Guest meadow Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I've been going through a rough spot. I'm a believer for starters. Been a single parent for 20 years. my kids are grown ups now and I've gone from parenting them to caring for my elderly parents. I never took time for myself and while I don't regret raising my kids because they are pretty awesome let me tell you...I do find myself in a very lonely place. All and I do mean ALL of my friends are married. I am in my early 50's and I feel like I'm going through a mid life crisis. I want to go out and have fun, yes, to bars, but NOT to get drunk. just to listen to bands and feel like a person again. My youngest daughter is my very best friend and she is, rightly so, finding out what it's like to be 20. she has a boyfriend who treats her like she is the best thing that has ever happened to him and I'm so happy for her...she has not had it easy growing up. I'm not jealous of their relationship because I am so glad she is experiencing being a 20 year old kid but I'm more lonely now and that makes me sad. I am so tired of getting "advice" from people who have no idea what I'm going through and I'm tired of the "oh just keep praying everything will be okay" or "yeah I've gone through rough stages and everything worked out for me"...well that's great, it really is, that it worked out for you but how do I know it's going to for me? I don't want or need pat answers or advice. it's to the point where I don't say anything to anyone anymore and I just pray. a lot. but nothing seems to be happening, I mean not even one little ray of hope, not one single thing. Don't get me wrong, I know He doesn't have to show me something but because of my lack of faith and almost wanting to give up on Him, I need something. I've been forced to be strong for the last 20 years and it would be nice to just have something go my way for once, but a strong person I am not. I'm tired of being lonely and sad. I would like someone who's shoulder I could cry on who would make me feel like I'm worthy of being loved. I haven't had that in a very long time and I feel like I never will which I could deal with (I guess) if I didn't have the desire to find a mate. I'm sorry for the vent. it started out by my wanting to say that I just get tired of unwanted advice and pat answers and it turned into this. Anyway, anyone else ever felt like this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Hugs. I am not in your shoes as I am not a single parent, but I am dealing with a world that is shrinking now that my access to the world can no longer be through my children as they get more independent. I, too, am lonely since my life does not intersect with many other people's lives anymore. Are there activities and interests that you can pursue that would allow you to meet people and widen your social circle? Everyone tells me that I need to get out and do things that make me happy - take a class, join a club. This is very hard for me because I am somewhat shy ... even more-so now that I don't have my kids as my built-in connection to others. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I don't have any great advice for you, but I wanted to welcome you to the forum and let you know that I hope you start feeling better soon. It's so hard to dedicate your life to raising your child and then feel kind of empty when you've done a great job and she starts getting more independent. Do you have any hobbies? Could you join a club or take some classes? I'm 51 and I know it can be hard to make new friends at our age, because it can seem like everyone you meet already has a group of friends and they don't need another one, so that's why I suggested trying to get involved in a few new things where you will meet unfamiliar people. (I know many people suggest church activities, but I'm sure you already know everyone there, so I was thinking that meeting new people might help you get out of your rut and start doing new things and having some fun.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Married people can be extremely lonely, too, as I have learned from working in ERs for so long. It is more of a state of life rather than one's tax filing status. No advice. But, there was an elderly lady who came to the ER once accompanied by 3 of her girlfriends. They had been playing golf. When I asked her about her life, she said, "I am a firecracker." She was 92 years old. She was extremely active in her community with volunteer work and golf and dancing. I think she said she worked part-time at Publix. At any rate, her words come back to me frequently. I have started asking myself on gloomy days how I can be a firecracker today. I think the trick is finding the activities where one can meet new people for friendships rather than just acquaintances. In the meantime, what are your hobbies you do to keep busy? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upincanada Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I feel for you...I think being single in today's culture must be so hard. It must be difficult to find community where you don't feel like a bit of a third wheel (married friends), or like you have to glam up and go party (work friends?). It sounds like you've tried hard to be responsible and do the right thing by your kids, etc., and you've no regrets, but now you're just tired and lonely and bored. ...sigh... I pray that something great comes into your life to give you a little sparkle. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Is there a reason you can't go to a bar, have a drink, see a band? Perhaps your current friends aren't filling this need because they are in a different stage of life. There's nothing wrong with making some new friends and having some fun. I agree with the person that suggested you seek out some new outlets. Join some clubs or organizations. Volunteer somewhere new. Make some new friends. Ask some people to go out with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I have no advice, pat or otherwise. I don't believe it is wrong to be lonely or want companionship, and I sincerely hope you find someone. Big hugs :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I am not in your shoes, but I can definitely relate to feeling worn out and hopeless. All I can do is offer hugs. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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