Does any one else NOT give gifts to teachers/service people, etc?

[Ottakee]

Maybe we are just really cheap there but other than putting in a little extra as a gift to our pastors at church we don't give out gifts to the neighbors, teachers, hairdresser, mail lady, UPS guy, etc.

 

My dd has ice skating lessons but other than that we don't have any outside lessons.  We didn't do things for the bus driver, teachers, aides, etc. either at school (the girls are both in Special ed at the highschool).

 

I am seeing people posting here about giving out $40-50 (even a few got gifts of $250) to these people.  We appreciate them and all but our income is now about 1/2 what it was 5 years ago and not likely to go up any time soon.  We spent under $200 total for Christmas for our 3 kids and the 2 mothers and that was it.

 

I don't want to be seen as cheap, etc. but I could have easily doubled our Christmas budget by doing all of these little extras.

 

We did send some personal gift money to 2 different friends that are overseas missionaries.

[Ellie]

I think about it, but, well, I just never get a round tuit.

[Plink]

Don't worry about it for even a second. You are most certainly not the only one. Only about a quarter of my students ever offer gifts/tips. To be honest, it is the cards written in wobbly handwriting that I really love, not the chocolates or cash.

[EKS]

I don't.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I was thinking this very thing today when I saw the other thread.  I barely can afford the tuition/fees etc.  If I had to make sure I had enough for a Christmas bonus then they would lose out on my business altogether.  I do pay the actual fees promptly and without reminders which seems to be appreciated.  

[Annie G]

No, I do not tip extra at the holidays.  

[Garga]

We don't.  It's not something that's been on my radar until about 3 year ago.  I just had no cue anyone ever did that at all.  I've sort of considered doing it since I found out it's actually quite common, but I'm flat out too cheap.  Sorry.  That's my only reason for not doing it. 

[momacacia]

Flute teacher and writing tutor (who is also now considered a friend) received gifts, but it's *nothing* like my mom used to do!!! The sanitation people, mailman, UPS guy (who came regularly b/of family/home-based business), all extra-curricular teachers etc. Yes, my Mom's love language is gifts, but sheesh! She used to lay out some serious cash! I don't get the sense this is expected anymore, either, but maybe I'm as aware as I should be. :-/

[hjffkj]

I don't.  We simply can't afford it so it has never crossed my mind to.  The gifts/tips are of course much appreciated but so is simply knowing dh is trusted enough by parents to instruct their children.

[Joyofsixreboot]

The most I've ever done is a homemade remembrance ( candied lemon peel, needlepoint book mark)or a note of thanks.

[merry gardens]

Sometimes we do, but mostly we don't. Last year I was on top of giving homemade treats out as gifts. They were relatively inexpensive to make, but would have been a lot if they'd come from a bakery.  This year I remembered when it was too late to do it.

[Catwoman]

We tip everyone. That said, if I couldn't afford to do it without impacting my own family's Christmas or if it would cause any kind of financial hardship, I wouldn't do it. For the most part, I think it is a kindness and not an obligation.

 

But if you have an apartment in NYC, you tip the staff, even if you only use the place occasionally. No excuses and no exceptions. Doormen and maintenance people can make your life pretty miserable if you don't remember them at the holidays. (And yes, I'm aware that it seems like extortion, but that's just the way it is -- and hopefully the staff in your building is nice, so you'll want to tip them!)

[bolt.]

I've been known to (some years) pretty-pack some inexpensive food item, or nudge my kids towards notes/cards -- but mostly, the season is packed enough. If I allowed myself to feel obligated, I'd miss out on enjoying it myself.

[mamaraby]

Some people (letter carriers and other government employees) may not be able to accept gifts so there's that.

[bettyandbob]

I don't give presents to all of them. I don't have a regular hair dresser. I don't give to the UPS guy. I used to give to the trash guys many years ago.

 

Now, I only give to some teachers and aides. My ds is also in sp Ed. The largest I gave was $10 gift certificate to the crossing guard. She started crossing my family when eldest decided to attend high school 6.5 years ago. Dd started high school two years ago and the crossing guard saved her from being hit by an out of control bus (an incident I wrote about here). Now, I cross the same street with youngest to get him to his sp Ed program. So, this woman has been keeping members of my family safe for a while now. She spoke French to eldest (she's from the Carribean) she gives high fives and encourages youngest to speak and greet (a big deal for him). Being the high school and middle school crossing guard she gets little interaction with parents, so I think our gift is rare and she is not well paid.

 

I don't think giving gifts us necessary. IF there's some personal connection it's nice. I also think it's more important yo give something to lower paid people like aides than the teachers. Teachers have at least double the salary of an aide here and a good health plan. However, depending on your dc's situation the aide may be with him more and doing more personal things like bathroom assistance, helping with lunch, ect, so it can be a more personal relationship.

 

That said I don't think its the norm to do much at the middle or high school level. It's not necessary or expected. So, it's ok to not give anything, especially if your situation makes doing so difficult.

 

One thing I like to do is write letters to principals and other supervisory persons, when I am happy with how my dc is treated. These letters get put in employee files. I know comments from one of my letters were used at a faculty meeting a few years ago( the principal called and asked permission to do so). People are often quick with complaints. Well thought written compliments are often worth more than a holiday gift.

[DawnM]

Nope, I give nothing, particularly to the people I have to pay for services.  

 

We do not have a regular hairdresser or UPS guy.  I don't know my mailman.  

 

I guess I should give something to our pastor and youth pastors, but I don't.

[alisoncooks]

I probably SHOULD tip the UPS man, since he's here weekly...but I don't.

[Catwoman]

Some people (letter carriers and other government employees) may not be able to accept gifts so there's that.

Mail carriers can and do accept gifts. I believe there is supposesdly a limit of $20 or $25, but our mail carriers have never returned the extra cash we put in their Christmas cards. ;)

[AmandaVT]

Mail carriers can and do accept gifts. I believe there is supposesdly a limit of $20 or $25, but our mail carriers have never returned the extra cash we put in their Christmas cards. ;)

 

Yes - we gave our mailman a $10 Panera card and a bag of Christmas cookies and do something similar every year. He's a great mail carrier. We're rural, so they drive from house to house and if they don't want to bring a package to your door, they can (and frequently do) just leave a note in your mailbox to pick up a package at the post office. Our mail carrier, always walks packages up to our front door and hand delivers us any mail that day too. He left us a nice thank you note for his Christmas gift. :-)

 

UPS and garbage men get cookies - and they're always grateful to receive and I'm always grateful to get the extra cookies out of the house! :-)

[Jenny in Florida]

Some years we did, others not. And when we did, amounts varied widely from year to year. It depended enormously on how we were doing financially that year, how close that particular child was to any particular teacher, etc. Some years, we could reasonably afford a nicely wrapped loaf of home-made bread and a card with a note. Occasionally, it was just the card. Other years, we did small gifts and/or gift cards. At no point did we ever give any teacher anything near the equivalent of a month's tuition.

 

With the exception of the couple of years I was working from home in the days when we still had to send paper documents back and forth by mail or UPS and I sent and received a large number of packages, we've never given gifts to service people.

[kiwik]

We don't. It's not something that's been on my radar until about 3 year ago. I just had no cue anyone ever did that at all. I've sort of considered doing it since I found out it's actually quite common, but I'm flat out too cheap. Sorry. That's my only reason for not doing it.

I had no clue people did it until this year either when a friend gave chocolate to her child's teacher. I noticed because she HATED that teacher and it seemed odd. I do remember taking 50 cents to school (a long time ago) and a parent buying a joint gift. I probably remember because it was a lot of money to me and I didn't like him anyway.

 

That said I did give the lady who looked after my kids as young preschoolers a small gift as I felt she went above and beyond and I would give a gift to an unpaid instructor. But when I scrape and scrimp all year to pay for swimming classes adding another days fees isn't feasible.

[mamaraby]

Mail carriers can and do accept gifts. I believe there is supposesdly a limit of $20 or $25, but our mail carriers have never returned the extra cash we put in their Christmas cards. ;)

Per regulations (http://about.usps.com/postal-bulletin/2012/pb22349/html/cover_025.htm), they're not supposed to accept cash or cash equivalents (checks, gift cards, etc). Otherwise non-monetary gifts are limited to $20 value per customer per occassion not to exceed $50 per customer per year.

 

Our trash collectors are similarly are limited as are many of our other government employees (police, fire, etc).

 

ETA: Postal worker contracts contain termination language for accepting cash or cash equivalent gifts (http://about.usps.com/suppliers/newsletter/november-2013-17.pdf and http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/consumerawareness/a/gifts-for-the-mailman.htm) so while well intentioned, your cash equivalent gift could get your letter carrier fired. imo, I like my letter carrier so I don't want to put him in the awkward position of turning down my well meant gift or face termination for accepting it.

 

So, basically, you could buy your letter carrier lunch at Panera, you can give them a gift card they cannot turn into cash in some way (provided it's under $20), you can give them cookies, you can buy them a soda, etc. They may accept your gift if it's outside those guidelines, but they're in violation of federal ethics regulations and their employment contract by doing so.

[mom2scouts]

All my dh got for Christmas this year was new underwear and a desperately needed pair of jeans. The tuition/fees for outside classes and activities are a very big financial sacrifice already and I can't imagine spending more money on teachers than the person who works his butt off to allow our children to do those activities. I pay my tuition on time and my children always arrive to lessons and activities on time and with the proper equipment. I praise the great teachers whenever I get a chance, but financial gifts just aren't happening.

[Alice]

I don't either. I do make cookies for the librarians. I feel like they deserve it for all the books we put on hold and check out over the course of the year. 

[Ewe Mama]

No, we don't give gifts to people outside of our immediate family and some very close friends. The service-type people in my life change with great frequency, so even if I wanted to give a little something to someone, chances are the person I wanted to give it to would not be there any longer, or would be on a different route or something.

[Pawz4me]

When the boys were in elementary school I'd give their teachers a little something. But I don't know how we'd tip the mail carriers. We don't always have the same one two days in a row. I'd guess there are eight to ten people who cover our mail route. Same thing with garbage--it's a different man every week. I guess I could tip the UPS guy if I could manage to be home when he came. But I never have. I give my hairdresser a generous tip each time I see her, but no extra Christmas tip.

[QueenCat]

I find it odd to call a gift a "tip". I view the gifts I give to people in the service industries as a gift, not as extra pay. To me, a tip is extra cash given when a service is rendered.

[Tap]

The only person I give a gift/tip to is my daughters one-with-one.  She has worked for us for 2+ years and goes out of her way everyday to pick my daughter up from school and drives her to her day care for me.  I pay her a few dollars a day to do it, but it saves me so much time that I wish I could do more.  She is like another parent for my daughter, not just an aide. I bought her earrings and a necklace that cost about $50.  

[Arcadia]

For individual lessons, we just give a box of chocolate if we know the tutors likes them. For group lessons, it depends on if anyone is collecting money which is usually $5-$10 per family.

We get a few USPS/DHL/FedEx/UPS guys this time of the year so it's hard to tip. Also we don't celebrate Christmas so is the tipping (gift card or cash) suppose to be an end of year custom or Christmas custom?

My condo complex has someone collecting tip money before Christmas for the cleaning team. It's optional and people give the amount they want to.

[texasmama]

The only service/teacher/pastor/helper person I gave a gift to this year was my hairdresser, whom I tipped very generously in mid December.  I have occasionally in the past given small tokens to piano teachers, preschool teachers, etc.  I've never tipped a mailman.

[HS Mom in NC]

I don't.

[KRG]

I gave gifts to my son's preschool teachers this year.  I've always given teacher gifts.  One year I did mail carrier gifts but then she left and we haven't had anyone reliable since then.  This year one of the mail carriers drove up to the driveway and threw our packages out of her window... so yeah, no gift there. 

[LucyStoner]

Beyond baked items and homemade cards? No.

 

I did give our cleaning guy (when we had one) a holiday tip but that was cash, not a gift.

[Word Nerd]

In most cases, we don't. I've given teachers gifts before, but after reading posts here and elsewhere in which teachers complained about all the gifts they've received that they didn't like and how they don't want yet another ___, I decided not to bother anymore and just stick to a simple thank you.

[unsinkable]

I think it's up to families to decide whether to give gifts or tips to teachers and service people.

 

Our family does, as I stated in the other thread. I wish people would consider that dismissive comments about those people that DO give gifts are just as inappropriate as it would be if people made dismissive comments about those who DON'T.

[Mommy22alyns]

No, we can't really afford it. We've made gifts for coaches the past two years, but because of the schedule, we didn't do it this  year.

[LucyStoner]

I think it's up to families to decide whether to give gifts or tips to teachers and service people.

 

Our family does, as I stated in the other thread. I wish people would consider that dismissive comments about those people that DO give gifts are just as inappropriate as it would be if people made dismissive comments about those who DON'T.

What dismissive comments? Who would care if other people give gifts to their teachers and hairdresser?

 

I guess I would encourage people giving gifts to people like teachers to give something consumable like money, giftcard or food or something like that rather than contributing to the pile of mugs with apples on them. But that is because all the teachers I know who rather get a coffee giftcard than 27 mugs, candles and tote bags. I wouldn't be dismissive of giving a gift though.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Most of the time no.  I did give my violin instructor a small gift.  I actually saw a book I thought he'd love and bought it long before xmas.  I told him it was an early xmas gift.  Organizers at my son's choir asked for donations towards instructor gifts.  I gave them $20.  That's it though.  I don't think I need to give gifts to every single person I come in contact with.

 

 

[Word Nerd]

What dismissive comments? Who would care if other people give gifts to their teachers and hairdresser?

 

If it referred to my comment, I will add now that I couldn't care less whether other people give gifts to teachers and others. I was simply answering the question asked in the OP, and that is the reason I no longer give teachers gifts. It's not worth it to me to stress over whether a teacher gift will be a blessing or a burden/clutter, so I express thanks instead of giving them something tangible now.

[gardenmom5]

2ds gave fudge to our UPS driver - but last year he was *his* driver's helper over the holidays.  (didn't want to do it this year because he'd have to shave his beard.  and his class schedule was problematic.)

 

I don't generally give out gifts to teachers/service people etc.  I will give a small one in specific circumstances.

 

 

[Χά�ων]

Depends. I do handmade gifts that are relevant and I chip in for group gifts for a coach. Beyond that, nothing. I debated making popcorn balls but decided I didn't actually want to so I did not do anything.

[SKL]

I generally do not.  There is too much to do during this season.  I pay well and tip generously (now that I can afford to), and I will go in with others if someone is organizing a group gift.  I will sometimes give something special if I feel someone goes above and beyond.  But I don't do it individually as a matter of course.  I don't want to build up expectations I won't be able to keep up with.  (And I don't want to have a nervous breakdown trying to keep up with all that.)