reign Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I don't care at all. Weddings with kids can be fun. Weddings without kids can be fun. I personally went through a period of time when I would rather have left my kids at home. They are closely spaced so it was difficult for a while. I have been to two wedding were babies were screaming during the service. One wedding In which a toddler was allowed to play in the aisle then sat down to eat bunny crackers (the bride cried). I have seen some very embarrassing behavior by grown ups too though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Doesn't bother me - adult-only events are fine. For weddings, I do think it is a bit short-sighted of the couple, but that's fine. I attended such, and the young cousins all got together with a babysitter at one of the family's homes and had much more fun. For a 50th party, I wouldn't really expect kids there if it was a nice venue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I wouldn't mind at all. Kids can throw a wrench into a carefully planned event. And even if your children aren't young, I can't imagine than a 10 year old has a really close relationship with a cousin who's getting married. If I were planning a wedding that I wanted to be a nice/fancy event, had a budget, and had to choose between inviting 10 friends that I value and inviting a group of cousins that were decades younger than myself, I'd choose the friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I didn't want children at my wedding, but I was young and selfish and didn't have any children in my immediate family. I wasn't a kid person. I wasn't thinking about the people who couldn't make it because they couldn't find childcare. So no, I don't get annoyed if someone wants to exclude children, but I am embarrassed at my insistence that they be excluded from my own. Oh well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 No, I think it's OK to have an adults-only wedding. I probably wouldn't attend one unless it was someone really close, because I generally don't go places without my kids (unless it is purely for work). But no hard feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 It does annoy me but I can understand some types of wedding don't lend themselves to little kids being happy, too many long periods of waiting around and silence. Having said that I used to work at weddings and I don't remember any that would have been unsuitable for kids but the venue was big enough it would have been fine for them to be taken out for a play in the garden or a hunt around the castle if they got tetchy. Actually the trouble makers tended to be drunk adults. I did have the experience of missing out on a wedding that we were invited to when I was heavily pregnant. She didn't mention it was adults only in person or on the invite and we were close enough (ex flatmate) that she knew I would give birth a few weeks before her wedding and it seemed weird not to have said anything. I was told last minute no kids under any circumstances and ended up not going because I couldn't leave my few week old baby to travel across the country. I guess she'd forgotten that heavily pregnant lady ends up with baby a few weeks later and forgot to tell me. I can understand not inviting endless distant family and acquaintances with lots of little kids if they are not part of your life generally but close friends and family's children I do have a hard time with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I totally understand it. It's not just people wanting to be sophisticated or exclusive, it's also the "If we invite x then we have to invite y" dilemma in action. If the couple knows just one family with loud, destructive or obnoxious kids, they might feel that their day could be ruined if said kids are in attendance. But of course the friends with obnoxious kids would be mortally offended if they were invited sans kids but other kids were there. So all kids end up being non-invited just to ensure that one doesn't massacre the cake with his light-saber. Having said that, though, I probably wouldn't go if we got invited as a couple to a kid-free event. Not to punish them for being kid-free, but because it's hard to budget for an expensive gift plus pay somebody to mind the children. Like Barb, I actually had a small, intimate, exclusive and kid-free wedding. I was young and paid too much attention to what my parents, who were paying for the wedding, wanted. (I think there were more of their friends there than our friends.) If I could do it again I would do whatever it takes to invite every single person I wanted to invite, including kids, even if that meant serving nothing but coffee and cookies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 So your in-laws have family events for your DH and his siblings and not their spouses nor their children!? That is completely bizarre! What kind of events? Birthdays? Holidays? I have to admit if that happened in my DH's family, it would completely irritate me on some level and have me thrilled on another. :D Haha, exactly! It IS bizarre! At first I was irritated, but at the end of the day, I realized it was a good excuse to not be there! It bothers my husband, but usually I encourage him to go and then I get to do whatever I want. :) Not for holidays, but things like milestone birthday parties for their mother, sometimes just gatherings when everyone happens to be in town, or special but not common celebrations like when his mother sold their house of 50 years and they had a party to honor the event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Closeacademy Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 If it is an extended family milestone event then I believe that the children of the family should be there and should not be excluded. This includes weddings, funerals, holiday celebrations, reunions, etc. If they children are not invited then how will they know what the family traditions are? Now, New Year's parties, possibly showers, get-togethers, etc. I think it's OK to not invite the kids. eta: My aunt came from a big family and all the children were always invited to the weddings. Some years as a child I went to 3 or 4 weddings. It was nice to be able to bond with distant cousins of a sort, to dance and see everyone. I really miss those events as an adult because now I live far away and my aunt and uncle divorced so I am no longer a part of that family and people in my husband's family tend to elope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Doesn't bother me at all. Their event, their prerogative. Even the 50th bday party thing doesn't surprise me -- I'd kind of expect a big milestone party to be adults only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I figure its "Their party, their decision." If my kids were excluded but others were included, I'd be bothered. My sister didn't want a "kids welcome" wedding, but she later clarified that she didn't mean her immediate nieces and nephews. She meant that she didn't want all the guests to be bringing their kids. Her husband comes from a farming community where the custom is to put the invitation on the church bulletin board - no RSVPs needed. Their reception was a sit-down dinner in the suburbs. It was a challenge explaining to them that they would not be having ham sandwiches in the church basement and that they really did need a head count. Two families still brought all 4 of their adult children (who were not listed on the invitation.) Good thing there were some no shows. We had my nieces and nephews at our wedding. I love those kids as if they were my own. It would not have been the same without them. When I was looking through my wedding photos, one shot had me cracking up. 8 of my nieces and nephews (ages 10 - 4) were all posing with cigars in their mouths (still in cellophane.) They looked like a miniature Rat Pack. All that as missing was Dean Martin's drink and Frank Sinatra's fedora. Hmmm ... maybe that will be next week's TBT fb post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Doesn't bother me at all. Destination weddings *do*, however. Heck, the whole wedding industry bothers me, but that is a whole other topic. My poor kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I've only been to weddings where the kids were fairly well behaved, so their antics are part of the fun and charm of a wedding. At least to me. Then again, I've never been to a super formal wedding or one where kids behaved like demons, so I've never seen the need to exclude them. I guess if I received and Adults Only invite it would depend on my relationship to the couple, how far away it was, whether I could get someone to watch the kids. It might be a headache or it might be a fun date night for just Dh and I. I could see it going either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skimomma Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Is does not bother me. People are entitled to invite whomever they want to whatever event. And invitees are free to accept or decline for any reason. I may not be able to attend a kid-free event so I might graciously decline an invitation. As long as the inviter graciously accepts my declination, we are all good. I had a kid-free wedding for multiple reasons and I do not regret it one bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I don't mind it at all. I enjoy events sans kiddos. If we hadn't married so quickly, I probably would have wanted our wedding to be kid-free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 The only time it ever bugged me was when an older cousin was getting married and she had a Mickey and Minnie Mouse theme. I guess the "young at heart" don't necessarily like "the young." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I'm not bothered exactly, but it usually means that then only one of us can come (either DH or me) because I don't have anyone to watch my kids. The usual go to person for babysitting is my dad, but if this is a family thing then he was probably invited too. And in some cases we just don't go at all. So their prerogative, but it means some people won't be able to go. I allowed children at my wedding. In fact I invited a coworker who brought her three kids. I was fine with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 The only time it ever bugged me was when an older cousin was getting married and she had a Mickey and Minnie Mouse theme. I guess the "young at heart" don't necessarily like "the young." Ugh that's weird. LOL I know, I'm being mean. I'm probably more into whimsy than most...but Mickey and Minnie?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Just got niece's wedding invite and it is also "an adult occasion, please." It does not bother me but I think they are missing out on a lot of fun that just happens when kids are present, dressed to the nines, little cakelets on low tables, the wonderful comments during the ceremony (once watched the best man feverishly trying to keep the little flower girl from taking her shoes off while she waited for things to happen at the altar :) ) As I said in a previous thread, maybe now it's just much more fun for me because I have no little ones to supervise and can enjoy the antics of other people's little ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I didn't read all replies. I acknowledge throwers of parties of all sorts can invite exactly those they choose. I will never accept as normal excluding children from family events like WEDDINGS. I would rather see an elopement than children excluded. I very much agree. I learned that my sister would like a child free wedding. She was the 10 year old flower girl at my wedding. My oldest will be around 10. I can't imagine him not being at the wedding of the aunt he loves so much. But she wants to have an elegant urban affair and doesn't envision children running around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I don't care they can make whatever restrictions they want just don't expect me to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I very much agree. I learned that my sister would like a child free wedding. She was the 10 year old flower girl at my wedding. My oldest will be around 10. I can't imagine him not being at the wedding of the aunt he loves so much. But she wants to have an elegant urban affair and doesn't envision children running around. That is terrible. :( I imagine you want to stay home as well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I very much agree. I learned that my sister would like a child free wedding. She was the 10 year old flower girl at my wedding. My oldest will be around 10. I can't imagine him not being at the wedding of the aunt he loves so much. But she wants to have an elegant urban affair and doesn't envision children running around. This makes me so sad, and I don't even know you. Would it be too passive aggressive to start reminiscing about your wedding and her cute 10-year-old self there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 "Bothered" is a strong word. I'm not bothered, but I don't get it. For me, a family gathering is incomplete without the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 This makes me so sad, and I don't even know you. Would it be too passive aggressive to start reminiscing about your wedding and her cute 10-year-old self there? Maybe just out and out tell her that this hurts your feelings and doesn't make for good family connections. Also there are people who feel weddings are for girls. Which irritates me......boys get married too..don't exclude boys and then expect them to be alll about their own family life as adults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Aw, thanks Scarlett and Marbel. This wedding is a long way off and everything is still in the fantasy stage. I hope her thoughts will change a bit as plans solidify. But she did turn and say it directly to me, like I was going to agree that kids = uncool weddings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Maybe just out and out tell her that this hurts your feelings and doesn't make for good family connections. Also there are people who feel weddings are for girls. Which irritates me......boys get married too..don't exclude boys and then expect them to be alll about their own family life as adults. Yes, better than my p-a idea. :001_smile: My son was a ring-bearer when he was 5. After that, no weddings for him till he was 17! He enjoyed both. I'm hoping he will be interested in his own wedding if/when the time to plan it ever comes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Aw, thanks Scarlett and Marbel. This wedding is a long way off and everything is still in the fantasy stage. I hope her thoughts will change a bit as plans solidify. But she did turn and say it directly to me, like I was going to agree that kids = uncool weddings. I do think not including nieces and nephews is really not nice and unusual. My DH has 50 (yes, fifty) first cousins. So no we didn't invite all their kids. We didn't include friends or co-workers kids (we worked together at that time) either (although a couple just brought their kids with no notice?) We did include all nieces and nephews, and traveling family kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Not bothered. FWIW, I don't recall attending a wedding ever until I was in college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I totally understand it. It's not just people wanting to be sophisticated or exclusive, it's also the "If we invite x then we have to invite y" dilemma in action. If the couple knows just one family with loud, destructive or obnoxious kids, they might feel that their day could be ruined if said kids are in attendance. But of course the friends with obnoxious kids would be mortally offended if they were invited sans kids but other kids were there. So all kids end up being non-invited just to ensure that one doesn't massacre the cake with his light-saber. I don't totally agree. Kids in the same level of acquaintance -yes, I agree. One could not invite my kids, yet not invite dh's brother's kids. But I do think one can invite all first cousins who are children, but not a college roomate's toddler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 When I got married, all kids who were immediate family were invited. I did not have kids IN the bridal party, in part because there were several kids who could be flower girls/ring bearers and how could I pick cute little niece A, but not other niece B? Or pick a boy from this set of cousins, a girl from the other set? It was too fraught with land mines. My MIL gave me a bit of a hard time about it too, because one niece was getting close to "too old" and MIL fussed at me that it was her "last chance" of being a flower girl and I was not giving her the chance. Ooookkaaaaay. Another reason I didn't want child attendants is that it is expensive for the families, especially if SIL was a bridesmaid and BIL was a groomsman. But for attending the wedding? It was great. Some of the cutest photos are of my nieces and nephews at my wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 We got invited to an out-of-town wedding (like involving flights) that was "no kids". I'm not sure what these people thought we were going to do with our kids as we didn't live near any family at the time. Obviously, we didn't go. I would have rather not been invited, honestly. At my sister's wedding, she invited kids. Everyone just kept the kids quiet during the ceremony (even if that involved suckers) and it was fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 When my sister got married, my oldest was four, and I also had a two-year-old and two one-year-olds. She asked that I only bring the four year old, and I understood 100%. I was a bridesmaid, and DH would not have been able to keep four kids quiet and happy by himself. Fortunately my in-laws were able to keep the younger children for the weekend. Then last year my sister's step-daughter got married, and sis called to tell me that the invitations would say "adults only" but that my children were welcome to come. My niece disliked the young children on her father's side of the family (they had disrupted another wedding) and didn't want them to come, but didn't mind my children being there. We were glad to go, because the wedding was in a beautiful and family-friendly destination, so it doubled as a mini-vacation for us. But I did feel self-conscious about having my kids attend a "no-kids" wedding. I told my sister that if anyone gave her grief, she could blame it on me and say that I didn't follow the request. After all, I never have to see her husband's relatives again, but she has to put up with them all the time (there are some real characters in that family, and not in a good way). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candicane Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I don't recall ever attending anything that kids weren't allowed at. That said, I'm very much of the mindset that it's their party/wedding/etc it's their choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 A girls night of wine and cheese. Yes, no kids. A couples night out? No kids, no problem. But a wedding which is the event that creates a family? No kids seems insane to me. Sure they have the ' right'. And I have the right to think it insane, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 The only time it ever bugged me was when an older cousin was getting married and she had a Mickey and Minnie Mouse theme. I guess the "young at heart" don't necessarily like "the young." I'm sorry but that's kinky. What the heck? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 We had a limited budget for our wedding so I made the call to not invite children (except close relatives); dates for guests who were not married, formally engaged, or co-habiting with a child together; and anyone in the family more distantly related than first cousins once removed. DH and I both have a ton of second cousins, most of whom we barely know. But I got a ton of blowback for leaving them off the guest list. I actually told my now-MIL that if she really wanted to have them there, she could pony up the extra cash to expand her share of the guest list (that shut her up REAL QUICK, LOL!) ETA: Even with the restrictions, we had around 100 people, most of whom were family. Gotta love when both the bride and groom are Irish Catholic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I figure that people have a right to do what makes them happy. When the DC were young, I went alone to a number of adult-only weddings because it worked best for us to just have DH stay home with the kids. People have to understand that when you invite a couple with young children, limited funds, and no relatives close by, you might only get one of the two. One of them was an outdoor evening wedding four hours away. I drove there, went to the wedding, ate a little at the reception, and got home at 2am because we couldn't afford a hotel and getting a babysitter for two toddlers with those hours just wasn't possible within our budget. When DH and I married, I gained dozen nieces and nephews under the age of 12. Not invite them? You must be kidding. We had a late morning wedding with a lunchtime reception for that reason and others (it was also cheaper). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tshirtyogapantmama Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I thought it was just a trend where we live (by Atlanta) but as I can see it's a trend everywhere. I don't really understand it. I think it puts a lot of pressure on close family members/friends to find a sitter. For weekend weddings it can be hard if you are in the wedding party evem if you can go home night. We tend to send gifts since most of the weddings we are invited to our out of state or several hours away. We are going to one this spring and making a weekend of it only because DH set up a sleep-over visit with his mom for the kids. My older kids (12/13) were disappointed. They have only gone to 1 wedding when they were tots, they told me they feel weddings look so much fun when they read about them or see them in movies. The spring wedding is for clients and we don't know if there will be kids are not and it wasn't very clear. Most of their friends don't have kids and when I got the RSVP this week it had only 3 options (attending, attending +1, not attending) so we figure it was a no kids wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 The spring wedding is for clients and we don't know if there will be kids are not and it wasn't very clear. Most of their friends don't have kids and when I got the RSVP this week it had only 3 options (attending, attending +1, not attending) so we figure it was a no kids wedding. You can generally tell by whose names are on the invitation. Mr. and Mrs. Jones, or John & Jill Jones means those two people are invited. The Jones Family, or Mr. and Mrs. Jones and family, or John & Jill Jones & family means the kids are invited too. I've never seen it not worded in one of these ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 That is what I would think. But, ... One wedding we went to was for a friend of my husbands. The invite said, "mr. And mrs. Smith". We arranged to not bring the kids, first time I was away for a weekend without them, we turned it into a bit of a holiday. When we were at the wedding the groom said , "Where are the boys, we were so looking forward to see them and thought they would have so much fun here." (outdoor wedding at a place with a play structure and lots of room to run and things to explore.) Another invite we once got said, "the Smith family". I learnt from experience and got Dh to call and clarify. It meant, "I don't want your kid at the wedding, but I'm writing Smith family since that is what the wedding book tells me to do" So now we ask, ever time. Both of those would have frustrated me.... I'm trying to imagine what wedding book would tell you to say "family" when you weren't including kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I think the book just said "family" was the only proper way to do it. weird Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Does it bug me? A little bit, but they can plan their special day however they choose. When my only first cousin married she requested no children. I had a nursing baby. It was made very clear to me *no* children, so we didn't go. It does make me a little sad. I had to choose between weaning and leaving a little one for a week while I went out of state or attending my cousin's wedding. I chose to continue nursing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Really? Most people I know count a mother with babe in arms as one person. A child isn't a child while she is tucked up in a sling nursing to sleep. I can't imagine a person expecting a mother to wean earlier than she wants to for a wedding! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Heh. If I did not go because I don't want to/can't leave my kids overnight, believe me, I would NEVER. HEAR. THE END. OF IT. As it is, DH and i didn't attend a mini-cruise party thing when my youngest was a baby, because we did not have a babysitter that could stay that long and I wasn't keen to leave DS at the time. I still get nit-picked over that. An invitation is not a summons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I would be be pro kids to most things if all parents kept their kids in control. But I have one Narc SIL whose kids had to be the center and pushed into the spotlight every time. Like when my dh's grandma turned 80 and one Princess Do No Wrong practically pushed her over while she was blowing out the candles, grabbing candles out of the cake, still lit. I wish those events had been adults only! Also the Princesses Do No Wrong always had the Black Plague or something, and were never left home. Instead they spread their disease to everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I am not offended, but I am most likely unable to go due to lack of childcare options Or only one of us goes. My dh stayed home to watch the dc, when my childhood friend had that request at her wedding. I think that it was totally acceptable, but would feel differently if we were related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Really? Most people I know count a mother with babe in arms as one person. A child isn't a child while she is tucked up in a sling nursing to sleep. I can't imagine a person expecting a mother to wean earlier than she wants to for a wedding! I went with my 6 week old baby to my friend's wedding. He wasn't counted as a child in that situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 We leave the kids home with grandma for weddings unless we have to travel. I don't ever notice if there's kids around or not. If we could do it all over again, we would have had a no-guest wedding. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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