How often do you see your grandchildren? Or plan on seeing future grandkids?

[gingersmom]

This has always been a sore subject between me and my mother. It just came up again in conversation today and led to another tiff between us.

 

She thinks 1-2 times/year for an hour or two is plenty and actually quite generous.

 

I made a snarky reply and changed the subject. :)

 

Which leads to my question-

 

How often do you see your grandchildren (if you have any) or how often do you think you will spend with future grandkids?

[Amy in NH]

I plan to be a lot more hands-on than my own parents.

[TammyinTN]

One grand-baby lives with us...so we see her all the time.  Our other 3 grands live in SC which is 8 hours away, we see them several times a year and have at least one week of Nana camp.   This year I hope to see them much more as they all have a ton of fun playing together. 

[ErinE]

I have no expectations from either set of grandparents right now. We get what we get.

 

Personally (and I hope it's way off in the future), I plan on being a grandparent that is as available as my children need me to be.

[DesertBlossom]

Oh that makes me sad. My mom passed away last year and it breaks my heart that my younger children will never remember her and that my older ones hardly will.  I think the relationship between grandmothers and grandchildren can be very special. My mom used to take groups of grandkids up to their cabin in the mountains every summer. She was always offering to babysit. She rocked being a grandma. They adored her.

 

I recently read "Hold on to your Kids" and it talked about the relationships kids have with parents and other adults. Having grown up with a close extended family as well, I know how important that was in my life. I hope to close to my grandkids too some day.

[Cindy in FL.]

We live 5 minutes from our three grandchildren and I see them at least 3 times per week. I watch them 2 days a week while my daughter (in law) works? I also love it when they call me up and say, "CeeCee, can we come to your house?"

 

I have always lived near my parents and in-laws and like it that way. I think those relationships are very important and hope to be close to my future grandchildren as well.

[Eagle]

That's sad. :(

 

My children see all four grandparents every week. The Grandpas once a week for a couple hours each, one Grandma twice a week for several hours each time (including doing lit studies and history projects for school one afternoon a week), and the other Grandma 4-5 days a week for several hours at a time. My kids do workshop projects with the Grandpas, play board games together, build wooden models, and play remote control cars. With the Grandmas they read together, cook together, play outside, go swimming. Both Grandmas got involved in our SOTW project this term to mummify a chicken. They are all very hands-on. My children are very lucky to have such close relationships with their grandparents. The grandparents all think it is special too!

 

ETA: the youngest grandparent is 69. I am amazed they all have such energy!

[Joker]

I grew up with both sets of grandparents being within about 10 miles and they were all friends. They were a huge part of my life. Dh and I now find ourselves living 1000 miles away from the closest grandparent due to his job. It sucks!

 

My mom makes it a point to come at least once a year for 4-7 days. We try to get there once a year for a few days as well. We can drive to her and visit and be back home at the end of the week. She often will come a second time for a few days as well. She texts dds often and mails them stuff all the time as well.

 

My in-laws would come every few years for a while but can't travel anymore. We are going to see them this holiday season but they are 2400 miles away on the opposite coast and it's not something we can do often.

 

Dh and I have said we will try to at least do what my mom is doing but our goal is to be more centrally located to both dds (even if we have to move) so we can see them more often.

[Melinda S in TX]

My mom is 67.  Mil and fil are 69 and 73.  They live near each other, about 45 minutes from us.

 

Most of the time, my mil sees us for four to six hours once a week, and both mil and fil come for half a day every other week on the weekend.  My fil will come by a couple of times a month to help out, this month it was to change out our water heater and today to take the trailer to the dump, and he stays for a while after the job is done.  My mom comes every two to three months and stays for a few hours.  We go to my mil and fil home once a month for a sleep over and once a month Sunday after church and spend the day with them.  We don't go to my moms house at all because she has indoor animals, and we have severe allergies.

 

My children, all six of them, intend for me to spend a lot of time with the grandchildren.  They want me to take turns living with them and helping homeschool the grandchildren.

 

Growing up, I saw one set of grandparents every three to five years because they lived in Georgia and we lived in Texas.  The other grandmother, I saw every four months.

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

My kids see my parents (just my mom now) about every 3 years for about a week.

 

They see dh's parents who live 40 min. away about 5 or 6 times a year - sometime for about an hour at a time.

 

There are no expectations here.  My kids love all their grandparents and good relationships with them.

[earthyfamily]

This is actually something my kids and I talk about all the time.  When we have grandkids eventually, my husband and I plan to see them everyday.  We'll be very hands on and most likely help with raising and educating them.

[Ellie]

This has always been a sore subject between me and my mother. It just came up again in conversation today and led to another tiff between us.

 

She thinks 1-2 times/year for an hour or two is plenty and actually quite generous.

 

I made a snarky reply and changed the subject. :)

 

Which leads to my question-

 

How often do you see your grandchildren (if you have any) or how often do you think you will spend with future grandkids?

 

I live in Central Texas. My only grandchild lives in Seattle. The possibility of our seeing him more than once a year is slim. It is what it is.

 

Children whose parents are in the military will generally not see their grandparents even that often.

 

If we lived in the same state, we might see each other more often (depending on the size of the state!) If we lived in the same town, we'd see each other all the time, the way my dc saw their maternal grandmother at least monthly.

 

ETA: I totally suck at being one of those grandmothers who bakes cookies with children and plays games with them. Mr. Ellie does that, though. :-) I'm more of an Auntie Mame-kind-of-person: let the dc come to my house, spend his time playing and messing with crafty stuff on his own and reading on his own (although I would be glad to read aloud to him...one chapter a day from a good book, the same way I read to his mother), because after all, playing here is different than playing at his own home, and do lots of field trips.

[mrsfiggy]

I have one grandbaby, he is 5 months old. His mama and daddy work overnights so we get him sometimes one night per week, others up to half the week depending on their work schedules. I'm really lucky to be able to spend so much time with him. We have him probably almost every day while they rest for work and also up to 3 times per week overnights.

[Rachel]

I hope to be a hands on grandmother. My children are pretty young so I probably won't be a grandma for many years. I hope they all end up near me but I'll see.

 

My kids haven't seen my parents in over a year. My son does text my dad few times a week though and I would say they are pretty close despite the miles between them. My parents are a 20 hour drive.

 

My kids see my inlaws every 6-8 weeks. They are finally old enough to stay a weekend on the farm which makes it a bit easier. We see MIL more often than FIL, they don't really have anyone else to help with chores around the farm. We will see them 4 weekends in a row over the next month though.

[TranquilMind]

This has always been a sore subject between me and my mother. It just came up again in conversation today and led to another tiff between us.

 

She thinks 1-2 times/year for an hour or two is plenty and actually quite generous.

 

I made a snarky reply and changed the subject. :)

 

Which leads to my question-

 

How often do you see your grandchildren (if you have any) or how often do you think you will spend with future grandkids?

Wow...I think that would be sad (and that is what we have experienced from one side, though with additional challenges, not totally their fault). 

 

I had no grandparents. They were all dead by the time I was 5.  My kids lost my mom around the same time.

 

I'm sticking around (even though I'm old!) and we are going to be those cool, fun grandparents who really know their grandkids as people, not just as an addition to a photo collage.  That's the plan, anyway.   I might not be hiking with them, but I will be laughing with them. 

[TranquilMind]

That's sad. :(

 

My children see all four grandparents every week. The Grandpas once a week for a couple hours each, one Grandma twice a week for several hours each time (including doing lit studies and history projects for school one afternoon a week), and the other Grandma 4-5 days a week for several hours at a time. My kids do workshop projects with the Grandpas, play board games together, build wooden models, and play remote control cars. With the Grandmas they read together, cook together, play outside, go swimming. Both Grandmas got involved in our SOTW project this term to mummify a chicken. They are all very hands-on. My children are very lucky to have such close relationships with their grandparents. The grandparents all think it is special too!

 

ETA: the youngest grandparent is 69. I am amazed they all have such energy!

You are extremely blessed.  I can't even imagine that. 

[TranquilMind]

Oh that makes me sad. My mom passed away last year and it breaks my heart that my younger children will never remember her and that my older ones hardly will.  I think the relationship between grandmothers and grandchildren can be very special. My mom used to take groups of grandkids up to their cabin in the mountains every summer. She was always offering to babysit. She rocked being a grandma. They adored her.

 

I recently read "Hold on to your Kids" and it talked about the relationships kids have with parents and other adults. Having grown up with a close extended family as well, I know how important that was in my life. I hope to close to my grandkids too some day.

I'm sorry.  I know what you mean, though mine didn't have my mom long.

 

That's a great book!

[Jane Elliot]

I made a snarky reply and changed the subject. :)

 

 

 

I don't think this type of response is conducive to getting what you want. Just sayin'.

[Hunter's Moon]

I was always very jealous of those who saw their grandparents regularly. I only had my two grandmothers — one passed away when I was six and the other we only saw on major holidays (so three times per year).

 

My parents and mil have made it very clear that they expect weekly visits at the very least lol but it'll be a few years yet, so we'll see.

[Teresa in MO]

Four of my grandkids live 4 1/2 hours away and we see them on average every 4-6 weeks.  Last year we had them for 2 weeks in the summer and we will make that an annual event.  We are very close to them.  My other grandson lives 26 hours away.  Due to finances, he was 18 months old before we saw him for the first time when we visited last August.  They also came for Thanksgiving.  About the time he gets to know us, its time to go home.  We might not see him for another 2 years.  Its a long trip up there and we would not be able to make it again next year.  We have 4 younger kids and could not afford to fly.  It tears my heart out.  I want to be a part of all of my grandkids lives.  I want them to know us well and share experiences with them and take them places.  If they lived here, it would probably be 3 or 4 times a week.

[Reflections]

Well, since my dd15 is under a lifetime contract to put away the clean dishes, I think that I'll probably see my grandkids everyday.  We can play while she finishes up.  :laugh: 

 

I hope to be close to all of my grandkids. I'm looking forward to spoiling them rotten (meant in the very best way).

 

 

[SKL]

It depends on how my health/mobility is as well as how far away my grandkids will live.  Since I am 40 years older than my daughters, I can't predict what I'll be capable of when they have kids.

 

My grandmothers spent some time with us but it was on their terms and it varied a lot over the years.  My mom's mom babysat for pay for a while (when my kid brother was a tot), and we saw her on holidays, and one time she had some of us over for a few days.  My dad's mom used to have us over for dinner weekly up to a point, and then it was much less frequent, but at least on holidays.  I was able to walk to her house when I was a tween.

 

My parents don't do much with my kids.  They don't live close and they are in their 70s with health problems.  They will allow my sister to bring my girls over for sleepovers once in a while, but not too much.  They almost never come here for a visit (last time was about 5 years ago; they live about 60 miles away.)  They do a lot more for my sister's kids, but I think it's because they think she is more needy than I am.  Sometimes I wish my dad would do more guy things with the kids, but he isn't inclined to or his health doesn't allow it.  I'm not sure which.

[RkyMtnMom]

Both sets of our parents live in the same town. So my kids see their grandparents 1-3 times a week. 

I saw my grandma 6 days a week when I was growing up. 

 

I hope to be as hands on as my grandma and my parents are. 

[StephanieZ]

My mom made sure to see my kids every 6 weeks for a weekend or longer their entire lives, even when we lived a flight away and she worked full time . . . She also took them for 1 week or longer summer one-on-one trips as soon as they were old enough (around age 6, but she did shorter trips earlier). She traveled all over the world with them. 

 

Now, Mom has Alzheimer's, and we built her a wing and moved her in with us. The disease changes things, but she has earned a lifetime of loyalty and love. 

 

Dh's parents see our kids every year or two or so, for a few hours to a day or two. Even when we've made special trips to visit (10 hrs away), they don't bother to spend more than an hour or two a day with us . . .

 

You can imagine that I am glad dh has 4 other siblings, as we'd NEVER do for his parents what we are doing for my mom (or, what we'd have done for my dad, who was equally involved until he died when the kids were tiny . . . )

 

I definitely would want to be very involved with my grandkids and adult kids. I would hope to follow a similar pattern that my mom did, seeing them at least every 6 weeks even if they lived far away . . . but, I would desperately hope they won't live far away!! I'd adore being able to babysit a couple weekends a month, or an afternoon or two each week . . . and go to ball games and recitals and all that stuff. I think my kids are fantastic, and I am sure I'll feel similarly about their kids!! I wouldn't want to be intrusive, but I hope to be so helpful and sweet that my kids and their spouses welcome my company regularly!

 

One thing I'd do that Mom didn't do is that I'd like to be more of a practical HELP to my adult kids by offering "grandma camp" at least a week a year and a couple weekends or two . . . as soon as the kids are old enough that their parents would let them go. My mom never "babysat" all the kids for more than an occasional few hours, except in emergencies (my dad in ICU, new baby in the house, me seriously ill vomiting, etc.), in which cases she always stepped up to do whatever we needed . . . but I always knew it was out of her comfort zone to have them all together . . . and she never offered to take them for a few days so we could have an anniversary trip, etc. The couple times we left them for trips like that, we farmed them out to other friends and family (10th and 15th anniversary trips). I was so excited planning our 20th anniversary trip realizing that I can count on my 18 year old to babysit her younger siblings! Funny thing is, that now, for this trip, we have to get a "babysitter" for my mom! LOL. It never ends! Not one "big anniversary trip" yet uncomplicated by dependents . . . but I wouldn't have it any other way . . . (I punted that to my brother . . . and he is on board . . . ) 

[MrsBasil]

My parents and in laws both see the kids about once a week on average.  My parents and in laws are all in the 56-58 age range. 

 

My dad used to take my son hiking, fishing, to the splash pad, to Chuck. E, Cheese, and to the kids museum at least once a month but now he's been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's and so those things take more planning as he no longer drives.  I take all of them now, but it's always a special "papa trip" as far as my kids know. He still likes to play hide and seek with them. 

 

My FIL likes to take the out to lunch, to the park, and to go shopping.  My MIL likes to do craft projects with them.  My mother is the best cuddler and the most patient for listening to their never ending stories.  Better than me, that's for sure.

 

For now, they usually have a once a month sleepover with each set.  They are pretty willing baby sitters if I'm sick, need a date night/mom's night out, have an emergency or whatever.    They are the only grandkids on both sides of the family...

 

I have no idea how much time I'll spend with my grandkids.

[gardenmom5]

to be frank - someone with that attitude towards their grandchildren is NOT someone you want spending time with your children.  

 

My mother spent a lot of time,  mil . . not so much.  and when we'd make arrangements for her to see them (she lived in another state.), she had other things to do.   her 12 adult grandchildren tolerate her at best.  (I'm not even sure how aware dudeling is of her, even though she lives with sil, and he get's there to play with his cousin's kids.)

 

I plan on spending time - and maybe, perhaps, I could have some come 2016 as dd is getting married next year.  dudeling would be 11 . . . that's old enough to be an uncle.

[myfunnybunch]

My only grandchild is only 2 weeks old, so I don't have much practice, but I've seen him every 2-3 days. :) My dd cannot drive, so I take her to appointments and such when I can. We live 5 minutes apart.

 

My mother lives pretty far away and sees her grandchildren 2-5 times a year. MIL lives 10 minutes away and sees the kids almost weekly. My dad usually only sees them 1-2 times per year, but he sets aside a special week for Grandpa Camp, and they visit for about a week. It's a highlight of their year.

 

But really, it doesn't matter how much time different families spend together. It sounds like this is a sore spot for you and your mom. Hugs. It's hard when expectations and needs don't match. :(

 

Cat

[Ausmumof3]

I don't know... I have two boys so it would depend on what dils want I guess if they have children.

 

My own experience growing up was one grandparent overseas who we saw every two years or so but always rang on birthdays and gave money. The other set of grandparents had close to 100 children, grandchildren and greats so there wasn't a lot of love to go around. We did go through a phase of visiting weekly, so during that time they got to know me quite well and were always generous and kind when we visited. They never remembered or did anything for birthdays.

 

So in light of that my mil who knows the kids well and puts effort in to finding what they'll really like for birthdays etc and does fun activities with them is amazing.

[Rosie_0801]

I don't intend for my grandchildren to learn lessons about how some people suck from me, that's for sure.

 

My dd now sees my mother several times a week since she moved back from the other side of the country. She sees her other grandmother when someone takes her there, because as much as it breaks Grandma's heart that she doesn't see more of dd, she refuses to exert herself to do so. I probably take her there once or twice a year if I'm in that part of town, which is roughly two or three times per year. I don't know how often her father takes her there. Almost never any more, from what I can tell. Dd virtually never sees my father because he doesn't choose to come and see her and he's not the sort of person I go looking for.

[Heidi]

I told my kids I'm going to buy a camper trailer and live in their front yard.  They're not quite sure what to think of that right now.   ;)

 

ETA: your mom sounds like my mom.  It hurts my feelings. I'm grateful for the grandparents that really love my kids and want to be around them.

[Twolittleboys]

Grandchildren are still quite a way off for me and of course it depends on how close they live etc. but I would hope to see them daily/at least several times per week.

 

When I was little there wasn't much day care etc. available so every Sunday evening my parents would drop me off at my grandparents house and then pick me up again on Tuesday night! Of course I also went there when my parents went on vacation etc (my mother didn't believe in taking kids under six on vacation). I was very close to my grandmother and had a great time there.

 

When my older son was little we lived about 2 hours from my parents' house. They would generally come for one day a month (staying maybe five or six hours) and we would visit them for several days/a week maybe four times a year (Easter, Christmas etc.). My mother died when ds was 2 and we moved closer to my father. He was very involved with the boys. They probably saw him at least four or five days per week. He actually didn't babysit them much (only if I really had to be somewhere) - generally we would all spend time together. My sons adored their Grandpa and were devastated when he passed away four years ago.

 

So I definitely hope to be quite involved with possible grandchildren!

[Jasperstone]

Four of my grandkids live 4 1/2 hours away and we see them on average every 4-6 weeks. Last year we had them for 2 weeks in the summer and we will make that an annual event. We are very close to them. My other grandson lives 26 hours away. Due to finances, he was 18 months old before we saw him for the first time when we visited last August. They also came for Thanksgiving. About the time he gets to know us, its time to go home. We might not see him for another 2 years. Its a long trip up there and we would not be able to make it again next year. We have 4 younger kids and could not afford to fly. It tears my heart out. I want to be a part of all of my grandkids lives. I want them to know us well and share experiences with them and take them places. If they lived here, it would probably be 3 or 4 times a week.

Wow. My parents live 4 hours away, and only see them once a year.

[Pawz4me]

I don't have grandkids, but if/when I do I hope I get to see them a lot.  That's the way things have always been in our family.  I saw both sets of my grandparents once a week (on average), even though one set was a 90 minute drive away.  DH was raised the same way.  When my mom and dad were alive we saw them two or three times a week because they lived just a few minutes away and were my babysitters whenever I needed to run errands or just have a few minutes to myself.  We've always seen MIL at least once a week (and she babysat a lot for us when the boys were little, too).  So we hope to continue that tradition of frequent visits and helping out whenever needed.

[Melissa in Australia]

My children see my mother about once a week - she is 20 minutes drive away, but she works and I am a really really busy person who hardly makes it out of the house

 I see my Grandmother about once a year she lives about 450 km away.

 My kids have seem their grandparents in Canada several times. I doubt they will see them again as they are both in their 90s now

 

 

How often do I plan on seeing my future grandkids? it really depends on how close they are ( in kms)

[Guest hmaredemei]

This year I hope to see them much more as they all have a ton of fun playing together.

[kroe1]

My grandchildren live 14 hours away. My DS and I both work long hours in hospitals so no weekends or holidays off at the same time. The best we can get is two or three times a year. Thank goodness for phones.

[maize]

Depends on distance. We aim for at least once a year, preferably twice for my kids and their grandparents. We travel or they travel.

 

Video chats are a blessing.

[The Girls' Mom]

My inlaws live less than a mile away, so the kids see them often, usually once a week or so.  When we lived out of state they saw them 3-4 times a year.

 

When my step-dad was alive, he lived 4 hours away and we would see him 1-2 times a year.  

 

My bio dad?  Once every couple of years and usually only for an hour or two. There are reasons though.

 

I hope to see my grandkids often, but I know it will depend on my kids' life circumstances.  

[marbel]

I don't have grandkids.  I hope to be as involved as distance allows.   I hope to be the kind of grandma my grandkids will want to hang out with.  But if my kids move far away and traveling is difficult or impractical... we'll see.

 

My kids have only their dad's parents.  (My mom died when they were little, and my dad before I was even married.)  They live 12 hours away but they are not much interested in our kids so we don't make much effort to see them.   Usually once per year.  They are not bad people but they don't understand our family and none of us are very close.   My daughter and I talk occasionally about how I might be different as a grandma.

 

Oh, they also live in a place that's hard to get to - narrow mountain roads, no airport, danger of being snowed in, that sort of thing.  They live in what used to be their vacation home.  It's near a tiny run-down town with nothing to do.   Those things also make it hard to visit.  I don't plan to retire to some remote place that's going to be a pain for my kid to travel to.

[catz]

My kids see both sets of grandparents somewhat regularly. In laws are 10 minutes a way and we probably average seeing them one a month, less in the winter. My parents are gone 6 months of the year and abou45-60 minutes from us the other half the year. So more hit and miss with them. When my kids were younger, I used to be frustrated with the lack of hands on the grandparents put forth with the kids. They see them, but do not necessarily engage well with them. But, really I am less stressed realizing you have to meet people where they are at. That is not their thing. They love my kids, but aren't super interested in kid stuff.

 

I hope to be involved with grandkids, but I cannot imagine thinking too hard about that before my kids are educated and meet a spouse. Some kids move, etc.

[Jane in NC]

This thread interested me because of situations within my own family. I do not have grandchildren but have sibs/sibs-in law who do. There is some tension and unhappiness regarding the holidays when family issues are often sore points.

 

So much of this depends upon geography and age as well as the relationship one has not only with one's adult child but with his/her spouse.  My parents who are no longer living traveled to see us every Christmas.  We sometimes saw them another time during the year. They had a very different relationship with my sister's kids who lived in the same town, although even that changed over time.  My mom was very close to a niece; when her brother was born though both parents were more frail and could not keep up with his energy level. So they did not do the extensive babysitting with him that they had done with his sister. 

 

Health really enters into this issue. After my Mom died, my son and I took a cruise with my Dad but he never traveled again.  The sad thing was that I was often traveling to see him in the hospital, rehab or to entertain him while he was house bound.

 

There are grandparents within my extended family who expect their adult children and grands to travel to them, particularly during the holidays.  Packing up the car with young kids and driving twelve hours is a day in the park for some, a nightmare for others.  I watch the hurt feelings within my own family and have decided that I will be happy to travel to grands, have them come to me, happy to rent a cottage somewhere in between.  I want to cultivate good relationships and minimize everyone's expectations.

 

Maybe easier said than done?

[kewb]

I hope to see future grandchildren more than my children see theirs.

My mom lives across the country.

My inlaws definitely see them multiple times a year. Holidays, birthdays, swim meets, just because. But again, we live hours away.

I am hopeful that I will live near my grandchildren and have lots of opportunity to be with them.

[LLMom]

Sadly, my granddaughter lives 16 hours away so only a few times a year.  If she were closer, I would see her a lot more.  She is my first, and it has been so hard having her far away.  :mellow:

[marbel]

This thread interested me because of situations within my own family. I do not have grandchildren but have sibs/sibs-in law who do. There is some tension and unhappiness regarding the holidays when family issues are often sore points.

 

<snip>

 

When my sister's kids were little, she had a hard rule:  "we will not travel at Christmas.  If you want to see us, come to us."  At first she lived a 2-hour drive from the rest of the family, then moved and it became a 10-hour drive (or fairly easy shortish flight).

 

Since my brother also had kids, her rule caused a lot of heartache for my parents, who loved both sets of grandkids.    It set up a lot of resentment for me, having to watch that.   It's true that packing up 4 kids is harder than having 2 adults travel, but the could have compromised and done an every-other-year thing.   As it was, my parents were not always able to make the long trip - which made her angry.  Yeah, she expected the whole family to travel to her every.single.year so her kids could get their gifts under their own tree every Christmas. 

 

I don't guess everyone is as crazy as that.

 

When my mother was alive, we (husband and kids) alternated between traveling to her and to my in-laws at Christmas.  When she died, my inlaws had the expectation that we'd visit every year.  Uh no.  We still went every other year, and enjoyed Christmas at home every other year.  (Now we don't go on Christmas at all.)

 

Expectations on all sides can make the holidays so difficult.

[Jane in NC]

When my sister's kids were little, she had a hard rule:  "we will not travel at Christmas.  If you want to see us, come to us."  At first she lived a 2-hour drive from the rest of the family, then moved and it became a 10-hour drive (or fairly easy shortish flight).

 

<snip>

 

Expectations on all sides can make the holidays so difficult.

 

We have one of those.

 

The irony:  she refuses to travel but expects others to travel. I have gently suggested that she reconsider this but her ears are stopped.

 

Another issue that perplexes and amazes me:  some grandparents do not want to share their grandchildren with the other set of grandparents (or sets if divorce/remarriage is involved.)  It is almost as though they are keeping score.

 

I sometimes feel that some grandparents are not particularly "adult" in cultivating good relationships with their adult children's spouses.  Wisdom does not necessarily come with age...

 

[Chris in VA]

IDK, but I hope it's often. I have no idea where my adult children will settle down. I'd love to live near them, but that's not what they've grown up with, and I want them to feel free to move wherever they want, even overseas.

 

My parents moved far from their parents, but they made sure to travel "home" several times a year. I was never close to my grandparents, though.

Now my parents (81 and 82) travel to see their grandkids. We get to see them three times a year--a holiday, and on their way back and forth to FL.I don't think the FL trip is going to happen after this year, to be honest. They come here because we can't travel at holidays, and in the summers, we see Dh's side of the family in NC (and see ds there, too). It irks my mom, but it is our choice. I know she's envious of her sister, whose 5 children all stayed in the same state (or one state over)--she got to be a hands-on grandma.

 

But it's funny, because my mom said more than once, "I raised my children--you raise yours!" She's not super-child friendly, though she is generous and will play cards. She's also never been in good physical shape. My mil, however, is 12 years younger, in great shape, and super-kid-friendly--a powerhouse of activity. She's the "fun" grandma. I'd like to be like her.

[Annie G]

My kids grew up rarely seeing their grandparents- maybe twice a year. But they weren't very good grandparents. They didn't even try to get to know the kids.  It was frustrating, but it is what it is. 

 

I live 900 miles from my grands, and even though we only see each other a few times a year, we're close.  I know who they are and what they like and what they're doing.  DD has made QUITE an effort to make sure they know us- from the time they were tiny babies, as she carried them to bed, she stopped at  a picture on her wall that included me, dh, and our younger two kids. She pointed to each one and said who we were. And they said goodnight to that picture as they grew older...and that somehow made a connection. When she makes cookies from one of my recipes, they talk about us. We talk on the phone frequently.  

 

Hopefully in four years dh will retire and we're planning to move much closer to the grands.  That will help a lot. 

 

 

It was painful enough being long distance from grandparents and having them not really care about our kids. It would have been much worse to live near them and have them feel the same way, so we're kind of glad our kids didn't have to go through being ignored frequently. 

[Luckymama]

I hope we'll be able to see future grandchildren at least a few times a year.

 

I saw my grandparents once a year. They all lived in California and we lived in the Midwest and then the east coast.

 

My kids saw my parents weekly. That was lovely. Now they are gone.

 

They see my inlaws just a few times a year. They live 30 minutes from us. And fil works in the same office as dh! So confusing to me why they never want/ed to do things w the kids. Ds was born when my youngest sisters-in-law were 7 and 11. Mil refused to accept being a grandmother. That was so hurtful to me. It wasn't my fault dh was born when she was only 20!

 

(Better stop before I vent too much :lol:)

[Hikin' Mama]

Well, my one and only grandchild is only 15 months old, but how much I see her has depended on where her parents lived. When she was first born I saw her at least 2x a week, because I would go get her once a week and bring her back to my house so her mama (my dil) could have a break. My son and dil would also bring her over at least once a week and they would have dinner at my house. When she was a few months old, she and her mama moved into our house for 7 months while my son was away training for his military career. I was so thrilled to have them here and I loved being able to see and play with her every single day. When she was one, they moved 20+ hours away from us and it broke my heart to see that sweet little girl go! But we get to go see them for Christmas and my dil has asked me to come help her this summer when she has baby #2 and they are going to come stay with us for a month in the fall when my son gets his vacation.

 

To answer your question, I would like to see her every day, but I don't always get everything I want. I have been very fortunate so far that my dil is easy going and lets me have as much interaction as I want. I hope my second son's wife will also do so, if and when he chooses to get married.

[saw]

I'm a long way from having grandkids, but I would want to do things differently from the way my parents and in-laws do. My in-laws are "feast or famine" types. They'll ignore the kids for months on end, so no emails, no phone calls, nothing, then send an email suggesting I put them on a plane and send them to visit for a few weeks. My kids aren't terribly fond of them and don't like spending time with them. It's too bad, but my in-laws have brought it on themselves.

My parents see my kids two or three times a year and speak with them weekly. It's not the best situation because (as I JAWMed elsewhere) we are expected to spend two or three weeks with them in the summer and have them here at Christmas for two or three weeks. My mom will usually come out for a week to see the kids and help out at another time. It's gotten to be too much as the Christmas visits are incredibly annoying -- every morning I get a phone call asking what we're doing today and who is available to do what etc etc. They then take my kids out to do fun stuff and leave me to take care of the stupid boring stuff like cleaning etc that has to get done. My mom can be quite opinionated and interfering with the kids and is particularly bad at disciplining the 8 yo, who is a handful and needs a consistent approach 100 per cent of the time. It would be better to see them more frequently but for less time.

My parents see my brother's kids maybe once a year for a short week. They are not allowed to visit, per my SIL, unless they are invited and this happens once every four years or so. My brother has to take the kids to visit my parents. SIL won't go -- the last time she visited my parents' home was ten years ago. I think this means my parents focus overly much on my kids. For instance, brother and SIL are visiting Europe this Christmas. We live in the UK. Brother wanted to come visit us here, my mother said no, it would be too stressful for me to have everyone here (I was not consulted). BUT my parents aren't bothering/allowed to go see brother and co at any point during their three weeks here with us.

While I would like to have a good relationship with any possible grandkids, the last thing I want is for my kids to feel the way I do now and so will take my cue from them and respect whatever they want, even if it's the opposite of what I would like.