S/O Misspelled Names. Please Help :)

[Pamela H in Texas]

When we adopted our children, we kept the name they were called previously as part of their new names.  However, each are called something different.  For my one son, this has been an issue all along and we're trying to fix it.

 

So, his name is Addison Jeremiah Lastname.  Addison was his first name originally.  Jeremiah was chosen as a long version of Jerry after my (step)dad.  He has gone by A.J. for about 3 years now. He is sometimes called Jeremiah.  

However, he absolutely will not claim Addison as part of his name.  This is for a few reasons.  The first is because it is his birth name and he really wants to have nothing of his past (which isn't really possible, but....).  Second is because of the huge ordeal his preK teacher put us through (as some of you may remember) because of 1) the name change and 2) our religion.  

When asked what A.J. stands for, he either doesn't answer or says Jeremiah.  He hates when people (doctor, etc) use Addison. He really will not use the Addison.

 

This is really an issue primarily because 

 

So we were talking about changes.  But have an issue...maybe.

 

First, he wants Grandpa's middle name also.  I'm good with that though it doesn't work well with my syllable issue (both the middle name and our last name are one syllable).  His birth middle name is actually LeDale which would fix the double single syllable names, but he isn't interested (in anything to do with his previous life). But calling him A.J. when his initials are JD seems weird.  

 

And he isn't interested in another A name.

 

One other fix was to put A. Jeremiah Dale Lastname. His Bible actually says "A.Jeremiah Lastname" on it.  I got that idea when I saw a name on a door written like D. Thomas Johnson.  Now, I'm assuming Mr. Johnson has a D name associated with his D, but...

 

Soooooo....

 

Whatcha'll think?  Is the last idea just TOO out there?  

My older daughter says just call him AJ despite the initials.

Or do you have some other idea?

 

I *really* think that a 7yo (8 in April) knows what he wants. It *is* his name!  Now I'm just trying to make it happen.  

[Starr]

Does he still want to be called AJ?

[Aiden]

If he's willing to go with "A. Jeremiah," then that's what I would do. It preserves his nickname, which it doesn't appear that he minds, but removes the bulk of the name that he associates with a difficult past.

 

If he is not willing to go with "A. Jeremiah," then I would seriously consider changing it to whatever he most prefers, if you're confident that this is a lasting thing and not something he's going to regret or want to change again later. Just make sure that he understands that if he continues to be known as "AJ," but people know that his legal name begins with some other letter, there will be requests for the "story" throughout his life. Of course it will be up to him whether or not to share the story, but you can't have such a disconnect and seriously expect people not to ask. (Names are not often such sensitive subjects that people would think it inappropriate to ask.)

[Lawana]

That is a tough one.

 

No matter what, there is going to be awkwardness. I think your solution of A Jeremiah Dale Lastname is actually a reasonable solution to an impossible situation. It honors your son's wishes while maintaining some sanity in calling him AJ.

 

Dh goes by his middle name. His employment records and thus his insurance records have his first initial in place of his first name. We all are still alive, and so far it hasn't caused insurmountable problems.

[Haiku]

Having been through it, I wouldn't do anything yet. He is very young. We adopted my daughter when she was 11. She had the same issues of not wanting to be associated with her birth family in any way, and she tried on and discarded almost a dozen permutations of names over the years. Now, at 20, she has decided on a final name and, don'tcha know, has decided to use her bio mom's name and her original last name as middle names. I would just keep calling him AJ, remind people he doesn't go by Addison, and let him make a final choice when he's older.

[milovany]

I'd say use the A. Jeremiah and let him choose what the "A" stands for (not officially, but in his interpretation when people ask) -- Awesome Jeremiah, for example.  ;)  Or he could choose a different A name that he likes and make that his official legal name.  Then his input can help the new name override the Addison that he wants to forget. 

[poppy]

I agree with your daughter. Give him the power to call himself what he wants, and keep AJ as a nickname. It doens't have to stand for anything. 

 

 

 

[Haiku]

Btw, before we legally changed my ds's name, we wrote what we called him on all paperwork pertaining to him, so 99% of people didn't even know that his name wasn't his legal name. For insurance issues we just told the doc "x is his legal name, but he goes by y." We never had a problem. And your ds can tell people that the A stand for whatever he wants.

[Laura Corin]

I know two people who do the D.Thomas Johnson thing.  There was a first name in both cases, but the people just chose not to use it.  I don't know how it would work with records at the doctor's office, etc.  I even knew someone who used his second middle name: J.M. Philip [surname]

[maize]

My dad has only an initial as a middle name.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I know lots of people who do the A. Jeremiah Lastname thing.  I know a D. Eva _______, a T. Mark ___________, a J. Manual _____________, and an R. Walter __________.  They all go by their middle names, and only need their first initial on official forms.  It's actually quite common.  

 

 

I like the idea of letting him choose an adjective for the A.  Awesome Jeremiah, or @ Jeremiah, or how about "Actually".  :)  Imagine the great conversations he could have: "What does the A stand for?" "Actually".  "Your name is Actually Jeremiah?"  "Yup!"  :)

 

 

[TravelingChris]

My legal name is a letter than a middle name than a last name.  I could have chosen letter with a dot after but since it was not going to stand for anything, I just chose a stand alone letter.  I had to change my name to this to comply with the Patriot Act regulations.  My name in all my adult life and on my marriage certificate, taxes, social security, military forms, pretty much everything used to be first initial, middle name last name but when I moved here, the state made me use my never before used first name.  A year and a half ago, I legally changed it to first letter, middle name, last name. 

 

Just another option for you- A Jeremiah Dale Last Name     

[Daria]

Names are very important to my adopted child, and his feelings about the various pieces of his name have changed over time as he has grown and come to an understanding of his adoption at various ages and stages.  His name goes like this:  GivenNameFromFosterMother* GivenNameFromMe GivenNameFromBirthmother#1 GivenNameFromBirthmother#2 FamilyNameFromMe.  As a 7 year old he would have been very happy to have the parts of his name that didn't come from me "erased".  I think to his 7 year old logic that would have felt like it made him "more" part of our family.  Now that he's 15, however, I think he very much claims those names as part of him, and has campaigned to have them "moved up", basically replacing the name I gave him as a "first" middle name.  I think that had I allowed a name change, he would look back on that as me denying that piece of his heritage.

 

We've talked about name changes over the year, and I've always told him that he can call himself anything he wants, and that I will respect that and call him that too, but that any official changes will need to wait until his 18th birthday.  

 

* His foster parents were not told his birth name, as his birthmother had not yet filled out his birth certificate it at the time he left the hospital and went into their care, so they gave him a different name.  Although I would have had no qualms about changing it, since he was too young to recognize it when he came home, it was a name I already had on my list and when I met him it just fit perfectly. 

[MrsRobinson]

I worked at a doctors office and we loved it when parents filled out the name line on forms like this: Addison Jeremiah "AJ" LeDale Lastname. This way we new right off the bat what to call him and not call him. If we were told verbally after the paperwork was done what the nickname was, it might get scrawled in a corner of his file somewhere and they'd end up correcting us at every visit. If you decide on waiting to change his name, that would be my suggestion. Include his nickname right off the bat on all forms that require his full name.

[Pamela H in Texas]

MrsRobinson, we do put quotes around it.  We fill in nickname lines.  Nobody pays any attention.  Seems silly too because it seems like a LOT of people go by so many different things, not just a shortened version of their first names.  Seems like they'd get it wrong plenty if they don't pay attention.  With paper folders, that seems to go better because they can put the name on the outside, but everything is electronic these days.

 

Anyway, I really appreciate everyone's input :)  

Seems like, while we are waiting to make a decision (or regardless of our decision), we can really use that A-adjective thing.  That sounds like a great idea!

[Veritaserum]

My dad legally changed his name to include his first initial and his middle name. He was always called by a nickname of his middle name and does not identify at all with his first name. He signs all legal documents as I. Middle Last.

 

I'd go with A. Jeremiah and/or let him choose a different A name. "Adam Jeremiah" or whatever.

[Joyofsixreboot]

If some one can be J. ( I know a J.D.- legal name and a J.Kay-again lega) why not A.

[Little Nyssa]

Hmm. I go by my middle name (my parents decided this when they named me) and use my first initial in front of it. It has been an extra step all my life, from having to explain it each year and in each class in school, all the way up to now when I have to order plane tickets using my first name so I don't get flagged by TSA. I like my name/s so I have not changed them, but it has been a little bit of a hassle. If that first name had emotional baggage for me it would be upsetting to have to encounter that each time it comes up.

[momto10blessings]

Let him do you he wants and tell people AJ came from people calling him "A Jeremiah", like "A boy" or "A Son". Just a silly family thing :)

[Scarlett]

Of all the choices I prefer mostly waiting. I would say start using the A initial......I like the A initial idea best so he can be called AJ still.

[hjffkj]

If he hates that name so much I would allow him to pick his own name and still be called AJ if he wants to be called that even if it isn't his initials.

 

My ds's nickname is Bear, which has absolutely nothing to do with his name.  It was a natural nickname that came up when he was a baby and stuck. Nicknames do not have to be a part of the actual name.

[Farrar]

Fil never ever uses his name, but he never dropped it. He's just always C. Name Lastname. So you can go through life without losing it...

 

My mother did finally change her name. She has always gone by a nickname. She dropped her middle name and made the nickname the middle name so that it would be somewhere legally on documents since so many people write her checks and she's down that way in professional publications and so forth.

 

Anyway, this is just all to say, do whatever you like. I think the last option is fine.

[Ali in OR]

We know a TJ whose full legal name is TJ. They aren't initials and they don't stand for anything. Pronounced "Tee Jay".