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((Bookie)). You can be real with us. We care about you.

 

 

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Yes, we do!!

 

 

 

And this is a “Yes We Do-ya/h Booya/hâ€

Edited by KrissiK
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DS was measured at the doctor’s office today. He’s officially 6’ tall. And he’s 14 years old. Help me, Rhonda!!

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DS was measured at the doctor’s office today. He’s officially 6’ tall. And he’s 14 years old. Help me, Rhonda!!

Wow!

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DS was measured at the doctor’s office today. He’s officially 6’ tall. And he’s 14 years old. Help me, Rhonda!!

My oldest was like that. He's only grown 3" since then. :D

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It's snowing!  Country roads are covered with a light covering.  We turned on our brights and pretended we were in hyper space.   :laugh:

 

We did that coming home from the library this evening! Isn't it fun? :hurray:

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DS was measured at the doctor’s office today. He’s officially 6’ tall. And he’s 14 years old. Help me, Rhonda!!

More coffee!

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I'm so tired. But I fell asleep and my nose was so stopped up I kept waking myself up. So I had a snack and am breathing fine sitting up. Maybe I'll steal the recliner when dh gets up.

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Blood sugar report:

 

Sugars a bit better today. Tummy better too.

 

My sugars haven’t been coming down enough in two hours like it is supposed to, but I have been waiting an extra hour before eating and they have come down. Except for tonight. I had a small snack tonight despite my sugar not being down enough. But if I had waited longer I would have gone out of my eating window. And I was genuinely hungry.

 

 

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Can you guys come talk to DH? ...

 

Are we married to the same d*mn man????

 

I could not keep up working and keeping house. Go back a thousand or so pages and read my anguish. Never mind, you have your own. That's why I'm home, and I don't even have four kids. I work part-time from home and am still tired...

 

:iagree: What they said.

Edited by Renai
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Ya'll talk too darn much. I think I have over 100 post to ketchup on. It may or may not happen because I start teaching my new class tomorrow and have some preparations to do.

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Dutch word of the day #1: the Dutch word for monkey is aap. Also, the Dutch word for ape is aap. Nobody cares whether they have tails or not. In school, they typically teach that the English word for aap is monkey.

 

.

But.... they have to care. Because that’s the difference between a monkey and an ape. The tail.
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Well, I tried cooking the butternut squash whole with the seeds left in. Worked like a charm, and much easier to take the seeds out of an already baked squash!

 

Wait, didn't you do this last week too? Or was that a different squash? Or were you just thinking about doing it?

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DS was measured at the doctor’s office today. He’s officially 6’ tall. And he’s 14 years old. Help me, Rhonda!!

 

We're a family of shorties.

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Yes, he is. And this is exactly what I mean. His expectations...it isn't that he overloads me with daily tasks or whatever. It's more his constant dusapproval of what I can accomplish in a day. ...

 

... I'm not sure yet about the long term sustainability of all this, and I am praying, but I'm also trying to be practical with what's happening today, ykwim?

 

It is not sustainable long-term without sacrifice. What that particular sacrifice is depends on the family. After reading again about your dh's depression, I now remember that yes, we are married to the same man. Same attitudes, thoughts, words, constant disapproval. It can be maddening. I'm at a point now...

 

Even if you could get counseling, you would need to be careful who you are counseling with. Make sure they understand your goals. I'll make a separate post about our experience last year, because I don't want to overshadow your issues in this one.

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 If he won't go to counseling, you may benefit from it yourself. A counselor could give you strategies for and practice with reducing fights and being assertive in a respectful way.

 

Be careful of who you counsel with. We went to counseling last year. It started out as family counseling, but since it turned into it being all about him (no one could get a word in edgewise except him), it was changed to individual. One of the girls was also in counseling there, so it was considered part of the family counseling thing.

 

After a few sessions with dh, she saw me. She told me a variety of things, and had nothing to do with conciliation - he created a lot of problems, maybe I don't really love him, do I want the girls to continue in that environment (arguments, anger, etc.), no wonder my daughter was anxious, don't I think he should leave... That was the last time I saw her. After about a week, dh shared what he had been told  - he wasn't respected by us, maybe he should leave (because of lack of respect?), etc., basically telling him everything was my fault, which he would continuously throw in my face - daily. So I finally laid it on the line that she was saying the exact opposite to me.

 

What he didn't need was a counselor. He needed a psychologist, that could possibly diagnose his real issue, and give him some drug besides pot to stabilize his moods. You couldn't pay me to go back to a counselor. I'll read a book or two.

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:drool5: Mmmmm. I saw this, and asked Dancer, "Hey, isn't a true that a baker can take any recipe and adjust it for high altitude?" She assured me she could. :D I then asked if she could take any high altitude recipe and convert it for lower altitude. She was like, sure, it can take some time. So I told her she should get busy with my favorite high altitude baking book so it'll be ready when we move to Texas.  :laugh:

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Ok, I'm ketchupped. I need to do five more slides, and I'm ready for tomorrow.

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Be careful of who you counsel with. We went to counseling last year. It started out as family counseling, but since it turned into it being all about him (no one could get a word in edgewise except him), it was changed to individual. One of the girls was also in counseling there, so it was considered part of the family counseling thing.

 

After a few sessions with dh, she saw me. She told me a variety of things, and had nothing to do with conciliation - he created a lot of problems, maybe I don't really love him, do I want the girls to continue in that environment (arguments, anger, etc.), no wonder my daughter was anxious, don't I think he should leave... That was the last time I saw her. After about a week, dh shared what he had been told  - he wasn't respected by us, maybe he should leave (because of lack of respect?), etc., basically telling him everything was my fault, which he would continuously throw in my face - daily. So I finally laid it on the line that she was saying the exact opposite to me.

 

What he didn't need was a counselor. He needed a psychologist, that could possibly diagnose his real issue, and give him some drug besides pot to stabilize his moods. You couldn't pay me to go back to a counselor. I'll read a book or two.

 

:grouphug:   That's awful!  

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DS was measured at the doctor’s office today. He’s officially 6’ tall. And he’s 14 years old. Help me, Rhonda!!

It's good you have someone to change out the porch lights.

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It is not sustainable long-term without sacrifice. What that particular sacrifice is depends on the family. After reading again about your dh's depression, I now remember that yes, we are married to the same man. Same attitudes, thoughts, words, constant disapproval. It can be maddening. I'm at a point now...

 

Even if you could get counseling, you would need to be careful who you are counseling with. Make sure they understand your goals. I'll make a separate post about our experience last year, because I don't want to overshadow your issues in this one.

Hugs, sister. I knew it couldn't just be us, but I didn't know this attitude was so common, either. Maddening is right!

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Morning!!

 

I slept better than I thought I would, by sleeping semi-reclined. Now I'm up for the day, I guess. I just used my sinus rinse bottle and am sitting here now, with peroxide in my ear. It just feels like sinus stuff. I might go buy elderberry later. And I'm already using gelsemium and Sudafed and stuff. Any other ideas?

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Be careful of who you counsel with. We went to counseling last year. It started out as family counseling, but since it turned into it being all about him (no one could get a word in edgewise except him), it was changed to individual. One of the girls was also in counseling there, so it was considered part of the family counseling thing.

 

After a few sessions with dh, she saw me. She told me a variety of things, and had nothing to do with conciliation - he created a lot of problems, maybe I don't really love him, do I want the girls to continue in that environment (arguments, anger, etc.), no wonder my daughter was anxious, don't I think he should leave... That was the last time I saw her. After about a week, dh shared what he had been told - he wasn't respected by us, maybe he should leave (because of lack of respect?), etc., basically telling him everything was my fault, which he would continuously throw in my face - daily. So I finally laid it on the line that she was saying the exact opposite to me.

 

What he didn't need was a counselor. He needed a psychologist, that could possibly diagnose his real issue, and give him some drug besides pot to stabilize his moods. You couldn't pay me to go back to a counselor. I'll read a book or two.

Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry this happened to you. I will be very wary, if we ever do go. We're supposed to be reading a book together, but it hasn't happened yet.

 

This is also why I have trouble with Christian counseling. I believe in Jesus Christ, but I don't believe my marital problems are because I don't pray enough, pray in the right way, or am not doing enough to set a godly example for my husband. That's been my experience of it.

Edited by ThatBookwormMom
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Morning!!

 

I slept better than I thought I would, by sleeping semi-reclined. Now I'm up for the day, I guess. I just used my sinus rinse bottle and am sitting here now, with peroxide in my ear. It just feels like sinus stuff. I might go buy elderberry later. And I'm already using gelsemium and Sudafed and stuff. Any other ideas?

Unkers.
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I forgot! I also have the diffuser running, with eucalyptus, tea tree, lemon, and peppermint.

Edited by myblessings4
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I wonder if a time audit would be helpful. I mean, if he’s used to just sort of coming home and playing with them and maybe getting them a snack now and then he might not realize how much longer it takes to do everything with four kids. I marvel at how before kids I could clean the entire house and go grocery shopping every Saturday morning and be done by lunch (I was finishing school at the time so I was doing school full time during the week). Now that I’m taking care of 4 kids and homeschooling I rarely manage to get that done in a week! Even something as simple as making lunch. I can make and eat a lunch by myself in ten, twenty minutes. But with the kids, twof them needs theirs cut up and continually ask for second servings of things they can’t be trusted to get themselves, I generally have to stop to take someone to the bathroom, clean up a spill, sendsomeone to their room for throwing food at his sister and then stay outside the room to make sure he’ll actually stay there, and then half an hour later when I think I may actually get to sit down and eat my own food the fast eaters are coming to me bored asking me to play or set up a game for them and the slow eater with the hollow leg wants me to help her find more food! If you have a nursing baby you can add another 20 minutes onto everything...

 

Then again, if he’s just looking for someone to blame he’s not going to listen to reason.

 

Not to brag, but just as a reference point...we have some very traditional gender roles when it comes to division of labor at our house, but my dh absolutely gets that what I do is a full time job. He’ll say, sometimes I wish the house were a little cleaner when I get home, but the kids are always well and happy and that’s the most important thing.

 

Eta: if he wants you to do the lion’s share of the childcare and housework then he needs to let you be a sahm, cus with littles that’s a full time job. It’s one thing to push yourself for a temporary emergency like you did when he got laid off, but long term when it’s not truly necessary is crazy.

Edited by Spudater
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Huh?

 

And only one ear bubbled!

Might need to try both ears again in an hour. Do you feel a little better when you are done, at least for a little while? If so, then it is working. If not, then it's probably not an effective treatement for that particular virus. I'll usually keep it up for a day just in case.

 

In my experience, it has worked best with flu viruses that absolutely knock you over like a truck and you just want to give up on life and do something that is against ITT regulations. But I've also found it effective for more mild cold viruses.

Edited by Susan in TN
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Good morning!

 

It looks pathetic outside - patchy white smears of snow, but the sun might actually come out today for a couple hours!

 

We are taking down the Christmas decorations today. Decided we'd better not wait until Lent. :D Then if the roads look pretty clear, we're going to take dd9 to ds22's apartment for a playdate with his apartment-mate's pet rats, which was part of dd's birthday gift.

 

Coffee!

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Our back deck is the happenin' place for our feathered friends this morning. We can see cardinals, dark-eyed juncos, chickadees, goldfinches, house finches, Carolina wrens, downey woodpecker, mourning doves, red-bellied woodpecker, tufted titmouse, and a squirrel. I expect the nuthatch to show uo pretty soon.

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Our back deck is the happenin' place for our feathered friends this morning. We can see cardinals, dark-eyed juncos, chickadees, goldfinches, house finches, Carolina wrens, downey woodpecker, mourning doves, red-bellied woodpecker, tufted titmouse, and a squirrel. I expect the nuthatch to show uo pretty soon.

 

Wow!

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Here are hugs and love to each of you, for all the things you're dealing with, too. I would offer more, but I have no advice. Just love. 💗💗💗💗

 

One major issue in my home and marriage has always been DH's exoectations of what I should and shouldn't be doing. It's complex. On the one hand, he absolutely understands when I talk about things like free time for sanity, costs of me going back to work, fair division of labor, etc. At the very same time, he seems absolutely convinced that I'm just not trying, and if I would just do what he thinks I should do, his world would be full of unicorns. It's part of what we're working through, and logic has absolutely no place here. I have to figure out how to cope with how things are. I've been trying to change them for 10 years. I can't walk that road anymore.

 

Thanks for all the great advice and love. It helps so much.

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :001_wub:  :001_wub:  :001_wub:

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Tonight I am taking the boys to the ILs so I can have a girls' night out. The overtime stress is getting to DH and things feel tense right now. He hasn't been home before 9 pm all week. When he is home, he exudes a bubble of negativity.

The overtime stress is also getting to my boys. They get needy and clingy and uncooperative when Daddy works long hours. I hope they don't throw fits when I drop them off. I need a few hours of adult time, and I need to go to the store sans kids to buy birthday presents.

 

Also, I need a drink.

 

Sent from my HTCD160LVW using Tapatalk

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It is January. That means both of my boys are due for their annual checkups, but I don't want to make the appointment. I feel like going in to the pediatrician office right now is just asking for the flu.

 

 

There's no harm in delaying a month or two, other than needing to remember the change later.  I vote wait for the flu rush to subside.

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Our back deck is the happenin' place for our feathered friends this morning. We can see cardinals, dark-eyed juncos, chickadees, goldfinches, house finches, Carolina wrens, downey woodpecker, mourning doves, red-bellied woodpecker, tufted titmouse, and a squirrel. I expect the nuthatch to show uo pretty soon.

Wonderful!

 

One of my “when I am old†goals is to have a bird feeder by a window and a comfy chair to sit in and watch them with my cuppa. :)

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Tonight I am taking the boys to the ILs so I can have a girls' night out. The overtime stress is getting to DH and things feel tense right now. He hasn't been home before 9 pm all week. When he is home, he exudes a bubble of negativity.

The overtime stress is also getting to my boys. They get needy and clingy and uncooperative when Daddy works long hours. I hope they don't throw fits when I drop them off. I need a few hours of adult time, and I need to go to the store sans kids to buy birthday presents.

 

Also, I need a drink.

 

Sent from my HTCD160LVW using Tapatalk

That’s rough. My dh did 55 hours per week most of last year and it’s been so nice being in a slow season for a while and having him home on Saturdays.

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Appointments that I need to schedule:

 

rheumatologist

neurologist

gastroenterologist

pediatrician x6

dentist x3

periodontist

massage therapist

 

 

That's a bunch!

 

I'm ignoring listing the doctor appointments I need to schedule until next month.  I know there are several that are overdue, though I could also get in slightly earlier on the cat's check-up in that spree.

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I have done this. :001_wub:

 

 

I had a surreal experience once while driving with a friend to another town a few hours away.  We drove into a blizzard and ended up tailgating a semi far too closely, but it was our only chance of seeing the stripe at the edge of the road (we were in the small clear tunnel of the vortex right behind the big rig).  We (us and the big rig) pulled off at a truck stop once we reached it and we all sat and waited until the blizzard lightened where we were.

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Everybody in my house gets a shower except for me. Pout. :mad:

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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Yes, he is. And this is exactly what I mean. His expectations...it isn't that he overloads me with daily tasks or whatever. It's more his constant dusapproval of what I can accomplish in a day. Mostly, right now, it's his expectation that I should be earning an income and studying for a career that is difficult. When am I supposed to do those things, and do what I already do? I'm more or less ignoring it, but he's tired after his first full week back at work, so I feel a confrontation coming on. One I am trying to sweetly defuse (sp? I'm tired), and will do my best not to participate in. When he's tired and stressed, he starts thinking about how much easier his life would be if he could quit and find a job he liked better, or if he didn't have to earn all the money, or whatever. He's selfish, but then again, who isn't?

 

I can only do what I can do, you're right. I'm working to disassociate myself with his moods. I need to read Codependant No More again. No, my issue is the dawning realization that I'm 20 lbs overweight, I'm not studying anything for my own interest, I'm not writing anymore, and I have no close relationships. I'm on the verge of my own depressiom, and my kids need a healthy parent. Counseling is, unfortunately, not possible right now. So I'm trying to figure out how to do what must be done, even if only in small doses, regularly enough to add up. There is nothing ideal here. I'm going to try survival schooling (for lack of a better term) right now and work on exercise and maybe some mindfulness meditation. Maybe yoga. I dunno. But something to help me physically deal with stress, because I'm getting to the point of not sleeping.

 

My DH is really a dear man in many ways. I know I won't change him, or even make him understand. I'm not sure yet about the long term sustainability of all this, and I am praying, but I'm also trying to be practical with what's happening today, ykwim?

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:   Survival schooling is quite appropriate right now.  So is play.  Could you maybe see a way to schedule in a few time slots during the day of maybe 10 or 15 minutes where you get to take a play break with your kids?  It doesn't have to be right on the scheduled minute if a butt needs wiping or whatever, but get yourself a few of these breaks every day.  Run around outside.  Play a board game or other game.  Be silly.  Just be a kid with your kids for a few minutes.  You can call them Mommy's play breaks, and tell your kids that while there's a lot of work you need to do you also need a chance to just play, even if it's only for a few minutes at a time.

 

Play breaks can give you some more physical activity.  They will also be joyful time spent with your kids, which will boost all of your spirits.  Hug tag is a good game when other games aren't beckoning.  The play breaks will also give you a brief change of pace and focus, which helps brains reset and clear pathways so they can resume thinking more clearly.

 

I have never found a kid who didn't approve of play breaks for parents.

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Okay, I'm gonna try to sleep now. Tomorrow's posts will be happiness squared, promise! 😉😚🤗

 

 

Liked for the sleep.  Did you get several good hours of it?

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((Bookie)). You can be real with us. We care about you.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

 

Please do be real with us, Bookie.  Don't worry about keeping up a cheerful front here.  We'll be happy to listen and offer what we can.

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DS was measured at the doctor’s office today. He’s officially 6’ tall. And he’s 14 years old. Help me, Rhonda!!

 

 

Krissi's DS, meet my nephew, also 14 and at least 6' tall.  You two can commence gazing down at the rest of us.  Don't step on Aunt Sue.

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Tonight I am taking the boys to the ILs so I can have a girls' night out. The overtime stress is getting to DH and things feel tense right now. He hasn't been home before 9 pm all week. When he is home, he exudes a bubble of negativity.

The overtime stress is also getting to my boys. They get needy and clingy and uncooperative when Daddy works long hours. I hope they don't throw fits when I drop them off. I need a few hours of adult time, and I need to go to the store sans kids to buy birthday presents.

 

Also, I need a drink.

 

Sent from my HTCD160LVW using Tapatalk

Hugs.

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