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For smoke smell removal: Febreeze anything that's fabric twice a day for about a week.

Baking soda or carpet powder on the carpets- leave for at least 40 mins before you vacuum it up. You might have to repeat this.

Wipe down the walls and baseboards with warm soapy water. And leave open containers of baking soda in every room.

 

I am so happy that you and the board books are safe, and that your Dad is there for you. Stay strong.

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Bookie have you checked around for a women’s shelter? I would not want young kids around weapons that may be loaded or where ammunition may be accessible.

 

Could you persuade DH to find a new living situation and let you and the kids return without him? It would be a way for him to show good faith and accept responsibility. To be honest, if you can’t trust him to be safe around you in your home, you can’t be sure of your safety at your parents’ home if he knows where you are.

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Bookie, don't ever make major decisions from a place of exhaustion and perceived desperation.

 

My advice would be to try to get to a place of stability where you are and away from the threat. It's easy for the other person to make promises; you need actual changes.

 

Is there anything in the world stopping him from going to counseling NOW? By himself? FWIW, his behavior now ABSOLUTELY fits the profile of an abuser. I'm so sorry that you and your kids are riding this emotional rollercoaster. Please please please call the hotline numbers and get yourself some support.

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As for the guns and swords, please don't try to check if they're loaded if you don't know how to work them. Make sure they are on safe and lock them away (or, preferably, have your Dad take them somewhere the kids won't be able to get to them). Conditions might not be ideal right now, but you can fix that in time.

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Bookie, don't ever make major decisions from a place of exhaustion and perceived desperation.

 

My advice would be to try to get to a place of stability where you are and away from the threat. It's easy for the other person to make promises; you need actual changes.

 

Is there anything in the world stopping him from going to counseling NOW? By himself? FWIW, his behavior now ABSOLUTELY fits the profile of an abuser. I'm so sorry that you and your kids are riding this emotional rollercoaster. Please please please call the hotline numbers and get yourself some support.

Listen to JJM. Wise she is.

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Bookie, it's pretty normal to have everybody grumpy, not sleeping, and having difficulty in a new place with everything you and they have been through. Have your Dad help you. I second JJM's advice about leaving the ball in your DH's court when it comes to counseling and getting help. You've done your part and more than your part. Now it's his turn to make the changes he needs to make. 

Edited by Critterfixer
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Bookie, it's pretty normal to have everybody grumpy, not sleeping, and having difficulty in a new place with everything you and they have been through. Have your Dad help you. I second JJM's advice about leaving the ball in your DH's court when it comes to counseling and getting help. You've done your part and more than your part. Now it's his turn to make the changes he needs to make. 

 

(((Bookie)))  

 

This is good advice.  

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Yeah, my dh made promises too. The last time, I drove around in my car and refused to go home until he was out. He was not going to change while we were together. If he was, it would have already happened in the umpteen years. That night, he tried to get in by climbing through the window in the middle of the night (he was drunk). Scary stuff. (I don't think I shares this with ITT at the time.)

 

Please don't go back there - whether he's there or not. This was 2.5 years ago for us, and Gymnast still considers a good husband to be one that "won't climb through the window at night and scare her." It was after this that he started going to AA. I didn't let him back in the house until several weeks of it.

JJM is right. Also, returning is a dangerous time for families escaping an abusive environment. They try to control even more, and leaving is even harder.

Can you wear Squishy while you cook? Even a long piece of fabric tied around the both of you works. It will keep him out of the way. The children are going through the emotions too.

Call the support lines and get all of you help. Are you in the process of getting a restraining order yet?

Edited by Renai
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Bookie have you checked around for a women’s shelter? I would not want young kids around weapons that may be loaded or where ammunition may be accessible.

 

Could you persuade DH to find a new living situation and let you and the kids return without him? It would be a way for him to show good faith and accept responsibility. To be honest, if you can’t trust him to be safe around you in your home, you can’t be sure of your safety at your parents’ home if he knows where you are.

 

CAUTION. I don't like this part. At all. DO NOT put yourself in the situation of negotiating with an abuser. You are handing over power. DON'T. DO. THAT.

 

You need a lawyer. The lawyer gets a kick out order. Period.

 

And I will also caution you: A restraining order is a good thing, BUT IT IS A PIECE OF PAPER. Talk to DV victim advocates; they will give you practical advice re. safety practices.

 

As for the weapons. Don't overreact. Your dad is there. Your dad is willing to help you. Ask him to help store them. One can get extremely cheap storage lockers at WalMart. It's not a big deal.  Where I live, most home would qualify as arsenals; safe storage is an EASILY surmountable obstacle. You are in far greater immediate danger from a volatile spouse than from an inanimate object. The second can be handled easily, so go with that.

 

I'm praying for you all, especially for peace, strength, and healing.

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Good morning, Jean.

 

 

I haven't gotten past the anti-caffeine headache yet. I get one by 9 or 10am. And I because of it, have had one diet coke each day around lunchtime. Then no more caffeine and no more headache til next morning. Today is only day 2, though. How much longer? Am I messing it up by having caffeine midday?

I don't know, but can you gradually decrease the amount of Diet Coke each day to wean off slowly?

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Is making sure you reach your step goal the only difference? How many steps? Oh! And congratulations and great job!!!

I upped my step goal from 3000 to 6000 steps. I have gone through some really bad fibro flares in the last month because of it. Conventional medical opinion is that you should slow down and rest if you have a flare. (Which I have always done in the past) but this time I gritted my teeth and walked anyway.

 

Also I am testing my bloodsugar 5x a day. Fasting and two hours post prandial for three meals and one snack. I have been making food choices based on my bloodsugar numbers. My numbers have been coming down.

 

I have also been stocking up on those “Sargento Balanced Break†snacks with are a small amount of cheese and trail mix for snacks. It’s premeasured for me and includes protein.

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Ps to Angi. My sugars were not good at some meals no matter what I did at first. While I was still tracking them I would “ignore “ those numbers because I knew that I was making healthy choices (good portions, healthy ratio of veggies and protein) and over time my sugars have been getting better with the exact same meals.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Hey! Is someone around here losing pounds??? I seem to be finding extras....

 

 

:001_tt2:

 

I'm just kidding! YAY, Jean!! That's awesome!

:D

 

I know, right? I was down a couple pounds and I think I gained it all back at last night's dinner. And I brought half the dinner home!

 

Dh is at the dentist. He needs some serious dental work done for cracked/broken molers and now that our tax refund is in, he can finally get it done - today is just a regular cleaning, but he is supposed to schedule the other work. I'm hoping they will give him an estimate.

 

Halfway through my shopping trip at Aldi, my lungs and head started getting that "heavy" feeling. I did my ears when I got back and need to do it again soon. I might just be extra tired from not sleeping well last night.

 

We're having turkey-mushroom masala with rice and mixed green salad for dinner. Easy peasy.

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Good morning, Jean.

 

 

I haven't gotten past the anti-caffeine headache yet. I get one by 9 or 10am. And I because of it, have had one diet coke each day around lunchtime. Then no more caffeine and no more headache til next morning. Today is only day 2, though. How much longer? Am I messing it up by having caffeine midday?

You might try something like decaf tea. It has some caffeine in it, but not as much as a soda or a regular cup of tea.

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Butbutbut...that's the funnest kind! :crying:

 

I agree!  Around my house, it goes something like this:

 

 

Me:  Someone left the seat up.

DS:  Fake news!

 

 

DS:  You burnt my tortilla.

Me:  Fake news! 

 

 

DH:  DS says you missed vision therapy.

Me:  Fake news!

 

 

:LOL:

 

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Back from art. Much paint was splashed on paper, and good fun was had by all. My new apple picture is coming along nicely and everyone got a kick out of the apples to peppers painting story.

 

ETA: It's a Paint-Po Booyah!

Edited by Critterfixer
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CAUTION. I don't like this part. At all. DO NOT put yourself in the situation of negotiating with an abuser. You are handing over power. DON'T. DO. THAT.

 

You need a lawyer. The lawyer gets a kick out order. Period.

 

And I will also caution you: A restraining order is a good thing, BUT IT IS A PIECE OF PAPER. Talk to DV victim advocates; they will give you practical advice re. safety practices.

 

 

:iagree:

 

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I have been working on my room - clothes that people have outgrown, school work that needs to be filed, school books and resources that piled up for some reason and need to find a shelf (the result of throwing piles in my room from downstairs when we have friends over.   :eek: )  Now my bed is covered with semi-organized piles.   :svengo: I also cleaned out my night stand, including throwing away informational pamphlets from my first child birth class and hospital.  :eek:  (But I kept our old lists of baby name choices.   :tongue_smilie:  :laugh: )

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Kid: I don’t know what to do.

Me: I just explained it to you.

Kid: I still don’t know what to do.

Me: the Light Unit gave very clear instructiOns, which I just read to you, and gives good examples.

Kid: I still don’t know what to do.

Me: get a piece of paper and follow The instructions.

Kid: you just get mad at me. You are always mad at me. I just don’t understand.

 

I think I need to walk down the street right now and scream really really loud. Or maybe get a sledge hammer and take out the shower or something.

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Kid: I don’t know what to do.

Me: I just explained it to you.

Kid: I still don’t know what to do.

Me: the Light Unit gave very clear instructiOns, which I just read to you, and gives good examples.

Kid: I still don’t know what to do.

Me: get a piece of paper and follow The instructions.

Kid: you just get mad at me. You are always mad at me. I just don’t understand.

 

I think I need to walk down the street right now and scream really really loud. Or maybe get a sledge hammer and take out the shower or something.

It's like you're in my house. A highlighter just went skidding across the table in frustration over a perfectly simple writing assignment. Copying a list. Yeah... :glare:

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I want to take a sledgehammer to my shower too! Me too! Please!

 

Not that I’m particularly frustrated with anything. My shower is just gross.

 

Me too!  And I would have done something about it a long time ago but dh and I disagree what that something is.  I want a maintenance free shower stall.  He wants to replace tile and glass with...... more tile and glass.   :blink:   Because that's really going to solve the problem.   :rolleyes:    :D

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I want to take a sledgehammer to my shower too! Me too! Please!

Not that I’m particularly frustrated with anything. My shower is just gross.

  

Me too!  And I would have done something about it a long time ago but dh and I disagree what that something is.  I want a maintenance free shower stall.  He wants to replace tile and glass with...... more tile and glass.   :blink:   Because that's really going to solve the problem.   :rolleyes:    :D

We actually are going to do something to our shower, too. It is a nice size shower with 2 sides tiled and the other two are that plexiglass and it is disgusting.
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