sahm99 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 The moving thread hit home. For a variety of reasons we uprooted the family last summer, moving across Europe, new country, new language, new culture... Sending the kids to a b&m school for the first time was an additional change. Even though everything has worked out just the way we had hoped for, the change has been/is tough...mostly for myself... I do appreciate the possibilities this move offers each one of us (I have started Med-School in the fall...), but still badly mourn the life we left behind... The home our kids were born into, the neighborhood which was ours for 15+ years, knowing my way around, the "cozyness" that comes from knowing a place inside-out... Having left homeschooling behind makes the feeling of a "closed chapter" even more palpable. How do those of you who move often preserve a feeling of home? How do you manage to preserve what makes home (and ultimately family...) through moves and change? How do you deal with good-bys...and fresh starts, without losing part of yourself... I would love to hear from the moving experts, to help me appreciate the "normality" of moving...and starting over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 over the years, we have built layers of rituals. so wherever we are, everyone gets pjs christmas eve. wherever we are, we make waffles on sunday mornings. wherever we are, i sing the littles to sleep. (i don't have any littles left, but that was the ritual :(. wherever we are, there are seasonal placemats on the table, and seasonal wreaths on the door or wall. i define home as wherever dh is. after 8 moves, if i hadn't, i would be a basket case! ie. "home" is the people, not the place. it takes me the better part of a year for the subconsious "we are home" to kick in as we drive towards wherever we are living. wherever we are, we do the shopping at the same place and go to the same cashier each day. (after a while, we sometimes revert to the american standard of weekly shopping). this gives us a sense of belonging, and a sense of ritual in the new place. wherever we are, we find a church and go. it may not be where we end up, but it gets us started. wherever we are, we walk outside every day, at the same time of day, so we get to recognize people, places and patterns. wherever we are, we get a piano so i can play. (and now so that the kids can play, too). and wherever we are, my mom sends us foods we miss. we have an mp3 player loaded with favourite songs. we play them a lot. and we have another filled with car talk - the sense of familiarity is priceless! fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 We've moved twice in the last 5 1/2 years. The first time it was across the country (US) and the second time it was to a different country. This was after living in one spot for over a decade. In both cases I found that it took about 2 years before the kids and I really started to feel like it was home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 We've moved 20 times in 17 years of married life, usually to dramatically different places that aren't familiar at all. The longest we've stayed in one place has been 2.5 years. I never moved as a child so I know what my children are missing, and they feel it too, but I also wish I hadn't been stuck in one place the entire time I was growing up. But my dad moved a lot as a child and hated it, so he didn't want to make us move. He even commuted weekly across two states for about 5 years to keep us in the home we grew up in. I just wasn't born with that need. A lot of my strategies are a lot like Ann's. Getting out of the house, on foot, is really important for me. Finding meaningful routines and rituals that I can do anywhere is so important to me. The internet makes a huge difference for me with leaving people behind because I know I won't really lose them. I wish Facebook had been around sooner. Our church usually provides a lot of stability for us, although it's very different in various places we've lived and it's not doing much for us here. The second year in a new place is so different from the first. I love anticipating the jacarandas' flowering, knowing that the rain will come in June because I've experienced it and not just read about it, expecting the mangoes in the market again, etc. Sometimes I wonder what a third year would be like. Maybe I'll get to do that in 2021 or 2022. We call wherever we live home, even if it's a hotel for 2 weeks (my 7yo even called the car home when we were on a road trip a few weeks ago). I make sure I have a place I can go that meets my most basic need of closing our family off from the world for a few minutes. And that's home. And I always try to really love the place I've moved to. That isn't always easy- some places are harder to love than others for a lot of different reasons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I simply don't think too hard about it and carry on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Home isn't a place for our family. We have physically moved 11 times since having kids. Some moves were in the same town when our rental went up for sale. And dh/I moved more before that! Home is our family. Where we are. We get out wherever we are to find new things to do. We have family traditions at holidays we do no matter where we are. We can truly make 'home' anywhere now. It's about us. Not a building. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teacher Mom Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Home is not a place for us; it is the food, the stories, and the rituals. It is walking the dogs in the new neighborhoods and putting the stuffed animals on the bed. It is the celebration at the end of the cardboard jungle (boxes) when everything is put away or the unopened boxes are dumped in the storage area. Home is the first home-cooked meal in the new kitchen (always discussed by everyone very seriously). I am about to make the 11th move in 18 years and I have finally realized that home is not the things or the place but the people and the family stories that go with you wherever you are. Our Southern accents weaken but the memories remain -- the time Daddy nearly killed himself cutting a tree branch, the summer our 14 year-old neighbor boy biked by our house every day just to see if my daughter might be out, the first time we all saw real snow (like 6 whole inches!). It is the stories that start "Remember when...." and end in laughter or in tears. It took a long time, and many, many, broken precious items, before I learned the real truth -- home is where the love is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 The moving thread hit home. For a variety of reasons we uprooted the family last summer, moving across Europe, new country, new language, new culture... Sending the kids to a b&m school for the first time was an additional change. Even though everything has worked out just the way we had hoped for, the change has been/is tough...mostly for myself... I do appreciate the possibilities this move offers each one of us (I have started Med-School in the fall...), but still badly mourn the life we left behind... The home our kids were born into, the neighborhood which was ours for 15+ years, knowing my way around, the "cozyness" that comes from knowing a place inside-out... Having left homeschooling behind makes the feeling of a "closed chapter" even more palpable. How do those of you who move often preserve a feeling of home? How do you manage to preserve what makes home (and ultimately family...) through moves and change? How do you deal with good-bys...and fresh starts, without losing part of yourself... I would love to hear from the moving experts, to help me appreciate the "normality" of moving...and starting over. You can't.....those moves, with all the turmoil, good-byes, and starts shape who we are. I grew up as a third culture kid, I moved around. I said good bye and hello far too many times......I learned that home is just a place where my stuff is. True family are those who I got close to, stayed in touch with, and valued throughout the years. They don't always live close by physically. Sometimes I envy those who were born, grew up, and stayed in just one place, but the truth is, I love the experiences I have had, hard times and all and wouldn't trade it. Give yourself time to go through the grieving process. Embrace the past and the present. They are both your "home." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sahm99 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Thank you all so much for your replies...right now they mean so much to me...! I feel "less lonely" alredy, and a bit more "normal" for feeling blue in regards to what we left behind... (in spite of knowing very well that this move was the right choice for us...!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I'm listening in because I've struggled with a move we made 3yrs ago that has left me feeling rudderless... for some similar reasons the OP mentioned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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