How do you live?

[Guest cathwing]

Hi, everyone. A  frequent lurker, infrequent poster here. "How do people live?" is an oft-asked question between my husband and myself. How do families survive these days, particularly on only one full-time income? I'd love to collect some anecdotal information on how people make it work, because it baffles me how people can afford things. (This is really for discussion, not for any organized study).

 

My husband is a public school teacher, and I used to teach in public and private schools. We used the equity in our old house (which we owned when I was a working mom) to buy a multi-plex. We have 3 renters whose rent covers our mortgage. We have 3 small kids (ages 5 and under) and live in an apartment in our -plex that is less than 900 sq ft. We have a generous, albeit shared (ok. we've really taken it over), yard. We live in a mid-sized city with moderate house prices in a downtown neighborhood we would never be able to afford if it weren't for our rental income. Currently I make no additional income. I have quite a bit of student loan debt (about $250/mo), as does my husband, but his is eligible for forgiveness due to his teaching job, we just haven't received confirmation that it is forgiven yet. We have no car payments, no credit card debt, but we live virtually month-to-month while striving to save up for a down payment on another multiplex that allows us more square footage and additional rental income. When I dream of living in a single family home, I realize the only way it'd be possible is if we were in a bad neighborhood, and we'd still be losing money on it each month. My husband likes teaching but dislikes public schools. He didn't set out to be a teacher, but kind of fell into it due to a free teacher training program. He wants to leave teaching but doesn't know what he would for work than gives a comparable salary. (He's a philosophy major.)

 

So my question is, how do you do it? I'm looking for families where one parent is not working full time, allowing him/her to stay home with the kids. Do you work for an MLM company to supplement the family income? Do you have other means of supplementing your family's income? Do you work at home or part time outside the home in any capacities? What sacrifices do you make to afford to homeschool/stay at home? Or does your spouse just make a ton of money? :)

 

I know this is totally loaded, and it might get nasty quickly, but I'd love to see some honest portrayals of financial life from people. Maybe I'm being really stupid for posting this...sorry. I'd just like to see an honest, empathetic discussion on how people make it happen. I assume we are all reasonable people who recognize that our finances are based all on providence, hard work, and planning, and each of our situations is unique, so we won't judge each other. Please share your story if you wish. :)

[Ali in OR]

Our one income is not a public school teacher's salary! (And I used to be one, so I know a little of that territory). There is more money in engineering management. We also chose to leave a very high cost of living area (the bay area of CA) early in our married life in order to be able to buy a home. I worked for about 6 years before having kids.

 

Sounds like you are taking good steps in having the rental properties. Your dh can try to find something in corporate America. Maybe even retrain. If he sticks with teaching, max out where he is on the pay scale--my old district paid teachers more if they had a masters and if they took continuing education courses. Many teachers did something else over the summer--teach summer school, paint houses, internship in industry.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Over the years we've had some help from family.  Neither dh or I have school loans.  Dh has a good job and has worked his way up to management.  We bought our house inexpensively (relatively) in a quick sale.  Before that we were in heavy gang territory.  We still live paycheck to paycheck but have a few luxuries.  We had rentals for a while but no longer have the time or health to manage them.  

[hjffkj]

My dh works fulltime and gets paid roughly $35,000/year.  It's tough but we make due.  Our only debts are our mortgage and a small car payment that we just had to get a loan for since we are having a 4th child in Feb and needed to upgrade to a minivan.  We are able to live on so little because we want/need very little.  I pet sit on the side for our fun money.  The amount I make currently is about $2000 a year.  It was more when I had only one child to handle but it got too difficult to continue as much as I was. 

 

We sacrifice having additional income to put away for retirement and paying off our debts.  Really that is the only financial sacrifice I feel because if I were working we wouldn't be living any different.  We would just be socking that money away for the future.  

[LLMom]

We have lived on one public school teacher income for 25 years and have 7 children.  I live in a state that pays teachers well (but compared to most careers, it is low paying) and I live where the cost of living is low.  My husband in also a coach which increases his salary by about 9,000 a year, and he works summers working for a private company coaching his public school sport so brings in an additional 3,000 or so.  With a large family and low income, we get quite a bit of money back each year at tax time and that money use to go to save for a car.  We don't have any loans other than our mortgage.  We currently have all 5 children in private school but have scholarships from the schools, multi-family discounts, grandparents are helping, etc.  I will be looking for a job in the fall.  I have never worked consistently for pay since having children. It is quite daunting to try to get back into the job market after so long.  I think I can easily be hired (I have a degree in child development) at a daycare or non-profit agency that works with children, but the pay will be dreadfully low.  It is doable to live on one teacher's income, but it is also a lot of sacrificing involved. 

[MomtoCandJ]

Dh makes roughly 37,000 a year. We have a land contract on a mobile home and slightly over 2 acres, 1 vehicle loan and dh's student loan (mine is currently on deferment) besides the usual bills (gas, electric....). Dd1 goes to a private school on scholarship and I stay home with dd2. I will be going back to school for RN starting in May. I will be done with that when dd2 is able to go to same school as dd1 :)

We live in a fairly low cost of living area, just car insurance is rather high (no fault state with unlimited medical)

[QueenCat]

That's a hard one to answer and answers will vary. Many of us do live on one income but that one income can very greatly. One person's one income might be $35k/year while another's might be $200k, and everything in between. How each does it will really vary, even within closer range salaries.

[HS Mom in NC]

I think choosing a major with earning higher earning potential in a growing field and avoiding college debt are probably the biggest factors in long term earning potential.

My husband is a computer programmer. That's a skill set in high demand with lots of growth potential.  He also got a full ride academic scholarship so he had no college debt. He has always continued his education (not in institutions but by keeping up on the latest in computer programming languages) so he's ready for whatever the latest changes are in his industry are.  He can program in dozens of computer languages where most of his colleagues can only program in a couple or a few at most. He started at Motorola in college and was hired on full time when he graduated.  He did that for 10 years.  Then he was hired by a start up engineering company and did that for 12 years where he worked from home most of the time. Now he's 2 years into contracting and consulting independently and working from home most of the time.

 

We got married when I was 20 and he was 26.  We started our family right after we got married, so I haven't worked since I got pregnant.

 

I know homeschoolers who share one car between husband and wife, never eat out, don't buy new clothes except for underwear, never pay retail, vacation in tents, homeschool on a shoe string budget (there's a book about that), don't go to the movies, don't buy gadgets, only borrow books and movies from the library, breastfeed for economic reasons, cloth diaper, cook simple meals with inexpensive ingredients, etc.

[Liz CA]

When I stayed home to homeschool, we lived in an old, small place on several acres. Here in CA, the sacrifice is usually made in housing and driving older, used cars. We also did not take many vacations during that time. We hardly ever ate out (still don't) partly because we were living 45 min out of town and partly because I figured I can have better food at home. Homeschooling supplies were purchased on ebay or privately from others who were done using it. Clothing can, in part at least, come from second-hand stores.

[Pawz4me]

I'd say ours is a mixture of good fortune and having made some sounds decisions over the years (not all of them, but enough to matter).

 

We're fortunate that DH got into software development before most people even understood what a computer was.

 

We're fortunate that he has a great employer who values its employees and believes in compensating them well, and that his employment has been stable for twenty years.

 

We're fortunate that we live in a moderate COL area.

 

We were fortunate that we didn't meet and marry until a bit later than many (I was 27, DH was 29).  And due to some infertility struggles it was five and a half years until oldest came along.  So with both of us well established in our careers before we married, and then several more years before we had kids, we had time to get a solid savings/investment plan in place and to build up lots of equity in our first home (which I bought when I was 22) before we became parents.  By that time we were in a good enough place financially that I was able to quit work w/o us sacrificing much.

 

We were also fortunate to find a very good investment adviser right around the time oldest DS was born.  He's been very well worth the commissions and fees we've paid him over the years.

 

And in the "fortunate and very unfortunate at the same time" category, both of my parents are deceased and I had substantial inheritances from both of them.

[edelweiss]

That's a hard one to answer and answers will vary. Many of us do live on one income but that one income can very greatly. One person's one income might be $35k/year while another's might be $200k, and everything in between. How each does it will really vary, even within closer range salaries.

 

 

Exactly.  We live on my husband's salary, but he owns his own business and his salary is quite significantly more than a public school teacher's, so there is really no comparison.  We also only have two children, got married and worked for ten years before having our first child, and paid off our (my) student loan debt and car loans during that time.  Also, even back when I was working (14 years ago), I was making more than most public school teachers do, even without considering my husband's salary.  So, my situation is vastly different.  

[Slache]

I know homeschoolers who share one car between husband and wife, never eat out, don't buy new clothes except for underwear, never pay retail, vacation in tents, homeschool on a shoe string budget (there's a book about that), don't go to the movies, don't buy gadgets, only borrow books and movies from the library, breastfeed for economic reasons, cloth diaper, cook simple meals with inexpensive ingredients, etc.

This is us. We have good insurance and a reliable car, so we have infrequent emergencies. Our life is no frills and our financial focus is paying off debt, which is going well. We'll be more frilly when out debt's gone.

[Carrie12345]

My husband has a fairly high income.  That's basically it!

 

I did stay home when his income was lower, but we had fewer children and no schooling expenses.

[Southern Ivy]

Right now we have 2 incomes. We are steadily working to be debt-free by the time our daughter is in Kindergarten. At that time, I will stay home with her.
But, what I do will be completely different than what you can probably do. I currently teach, so I know the teacher's salary. My husband makes almost 3x what I make, so there's really no comparison. But, I'll still answer. :) 

My husband is a Senior systems administrator (computer stuff) for a large banking software corporation. His income will definitely be enough to let us live comfortably on one income; but, we still need to save for retirement and college. So, it won't be without it's work and we will need to continue our normal money-saving practices. 

We do live in a low cost of living area, plus I do my best to price-match and hit sales for our groceries.
Approximately, 80% of my daughter's clothing comes from Rhea Lana's (a twice a year consignment sale), so I spend a fraction of the cost on clothing. 
We rarely eat out. It's a treat when we do - and I know that it will become even more rare when we are on one income. 
We drive used cars, don't have the newest electronics (unless we have saved Christmas and birthday money), and don't take elaborate vacations. (The most expensive "vacation" right now is to visit his mom at Christmas for a week. It's highly debatable if that is a vacation or not. haha However, we do plan on taking family trips, but they will be planned out and we will save for them.)
When we buy a house, we are going to look for something where the payments are only 25% of our take-home pay. In our area, it will get us a rather nice home. But, it also won't be my "dream home" and I'm ok with that since I'll get to be home. 
 

[Rosie_0801]

I don't try to get ahead financially because it is not possible. I invest what I have in health and education so I can last the distance and because that's all dd gets to take with her when she moves out into the big, wide world.

[freesia]

I agree that it really depends on what the salary is. My dh does "okay". He's a pastor and earns less than the public school teachers where we live, but more than teachers other places. We live in a parsonage (but still the combined benefits are less than a ps teacher in our area).

 

We cook mainly from scratch and go out to eat as a family 1-2 times a year. Dh and I go out together for dinner about 4 times a year. We have 2 cars right now--one gets great gas mileage so we use that one as much as possible. We buy clothes from thrift stores. We go to the beach every other year and share with my Mom. I breastfed and cloth diapered. We do some gardening. We borrow books from the library as much as possible. We don't have netflix or go to movies. We have hand me don smart phones with a pay as you go plan (think $10 for 3 months, limited text and calls--but we can i-message over internet). Snacks are fruit, nuts, crackers or popcorn.

 

We paid off our school loans before we married and don't take loans for cars. We budget carefully and keep track of how everything is spent. We do not carry debt on credit cards. If we don't have the money--we don't buy it. Our kids are in free or low cost extra currics (church youth group, boy scouts, free music program at a local church, teenager as piano teacher, fourth graders ski free programs). Every so often we do splurge on a round of gymnastics or something. I use the cash we get back from using our credit card (which we always pay off) for field trips.

 

 

I'm listing all these just to give you ideas. It's possible that you do all of these things. I would say that the most important thing that we do, really, is never fritter away money. Keeping track and having a budget keeps us focused so we do have extra money for retirement, giving, savings or something special.

[ScoutTN]

We live on Dh's income which is comparable to a public school teacher's for our state and city. (Though his job is much less frustrating, I think!) I have a small part time job which pays for our kids' enrichment activities and a summer pool membership.

 

We have no debt except our home and the payment on that is under 1/4 of our take home pay. We drive used cars until they drop. We live simply and are not able to save much. We take few vacations, rarely eat out, and generally just don't shop. We don't have cable or smart phones. Most of our kids' clothes come from a consignment sale, thrift stores or hand me downs from my friends. We live in a safe neighborhood in a lower middle class area, in a single family home with a small yard. We live in a state with a low COL, no income tax, moderate climate. All of our immediate family live here and they do help us with babysitting and at times help financially with extras like camp or theater tickets.

 

We are thankful to have what we need to live and try to keep perspective, realizing how comfortable we are compared to much of the world. Our homeschool is enriched by an excellent library system, access to fine and performing arts, science and history resources and very nice parks - all inexpensive or free.

 

As our children get older, I will probably try to work more and will go full time when ds goes to college.

 

We know that our legacy to our children is largely intangible - relationships, education and spiritual nurture, so we focus on what we do have to give, not on what we don't.

[Mergath]

Dh has a decent-paying job in a fairly low COL area, and they let him work as much overtime as he wants. We rent a small duplex unit that includes utilities in the rent, share one car, and buy clothing and such from thrift stores.

[Shellydon]

How we did it and still do it:

 

We lived on next to nothing in college (we were married for most of it) and graduate school and took out as few loans as possible.  We paid back over $40K in loans in about 4 years.  I worked for a public school and did extra work all summer and every school break in order to pay off my loans. We never did vacation and drove old vehicles, did not do any extras at all.  When we bought our home, we chose an area and a home that we could afford on one income.  We paid extra on the house whenever possible to pay off debt.  We made sure we never had credit card debt of any kind.  Like others have said, we live simply. No cable, no fast food meals, limited activities for the kids, no activities for mom and dad.  When I first started staying at home, my DH income was equal that of a first year public school teacher.  It was tight, but very doable. 

 

I wonder if moving to a different area/state might be an option for you?  Locally, our public school teachers now start out at over $50,000 (that is up $10,000 in the last 10 years).  If he wants to change careers, engineering and health care always pay well.  For comparison, a 2500 sq. ft. home would be around $200,000. 

[BrittanyM]

I have never worked. We live in a moderate cost of living area (central CA) and started our marriage with a decent savings account (down payment on a house size) and no debt. We got married young (I was 19 DH was 23) and started having kids pretty quickly.

 

My husband owns a lawn maintenance business that he does mainly by himself. It brings in a fairly stable income of around $48,000 a year. We bought a house 4 years ago and pay extra on it each month hoping it will be paid off in another 9 years. It is an older home (built in the 40's we think) in a not so great part of town and about 1,200 sq ft but it works for us. We don't penny pinch in general but neither of us are frivolous spenders. We drive used cars that are over 10 years old.

[msjones]

I stayed home for 15 years with my kids.  My husband has always been a public school teacher.  (He also coaches and is a department chair, so that's a little more income.)  We live in a large expensive city.

 

We knew we wanted a parent home with the kids so we saved as much as we could early in our marriage when I was still working full-time.  We had no car loans, no credit card debt, and a reasonable mortgage.  Once the kids were here, I tutored a lot to earn extra money.  

 

We budgeted very carefully and were pretty disciplined about sticking to the budget.  Our vacations were camping, our home quite small and not-remodeled, our furniture hand-me-downs.  

 

While it did feel tight at times, I always felt that we had enough with my husband's income and my tutoring.  We just didn't buy a lot of stuff.

[La Condessa]

Dh and I both knew we wanted our kids to be raised with mom at home, so we planned for it from the beginning. He was a sports journalist when I met him, happy in his work but studying to take the LSAT because he'd concluded that he would need a more lucrative career to allow an (eventual) wife to stay home with the kids. We married a couple months before he started law school, and I worked to support us through law school so that we only had to accumulate debt on tuition. We have no debt from our undergrads, due to combinations of work, scholarships, and parental help. We also chose the law school that offered the 1/2 tuition scholarship, not the highest ranked one that accepted dh. I was desperately baby hungry, but held off on getting pregnant until dh would be in his final semester at school when dd arrived.

 

Now dh earns $20,000 more per year than the median public school teacher's salary in our area, but we budget $15,000 per year to debt repayment, so net $5000 more. (Private practice attorneys earn significantly more, but dh found his calling as a public prosecutor). We have focused on paying down debt before purchasing a home (plus we are not yet sure where we want to settle down long term). I work very hard to keep our food costs down, bake our bread and cook from scratch, and we go out to eat as a family about 3 times per month. We almost never buy new clothes, except for dh's work clothes. We rent close enough to the courthouse that dh can walk to work, so our gas costs are very low. Cost of living is a little on the higher side, here. Our budget breakdown comes out to:

17% tax, union dues, insurance premiums

11.5% tithe + other charitable

21.5% rent

5.5% utilities

12% food

20.5% debt repayment

12% medical, college savings for kids, car insurance, gas, homeschooling, ballet class for girls and everything else

[Seasider]

Our lifestyle has changed significantly over the past ten years; our income doesn't seem to go nearly as far as it once did.

 

We ask the same question of each other (privately, dh and me): how are they doing it? This mostly comes up when we see folks we know participating in or purchasing things we couldn't possibly stretch our budget to cover, and (knowing some of these people) cannot imagine how they can do some things we can't figure out how to do with a similar cash flow situation.

 

In a few instances it has come to light that grandparents are footing some of the bills. As to some of the others, we just wonder if they are possibly going deep into debt.

 

None of our business, really, how others handle their finances, but it's hard not to notice when we see some taking vacations, sporting the latest wardrobes, treating vehicles like fashion accessories, etc, when we are trying to just stay afloat each month without carving into our long term savings. (And not to brag, but we really do watch expenses closely, wear clothes til they wear out, etc, etc, so we are not spending frivolously and wasting what cash flow we do have. We live fairly comfortably, just tight, no room for unnecessary pleasures.)

[littlebug42]

We have never lived on only one income except for a short period where I could not work when I was pregnant.  I have always worked somewhere between 20 and 30 hours per week.  I just recently went to full time so we could add some additional lessons, classes etc for our girls that we feel are important.  I have a pretty high student debt load and we do have some other debt but we don't really cut too many corners.  We don't take expensive vacations, etc but our daily lives are more than comfortable.  

[msjones]

 

In a few instances it has come to light that grandparents are footing some of the bills. As to some of the others, we just wonder if they are possibly going deep into debt.

 

 

This is the case with us in regards to vacations.  My parents give us the wonderful gift of a warm weather vacation each year.  We go with them wherever they choose.  We could never afford these beautiful trips if they weren't gifts.

[Shellydon]

Hi, everyone. A  frequent lurker, infrequent poster here. "How do people live?" is an oft-asked question between my husband and myself. How do families survive these days, particularly on only one full-time income? I'd love to collect some anecdotal information on how people make it work, because it baffles me how people can afford things. (This is really for discussion, not for any organized study).

 

 

I hope you are finding the answers helpful.  You might get more in-depth responses if you shared what things you are having trouble affording. People can share how they made specific things work for their family.    If you have not done it, I would track where every penny of your income has gone for the last 4 months.  That is always eye opening and helps make financial decisions easier.

[Tess in the Burbs]

I think it's an interesting question, but so many factors affect one's income(location/COL, debts, kid activities).  We are 1 income.  And due to life we don't have a lot of savings, haven't bought a home to retire in(hope to in the next 5 years), and pretty much spend what we make.  Sometimes we have had more extra income and the kids did more stuff then.  Or we took an extra vacation that year.  Vacations are important to us as a family.  If we didn't spend that money....wow, I can only imagine.  But it's something that is important to us.  So how we live is vastly different from others.  We had the van for over 9 years...so we just had to buy a new car.  Ouch.  Hurts our budget.  And we opted to get to 1 car instead of 2 since dh is taking the bus to work now.  Works out fine except 1 day a month when kids scouting activities conflict.  But we are learning to take turns and it's all good.  So how do we live?  The way we want.  And I don't expect us to change much.  I think people saving like crazy is fine for them.  For us, we are enjoying life in the moment...making memories and doing fun things with our kids now.  We expect to work longer in life, but really, where was it ever proclaimed we have the right to retire?  Dh and I honestly hope to find something simple and fun to do when older.  Just to stay active.  And have relationships outside our own home.  

 

You have to find what works for you.  Being home was important to us, and many in our early married years criticized us for not buying the big home or spending money on Disney when they kids were little.  No regrets.  Live the way you want!

[Garga]

We live in a smaller home than our friends do.

 

I don't like meat, so I don't buy much of it.

 

We use things up and wear things out. For example I bought towels for the house for the first time 2 years ago--20 years into marriage. The original towels were wedding presents. Yes, they were holey and frayed but consider: what's the point of a towel? To get you dry. They got us dry, holes and frays and all.

 

When we go out to eat we go to cheap restaurants. Going out to eat is our weakness or we wouldn't go at all.

 

Modest clothing needs.

 

Cheap haircuts.

 

Basically, we just don't like to part with our money and so we don't. We keep it whenever we can.

 

We turn lights off. I'm always surprised at how many lights everyone I know leaves on. If we are in a room, one light is on. There are no lights on in the rest of the house--not on the porch, not in the kitchen, not in the bathroom.

 

Heat down in winter (I wear a hat indoors). A/C up in summer. (Shorts.)

 

We buy store brand for almost everything. We don't care one whit about name brand anything, unless the store brand is really yucky. (Which is true of cereals, and cereals are a splurge because they're expensive.)

 

We buy used cars. We fix things that are broken instead of buying new.

 

We try to use stuff that isn't disposable when possible: Cloth towels vs paper towels--refilling the soap dispenser with a big bottle of cheaper soap vs buying new disposable dispensers every month or so.

 

We carefully consider events that cost money outside the home and don't go to many of them. The kids are in karate and that's all. We wouldn't pay for another activity. I gave up going to about 3 events this December because I didn't want to pay for them (plays, musical concerts, etc.)

 

We use the library instead of buying.

 

We're not impulsive buyers at all. We will wait a week, month, or year before making a decision to buy something. We went without a dishwasher for 9 months because we just didn't feel like paying for one. Finally I just couldn't take it, so we waited a little longer for a sale and then bought a discounted machine. DH asked, "Well, what features do you want?" I said, "For the dishes to get clean." That's it. I didn't care about any extra features. Just put the dishes in dirty, take them out clean.

 

We just do without a lot, but we don't mind. It's just how we are.

[Wheres Toto]

I returned to work in 2013.  NJ teacher's salaries are pretty high (one school district pays an average of $90,000) but I make around what the average teacher salary is here. 

 

Dh is self-employed and the sporadic income and the extremely high cost of medical benefits are the main reasons I returned to work.  When he is doing well (which he has been since about September of last year thankfully), he makes a bit more than I do.

[AimeeM]

Well, in many cases, the working adult simply works a job that brings in enough income to sustain the family, I would imagine. In most of the "real life" cases I know of, that is how it works.

I do not do anything from home to supplement our household income. DH works full time (he's an engineer). It was tighter with his last position when he made more, salary-wise, but the health benefits were crap (we have a medically fragile kiddo who sees a handful of specialists) - we do better, big picture, with a slightly lower income, but the amazing benefits package his current company offers. We live in a lower cost of living area, so that helps. In my area, most of the moms I know are SAHMs, even if they do not homeschool.

[LucyStoner]

We are a mostly one income family in a higher cost of living area. This is a modest income, about the same or less as a teacher would bring home in the first five years here.

 

My husband works 4 days a week (.8FTE) while in school FT. He's taken a little in the way of student loans, but not much. We have minimal debt at any given time.

 

At this time I work 5-15 hours per month as a bookkeeper and consultant for a limited number of nonprofits. Because my sons are homeschooled and one son has autism, working more than that would be very difficult and the the best situation for our family. My husband is well educated but back in school for another goal.

 

Until 3 years ago I worked FT, earning more than him for a very comfortable two income family.

 

This is not a problem for us. While it probably helps that we know it is temporary, our quality of life from having a parent at home pretty well offsets the loss of my income. Our expectations and priorities help but I also don't discount the benefit from our local environment.

 

Good local environment and infrastructure- employer, state, culture

 

My husband has a reasonably secure job. Really it as as secure as anyone could hope for in a part time job. He works in a hospital, he's in a union and has some senority. His hours don't get cut, he can generally work more when he wants, he earns his paycheck but it's not an all consuming job.

 

My husband's employer fully pays the healthcare premiums for him and our sons and most of mine. The insurance is solid and the costs haven't escalated all that much in the 7 years he's worked there. This is a massive help to us. The primary reason he kept his job and I left mine was the insurance, which easily adds significant value to his overall compensation. The insurance also has started covering more autism related services.

 

It is very feasible to be a one car or even a no car family in our area. Our apartment is easy walking distance from groceries, parks, the library, the dry cleaners, various shops. My husband can bike 10 miles to work on safe trails and bike lanes. If he doesn't want to bike, he can catch a bus. This saves a lot of money.

 

We live in a state that has encouraged developers to build mixed income and workforce housing with tax credits. As such, we rent a 3bdrm 2 bath apartment for 1/2 of our previous housing outlay. Utility costs are low, we only pay for electric and the rest is included in the rent.

 

Our state has a children's medical insurance program that covers our sons and this picks up the cost of their copays and any autism therapies that exceed our insurance. This saves us hundreds of dollars a month because with a child with autism, we have numerous copay visits a week and it would add up.

 

Expectations and priorities

 

If my goal in life was different, I would have lived differently. My objective has never been to make a lot of money (my business school degree was put to use in the non-profit sector as long as I was working) and if it had been, I would have probably made a lot more money. I'm ok with a modest day to day life, used stuff, 10 year old cars, mostly camping vacations, not owning a large house etc. We have what we need and much of what we want. We have goals and achievable plans to buy another house, travel some and be able to put our sons through school. When my husband graduates, he will probably earn about what we did together. When the kids are older, I will go back to work more hours, most likely with a shiny new CPA license (which I am working towards slowly now, years before I want to use it.)

 

I imagine most of what I have to say about thrift is similar to what a lot of people homeschooling and living on one income say about saving money, i.e., cooking at home, free and low cost entertainment, contentment etc. So I won't dwell on that much. I am very thrifty. We mostly buy things new only after seeing if there's a way to do without or get it in some other way. We were thrifty before though so it didn't seem that difficult to need to be thrifty if that makes sense.

 

There are a lot of people in our community who live the same way which I think is a big help. Free cycle, trading with other families, thrift stores etc...none of that is looked down on by pretty much any of the people we interact with so our kids don't have high expectations we are trying to fulfill.

[Mama Geek]

We didn't have children until we were old.  I worked more than 10 years in engineering with the last 1 1/2 years doing contract work in a high paying field.  We had our house paid off and a good amount of savings when I quit working.  Dh still contracts as an engineer in that high paying field.  We are discussing both of us working for the next year on opposite shifts so one of us can be home with dd and so that we can maybe buy sailboat and take some time off to cruise.  Dh does work away from home and we travel with him.

[aggieamy]

DH and I both work part-time from home.  We are engineers so two part-time salaries is enough for us to live on.  Being self-employed means that our income fluctuates wildly though so we keep our expenses as low as possible.  We have no debt other than our mortgage.  We feel the key is to keep a budget, always be focused on bringing in work, and to never get distracted from our goal of living within our means.  

[clementine]

We have been a one income family since we've had kids.  Here are some of our ways of living:

 

Drive our vehicles until they are dead or close to it

 

Coupon shop whenever possible - most coupons are for items we don't eat, but I always use coupons on cereals, laundry items, shampoos and body items

 

Buy bulk toilet paper, pasta, butter - we shop at Costco for these items and fruit & veggies

 

I do a ton of freezer cooking and use my crockpot often - less temptation to order/eat out on hectic days

 

We live in a smaller house that most of our friends, with a much smaller mortgage payment

 

I will go back to work once the kids are in college.

 

 

[Pegs]

I receive a disability pension, which DS and I live off. I'm paying more in rent than I was planning to, but we're making it work. My car was cheap because it's more than 20 years old, and we don't go out much, so don't pay much for petrol. We don't eat out, and when we holiday we stay with friends and visit parks and museums.

 

Entertainment is usually in the form of books, board games, a park play, or a library visit. It's hard for me to get us out of the house a lot, because of my mobility challenges, so I try to make our home a wonderful place to be. We have internet now, which was something I'd put off for a long time due to the expense.

 

I make a little bit of food go a long way, and we don't have to wear nice clothes, because there isn't anywhere to wear them!

 

So, living costs are pretty low, and like Rosie, I put everything else into health and education for us both, with eventual gainful employment in mind as a long term goal.

[HS Mom in NC]

I should've added "job training and certification" to a major with higher earning potential. People like plumbers and machinists are in demand and make a good living.  I didn't mean to suggest that skilled labor isn't a good option.

[Heathermomster]

DH and I met in the USN. We were married early. Both of us left service and pursued BSEEs. DS was born after we were married 9 years. DS is a engineering manager. I worked part time for about 3 years as a systems engineer starting when DS attended pre-k. I quit work after DD was born. We live in a modest home and drive modest cars with very little debt. I prefer to be home with my kids.

[DawnM]

I worked for 17 years before staying home with the kids.  I even worked when they were little.  

 

I haven't worked now for 10 years.  But we do fine.  Dh has a good income, at least what I think is a good income.

[Scarlett]

Hi, everyone. A frequent lurker, infrequent poster here. "How do people live?" is an oft-asked question between my husband and myself. How do families survive these days, particularly on only one full-time income? I'd love to collect some anecdotal information on how people make it work, because it baffles me how people can afford things. (This is really for discussion, not for any organized study).

 

My husband is a public school teacher, and I used to teach in public and private schools. We used the equity in our old house (which we owned when I was a working mom) to buy a multi-plex. We have 3 renters whose rent covers our mortgage. We have 3 small kids (ages 5 and under) and live in an apartment in our -plex that is less than 900 sq ft. We have a generous, albeit shared (ok. we've really taken it over), yard. We live in a mid-sized city with moderate house prices in a downtown neighborhood we would never be able to afford if it weren't for our rental income. Currently I make no additional income. I have quite a bit of student loan debt (about $250/mo), as does my husband, but his is eligible for forgiveness due to his teaching job, we just haven't received confirmation that it is forgiven yet. We have no car payments, no credit card debt, but we live virtually month-to-month while striving to save up for a down payment on another multiplex that allows us more square footage and additional rental income. When I dream of living in a single family home, I realize the only way it'd be possible is if we were in a bad neighborhood, and we'd still be losing money on it each month. My husband likes teaching but dislikes public schools. He didn't set out to be a teacher, but kind of fell into it due to a free teacher training program. He wants to leave teaching but doesn't know what he would for work than gives a comparable salary. (He's a philosophy major.)

 

So my question is, how do you do it? I'm looking for families where one parent is not working full time, allowing him/her to stay home with the kids. Do you work for an MLM company to supplement the family income? Do you have other means of supplementing your family's income? Do you work at home or part time outside the home in any capacities? What sacrifices do you make to afford to homeschool/stay at home? Or does your spouse just make a ton of money? :)

 

I know this is totally loaded, and it might get nasty quickly, but I'd love to see some honest portrayals of financial life from people. Maybe I'm being really stupid for posting this...sorry. I'd just like to see an honest, empathetic discussion on how people make it happen. I assume we are all reasonable people who recognize that our finances are based all on providence, hard work, and planning, and each of our situations is unique, so we won't judge each other. Please share your story if you wish. :)

I think your path has been very smart. Congrats on that.

 

I have had two lives, so don't know how to tell my story since they overlap. Currently Dh and I are living in a paid for home that needs a lot of work. We have no car payments and very little debt. Less than 10k. And yet we seem to barely get by so it amazes me how people have mortgages, car payments etc.

[AngelaNYC]

We live in a high COL area and have 3 kids.  Dh works full-time for a media company and I work part-time evenings for a cable company.  We've always lived in a cozy apartment and both prefer it that way - and we're in a situation where the rent is low and will never go up.  We shop at several discount grocery stores to get the best prices.  Dh and oldest dd take public transportation to work.  Younger dd lives in a dorm in Manhattan - mainly because her $15K scholarship covers it.  Ds gets a free Metrocard and I have a corporate membership to almost every museum and cultural place in NYC.  I also get free cable, internet, and home phone (I love my job, lol).  We don't take vacations - we prefer day trips or overnights and long weekends.  We have some debt, but our 5-year plan to be debt-free is down to 2 years (woohoo).  We buy new cars, but cheap models, and use them until they die.  We have always been a 1-car family. Thankfully, the area I live in has so much for us to do, for very little money.  I'm not a big shopper and I think homemade anything is usually better (food, cleaners, toys, etc).  

 

That's how we do it.

[Tsuga]

 

My husband is a public school teacher, and I used to teach in public and private schools.

 

We are a two-income family. I have worked my whole life. He was unemployed only when the tax penalty and child care would have made it less feasible to go to work (wage labor, instead of unemployment, would have driven him further into poverty, if you can believe it). He works in science and I work in the public sector. I was underemployed when my children were small, from about 2008 - 2011, when I went back to school for an advanced degree. Between us we had about 3 very hard years that drained our savings entirely. We are frugal but are in debt--for the first time in our lives. But we are working out of it: now we finally make above the median income for a household, though we have four children between the two of us. However, my kids' dad pays child support so it helps.

 

We used the equity in our old house (which we owned when I was a working mom) to buy a multi-plex. We have 3 renters whose rent covers our mortgage. We have 3 small kids (ages 5 and under) and live in an apartment in our -plex that is less than 900 sq ft. We have a generous, albeit shared (ok. we've really taken it over), yard.

 

Both of us sold our property when we divorced and put the money into savings (see what happened to these above). So we have no savings and no property though I own my car (about $2k).

 

We live in a mid-sized city with moderate house prices in a downtown neighborhood we would never be able to afford if it weren't for our rental income. Currently I make no additional income. I have quite a bit of student loan debt (about $250/mo), as does my husband, but his is eligible for forgiveness due to his teaching job, we just haven't received confirmation that it is forgiven yet.

 

We rent cheaply in an older part of a high COL neighborhood in one of the highest COL areas in the country. I actually work two jobs right now, one very part time, one full-time.  I have student loans to pay as well. Living frugally while in school means that I don't qualify for forgiveness as you have to pay 10% of your salary for 10 years, and mine will be paid off at that rate.

 

We have no car payments, no credit card debt, but we live virtually month-to-month while striving to save up for a down payment on another multiplex that allows us more square footage and additional rental income. When I dream of living in a single family home, I realize the only way it'd be possible is if we were in a bad neighborhood, and we'd still be losing money on it each month. My husband likes teaching but dislikes public schools. He didn't set out to be a teacher, but kind of fell into it due to a free teacher training program. He wants to leave teaching but doesn't know what he would for work than gives a comparable salary. (He's a philosophy major.)

 

I am also a philosophy major. Analytics is a nice field, though if you want the big bucks (not public sector) it's marketing and finance analytics which is boooooring.

 

What sacrifices do you make to afford to homeschool/stay at home? Or does your spouse just make a ton of money? :)

 

Haha, no. Child support means that I can continue to contribute to a pension, bit by bit, and my children still get music, sport and other lessons as needed. Otherwise 100% of our disposable income would go towards paying off debt and saving for a small home. We are thinking (dreaming) of building an eco-home someday on property outside of this posh suburb.

 

I am very frustrated that I worked so hard and lived so frugally, never buying new clothes except with retail rewards, making homemade food, not going on vacations anywhere but camping, ever, and am still in debt. I worked hard in high school and worked hard in college and worked my whole life, but my decision to serve my country and later continue in public service has really cost me any hope of retirement.

 

It is extremely disappointing. I am still getting over it. I know I should be happy and I'm trying. We can't move to a lower COL area, well we can, but it would be far from our parents, who bought low, worked when salaries were higher compared to food prices, and who moreover both had the other spouse pay for the divorce (we both paid for our divorces due to being with people who don't take responsibility for their actions and who, having left, said they wouldn't file--leaving us responsible for their finances if we would choose not to file!).

 

I never, ever hoped to be rich financially, but I did think I'd be able to save up a little bit and buy a small house if I worked very hard.

 

It's very hard to want to live frugally again after what happened during the economic downturn--college savings, 401ks, all of it just gone and spent trying not to go on the welfare rolls. I'm lucky I knew to go to college to get help through them so I wouldn't have to go to WIC and so on and basically get treated like crap.

 

All my sacrifice went to not having my kids sit in a welfare line, basically. They will not know the same of being a poor child and having other people ask why you wear the same jeans every day. We got our clothes from the trash when I was a child. It was awful.

 

Still I thought I'd get further. It's hard to save again just to know that it's going to make me ineligible for benefits!

 

My neighbors go on vacations to Hawaii but I know their parents pay for it. Another neighbor has a cabin he inherited from his parents. They didn't buy it. That is where they have 90% of their vacations.

 

If you saw us, though you would NEVER know we are stretched and how much we lost. You wouldn't know we rent our home. You wouldn't know that 100% of clothes we buy are on retail rewards, never cash. You wouldn't know that we cut our kids' hair and that I get mine cut once a year to save money. You would hear about our skiing and thing we paid for a season pass, not knowing that we bought all our equipment on craigslist, it was our entire family's Christmas for one year, and that we use $7 trail passes to ski all day.  You wouldn't know that we have very little in savings and that I still have divorce debt. You wouldn't know that our kids' music and extra curriculars are THE luxury in our life. You might hear about a trip to Disneyland from my daughter--that my mom paid for. Or a trip to this or that beach--we were camping, we don't have a Thule, we literally tied bags to the top of our car.

 

I trade favors with the neighbors for child care.

 

None of this is obvious to outsiders.

 

We are trying to get ahead but like many we struggle. Our neighbors are teachers or single-income as well. We are all in the same boat. Many of them bought low and got lucky. Others rent. This is in a neighborhood where most homes are in the 350k-600k price range.

 

 

[MotherGoose]

DH makes a good salary. We live in a low COL area. I do some writing, but nothing that compares to his salary (I make $30 every other week). I do some gardening and grow a good bit of our food, including chicken meat and eggs, but, realistically, if I do a balance sheet I could come out ahead buying regular grocery store food (but it wouldn't be organic or local!). We were 31 and 33 when our first child came, so having that time when we both worked and could devote time to a career helped. We are both savers by nature, and are financially conservative. I used to clip coupons, but I no longer do unless it's for something big. We have never had credit card debt, even when money was tight. DH paid off his student loan debt by the time he was 25 or so by continuing to live like a college student. We also never felt the need to have a new car every so often, or fancy clothes. DH has had a company car from the same company he's worked for since he was 23. That has helped in SO many ways--from gas, insurance, taxes, etc. Blessing! He had a 1992 Toyota that was our "other"car until we got another one last spring. The Toyota only has 100K miles on it (we still have it) because he drove the company car to work. I have had one new car in my entire life: a 2002 Toyota 4Runner, which I drove until I totaled it in 2011 at 160K miles. I wanted to drive it to 200K. Now I have a used 2006 Volvo with 113K miles, with no plans to replace it until it becomes unreliable. I have a propensity for backing into things and I have hauled 19 chickens in it recently....I'd rather not have the stress of a new vehicle! I am thankful for what we have and for our financial blessings.

[kiwik]

I have ds7 and ds5 and am on my own.

 

Rent 40%

Food 22â„…

Petrol 5%

Ins/utilities 20%

Debt 3% (from when childcare was 20%)

 

I currently own one pair of trousers without holes but I got a voucher for Xmss that I will use when my mother comes to stay so I can shop child free.

[J-rap]

I don't think this is a loaded question!  It's an interesting one.

 

My husband and I married right after college, and then I was the breadwinner while he went on to graduate school.  Then neither of us worked for two years while he continued on to law school (after graduate school).  (What were we thinking?)  But that was when we began having babies and very quickly we had three.  We lived in a very cheap and crowded apt. with three very small children and one very old car.  We ate beans and rice every day and lived off student loans.  So, that takes care of about 6 years.

 

Then, we moved to a very small town where my husband began practicing law, and we bought a beautiful, old home -- a real fixer-upper -- for only $16,000.  We lived very, very frugally and happily for many years, while my husband was a young, small-town attorney, paying off big school loans, and adding more children.  My husband could walk to work and we still only needed one old car.  We rarely ate out, and our vacations were mostly staying at my parents' cabin.

 

Finally, by the time our oldest was in high school, we paid off our student loans, my husband started his own business, and things began to pick up financially.  We were able to start giving a lot more, which was really my husband's goal all along, and do some fun travelling with our children.

 

That lasted about five years, and then unfortunately, my husband suddenly had to go on long-term disability.  But, he made such good, sound decisions with our finances and had built up a good business, that after selling it we have enough to send our children to college (that is, combined with scholarships, school aid, and other creative means) with no loans, and save money as well.  We're not sure how this will all play out, but the bottom line is that we lived frugally for many years while my husband developed a good career and in the end it paid off for us.

[lllll]

..

[BlsdMama]

DH had a majority of his student loans paid by the military when he served.  We still have loans from his MS and MBA.  They are on an income/household size adjustment so the payments are very little right now.

 

Our income is good but frankly food costs and medical bills are killing us this last year.  This past year we bought an acreage and we will have a,very large garden to help supplement the food bill and the hens have begun to lay.   DH's work contributes to his 401k and he will get a very small pension, but if we could contribute 1-6% his work would match it so that's frustrating.

 

We've always gotten by just fine but I admit DD is thinking of going out of state next year for school and that's going to be super tight for us to help her at all but we REALLY don't want her to have student loans.  Right now she's on full scholarship and commuting but hoping to get into College of the Ozarks and I think the little things are going to add up quickly, so I'm a bit nervous.

 

We're also feeling pinched because we bought this house and it has needed some immediate work.   It's a fabulous place and we got a great deal but there were quirks to be fixed.  For example the dining room couldn't seat our 8 person table..... soon to be 14 person table.   We've learned a lot from family - knocking down walls, drywalling, texture, help from fil who is an electrician.   The basement is 2,000 square feet of unfinished space.... that would be awesome with additional bedrooms.  That's cheap enough but installing egress windows?  Not so much.  The furnace and well pump are 22 years old.   Things.   

 

I'm truly grateful for our large family but if we didn't have so many littlest, I'd definitely be working part time for a savings.

 

Vacations are nowhere on the list.   

[Luckymama]

Well.

 

I've always been a SAHM. I became a homeschooling mom four years ago.

 

We have been married for 23 years. The two oldest kids are now in college, with one graduating this year.

 

We married at 23 and 25. We had no student loans as our parents paid for our undergrad educations, and I had a grad school assistantship that paid for everything.

 

Dh's income was quite low for a very long time. We qualified for WIC and received the earned-income tax credit. I remember when his paycheck first had a comma in it! Health insurance and other benefits were crap. We accounted for every penny before it was spent. I became a very good cook :) I gardened. I cut down dh's oxford shirts once the collars were worn and made shirts for ds. I gardened. We only used cloth diapers. Yadda yadda yadda

 

In early1998 dh made a huge career change. Income actually decreased for two years (oh, that was tough!) But by late 2001 we bought our first, very modest house (at 33 and 35).

 

Dh's income has continued to climb. The other day we talked about how different things are now---we live in a larger house (bought a foreclosure in 2006 in a great area), we don't have to worry too much about college tuition (the kids have large merit scholarships but they don't cover room/board/other), we are able to travel, we can give generously to charity.

 

But

 

I still cook and bake almost everything. I still garden. Dh does all the repairs and maintenance on the house and cars (well, except plumbing). We still account for every penny before it's spent :)

 

And

 

My parents died before they reached 70 (one was sick, the other was sudden--my sister says he died of a broken heart :(). I inherited a large sum of money which is parked in retirement accounts. I don't recommend gaining wealth in that manner. I would much rather have my parents here to see my kids grow up.

[creekland]

I credit a ton to living in in a low COL area.  While hubby's salary is lower than it would be in a high COL area, it doesn't balance out.  We do better here.

 

We married young. (I still had one year of college left - hubby had just graduated.)  We were married 4 years before having kids, but we weren't super frugal with our $$ to be truthful.  We were young and having fun!  I stayed home for 7 or 8 years once youngest was born - then have worked part time (hardly earning anything to be honest) since.

 

Once we had oldest we realized we wanted a house rather than an apt.  We put everything we could into a downpayment and bought a reasonable starter house.  It was one of the best investments we made... we lived in it for 3 more years, then rented it when we moved to PA (and rented a house here).  When we were sure we wanted to stay in PA, we sold the FL house and made a handsome profit of 30K.  That went into our farm here.  We split off parts of our farm that we weren't using and had no intention of using and put that into other investments.

 

Meanwhile, we live off hubby's salary.  He owns his own engineering firm (15 years now), so his income varies tremendously.  I do our finances so I try to be prepared for that.  It was tough at first and very tough during the economic downturn, but has balanced out decently now.  I know that could change any month if the economy tanks.

 

We still skimp on all of what we consider non-essential.  Our house would surprise people and probably would be torn down or totally gutted by any future buyer.  We put $$ into new windows to save heating $$, and we installed a dishwasher, but that's about it.  We don't need new or fancy.  Old and working (even with issues) is perfectly good for us.  Our newest car is a 2002 Ford Focus.  We only buy clothes when they are truly needed and often we'll check the thrift store first.  I use coupons.  I buy store brand.  We don't do much with gifts at Christmas or on birthdays.  We never stop at Starbucks or equivalent for a cup of coffee.  I take my lunches to work every single day.

 

We could spend more on all of those, but we prefer to spend our $$ traveling and for experiences with our kids (not all of these cost $$ and for many we camp to save $$ + we like camping).  I've no regrets at all.  Absolutely none.  We went into debt to buy that first house and for our farm.  Both were super good choices allowing us to have a bit of what we have now.  Hubby went into 5 figure debt to get his degree (I also had 2K in debt).  It was a super good choice.  His higher income with that degree far more than paid off his debt.  We are still reaping the benefits.  Leveraging debt can be worthwhile.

 

Right now we're saving absolutely nothing as our extra is going to college payments.  Neither of us regret that.  Our boys will benefit.  That's priceless to us.  Doing things for them and enjoying life with them has always been priceless for us.  This does not mean we spent $$ on expensive classes, etc in their youth - but we did spend on things/experiences/travels we wanted - quite a bit of family travel.  I do NOT wish we had more in our retirement portfolio instead.  We're willing to work forever (or as long as we can).  Our time with our boys was limited.

[73349]

DH and I married right out of college, and fortunately both got jobs in our chosen fields in an area with relatively low housing costs. We rented a cheap apartment and worked to pay off student loans as fast as possible. Then we started saving for a house. We bought a modest house--about half the mortgage the bank would've approved us for--and made some needed repairs. Our incomes slowly increased (DH's eventually doubled). We were married 7 years before we had DS, and he's an only. I quit my full-time job but continued tutoring for a few years after after DS was born.

 

We don't travel much, and I am sitting on the large, ugly couch DH bought for that first apartment. The house has needed new carpet since we bought it; we get most of our books at the library; we have a keyboard instead of a piano. We drive oldish cars (the newer one turned 10 last week, IIRC). But we have no debt, and when DH's car dies (possibly in the next year or two) we should be able to buy a new one without a loan. That's important to us because DH's field is unstable, and in theory he could be laid off at any time.

 

That said, I do some of the grocery shopping at Whole Paycheck, and we wear nice shoes. DS takes private swimming lessons (sometimes wearing the swimsuit I bought him at a consignment sale). Our hand-me-down cat eats expensive food. It's not all penny-pinching here.

[historically accurate]

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