How's the new semester so far for our freshmen?

[Jenny in Florida]

My son went back to campus last weekend and started classes on Tuesday. His grades last semester were a bit lower than he (or we) would have liked. So, he went back to school this semester determined to do better. He chose his schedule for the semester with that goal in mind, also, which means he has mostly performance-based classes. Given that he's already covered a bunch of the general ed requirements during dual enrollment, he has the luxury of taking that kind of semester now and then. 

 

He did meet with the head of the dance department and officially declare his double major, which he hadn't gotten around to doing last semester. And he is in the process of establishing a student-run tap dance ensemble, which he's been hoping to do since before the fall semester got underway. He's gotten approval from the dance department and found a faculty advisor, meaning he just needs to file some forms and pull together the group. 

 

For performing arts majors, the beginning of the semester also means auditions for assorted productions. By the end of the weekend, he should know whether he's been cast in the cabaret/musical revue and/or the mainstage musical, as well as what parts he will have in the opera and musical theatre ensemble concerts. He actually started rehearsals last semester for the spring dance concert, which is coming up in just a few weeks. 

 

Thus far, he feels pretty good about the outlook for the semester. He's happy with his course selection and his instructors, and he has no class that begins before 10:00 a.m. (always a good thing for a teenage boy). 3

 

So,how about your freshmen? Any early impressions of the new semester? 

[mom2att]

Mine is a few weeks in to the new semester. She also got a number of gen ed requirements out of the way with DE, so she's taking the entry level class in her major (linguistics) this semester and is excited about that.  She's also continuing with Spanish and has decided to declare it as her minor. There's a summer overseas study program that she really wants to do and is motivated to make it happen.  She is happy with the scheduling of her classes--nothing before 9:30 every morning! I think the other thing she learned last semester was to get big projects out of the way early if possible. Several of her classes this semester had student presentation assignments, and she signed up as one of the early presenters so as to have that DONE for the semester. I know her Spanish presentation was yesterday and she was glad to get that out of the way. Last semester she had things like that looming over her head and found she didn't like it.

 

The other big thing on the agenda is . . . next year! If the returning students want to live in the dorms they are supposed to commit now, because soon the incoming freshman will start to gobble up the spots. So she and her roommate are considering either staying in the dorms or finding an apartment.

 

 

[creekland]

My freshman flies back on Monday when the dorms open.  Classes start Tuesday.  We might have an issue with the next snowstorm coming through.   :glare:

 

I've pre-ordered a few of his books for his upcoming Philosophy and Liberal Arts class thinking he could start some of the extensive reading as schedules for the reading are online, but I don't think he's even touched the books. :mad:   I suppose it's good to have a break, but I have to wonder how he's going to handle that much reading at school on top of his other two classes (2nd semester Bio and Basic Acting).

 

All in all, I think he'll end up doing ok - just not on the ideal schedule I would like - and this makes me wonder if he'll be doing his best (for those classes).  I've no real doubt that his other two classes will go quite well.

[Pawz4me]

Mine is a few weeks in to the new semester. She also got a number of gen ed requirements out of the way with DE, so she's taking the entry level class in her major (linguistics) this semester and is excited about that.  She's also continuing with Spanish and has decided to declare it as her minor. There's a summer overseas study program that she really wants to do and is motivated to make it happen.  She is happy with the scheduling of her classes--nothing before 9:30 every morning! I think the other thing she learned last semester was to get big projects out of the way early if possible. Several of her classes this semester had student presentation assignments, and she signed up as one of the early presenters so as to have that DONE for the semester. I know her Spanish presentation was yesterday and she was glad to get that out of the way. Last semester she had things like that looming over her head and found she didn't like it.

 

The other big thing on the agenda is . . . next year! If the returning students want to live in the dorms they are supposed to commit now, because soon the incoming freshman will start to gobble up the spots. So she and her roommate are considering either staying in the dorms or finding an apartment.

 

Yes.  DS has been back at school for almost three weeks now, and we're on the housing-for-next-year merry go round.

 

I'm so tired of him texting about different apartments and roommates that don't pan out (mostly because the parents of the potential roommate say no to the cost of an apartment).

 

It may sound weird to some of you, but DH and I and my brother and SIL would love for DS to decide to share an apartment with our niece.  They get along fabulously.  We know there would be no issue with each of us paying our share of the rent and utilities.  They'd like DS to be with her for safety reasons and we'd like her to be with him because she'd be an overall good influence.  But alas she doesn't want to give up the apartment she's in, and he doesn't want to be that far away from campus.

 

So around and around we go.

[Sunshine State Sue]

Jenny,

 

Any improvement in the roommate situation?

[Sunshine State Sue]

I wish I knew more.  The extent of the information this week was "4-9in of snow today".

 

Conversations in previous weeks have featured the student health insurance debacle and tuition payment, He was schedule to get out of the boot (after foot surgery) last Tuesday.  Dh got a one word text from him letting us know it happened.

 

The teammates have been talking about housing for next year.  4/6 of the freshman basketball players have signed on a house that girl basketball players are moving out of.  Ds and the other freshman are planning to find a house or apartment with one of the managers and a new walk-on player.  Ds actually created a spreadsheet with apt/house, website link, #bedrooms/bathrooms, rent $$$, distance to campus, and comments.  He noted which ones had bathrooms on the hallway as opposed to 1 in a master bedroom.  When I suggested adding square footage, he added it within 10min.  Wowsa!  Is this my child?  He is maturing.  It gives me hope that he'll turn out all right after all.  :001_cool:  He was all fired up about renting a house and had a few picked out.  I debated a bit but finally let him know that a house that is empty in January will likely not be available in May.  Apparently, he prefers a house to an apartment, because his enthusiasm has now waned.  I forced ds to call after I spoke with his teammate's mother about off-campus housing.  I learned class size and the fact that he knows no one in any of his classes.

 

That's all I know.

[Jenny in Florida]

Jenny,

 

Any improvement in the roommate situation?

 

Oh, yes. He was able to switch rooms during the open move week last semester. He's not close buddies with the new roommate, although they occasionally watch a movie or have dinner in the cafeteria, but they are much more compatible than the original duo. 

 

The last I heard, he and a group of friends are hoping to all be placed in the same dorm and on the same floor next year. We'll see how it goes.

[Gwen in VA]

Quote from my dd -- "My semester left without me....."

 

She had a crazy-busy time between semesters and barely drew in her breath before the semester started. She then had something out of state on Friday so had to miss the  third day of classes (though thankfully she didn't have any that actually met). We'll see.

 

She is taking the minimum number of credits for full-time status, so hopefully she will not go as crazy as she did last semester!

[8filltheheart]

Ds is loving his courses this semester. He also has a position with a professor doing dark matter research--right up his alley.

[hornblower]

Quote from my dd -- "My semester left without me....."

 

She had a crazy-busy time between semesters and barely drew in her breath before the semester started. She then had something out of state on Friday so had to miss the third day of classes (though thankfully she didn't have any that actually met). We'll see.

 

She is taking the minimum number of credits for full-time status, so hopefully she will not go as crazy as she did last semester!

Same for my girl. She had 3 weeks off between semesters and she worked 40h/week right through her holiday and xmas. School started back on Jan 5. She has an early midterm first week of Feb! It all seems so rushed. You barely catch your breath and it's all starting again. These 15 week semesters are awfully quick and intense.

[Laura in CA]

My son loves his school & his classes, has found a family-like fellowship group/church & a great circle of friends, is working 2 part-time jobs, is excited about applying to be a TA next year (a coveted position, but he got grades of A+ in his 3 advanced math & CS courses, so that bodes well); made the dean's list (need a 4.0); co-exists with his roommate (they're sort of ships passing in the night, but at least there's no hostility); has plans to live off-campus next year with friends (saving us a ton of dough!); has dropped his classics minor ( :( ) because the treatment of the texts in his first course was "too academic & not as respectful" as he's used to; had his bike (actually it was his brother's bike) stolen from the landing outside his dorm room (we had him buy his brother a new bike - an expensive lesson). I think that's it! Oh, and he's drinking more coffee than I'd like, but manages to sleep from 10 pm to 5 am on weekdays. And he's developed a taste for dried squid.

He's loving the new semester -- incl. two upper-div math classes that he's finding absolutely thrilling :D
(ETA: He sent me an excited text soon after classes began this semester to tell me that the professor for one of his upper-div classes used to teach at Oxford, and the final exam is 100% of the grade. He thinks that's cool :) )

I get a brief text once or twice a week (today's was a question about hyphenation LOL), but he's planning to come home for the weekend in early Feb. and promised to give a full report then :)

[Hoggirl]

Ds is already three weeks in having started classes on January 5th. So far, so good. We only talk to him once a week for about half an hour. He upped his number of units this quarter, though he has a couple of courses (not many units worth) that are credit/no credit. One is a Spanish conversation class. He will take the third quarter of 1st year Spanish in the Spring quarter, but has had no Spanish since graduating last spring. I think this is a good way for him to get back into the language before he takes the full-blown course. I think his overall course load is a bit more rigorous, however. This quarter is a bit more balanced between courses that are writing/reading oriented and those that are STEM oriented.

 

On the fun side, his freshmen dorm took its ski trip to Lake Tahoe. He said about half the kids ski and half do not. He was in the latter group, but they ice skated and played in the snow. Definitely a good bonding time all crammed into cabins. He is participating in a 24-hour Dance Marathon in a couple of weeks and surpassed his fundraising goal. Makes me tired just thinking about it!

[Miss Marple]

So far so good.  DS3 is just plugging away.  He had a nice surprise, though, on returning to the dorms where he found he has his OWN room!  His roomie, not a terrible roomie, decided to live in the frat house.  DS is LOVING it!  And he has apartment plans for the fall with a couple of guys he likes.

 

DS4 seems to have made some positive changes.  His attitude has improved.  I think he is stressed by all the crazy dorm life...wanting to be part of it, but at the same time knowing that the choices being made by those kids are not good choices.  One of the problems, I think, is that he wasn't busy enough last fall.  He only had 12 hours and his schedule was set up to give him Fridays off.  His classes were easy (calculus 1, business classes, public speaking, racquetball) and didn't require enough time from him.  That, I think, allowed him to get into some places he should not have been.  He came home this weekend, prepared for an interview with the SGA, is applying for a position with the governor's office, and applying for internships.  He still has Fridays off, but now he is coming home.  I think the atmosphere in the dorms on the weekend is stressful to him so he is choosing to leave.  I'm fine with that.

 

One of my biggest complaints about signing up for classes as freshmen is that the advisers are rather stupid when it comes to helping the kids pick classes.  They seem to have a one size fits all approach (big state uni- probably different at a small school). After raising 4 smart fellas, I can tell you that they NEED to be kept busy.  The busier they are, the better they perform - and fewer problems arise.  I realize not all kids are this way, but when they can see that the boy has 48 concurrent hours at a 4.0...well, that should have clued them in that he would be easily bored.  I had to beg the adviser to let DS2 take a PE class on top of 13 credit hours.  She was sure I was setting him up for failure.

[creekland]

 I had to beg the adviser to let DS2 take a PE class on top of 13 credit hours.  She was sure I was setting him up for failure.

 

My guy had to explain that he really could take Bio, Chem, and Calc 1 all together freshman year.  Everyone was telling him he shouldn't since he was pre-med and at a tough school.  Even after well-underway and meeting with a pre-med adviser they looked at him skeptically asking, "And how's that working for you?"  He casually replied he had solid As in all of his courses.  They had him pull up his grades to double check.

 

One has to know their student and their student's background.  My other two probably wouldn't have done as well.

[8filltheheart]

Can students not alter their schedules after meeting with their advisers?  I know my kids have been able to.  The only time they have had to get specific sign-off was in order to exceed 18 hrs. Otherwise it has just been a matter of going online and registering/unregistering for classes and sections.

 

 

[NCMom]

Dd's classes are going well but she is stressed about her sport. She feels like she bombed the last meet (she did not, just got two 3rd places :glare: ). Because of my mom' s passing and half of us, including me, getting the flu immediately after, she wasn't able to train at all over the break. She and dh basically kept the rest of us alive for those three weeks, lol, one of which I personally don't remember...

 

Their training camp during the 4th week of break didn't work out too well and the dryland coach was ill and it all snowballed so that she feels like she is out of shape with only a month to go before champs. She called and asked for a large assortment of supplements yesterday as she can't find a health food store there on the bus line.

 

Otoh, one of her landscape architecture profs (who is also her advisor) let her use an extremely nice drawing tablet from the school. Much nicer than the one she has. She is very happy about that. Apparently none of the other freshmen were interested even though there is a closet full of them... 

 

Georgia

 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

I heard from my guy again yesterday. I spoke to him a few times over the weekend, actually, because he was having some pain in his knees that freaked him out a bit. He ended up bowing out of one of the three pieces he was doing in the spring dance concert (the one in which he was in the ensemble) because they haven't even really learned the choreography yet and continuing would have meant a rigorous four-hour rehearsal on Saturday. He went to the choreographer and offered to sit in on the rehearsal and observe/take notes with the hope that he would be able to be back in for real by next weekend, but they decided it made more sense for the choreographer to be able to proceed with known quantities.

 

He's been wearing braces on both knees and trying to rest, and he's been feeling better each day. We have, of course, encouraged him to go to the on-campus health clinic and will be making an appointment for him to see his doctor here next time he's home.

 

In the meantime, he did get the results of the auditions he's done so far. As we more or less expected, he was not cast in the mainstage musical. (It's a small ensemble, with each cast member playing multiple small parts. We didn't really see any that looked like they were right for him.) However, he was cast in the cabaret/musical revue, which should be fun.

 

He has been re-assigned to Papageno in the opera workshop's Magic Flute excerpts and also cast as Samuel in their Pirates of Penzance scenes. And, while I didn't get too many specifics, he seems happy about the selections for the musical theatre ensemble's spring concert, too.

 

So -- knees aside -- he's feeling pretty good.

[Miss Marple]

Can students not alter their schedules after meeting with their advisers?  I know my kids have been able to.  The only time they have had to get specific sign-off was in order to exceed 18 hrs. Otherwise it has just been a matter of going online and registering/unregistering for classes and sections.

The adviser has to open the classes to the student - at least that's what we were told.  However, at another college I did change DS3's schedule after he was advised.  I think it is probably university specific and may be completely misrepresented by the advisers lol.  Maybe they want the students to think there is no option...

[angela in ohio]

Dd went back just over two weeks ago for second semester. Class was cancelled the past two days because of the snow, but everyone lives on campus, so professors emailed out assignments and they went on as usual. :)

 

She was skiing last week in new Hampshire, a first for her, and last semester she rode a bus and subway to the New York Met and also ran around downtown Boston a few times. She seems to be adapting to city life pretty well for a Midwest girl. :D

 

I was happy to see dd missing her friends at school over break and skyping with them. Because of the culture here and the homeschool population here, she never really had a peer until she went to college.

 

She did well through first semester. It's pass/no record, and she passed all her classes with top marks. This semester brings more math, her weak point, so we will see how that goes. It seems to be a LOT of work, but mostly all work she enjoys, so she is happy to do it.

[Sugarfoot]

This is Friday of the 2nd week of spring semester for DS. He's loving everything so far! Two of his classes are lab sciences, and he's soaking them up ;) He may travel to an academic bowl of some sort in the spring with a group from his major. It's just a lot of fun to see him grow. 

[Carol in Cal.]

DD wants to move in with two friends to an apartment off campus next year.  As a sophomore in Chicago, I'm not thrilled about the prospect of her being 20 minutes away from campus by El.  I am concerned that this will either put her in a semi-dangerous commute, OR make it difficult/impossible to stay around campus for evening recitals and such.

 

She thinks it will save her money, but I imagine that she will have to pay for the summer months, which would cut her savings considerably.  Also I am unwilling to sign a lease, so she will have to do it, and I don't think she understands the implications of that financially in terms of damage issues.  Plus if she turns out not to like it or not to get along with her roommates, it will be hard to figure out what to do.  

 

In terms of her actual semester, she got the classes and teachers she wanted, and is doing very well in her major studies.  We had requested a dorm spot with a meal contract for her at the beginning of the year, but they offered her only a spot in a dorm apartment, no significant meal contract available (5 meals per week was all she could possibly have gotten).  She decided to do all her own cooking, and it has worked out a lot better than I feared.  I had been worried that it would be too difficult to fit in shopping and cooking, but actually she has done very well with that, and I think it was good for her to get her out and about a little more.

[BlsdMama]

Intimidating. ;) This is her fourth semester of Russian and the teacher is gruff and expecting a lot more of the students than they're ready for. She got an A in Russian 201 so I'm surprised to hear it's hard for her.

 

She is surprised how easy her computing class is - a happy surprise. Latin II is challenging but she likes the teacher a lot and enjoys Latin on the whole. Rhetoric is with an incredibly liberal and young teacher. They're differences are already apparent and the teacher has an agenda she's pushing. The final speech is "Analysis of a Changed View" and I am thinking this course is going to be hard to navigate for my lovely, ultra conservative dd.

 

19 semester hours this semester. I hope she can manage. She was invited to join the Honors group after grades came out last semester and accepted, but it means maintaining a 3.33 and above.

 

We shall see.

[creekland]

ETA:  GOOD update in post #62!!!

 

I think my guy has given up... he loves his school, but hasn't found his tribe (non-drinking, still fun-loving males who don't mind Christian values - need not BE Christian - he had plenty of non-Christian friends at our high school, but they were tolerant of his views as he was of theirs).  He sent us an e-mail last night that was pretty depressing to read as a mama (or papa).

 

We won't make him stay.  I want him to consider other schools where he could be more likely to find friends, but I don't know if he will.  Time will tell.

[Luckymama]

Oh Creekland :grouphug: How hard for him!

[8filltheheart]

Creekland, I am so sorry. I know that you thought Eckerd would be a good fit. Would it be possible to encourage him to investigate a large school? One advantage of a really big school is that the population is so diverse that finding someone like you might be easier. Our freshman made a pledge to himself (originally unbeknownst to us) to not drink. When he came home over Christmas he was talking about how he was happy with his decision and that he has found a core group of friends with similar values. He is surrounded by an interesting group of very diverse beliefs. One of his best friends is Jewish. I don't think he hangs out with any Catholics. I know he attends Mass by himself.

 

Maybe over spring break he could contact some kids involved in Intervarsity http://www.intervarsity.org/chaptersor Campus Crusade cru.org Maybe knowing there are groups of college students out there just like him would encourage him to find a new path toward his goals.

 

I am so sorry he is unhappy. I know that is so hard for you.

[creekland]

Creekland, I am so sorry. I know that you thought Eckerd would be a good fit. Would it be possible to encourage him to investigate a large school? One advantage of a really big school is that the population is so diverse that finding someone like you might be easier. Our freshman made a pledge to himself (originally unbeknownst to us) to not drink. When he came home over Christmas he was talking about how he was happy with his decision and that he has found a core group of friends with similar values. He is surrounded by an interesting group of very diverse beliefs. One of his best friends is Jewish. I don't think he hangs out with any Catholics. I know he attends Mass by himself.

 

Maybe over spring break he could contact some kids involved in Intervarsity http://www.intervarsity.org/chaptersor Campus Crusade cru.org Maybe knowing there are groups of college students out there just like him would encourage him to find a new path toward his goals.

 

I am so sorry he is unhappy. I know that is so hard for you.

 

He does go to IVCF at Eckerd (and likes it), but the usual group is all gals.  He's the only guy.  He enjoys their company, but would really like a guy friend or two.  His first roommate didn't work out, so he switched after Christmas.  He thought he liked his new roommate, but in his most recent e-mail to us he related this (originally written to his girlfriend back home, but he copied it to us):

 

"Just a few minutes ago I was outside and (roomie) yelled across about fifty yards to "go to bed loser".  I understand he doesn't mean any harm, he's just gotten so accustomed to calling people negative terms that he thinks nothing of it.  But it still sucks.  Earlier we went to dinner with two friends, then we planned on a movie night, so I went on ahead to get stuff ready, then they bailed on me.  It's tough, back up in PA I could always count on friends.  And I knew every Sunday, Wednesday, and Thursday that I would feel wanted by my friends, and that you would always be there with me (girlfriend).  Here things are different.  I'm kind to everyone, I don't speak any harsh words, and I serve people left and right... yet they label me a tool and despise me.  I don't feel welcome here, and it hurts.  Not to mention I've got tons of work because of school.  I have blessings beyond count, yet what are blessings if they only serve myself? "

 

I'm currently working to see what repair can be done to his mind - while also giving him suggestions to consider for his future.  Large schools and Christian schools are suggestions I'm making.  Middle son had no problem finding friends at his secular school, but it is larger and it doesn't make Princeton Review's Top 10 for "Reefer Madness" schools.  Apparently, that does make a difference - esp when there are already more gals than guys.  There are gals at this school who choose a different path, but he just hasn't come across any guys he can click with.

 

FWIW, if we'd homeschooled him the whole time I'd be blaming myself for not exposing him enough to real life, but he's my guy who opted to go back to public school for high school.  He had plenty of friends in high school - many of those were not Christian (including his best friend - who still is his best male friend).  I have to give him the benefit of the doubt in his situation, but it's still frustrating as he loves the school in every other aspect.  If he could only find one or two good friends I think it would make all the difference in the world.  Right now he feels alone.  Poor guy.

[Kathy in Richmond]

Oh, Creekland, I'm so sorry your boy is going through this! :grouphug: :grouphug:  I admire his courage in sticking it out so far & his moral compass in keeping his values straight. You're right, one or two good friends is all it would take. Your thoughts of looking at larger or Christian schools sounds like the right thing to do next. He is lucky to have such an understanding mom! Sending prayers that he end up somewhere where he can thrive.

[8filltheheart]

That quote breaks my Momma's heart. I can't imagine how,hard it is for you to read that. He sounds like a wonderful young man. Praying he finds a friend and his path.

[unsinkable]

(((Creekland)))

 

I am so sorry about what is happening.

 

Your son and your family will be in my prayers.

 

:grouphug:

[creekland]

That quote breaks my Momma's heart. I can't imagine how,hard it is for you to read that. He sounds like a wonderful young man. Praying he finds a friend and his path.

 

It breaks my heart too.  

 

The lad has always been popular at his high school and in his groups.  But his high school peers were definitely far more tolerant of differing views.  They would often get into deep discussions/debates about many aspects of life (including, but not limited to, politics and religion), have totally opposite views, and still remain friends.  My best guess for what might have happened is he tried to get involved with similar discussions there and found a brick wall of intolerance - not unlike what can happen on many threads on the Hive.  That could be how he got his labels of "loser" and "tool."

 

I guess it's a good learning experience, but I wish others would learn to live and let live.

 

Middle son has not had the same experience at all.  His experience has been more of what we are used to around here - many differing beliefs (religious and otherwise) all co-existing just fine.

 

We're in the process of discovering what might be next.  I'm hopeful he will finish the semester there and I secretly hope he'll also find a friend or two.  But if not, I know he's always welcome back here and we'll plot the next launch.  I do NOT want him to get excessively depressed, so I'm doing all the brainstorming I can to figure out options.

[Jenny in Florida]

I think my guy has given up... he loves his school, but hasn't found his tribe (non-drinking, still fun-loving males who don't mind Christian values - need not BE Christian - he had plenty of non-Christian friends at our high school, but they were tolerant of his views as he was of theirs).  He sent us an e-mail last night that was pretty depressing to read as a mama (or papa).

 

We won't make him stay.  I want him to consider other schools where he could be more likely to find friends, but I don't know if he will.  Time will tell.

 

Aw, Creekland, I'm so sorry he's having a bad time. For what it's worth, my distinctly non-Christian son is a non-drinking, still fun-loving male who would absolutely welcome your son to his tribe, if they were at the same school. I hope your son finds his place.

[creekland]

Aw, Creekland, I'm so sorry he's having a bad time. For what it's worth, my distinctly non-Christian son is a non-drinking, still fun-loving male who would absolutely welcome your son to his tribe, if they were at the same school. I hope your son finds his place.

 

Thanks Jenny!  Your son is the type my guy would love as well - esp with his acting talent.  My guy is just taking a Beginning Acting class now.  ;)

 

His friends at school were mainly a non-drinking/partying crowd as a base.  All other beliefs and views were just interesting discussion points.  They did tons of things together from watching movies to playing Laser Tag or board games of sorts.  We both really did assume he'd find a similar crowd at college.

[regentrude]

Creekland, I am so sorry he is feeling ilke this. Having one's "tribe" is so important. Best wishes and hugs :grouphug:

[elegantlion]

 Right now he feels alone.  Poor guy.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug: Wishing him the best. 

[Myra]

It is hard when you're kid is struggling.  My oldest loves his academics and can't stop talking about them in phone calls, but has told me he thought college would be the place where he could find kids more like himself to be friends with.....gamers, academics, love discussions, go to college b-ball games, get a pizza but no drinking or smoking dope until you pass out!!!!!!!   While my youngest is a freshman this year and all I hear is sled rides at one in the morning, monopoly marathon games on the weekends, his rowing practices, planning roomies for next year already...and I have to prompt him to remember about his classes!!!!  LOL!!

 

It is so hard!  What's a momma to do!?!?!

 

Myra

 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

Thanks Jenny!  Your son is the type my guy would love as well - esp with his acting talent.  My guy is just taking a Beginning Acting class now.   ;)

 

His friends at school were mainly a non-drinking/partying crowd as a base.  All other beliefs and views were just interesting discussion points.  They did tons of things together from watching movies to playing Laser Tag or board games of sorts.  We both really did assume he'd find a similar crowd at college.

 

Yep, that sounds like the group my son has been hanging with at UTampa. They do movie nights in someone's dorm room once or twice a week and play board games and occasional rounds of Dungeons & Dragons. They play lots of pool. They spar with boffer weapons they make themselves. They participate in fierce capture the flag campaigns. (Well, my son is out of capture the flag for a while, since that was how he hurt his knees a couple of weeks ago, but it's there for those who don't have to save their knees for dancing.)

 

He does comment now and then about the challenge of living on a campus surrounded by students who are more interested in getting drunk than in most anything else. He had to come home this past weekend because he had committed to performing at a fund-raising event at a friend's church. I thought he might feel sad about missing the Gasparilla Pirate Festival, but he was actually thrilled to get out of town, since the festival is apparently notorious for being pretty much an excuse for drunken debauchery. 

 

It's definitely a challenge. 

 

Are there organized activities other than the religious ones that your son could attend? The infamous capture the flag game my son went to, for example, was organized by the RAs at one of the dorms. And various on-campus organizations offer stuff to do pretty much every weekend. My son has met most of his guy friends by going to those events. 

[creekland]

 

Are there organized activities other than the religious ones that your son could attend? The infamous capture the flag game my son went to, for example, was organized by the RAs at one of the dorms. And various on-campus organizations offer stuff to do pretty much every weekend. My son has met most of his guy friends by going to those events. 

 

I know he went with great thoughts.  We upgraded his scuba gear.  He thought he would like Improv since he led the group at our school.  He's very into all things Green and Eckerd makes a serious effort to be Green.  He's into "Earth" things - as is the school.

 

I'm not sure what happened with scuba.  He just shrugs when I bring it up.

 

He went to the Improv group at least a couple of times and didn't feel like he fit in telling us that they seemed to want "the dirtier the better."

 

He does like his campus composting job, but it's only a few hours per week.

 

He hasn't found other males interested in his "earth" stuff (mangroves, plants, bugs, etc) without also being into the drinking/weed stuff.  The few he has found have seemed to be super introverts who aren't all that into being welcome to new friends.

 

And this is all hearsay from him.  

 

What I mainly know is he absolutely loved it at first, but never found good male friends (always surrounded by females in his pics of events and when we called).  He was hopeful his room change would help and at first it did seem to.  Then this latest bit getting called a loser and being stood up by his "friends" for the movie night they let him go ahead and get ready for after eating, but then ditched.  With "friends" like that (esp vs what he was used to), I can understand his depression.  If it was some sort of joke... well... with friends like that, who needs enemies?

[creekland]

I'm so sorry, Creekland. If he does choose to change schools, perhaps he can investigate Houghton College. I had a couple relatives that loved it there. It looks lovely, has good reviews, and is just an hour or so from your other son. The tuition and aid sounds reasonable, too. It's a small school, and has more girls than boys, but may be worth a look.( I don't remember what your son's academic interests are, tho.)

 

Right now his main interest is wanting to go out and help the poor in some way or fashion.  I'm trying to get him to consider a teaching or Bio/Ag degree - either of which also fit his other interests and are ways he can help without hurting.

 

I doubt he wants to head so far north though.  He also loves the tropics... not snow and cold.  He would love being with us here in the Bahamas or he'd love having a tent and port-a-potty in some remote location as long as it's warm.

[Miss Marple]

I think my guy has given up... he loves his school, but hasn't found his tribe (non-drinking, still fun-loving males who don't mind Christian values - need not BE Christian - he had plenty of non-Christian friends at our high school, but they were tolerant of his views as he was of theirs).  He sent us an e-mail last night that was pretty depressing to read as a mama (or papa).

 

We won't make him stay.  I want him to consider other schools where he could be more likely to find friends, but I don't know if he will.  Time will tell.

My son is in this same situation.  I think he is depressed.  He had high hopes of making some life-long friendships (something our homeschool situation really didn't provide) and his idea of how that would work out in college is just not happening.  We encouraged him to take a year off (like his older brother) but he wanted to do things the way he had planned.   It seems that like-minded friends are hard to find.   It's hard to see our good fellas going through this.

[creekland]

My son is in this same situation.  I think he is depressed.  He had high hopes of making some life-long friendships (something our homeschool situation really didn't provide) and his idea of how that would work out in college is just not happening.  We encouraged him to take a year off (like his older brother) but he wanted to do things the way he had planned.   It seems that like-minded friends are hard to find.   It's hard to see our good fellas going through this.

 

:grouphug:   I wish we could get some sort of Hive college together as an option.  There'd be others, of course, but if all of ours went there, chances are they'd make a great friendship group.

[MysteryJen]

I am sorry for your guys, Creekland and Miss Marple. I know that I never did find my group of friends until grad school. And what some people (talking to you, mom) don't understand is that is not about homeschooling, or sheltering, or religion. Sometimes it is just about luck. My husband lucked out (great college friends, but mostly women) and I didn't.

 

ds1 did. Socially, things are great, he says. He is not happy with the swim team, for his own complicated reasons, but we never expected this to last past freshman year. He has not declared a major yet (I am hoping for an English/Econ double), but is pretty happy in his spring classes. Except Spanish 2. 

[Miss Marple]

 

 

I know that I never did find my group of friends until grad school. 

This is similar to what my oldest told me when I talked to him about it last week.  He said that he really didn't make any good friends until he was well into his major studies.  Then he was with the same kids every semester and finally found some like-minded friends.  He thinks that what DS4 is going through is pretty normal; it's just more discouraging to him because he is the extrovert in the family and thought he would find a large group of friends immediately.  DS2 has found some good friends through his work with the race team - even then it wasn't until his junior year that he finally felt he could call them "friends".  I'm hoping things improve for DS4.  I've been encouraging him to get involved with some clubs that would be of interest to him.  We shall see...

[J-rap]

:grouphug:   I wish we could get some sort of Hive college together as an option.  There'd be others, of course, but if all of ours went there, chances are they'd make a great friendship group.

 

Creekland, what your son is going through is very similar to what my daughter is going through.  She chose a private, secular college because she really enjoys getting to know students from all beliefs and backgrounds, and has always had that in the past.  She is a Christian herself, and just assumed she'd at least find a small circle of Christian friends as well. 

 

Well, that hasn't played out.  She isn't sad or mistreated, just kind of bored and lonely.  She hasn't found a community, and she ends up spending a lot of time alone.  She doesn't complain, and has her usual sweet, funny, and positive outlook.  But it just seems like her college experience should be a little more enjoyable!  Not just studying hard and getting through the days.  And also not quite knowing what to do on weekends when most other students are partying. 

 

We made it clear at the beginning that nothing needed to be set in stone regarding college, and she has already begun the process of applying at new schools for next fall.  We encouraged her to do this, and she was relieved she had our support.  She also had set some very high academic expectations for herself, and she did fine.  But, when she changes schools, she'll probably change directions in more than one way, and pursue her real love, which is in the arts.

 

So, she is now applying at three new schools for next year.  The only bummer is that as a transfer, I'm sure her scholarship won't be as high.  But, we'll see how it all evolves...

 

I think she's excited about this next step.

[Teachin'Mine]

Creekland I'm so sorry.  :grouphug:  

 

As I'm sure you'd like to see him find a way to continue with college, could he use this semester to explore other options in Florida?  It sounds like he likes the weather and being near the water and all, it's just that the social aspect has made it so difficult for him.  I know the reputation there, but you would think that there would be some to connect with.  Maybe he could join a Church near campus and get involved there?  Even if he helps out with the high school youth group or something like that, it would give him some social life and make the semester more bearable. 

 

I did a quick search for Christian schools in Florida with marine science, and Palm Beach Atlantic came up.  No idea if it would meet his needs or not.  As was mentioned, even some larger schools which may be known for parties would have a larger student base that he'd be more likely to find some like-minded students who know how to have fun without drinking/drugs.   Does he have a car there so he can get to other colleges?  He may be able to use Mega Bus or similar things to get to other cities to look at what's available.  He can also explore some of the other colleges, state and private,  near where he is now.  Somehow I'd be looking to keep the hope of finding a better college alive as if he drops out, it may be so much harder to "go back".   You may also want to look at options in coastal Texas - Texas Christian University is one.

 

 

I'm hoping he can hang in there, do the best he can with his classes to help with transfer, and have a fresh start next fall.  Any chance there are any single rooms available this semester or at least the option to change roommates?  Another thought is that maybe you can do some skyping (sp?) and play a game together as a family.  I know his older brother is very busy, but maybe that could do some skyping as well.  Could you go down for spring break and do a college visits trip with him?  Will be keeping him and you in my prayers.  :grouphug:

 

Another thought, if his girlfriend has spring break at a different time than he does, maybe she could visit him that week.  He needs some things to look forward to to help him through this.  Also, you had mentioned that pets are allowed at his school.  Could you lend him one of your dogs for the rest of the semester?  If he'd need to be in a different dorm to have the dog, then he'd need to change rooms, so that would be a win/win situation.  Maybe he could speak with residential life about the possibility while emphasizing how despondent he is right now.  They might bend rules to make it happen.  A dog could be great company for him right now.

 

Adding Southeastern University as another one to look into.  Definitely not a party school.

 

 

 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

I did a quick search for Christian schools in Florida with marine science, and Palm Beach Atlantic came up.  No idea if it would meet his needs or not.  

 

For what it's worth, my non-Christian son was very intrigued by Palm Beach Atlantic. It's a lovely campus, and he liked everyone he met there. They were incredibly welcoming and accommodating when he went for a tour, allowing him to join a couple of dance classes to get a feel for the program and to meet with the head of the dance department. The admissions folks treated him like royalty. PBA was on his list for quite a while, until he decided that he was more interested in pursuing a musical theatre degree than a straight-up dance one. And he was concerned that the religion issue might leave him more isolated than he was interested in being. 

 

I don't think PBA is as selective as Eckerd is, either. So, I don't know if it would meet Creekland's son's needs. However, I did want to put in a good word for the school. We both liked it a lot.

[hornblower]

Take everything I say with a huge grain of salt (actually, let me festoon this post with one of those giant saltlicks you hang for horses) because I don't know or even honestly understand US college culture.....

I transferred from one uni to another when I was in 3rd year & moved into a residence for us 'old people' LOL &  I got to know some people who were from out of town/province & many of them reported similar feelings the first 2 years & living in the younger residences. There were cliques, there were groups & there were many people who didn't find their social footing until later. The women I lived with (6 bedrooms/quad + shared bath & living area) were all nice but none of them had much to do with any of the people they'd lived with/socialized with the previous years. This was a relief to me transferring in because I was worried I'd be the outsider trying to break into some existing cliquey culture. It just wasn't the case at all....

Mind you, I gather his school is quite small. My alma mater has almost 50,000 students but even with a much smaller student body, I just find it hard to believe that there isn't another lonely dude out there, kwim? Maybe they just haven't met yet?

Maybe there are more clubs & groups, possibly off campus? Possibly he could try stuff that's a little peripheral & only just vaguely interesting - just for the sake of getting out there. Hobby based groups exist everywhere so maybe getting involved in one off campus? Or maybe get involved in volunteering or other community service etc?  Or maybe he needs to start a club & put out an invite? I don't know - would that work?

This could just be the whole January blahs too, kwim? I'm assuming even sunny Florida gets post xmas blues?

I know there's this 'thing' I don't get about the US college experience & how sometimes I read it as this giant be all & end all best experience of a lifetime thing & it just seems so alien to me. School for us was just different. It was fun sometimes, some people partied hard, some people studied hard but it was for most of us just a means to an end, kwim?  I'd find it really odd to give up on a school due to lack of close friendships, esp if it's a good match academically & he loves the school...

though that comment about his roomies calling him names - that I'm a little unsure about because it's almost veering into possibly bullying bhvr... But I think baring actual ongoing bullying, I think I'd encourage a kid to stay & find other social outlets...

Anyway. This is rambly so I'm ending.   Hugs.

[Elise]

:grouphug:  I am so sorry for what your son is going through and what you are going through too, Creekland.  It is hard to feel lonely, and it is hard to watch your kids feel lonely!

 

Many, many years ago now, I left Swarthmore after three semesters for similar reasons.  I think it is wonderful that you are encouraging him to keep trying and that you are listening to him and are open to the possibility of change if he is really unhappy.  Reading your post really brought back memories for me.  I will be thinking of him and you all and wishing him happy days ahead!

[creekland]

Creekland I'm so sorry.  :grouphug:  

 

As I'm sure you'd like to see him find a way to continue with college, could he use this semester to explore other options in Florida?  It sounds like he likes the weather and being near the water and all, it's just that the social aspect has made it so difficult for him.  I know the reputation there, but you would think that there would be some to connect with.  Maybe he could join a Church near campus and get involved there?  Even if he helps out with the high school youth group or something like that, it would give him some social life and make the semester more bearable. 

 

I did a quick search for Christian schools in Florida with marine science, and Palm Beach Atlantic came up.  No idea if it would meet his needs or not.  As was mentioned, even some larger schools which may be known for parties would have a larger student base that he'd be more likely to find some like-minded students who know how to have fun without drinking/drugs.   Does he have a car there so he can get to other colleges?  He may be able to use Mega Bus or similar things to get to other cities to look at what's available.  He can also explore some of the other colleges, state and private,  near where he is now.  Somehow I'd be looking to keep the hope of finding a better college alive as if he drops out, it may be so much harder to "go back".   You may also want to look at options in coastal Texas - Texas Christian University is one.

 

 

I'm hoping he can hang in there, do the best he can with his classes to help with transfer, and have a fresh start next fall.  Any chance there are any single rooms available this semester or at least the option to change roommates?  Another thought is that maybe you can do some skyping (sp?) and play a game together as a family.  I know his older brother is very busy, but maybe that could do some skyping as well.  Could you go down for spring break and do a college visits trip with him?  Will be keeping him and you in my prayers.  :grouphug:

 

Another thought, if his girlfriend has spring break at a different time than he does, maybe she could visit him that week.  He needs some things to look forward to to help him through this.  Also, you had mentioned that pets are allowed at his school.  Could you lend him one of your dogs for the rest of the semester?  If he'd need to be in a different dorm to have the dog, then he'd need to change rooms, so that would be a win/win situation.  Maybe he could speak with residential life about the possibility while emphasizing how despondent he is right now.  They might bend rules to make it happen.  A dog could be great company for him right now.

 

Adding Southeastern University as another one to look into.  Definitely not a party school.

 

I read this before, but I've more time to reply now.  We're actually out of country on vacation (hubby, my mom, and myself) and it is nice when I join them occasionally - esp when they're heading snorkeling. :coolgleamA:   (We're working on teaching my mom to snorkel.  Today was her first experience and it was pretty positive - or at least - she wasn't turned OFF!  Give her another couple of weeks of practice in front of our condo and then we'll pay for a reef...)  Anyway, it figures that we're out of country when this is going on - no?  (sigh)  But we knew it was "sort of" an issue before and thought we had talked through it.  Then this latest episode...

 

Palm Beach Atlantic is one school we visited when looking at colleges.  Youngest liked it a lot, but it just didn't have nearly as much in Marine Bio - a field he was certain he was interested in at the time.  I have suggested he reconsider the college and will continue to do so.  Now that he's just a Bio major - or even if he wants education - I think it would work.  It's not necessarily as selective of a college, but mainly, I want him to have a degree as it really opens up doors - even to work in Peace Corps types of jobs.

 

Then too, both hubby and I loved our college experiences and my older two have loved their experiences.  I honestly hate for youngest to miss out. Not everyone needs the "ultimate" experience of college, but when it has been for both parents and both brothers... I'd just like him to find a place and some friends he can connect with too.

 

He is coming home for Spring Break in March, so hopefully we can discuss more in person then.  We will try to Skype, but of course, right now (today) Skype is having all sorts of issues - interfering a bit with hubby's work as well as anything personal.  :glare:

 

He does not have a car, but has been doing some things with students from the University of South Florida on occasion, so maybe that will work out.  He mentioned he's doing something with them again this weekend.

 

We no longer have any dogs as ours have passed away from old age over the years and we haven't replaced them - nor intend to do so with our travels. We're down to two cats, seven chickens, and seven ponies.  I BET he would become popular if he took a pony to school, but again, I suspect it would be more with the gals...  :lol:  The pony might be a tad bit over their weight/size limit for pets too - and difficult to hide that fact.

 

We'll see what we can accomplish.  I definitely appreciate everyone's prayers - and perhaps that friend or two is still out there waiting to be met!  I can hope.  Hopefully going to classes this week will help.  It shouldn't be as lonely as the weekend with "friends" who ditch him after making "plans!"

[Teachin'Mine]

LOL about the pony! 

 

I think that, especially for him now, fit is more important than selectivity.  He needs to be able to have some fun so it's not just work.  I have no idea what the distance is between where he is and PBA, but maybe a friend from USF could give him a ride to check it out some weekend.  It may be that he'll end up finding some friends where he is, but in the meantime if he knows that there's an out and is excited about where he could transfer to, then he'll be able to get through the semester easier.  I really suggest that he speak with the powers that be about getting out of his room as that situation sounds really bad.

 

Enjoy the snorkeling!   Sounds wonderful!

[Gwen in VA]

I transferred many years ago. It was the best thing I could have done. Transferring is not easy, but it can be VERY worthwhile.

 

My dd2 is planning on transferring next fall. She has three applications out and we are in waiting mode. After such high hopes in the first round, it's hard to face up to the fact that things didn't end up as we hoped, but she is moving forward and hopefully a different program will work out better.

 

Please at least remind your son that transferring is an option. It comes with a cost -- arriving a year or two after everyone has already formed social connections and possibly having to live off campus means that you most likely won't be part of a "crowd" -- but if you know why you left and you know why are chose the new school, the benefits can be worth the cost.