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To My Future DIL


creekland
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You're out there somewhere, and I just feel the need to apologize.  Someday you're going to meet my youngest son (if you don't already know him).  You're going to love his charm and his free spirit.  You're going to love his down to earth values.  You'll likely love his religious values.  You're going to love that he will do almost anything for you and will easily join you in deep conversations about many things.

 

This is how we brought him up, but it's also really him.

 

Then... someday... you're going to get to know him better and wonder why his mama didn't teach him to change his clothes daily - esp certain pieces of clothing.   You're going to wonder how he became an adult and didn't learn that showers are more effective WITH soap and shampoo (of some sort at least) - esp if heading out into the public.  You're going to wonder why he has no clue how to put his garbage in a trash can or return food/drinks/dirty dishes where they belong.

 

Might I suggest that rather than some sort of hamper you get a hula hoop and find a section of the floor for him to put his dirty clothes in - when he indeed determines they are dirty?  It will save you a bunch of hassle.

 

And please accept my sincere apology.  We really did try.  I wish you better luck.  And may you always enjoy his charm and free spirit.

 

I love my guy.  I really do.  But I failed in certain areas.

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Haha...don't worry, there are plenty of kids out there like that.  I think they do eventually figure stuff out. 

 

I always tell my older kid he might have trouble getting dates if he continues to eat like a hedgehog. 

 

Our 22 year old daughter is a senior in college and lives in campus housing- an apartment with 3 other housemates. Her room is at the end of the hall.  The girls usually leave their doors open, and as we walk down the hallway, the first three rooms are lovely. Beds made, floor clean, etc. Then we get to dd's room. It looks as if it's been ransacked and that the police should be called to investigate a crime. 

 

I have hope that she will eventually 'get it' but I think it's more like clinging to an impossible dream. 

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Our 22 year old daughter is a senior in college and lives in campus housing- an apartment with 3 other housemates. Her room is at the end of the hall.  The girls usually leave their doors open, and as we walk down the hallway, the first three rooms are lovely. Beds made, floor clean, etc. Then we get to dd's room. It looks as if it's been ransacked and that the police should be called to investigate a crime. 

 

I have hope that she will eventually 'get it' but I think it's more like clinging to an impossible dream. 

 

I'm a slob myself.  My desk looks like there was some sort of explosion.  Yet, I'm the main person who cleans the house.  So I CAN manage.  LOL

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My 17 yo (injured) gymnast daughter trains with and now coaches a slew of adorable little girls in the 10-11 yo range, and we regularly discuss which of them would be a good match for my 11 yo son.  I know lots of the moms and a handful of the dads, so we know who comes from crazy parents and who doesn't, who holds up under pressure, who has a strong work ethic, who is a drama queen.  It's really an ideal pool from which to select a future wife for him.  I tell the other moms this all the time, but then I say, "BUT NOT UNTIL I TEACH HIM TO CLEAN HIS CLOTHES UP OFF THE FLOOR, so you have decades before he is a suitable mate for your sweet Ashley/Brooke/Zoe."  So yeah, I get it.  You're going to love him, sweet DIL, but he also is going to drive you insane.
 

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As a card holding member of the slob-for-a-lifetime club, I endorse articles such as this one completely. Fourth paragraph from the bottom has the key findings.

 

I may have to steal the hula hoop idea for myself! :)

 

I can say he has a superb talent for brainteasers of all sorts.  ;)  That article was quite interesting - thanks for sharing!

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As a card holding member of the slob-for-a-lifetime club, I endorse articles such as this one completely. Fourth paragraph from the bottom has the key findings.

 

I may have to steal the hula hoop idea for myself! :)

 

Haha...love that.

 

You know what is odd?  If everything is totally organized and put away I can't find stuff.  When it's messy, I know exactly where everything is.

 

And despite that I'm also a card carrying member of the slob-for-a-lifetime club, I am also the family finder.  I am very good at finding whatever went missing. 

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My 17 yo (injured) gymnast daughter trains with and now coaches a slew of adorable little girls in the 10-11 yo range, and we regularly discuss which of them would be a good match for my 11 yo son.  I know lots of the moms and a handful of the dads, so we know who comes from crazy parents and who doesn't, who holds up under pressure, who has a strong work ethic, who is a drama queen.  It's really an ideal pool from which to select a future wife for him.  I tell the other moms this all the time, but then I say, "BUT NOT UNTIL I TEACH HIM TO CLEAN HIS CLOTHES UP OFF THE FLOOR, so you have decades before he is a suitable mate for your sweet Ashley/Brooke/Zoe."  So yeah, I get it.  You're going to love him, sweet DIL, but he also is going to drive you insane.

 

 

I wish you luck.  My chances for training/teaching some of these basics is over now since my guy is a freshman in college.  We just sent him back today. I noticed the lack of soap/shampoo in the shower (at the motel) AFTER he left - but I KNOW the water was on earlier.  It just never occurred to me to remind him to use soap at this stage in his life.

 

And when he was packing up his last bits I asked him where his dirty clothes were so I could put those in a bag he could toss in his luggage.  He looked at me with no comprehension of those English words at all.  Even at home when I asked him to put his clothes in the laundry for me to wash, the sheer number I received was woefully inadequate compared to what most folks would contribute.

 

I doubt he'll pick up the skills now unless someone more influential than me enters his life.

 

And when I get home I feel pretty certain I might as well give up on my idea of leaving his "trash" out so he can see it later and remember to take care of it. (After all, he'd been reminded a couple of times and nodded his head in what I mistook as understanding.)  I don't really want that chocolate wrapper on the floor next to his bed until spring break in March.

 

At 11 years of age I still had hope.   ;)

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This is what my MIL tells me. :-) My DH showers and wears clean clothes but the rest is basically a description of him. I have two bags of trash sitting in my front yard from some work he did on our roof 3 weeks ago. I kept thinking he'd eventually make it back out there to pick them up. I guess I'll go out today and do it before they get buried under 3' of snow.... I can deal with the mess because I love the rest so much. :-)

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Our 22 year old daughter is a senior in college and lives in campus housing- an apartment with 3 other housemates. Her room is at the end of the hall. The girls usually leave their doors open, and as we walk down the hallway, the first three rooms are lovely. Beds made, floor clean, etc. Then we get to dd's room. It looks as if it's been ransacked and that the police should be called to investigate a crime.

 

I have hope that she will eventually 'get it' but I think it's more like clinging to an impossible dream.

A couple of years ago my kids and I left the house for the day in a big hurry. The house was trashed - clothes, food, toys, books were everywhere. (I'm not usually such a slob but it had been a crazy weekend and I made 3 meals before leaving the house at 10am.) In our rush to get out the door I didn't check to make sure the kids had closed the front door behind them. A utility worker who was working on our street noticed the front door wide open in the middle of February and called the police. The state police came and searched our ransacked house for dead bodies. The only interesting thing they found was my DH's police uniform. They called up dispatch at his PD and explained the situation saying "the house is....well, it doesn't look like anything has been taken". They got my DH's number and called him in the middle of training classes to make sure he knew where his wife and kids were. He then called me (a couple of times since I didn't hear my phone the first few times) and expressed his extreme annoyance that the state police and his whole department now think we're all slobs, and that we had been heating the whole outdoors for 3 hours in the middle of February. It's all pretty funny now, but oh my the embarrassment then!

 

So, moral of the story - don't leave your house a mess. And if you do, for heaven's sake shut the door. Or someone may just call the cops to investigate a crime. :-p

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CAn I just say- MY husband was like that when I met him. Showered maybe once a week. You couldn't tell if he used soap or not. Wore deodorant maybe once a month. His dirty clothes? All over his room.

I'm proud to report that this man now showers about every other day. Every day if especially dirty. WITH soap. He puts on deodorant very morning. He actually smells good most of the time. The dirty clothes? Well, they are in the area of his laundry basket. Much improvement.

There IS hope!!

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A couple of years ago my kids and I left the house for the day in a big hurry. The house was trashed - clothes, food, toys, books were everywhere. (I'm not usually such a slob but it had been a crazy weekend and I made 3 meals before leaving the house at 10am.) In our rush to get out the door I didn't check to make sure the kids had closed the front door behind them. A utility worker who was working on our street noticed the front door wide open in the middle of February and called the police. The state police came and searched our ransacked house for dead bodies. The only interesting thing they found was my DH's police uniform. They called up dispatch at his PD and explained the situation saying "the house is....well, it doesn't look like anything has been taken". They got my DH's number and called him in the middle of training classes to make sure he knew where his wife and kids were. He then called me (a couple of times since I didn't hear my phone the first few times) and expressed his extreme annoyance that the state police and his whole department now think we're all slobs, and that we had been heating the whole outdoors for 3 hours in the middle of February. It's all pretty funny now, but oh my the embarrassment then!

 

So, moral of the story - don't leave your house a mess. And if you do, for heaven's sake shut the door. Or someone may just call the cops to investigate a crime. :-p

Oh my! How embarrassing!
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 I have two bags of trash sitting in my front yard from some work he did on our roof 3 weeks ago. I kept thinking he'd eventually make it back out there to pick them up. I guess I'll go out today and do it before they get buried under 3' of snow.... I can deal with the mess because I love the rest so much. :-)

 

I performed a little experiment in this vein, and I am proud to report that, in case anyone else is wondering how long a husband can leave the Christmas tree stand on the side porch after he removes it from the tree on New Year's Day, 2014, to drag said tree to the curb, the answer is that it will still be right where he left it on December 1, 2014, when he needs it for the 2014 tree.  So 11 months, minimum.  And lest you think this Christmas tree stand was somewhere obscure--oh, no; it was at the side door we all use multiple times a day.  MULTIPLE times a day for 11 months, he walked by that Christmas tree stand, yet he never once thought, "Hmmm, maybe I should take that to the basement where it lives."  

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Ya know, I remember my mom saying to me when my most challenging child was a hellion of a preschooler, "Someday, he will be someone else's problem." And, that seems to be how it is turning out!  I think I may have to apologize soon if he and GF get any more serious.  Apologize, and secretly let out a sigh of relief...

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Best thread ever!

 

I have a feeling my MIL would write a similar letter to me about her darling only son, only it would be more like "I apologize for your floors because he won't take his boots off at the door." I have often said that she and I share a mutual love and also an eye roll for the same boy.

 

Now, my own DILs will be the luckiest women in the world, of course. My 6yo told me the other day, "I can cook! I can make salad." I agreed that yes, he sure can. He said, "My wife will thank you for that someday!"

 

I do feel sorry for my fourth DIL, or at least, I hope HER introduction to him is decidedly less dramatic than mine was.

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My son can cook. Very well. He can even grocery shop well, thanks to years of being the grubmaster for his patrol. He knows how to (and actually does) cost out every meal as he plans it. He has paid for most of his own college this year just working at McDonalds (since he runs the grill he does make more than minimum wage) and I think he will be a great husband for someone, he is just a slob. I recently saw the room he rents in Portland. OMG. I was not surprised, but seeing something like that is something you are never prepared for.

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Creekland, I don't think you need to worry. He won't get a date until he figures out the shower and clean undies on his own. Eventually all the

 

:ack2:

 

will register and he'll (literally) clean up his act.

 

 

:lol:

Ha! Don't be too sure!

We spent nearly a month at the holidays with my bil and sil. Now I KNOW bil and dh were raised exactly the same way. My mil is gone, but hubby is extremely clean and tidy. I know that bil was not raised that way, and fil is utterly exasperated by the whole thing.

His brother? Nope. Filthy. Same rumpled sweaty Tshirt and jeans for days,and no laundry...so I highly doubt there is any other changing going on:((

He will shower if told, but doesn't use soap or shampoo. He reaks to the point where I think there is also something medical going on. My dd5 (who probably could use some tact lessons but only said what we were all thinking!) made multiple hilarious comments like: "you can't wear that same stinky shirt to the pantomime! You have been wearing it for like five days!"

Being pregnant, and very nauseous I could not even ride in the car with him!

 

The thing is? He actually found a woman just as bad about cleanliness as he is! I never would have believed it in a million years. Someday their house will be bulldozed rather than attempt to sanitize.

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....Someday their house will be bulldozed rather than attempt to sanitize.

 

That actually happened to the house next to my early childhood home.   Multiple indoor dobermans, so you can imagine.  Trouble is this was in an area with basements, so it left a hole in the ground.  Which collected old appliances.  

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That actually happened to the house next to my early childhood home. Multiple indoor dobermans, so you can imagine. Trouble is this was in an area with basements, so it left a hole in the ground. Which collected old appliances.

Yep...and they also have 3 large indoor dogs. Wood floors that are now not salvageable.

The worst part is that they live in the UK, in a semi-detached house...so whilst they own their own house, it is actually part of the house next door! Who are very tidy...I have always wondered what they must think! I feel so badly for them. SIL is fanatic about keeping the curtains closed and the like, so they may not be fully aware of the problem. Totally unfair, almost criminal:(

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You're out there somewhere, and I just feel the need to apologize.  Someday you're going to meet my youngest son (if you don't already know him).  You're going to love his charm and his free spirit.  You're going to love his down to earth values.  You'll likely love his religious values.  You're going to love that he will do almost anything for you and will easily join you in deep conversations about many things.

 

This is how we brought him up, but it's also really him.

 

Then... someday... you're going to get to know him better and wonder why his mama didn't teach him to change his clothes daily - esp certain pieces of clothing.   You're going to wonder how he became an adult and didn't learn that showers are more effective WITH soap and shampoo (of some sort at least) - esp if heading out into the public.  You're going to wonder why he has no clue how to put his garbage in a trash can or return food/drinks/dirty dishes where they belong.

 

Might I suggest that rather than some sort of hamper you get a hula hoop and find a section of the floor for him to put his dirty clothes in - when he indeed determines they are dirty?  It will save you a bunch of hassle.

 

And please accept my sincere apology.  We really did try.  I wish you better luck.  And may you always enjoy his charm and free spirit.

 

I love my guy.  I really do.  But I failed in certain areas.

 

 

Actually the first time I read your post I thought....he is probably perfect for my dd.  I have often told her that she needs to marry a man with a free spirit but who is smart enough to have deep conversations with her ;)  She is a perfectionist who likes her ducks in a row.  I know that when she marries it will probably be to someone whose ducks are dirty somewhere, under his bed.   

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CAn I just say- MY husband was like that when I met him. Showered maybe once a week. You couldn't tell if he used soap or not. Wore deodorant maybe once a month. His dirty clothes? All over his room.

I'm proud to report that this man now showers about every other day. Every day if especially dirty. WITH soap. He puts on deodorant very morning. He actually smells good most of the time. The dirty clothes? Well, they are in the area of his laundry basket. Much improvement.

There IS hope!!

 

I love you!  Thank you VERY much for keeping the hope alive!

 

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Haha...love that.

 

You know what is odd?  If everything is totally organized and put away I can't find stuff.  When it's messy, I know exactly where everything is.

 

And despite that I'm also a card carrying member of the slob-for-a-lifetime club, I am also the family finder.  I am very good at finding whatever went missing. 

 

YES!  This is me, too.

 

Also, did anyone else read that article and find the most intriguing part to be thinking up other uses for ping pong balls? I wish I'd been in that study, or could read the results.  

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As hope for you as his mother, let me tell you that significant others often work magic on these male flaws. One son who wouldn't touch a veggie if it was the last food on earth now eats them regularly including the green ones such as asparagus and broccoli that he thought were grown specifically just to torture him.

 

This is only one example of how female persuasion have improved the qualities of my two older boys who are in long term relationships. Yay, for girls!

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I performed a little experiment in this vein, and I am proud to report that, in case anyone else is wondering how long a husband can leave the Christmas tree stand on the side porch after he removes it from the tree on New Year's Day, 2014, to drag said tree to the curb, the answer is that it will still be right where he left it on December 1, 2014, when he needs it for the 2014 tree.  So 11 months, minimum.  And lest you think this Christmas tree stand was somewhere obscure--oh, no; it was at the side door we all use multiple times a day.  MULTIPLE times a day for 11 months, he walked by that Christmas tree stand, yet he never once thought, "Hmmm, maybe I should take that to the basement where it lives."  

 

You are a woman of much patience!  I wouldn't have lasted nearly as long with that experiment. 

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my dd was thrilled to see Cristina Yang's apartment in Grey's Anatomy.

"I don't do laundry, I buy new underwear. See, and uh, under the table? Six months of magazines I know I'll never read, but I won't throw out. I don't wash dishes, vacuum, or put the toilet paper on the holder. I hired a maid once, she ran away crying. Uh... the only things in my fridge are water, vodka, and diet soda. And I don't care, but you do. Still think living together is a good idea?" Cristina Yang 2.10

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When my first husband and I got married, I actually called his mother to tell her that while 10 days had elapsed since I'd done laundry, he'd amassed only two pairs of underwear and three socks (individual socks, not three pairs). I didn't actually expect her to do anything, of course; I'd threatened to tell her and was following through. She laughed, he was embarrassed, and the next week he had nearly the correct number of dirty articles in the hamper.

 

My current (and permanent) husband manages all of this entirely on his own, for which I'm thankful.

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When my first husband and I got married, I actually called his mother to tell her that while 10 days had elapsed since I'd done laundry, he'd amassed only two pairs of underwear and three socks (individual socks, not three pairs). I didn't actually expect her to do anything, of course; I'd threatened to tell her and was following through. She laughed, he was embarrassed, and the next week he had nearly the correct number of dirty articles in the hamper.

 

 

EEK - so I can expect a phone call at some point?  It sounds like they are quite similar!   :lol:

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My dh is very good with showering, wearing clean clothes, etc. but he does NOT and likely never will pick up dirty towels off the bathroom floor.  I have just decided that it just isn't going to happen so I can either a) pick up the towels myself of b) leave them there but either way stewing about it isn't going to help.

 

 

I do laundry here a minimum of twice a week.  My ds will have almost nothing in the laundry time after time even when I remind him to bring up his dirty clothes.  He HONESTLY decided once that buying another 10 pairs of socks was better than bringing up at least some of the other 12 pairs of socks he had down in his room.  Whatever, it is his money.

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Creekland, I don't think you need to worry. He won't get a date until he figures out the shower and clean undies on his own. Eventually all the

 

:ack2:

 

will register and he'll (literally) clean up his act.

 

 

:lol:

 

Or he'll find the special woman who loves him just the way he is.

 

My husband's and my first "date" I wasn't all dressed up and guessied up or anything -- I'd been cleaning up from a water heater leak all morning and went the way I was. I rarely wore makeup even for dates, etc. And didn't make special efforts on the cleaning department and he married me anyway.

 

(OTOH he now does try to keep a phone on him and be reachable)

 

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My dh is very good with showering, wearing clean clothes, etc. but he does NOT and likely never will pick up dirty towels off the bathroom floor.  I have just decided that it just isn't going to happen so I can either a) pick up the towels myself of b) leave them there but either way stewing about it isn't going to help.

 

 

I do laundry here a minimum of twice a week.  My ds will have almost nothing in the laundry time after time even when I remind him to bring up his dirty clothes.  He HONESTLY decided once that buying another 10 pairs of socks was better than bringing up at least some of the other 12 pairs of socks he had down in his room.  Whatever, it is his money.

 

That is DH's theory.  Which means that I break before he does when I try leaving his clothes on the floor. Last count he had 3 dozen shirts and 3 dozen socks.  Can you imagine that many on your living room floor/hallway?

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That is DH's theory.  Which means that I break before he does when I try leaving his clothes on the floor. Last count he had 3 dozen shirts and 3 dozen socks.  Can you imagine that many on your living room floor/hallway?

I asked ds again today if he had any laundry he needed washed and he said "no, I still have enough"........meaning there is NO need to do laundry when he still has clothes in the drawers or in the basket clean or on the floor, etc.  He only thinks laundry needs to be done when he is OUT of clean clothes.............

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Ha, this made me laugh, because sometime last year my grown son decided that using shampoo and soap was actually bad to use regularly, and refuses to shower with it.  He does use vinegar sometimes though, I think.  He swears it gets his hair just as clean.

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