Murphy101 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Neighbor boy, about 8, knocked on my door to ask if kids could come out to play. I tell him maybe later. (We are all kind of lazily getting chores and such done today around multiple rounds of breakfast as people wake up and watch Saturday cartoon and such. I opened the door in my dr who jammies. :) ) At first glance he looked really cold faced, red nose and such. But as our convo goes, I realize, no, he's been crying. He asks how long until they can come play and I'm like, "uhhh. Idk. Some of us aren't even dressed yet..." Then he asks if he can still stay in our yard for a while because his parents are really mad and told him to leave and he can't go back home bc they are really loud and angry bc they can't find something and it's scary and he'll be really careful not to tear up anything, so can he stay in my yard, maybe even just sit on my patio bench for a while, please? Of course I said yes. My knee jerk reaction was to bring him in and feed him a late breakfast and let him watch cartoons with the kids, but he is terrified of our english mastif. (This is the kid many months back that the neighbor kids teased by bringing to my door and wet his pants when my mastiff came to the door. Which was mean funny. Poor kid.) So I shut the door and sniffled on my dh's shoulder for a minute and now dh and kids are out front taking down the Christmas stuff. Dh says he plans to keep the boy occupied until a parent comes looking for him and see what vibe he gets. Hopefully they are just parents having a spectacularly craptastic time and suffering a temporary parent fail. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Awwww. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 This broke my heart from a distance. Can you give him a cup of hot chocolate? I'm glad you had a conversation with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Is he appropriately dressed for the weather? Can you put the dog in the basement or something and invite him in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 One can only hope it's an isolated incident. Can you introduce him to the mastiff so he becomes friends with the dog? This may boost his self esteem. I have never met a mastiff that was hostile with kids. Yeah for your dh, keeping him in the fold. Good man! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 Is he appropriately dressed for the weather? Can you put the dog in the basement or something and invite him in? I have a kennel in the boys rooms upstairs, but she is a huge dog and her bark alone is terrifying to people scared of dogs. I have zero worries she would do more than lick him to death, but that doesn't matter to his fear of dogs. He doesn't like my miniature poodle either. He was dressed okay. It's unseasonably warm today. They were in the garage a few minutes ago sorting through Nerf guns and making teams for Nerf wars and he was shivering bc it's several degrees colder in my garage than out in the sunny yard and one of the kids who over-layered just gave his jacket to a sister and tossed the boy a sweatshirt to put over his tshirt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 One can only hope it's an isolated incident. Can you introduce him to the mastiff so he becomes friends with the dog? This may boost his self esteem. I have never met a mastiff that was hostile with kids. Yeah for you dh, keeping him in the fold. Good man! The kid stands like 6 feet away after running forward to ring my doorbell. I don't think he is anywhere near ready to get closer to my dog. She isn't even slightly hostile unless you are a motorcycle. ;p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Poor kid. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I have zero worries she would do more than lick him to death, but that doesn't matter to his fear of dogs. No, of course not, a phobia isn't something you overcome with sheer logic and reasoning, but some people are more affected than others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I think I'd have to go find his parents instead of waiting for his parents to remember that they scared their little boy by yelling and screaming and telling him to "just leave." Eight years old, no coat, feeling as if his parents threw him out (whether they actually said that or not)...I'm glad you all are being kind to him out in your front yard but he needs more intervention than that. Just my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 The kid stands like 6 feet away after running forward to ring my doorbell. I don't think he is anywhere near ready to get closer to my dog. She isn't even slightly hostile unless you are a motorcycle. ;p Just read your comments regarding his fear of dogs after I posted. In this case, it would not be the right course of action. I hope he can stay for lunch and I would wait for his parents to come look for him. They should have to go out and realize that they need to retrieve their child who had to look for emotional refuge and shelter - if no other kind - at a neighbor's house. Sad. I understand why Tibbie wrote what she did. Heart breaking. :huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I am so sorry!!! This sounds like an awful situation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahB82 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 That is terribly sad. I am thankful you guys are there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Secure the dogs in another room. Reassure that the dogs are confined even though he can still hear them. Invite him in, feed him a late breakfast and let him watch cartoons with the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 I think I'd have to go find his parents instead of waiting for his parents to remember that they scared their little boy by yelling and screaming and telling him to "just leave." Eight years old, no coat, feeling as if his parents threw him out (whether they actually said that or not)...I'm glad you all are being kind to him out in your front yard but he needs more intervention than that. Just my opinion. None of my kids outside have coats on right now. Neither does my dh. It's 60' in the sunshine. I don't know that he feels he can't ever go home. My husband came in for a screwdriver said he was talking about heading home for lunch soon... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I'm hesitant to judge the parents too harshly without more information. This kid sounds hyper sensitive. If seeing a big dog made him wet his pants I can absolutely imagine him blowing a normal family conflict out of proportion. I need more details before I can commit to being sad for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Then he asks if he can still stay in our yard for a while because his parents are really mad and told him to leave and he can't go back home bc they are really loud and angry bc they can't find something and it's scary and he'll be really careful not to tear up anything, so can he stay in my yard, maybe even just sit on my patio bench for a while, please? Heartbreaking. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Sorry, I misunderstood the part in the OP about him looking cold. I re-read it and understand now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I'm hesitant to judge the parents too harshly without more information. This kid sounds hyper sensitive. If seeing a big dog made him wet his pants I can absolutely imagine him blowing a normal family conflict out of proportion. I need more details before I can commit to being sad for him. Well I am still sad for him because either way, he seems to feel helpless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 What I can't understand is that the parents have waited all this time to look for him. He's just a little boy and he was upset and crying, and they basically kicked him out of the house, and they weren't almost immediately terribly sorry and regretful about it??? Something seems very wrong here. That poor little boy. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 I'm hesitant to judge the parents too harshly without more information. This kid sounds hyper sensitive. If seeing a big dog made him wet his pants I can absolutely imagine him blowing a normal family conflict out of proportion. I need more details before I can commit to being sad for him. Well to be fair, she is really big. We call her a pony for a reason. She's topped out at 203 pounds (which is big even for female mastiffs) and sitting her head is level with my belly and I'm 5'7". I've had grown men refuse to enter my home unless I put her up. But that aside, yes, it's awful he feels this way but sometimes parents temporarily lose it and fail. He says they weren't mad at him, so it sounds like they are having to serious other crap going on and kid just got told to get out so he wouldn't get caught in the crossfire. :( Sucks, but it doesn't mean the parents are necessarily abusive aholes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Could you send hubby over to knock on the door and calmly let the other parent's know the little boy is at your house "He seemed upset, I didn't know if you knew he'd gone outside" . Hubby can report back to you how they seemed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 They live only a couple houses down and my house seems to be rather...uhh.. famous or infamous as the corner lot with the not ever going to be a manicured yard and bounty of loud kids. Anyways. They just pulled up in their car and told him to get in. He ran over, got in and left before we could even say hi to his parents. I hope they go eat cookies or ice cream or something. First time I've ever seen his dad. (Eta for accuracy. Tho I don't see his mom enough to pick her out of a lineup either, I have seen her a couple times.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I can see my kids thinking I meant leave the house if DH and I were having an argument and told them to leave. (We would mean, leave the room, leave mommy daddy alone to discuss, etc.) The kids don't like it when we argue and if we were yelling that would really stress them out. But, it happens now and then. People are people. Things happen in big people world that kids don't always understand. If the child comes over once and says 'my parents are yelling and I'm freaked out', it is probably because they don't do it often. If he came over constantly wanting a safe haven, that would be a different story. A surprise view of a mastiff would probably make me wet myself. :blushing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 They live only a couple houses down and my house seems to be rather...uhh.. famous or infamous as the corner lot with the not ever going to be a manicured yard and bounty of loud kids. Anyways. They just pulled up in their car and told him to get in. He ran over, got in and left before we could even say hi to his parents. I hope they go eat cookies or ice cream or something. First time I've ever seen his parents. They were probably embarrassed. My crazy mother once locked my little brother outside in his underpants in the winter, and he ran to a neighbor's house. Then she got mad at him for "embarrassing her" by going over there. Like he was supposed to just shiver on the porch until she decided to let him back in. :sad: :cursing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Poor little guy. Thank you for your kindness to him. Don't EVER let on to the parents that he told you anything. Be casual and friendly, and keep being an open door for that boy if he needs it. If they are not abusive, you don't want to let on that you know about their horrible argument because they will feel vulnerable and unhappy, and this will affect your ability to keep showing kindness to them and especially to the kid. If they are abusive, you don't want to let on that you know about their horrible argument because they will take it out on the kid and they will limit your ability to show kindness to the kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Secure the dogs in another room. Reassure that the dogs are confined even though he can still hear them. Invite him in, feed him a late breakfast and let him watch cartoons with the kids. This. From a former kid whose parents fought scary before they divorced. Please do this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 My mom once overheard me at age 5 playing "run away" with a friend. PLAYING runaway, not even planning to run away. She got so angry that she packed me a bag and told me to get out, and locked the door. She told me she didn't keep little ungrateful runaways. Then after a while she pretended I was another little girl, offered me dinner in honor of her "long lost little girl", and then kicked me out again saying she could only offer a strange little girl dinner, and good luck. It was horribly traumatic. I have never forgiven her. She is not sorry. She thought I was learning a valuable lesson. I feel so bad for this boy. Thank you for your kindness and I agree that you should not let on that he said anything. I knew at 5 I better not go to the neighbor, because I would get in even more trouble for "embarrassing my mother." Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 I didn't occur to us to say anything to the parents or go over there. If they are abusive aholes, I don't want to know them. If they are just have an epicly crappy day/week or whatever, then they don't need me to point out the kid is better off playing in my yard, when he already was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Poor kid. I hope he gets some help on the dog phobia too. My ds had that and it was really task. I still have to make sure he sees a dog or two regularly so he doesn't fall back into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I didn't occur to us to say anything to the parents or go over there. If they are abusive aholes, I don't want to know them. If they are just have an epicly crappy day/week or whatever, then they don't need me to point out the kid is better off playing in my yard, when he already was. If this was a regular occurrence, it would be different, but I wouldn't turn a one-time-thing into a big drama or assume that the parents were terrible people. I do think they should have looked for him earlier, but for all we know, they saw him in your yard playing with your kids and knew he was safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I have been hag of the month over here with my kids (long story), and they are over playing at the neighbors' right now, so I hope they don't assume too much from whatever my kids might tell them. :P It's hard being a kid sometimes. I remember my parents fighting. The feeling of powerlessness is very sad. But I think, to some extent, that is a normal part of life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Aw, poor bunny. Thanks for your kindness to him. Hopefully, it was just a temporary storm in his home, but I am sure he now knows that your home is a safe place to go if there's ever a need. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I'm so glad that he felt safe to come to you. Whether it was a one-time thing or not, I'm sure he'll remember the kindness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree Frog Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Well to be fair, she is really big. We call her a pony for a reason. She's topped out at 203 pounds (which is big even for female mastiffs) and sitting her head is level with my belly and I'm 5'7". I've had grown men refuse to enter my home unless I put her up. But that aside, yes, it's awful he feels this way but sometimes parents temporarily lose it and fail. He says they weren't mad at him, so it sounds like they are having to serious other crap going on and kid just got told to get out so he wouldn't get caught in the crossfire. :( Sucks, but it doesn't mean the parents are necessarily abusive aholes. My parents were that way when I was about that age. When they would begin arguing, they frequently sent us next door to Vesta's house. We always had a good time playing Barbies. :) Eventually when they started getting snippy with each other, I would herd my brother and sister out the door to go next door. My parents didn't want us to hear what they were arguing about. (Which was just as well; they were arguing about stuff kids shouldn't need to worry about.) Martha, thanks for being a friendly face to your neighbor. I'm sure we were an annoyance to our neighbor, but it was a safe place for us to go. You're providing that needed place for him today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Just as an anecdote, I used to do puppet ministry at Wed night kids church and that meant sitting behind the puppet stage until the end of kids service. One night the Kid's Pastor told the kids he would pray for everyone who got scared when their parents fight. He told them to close their eyes and raise their hands in their parents had scary fights. I couldn't help it, I stood up to see if my son put his hand up. EVERY SINGLE KID had their hand up. Every kid believes it is scary when their parents fight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Double post. Also my phone corrects words incorrectly. Sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I feel sorry for him. I also feel sorry for my daughter who, after being put in time out (calmly) and then asked to do her screaming outdoors, please, because someone was taking an online test, ran away to the neighbor's. She told the neighbor I said I don't love her and that she's not welcome here. For the record, we said no such thing and we tell our kids we love them several times per day and there was no yelling in that incident just requests to be mindful of the test taker. Many things seem horrible to kids even she the parents I question are really not that upset or loud. I feel for the kids but I would not be quick to judge the parents. Maybe they were just arguing about someone not putting the keys in the right place and were in a hurry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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