next time. I’m pretty sure the smell is from the part where the inner drum and outer casing meet. When it leaked, the appliance guy took the metal off and I could see it all gucky brown/black.

The vacuum is a Kenmore with triple HEPA filter. The smell is hard to describe. It smells like mildew or dirt.

I think the answer for both problems is Flame Thrower.

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I walked miles and miles with my second labor (no exaggeration).  Labor had stalled and I was flat out determined not to be induced again.  If I had my first labor to do over again, I would have walked for miles then too - though in my defense, I had back labor with the first one and that might not have worked. 

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1 hour ago, Slache said:

No, they don't talk about essentials. (Krissi is in the other room) "I leant $60 to Krissi a month ago and she said she would pay me back a week later and never did. Did you know she gets Starbucks every morning? How could she be this selfish? She's getting coffee and my car payment is late. Thanks for nothing." (Krissi enters the scene) "Hi Krissi, how are you? Have you seen the latest episode yet?"

So now I'm harboring bad feelings, my car payment is late and I'm not offering the opportunity for you to make it right. This is how they do EVERYTHING and it's resulted in massive toxicity. If I were to gently say "Hey Krissi, is there an update on that $60 I leant you? I really need it" I would be reprimanded. It makes no sense.

Krissi!  For heaven's sake, just give Slache her money already!!  :laugh:

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10 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Eggs have a funny way of not cooking if you don't turn the stove on. 

I hear if you visit Texas, no stove is necessary. You can just fry 'em on the sidewalk. 😂

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