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First year in public school, 13 y.o. son quite unhappy...


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:sad:  I just posted a few weeks ago about how my now-public-schooled boys were doing okay in their new schools.  Well, little did I know, my younger son had been holding back the truth.  I have a new half-time teaching job that I love (teaching developmental preschool);  he didn't want to complain about his school because he didn't want me to quit my job to hs again.  He saw how much I loved my new work and didn't want to "wreck" it for me.   :(

 

I knew there were a lot of discipline issues at the school --physical fighting, foul language, disrespect -- but I didn't know how much all of that was bothering my son.

 

My perky, bouncy, smiley boy has started having stomach aches and having trouble sleeping on Sunday nights.  He has spilled his heart out to me a several times about how hard it is to be in such a negative environment all day every day.  He says he feels stuck.  He is kind of disgusted by how some of the kids behave.  He has lost that sunshine-y way that he has always, always had.

 

His grades are very good.  He is not being bullied.  He has made quite a few nice friends and has a great time at lunch playing football every day.  But the environment IS awful, and it's wearing him down.  

 

Next year he'll be at the high school with his big brother where my husband teaches.  We are very happy with that school and the positive environment there.  (Of course it has problems, but nothing like the middles school.)

 

So.  The debate in my head:  do I pull him out for half-days of hs?  (I could do so easily as my teaching job is over at 11:30 each day.)  Or do I keep him there so he can build friendships and be up-to-snuff with the style and expectations of 'regular' school?  

 

He is 13.  Could some of his new moods be plain old hormones?  My older son was certainly a grump for a few years.  

 

Any input would be appreciated -- especially from those of you who have homeschooled for some time.

 

 

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I would pull him out if that is what he wants.

My only homeschool related regret is leaving my kids too long in a ps environment that was not good, so maybe I am biased - I am not inclined to tolerate much ps carp.

 

I would, however, not pull him out for half days - that is not a solution. Pull him out completely.

A 13 y/o can easily stay alone for a few hours and do independent work. You do not need to quit your job to homeschool a 13 y/o!

Good luck.

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Yeah, unless it is illegal in your jurisdiction to leave a 13 year old home alone, why not leave him home, schedule independent reading or whatever work he's most likely to do when alone, and then do subjects you need to work together on in the afternoon? At least bring up the idea to him and see what he thinks.

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Pulling him at half-day sounds like a great plan.  Take some of the pressure off him even if it is "just" teen hormones.  See how it goes.  Heck, if you are off at 11:30, I'd be tempted to let him drop out completely and sleep late in the mornings.

That's just what I'm going to discuss with my husband tonight.  

 

I'm not sure why I'm hesitating -- probably because I know he has some very good teachers.  I was so relieved to not be doing all the work of hs anymore.  

 

Sigh...

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I would pull him out if that is what he wants.

My only homeschool related regret is leaving my kids too long in a ps environment that was not good, so maybe I am biased - I am not inclined to tolerate much ps carp.

 

I would, however, not pull him out for half days - that is not a solution. Pull him out completely.

A 13 y/o can easily stay alone for a few hours and do independent work. You do not need to quit your job to homeschool a 13 y/o!

Good luck.

The thing is, I'm not inclined to tolerate my ps carp, either.  So I don't know why I'm hesitating!  And you're right that he doesn't need me home all morning.  

 

I am concerned that he is not a super-motivated kind of guy.  

 

Thanks for your encouraging reply.  

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Yeah, unless it is illegal in your jurisdiction to leave a 13 year old home alone, why not leave him home, schedule independent reading or whatever work he's most likely to do when alone, and then do subjects you need to work together on in the afternoon? At least bring up the idea to him and see what he thinks.

We have already discussed the possibility and he thinks that's what he wants.  

 

I do worry that he'd be a bit lonely.  It would be very different from the 'old days' of our homeschool when his brother and I were both home and we had lots of hs friends.  It would just be him.

 

Anyone doing something like this?  A young teen home alone for hs half day while you work?

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The thing is, I'm not inclined to tolerate my ps carp, either.  So I don't know why I'm hesitating!  And you're right that he doesn't need me home all morning.  

 

I am concerned that he is not a super-motivated kind of guy.  

 

Thanks for your encouraging reply.  

 

My DS is not super motivated either (DD was). But once he decided to WANT to be homeschooled and I had made clear that this requires his cooperation, he has always been doing enough work diligently enough to avoid any serious discussion about having to return to school.

And if you plan to send him to high school in the fall anyway, no harm will be done if he is occasionally not as hard working on his own, right?

It will be fine.

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Anyone doing something like this?  A young teen home alone for hs half day while you work?

 

Yes, I have always worked at least half time, and I pulled my kids out in 5th and 6th grade. Now I am pretty much up to full time work and homeschooling a 15 y/o. When they were younger, I'd bring them to work with me occasionally, and until last year I'd bring DS to work with me on the days I had to work from 8 to 4. But now, DS works at home fairly independently. I try to be home for lunch, even if I have to go back to work afterwards.

 

A student who is not as self motivated and driven will need clear instructions and assignments. He will need oversight,so as not to be set up for failure. If you are home at noon, that is brilliant. Let him sleep in, have him start with something easy in the late morning, and do the hard subjects  with you in the afternoon.

 

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Anyone doing something like this?  A young teen home alone for hs half day while you work?

 

 

I don't really look at until 11:30 as half a day.  That's just a few hours in the morning.  I'd let him sleep in and have some easy breakfast items out for him, and discuss a list the night before of what he needs to do before you get home.  He may enjoy a little alone/free time in the AM.  Are you able to text/call/receive calls if he needs you or has questions?  I think that if he really wanted to do it, I would try it and see.  If he feels uncomfortable after a while being alone during that time, then you can decide what to do next.

 

I guess it all depends on the child and how mature he is, too.

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:sad:  I just posted a few weeks ago about how my now-public-schooled boys were doing okay in their new schools.  Well, little did I know, my younger son had been holding back the truth.  I have a new half-time teaching job that I love (teaching developmental preschool);  he didn't want to complain about his school because he didn't want me to quit my job to hs again.  He saw how much I loved my new work and didn't want to "wreck" it for me.   :(

 

I knew there were a lot of discipline issues at the school --physical fighting, foul language, disrespect -- but I didn't know how much all of that was bothering my son.

 

My perky, bouncy, smiley boy has started having stomach aches and having trouble sleeping on Sunday nights.  He has spilled his heart out to me a several times about how hard it is to be in such a negative environment all day every day.  He says he feels stuck.  He is kind of disgusted by how some of the kids behave.  He has lost that sunshine-y way that he has always, always had.

 

His grades are very good.  He is not being bullied.  He has made quite a few nice friends and has a great time at lunch playing football every day.  But the environment IS awful, and it's wearing him down.  

 

Next year he'll be at the high school with his big brother where my husband teaches.  We are very happy with that school and the positive environment there.  (Of course it has problems, but nothing like the middles school.)

 

So.  The debate in my head:  do I pull him out for half-days of hs?  (I could do so easily as my teaching job is over at 11:30 each day.)  Or do I keep him there so he can build friendships and be up-to-snuff with the style and expectations of 'regular' school?  

 

He is 13.  Could some of his new moods be plain old hormones?  My older son was certainly a grump for a few years.  

 

Any input would be appreciated -- especially from those of you who have homeschooled for some time.

 

That is plenty of reason to take him out and teach him at home. All day, not just half a day. It's not worth it for making friends. Goodness. Would *you* want to stay in that environment just for the sake of friends? No. And since his grades are good, you know he'll be up to snuff for high school, if he goes next year.

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That is plenty of reason to take him out and teach him at home. All day, not just half a day. It's not worth it for making friends. Goodness. Would *you* want to stay in that environment just for the sake of friends? No. And since his grades are good, you know he'll be up to snuff for high school, if he goes next year.

And really, he has plenty of friends already.  We are fortunate and thankful to have a great community of nearby  friends and a wonderful church family.  He also plays football, rugby, and is active in his boy scout troop.  He has several nice friends within walking distance of our house.  

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I'd give him his choice between the half day/full day of homeschooling. If he really needs out of the middle school, get him out! If he prefers not to be alone all morning, then he could go for a few classes, then you could do a few classes. If it is his choice, you have buy in and commitment. He agrees to do some work while you are gone or no deal.

 

I agree that it is just 1 semester. As long as he gets through his math for the year, what is he going to fall behind in? Really? Like Regentrude, I have regrets about leaving my kids a year too long. It was a toxic middle school. I'm biased on this too. 

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Honestly it sounds to me like you have a great situation for him to keep homeschooling that works for you both!

 

I do not homeschool my kids to protect from knowing about bad stuff that happens in the world.  However, when I hear about things that happen in school like what you are describing, the type of negative environment, I ask myself, "What would happen if this was occurring in a place of business?  Or in my workplace?  Would I want to work there every day?"  It's like we somehow accept a certain level of unacceptable behavior because they are kids, because it's just school, because it's just how kids are, or because we think we can't do anything about it.

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Honestly it sounds to me like you have a great situation for him to keep homeschooling that works for you both!

 

I do not homeschool my kids to protect from knowing about bad stuff that happens in the world.  However, when I hear about things that happen in school like what you are describing, the type of negative environment, I ask myself, "What would happen if this was occurring in a place of business?  Or in my workplace?  Would I want to work there every day?"  It's like we somehow accept a certain level of unacceptable behavior because they are kids, because it's just school, because it's just how kids are, or because we think we can't do anything about it.

 

Yes.  The only places I can think of where you have no say about who you spend your days with are prison or the military.

 

 One can quit a job, or lousy, disrespectful employees can be fired.  If you neighbor harasses you, you can move.

 

 But if you are placed in middle school classes with kids who are foul-mouthed, obnoxious, violent, and disruptive, you just have to put up with it!  Ridiculous.  

 

The school even has prison-like lunchroom rules.  The kids MUST be seated after a bell rings.  If they aren't near a seat of their choice they are required to sit in the nearest chair.  They can't stand up or walk anywhere until given permission.  This turns my stomach.

 

I know it's because they are trying to control the kids who tend to fight.  But I don't want my kid caught up in the rules designed for kids who can't control their aggression!  He is a sweet, funny, friendly, kind, thoughtful kid and doesn't need to be treated this way.  

 

Ugh.  I need to make a decision.  

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And really, he has plenty of friends already.  We are fortunate and thankful to have a great community of nearby  friends and a wonderful church family.  He also plays football, rugby, and is active in his boy scout troop.  He has several nice friends within walking distance of our house.  

 

Well, there you go. :-)

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Here he couldn't technically be left alone until 14. But like someone said if he sleeps to 9 or so has breakfast and does one independent subject he won't have much time to get lonely. Maybe he could watch a documentary or read something and tell you about it or discuss it over lunch. Maybe he could have that lunch ready when you got home.

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Nothing to add on the de facto juvie part, can't top that, lol.  However I will say your feelings of weariness are NORMAL for anyone at this stage.  Make a plan that acknowledges them and makes it practical to go forward without losing your mind.  You might like some compromises on what the curriculum will be, for instance.

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I would pull him out if that is what he wants.

My only homeschool related regret is leaving my kids too long in a ps environment that was not good, so maybe I am biased - I am not inclined to tolerate much ps carp.

 

I would, however, not pull him out for half days - that is not a solution. Pull him out completely.

A 13 y/o can easily stay alone for a few hours and do independent work. You do not need to quit your job to homeschool a 13 y/o!

Good luck.

This!  He can totally do this - and be well rested! 

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I would probably look into taking him with you in the mornings as a volunteer at your preschool rather than leaving him home alone. I leave my kids home together for short periods, but not alone (my ds is a year younger than yours). For a young teen or tween, I see a little too much temptation to leave them home alone yet.

 

I realize others may disagree, and for an older teen I'd think differently. But thinking about my DS specifically, a better solution would be to get up earlier and use the mornings for volunteering, then school after you both get home.

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