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Does it bug you when FB "friends" announce a pruning?


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You know, "I'm a gonna go and prune out a bunch of my friends list, so if I haven't had a meaningful interaction with you in the past few months, you'll be defriended." Then you see a heap of pleas to remain listed. *rolleyes*

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I deleted everyone who lives within 100 miles of me. It was the best thing I've done in a long time. I blogged about it here: https://friedclamsandsweettea.wordpress.com/2014/07/07/how-i-lost-100-friends-in-one-night/

 

I was pretty ruthless with the requests and my intent was in no way passive aggressive. The passive aggressive people drive me nuts. I just told everyone who was a "friend" how much I appreciated the request, but that I wanted to use FB as a tool for long distance friend and family. Then, I deleted.

 

I highly recommend it!!!

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I deleted everyone who lives within 100 miles of me. It was the best thing I've done in a long time. I blogged about it here: https://friedclamsandsweettea.wordpress.com/2014/07/07/how-i-lost-100-friends-in-one-night/

 

I was pretty ruthless with the requests and my intent was in no way passive aggressive. The passive aggressive people drive me nuts. I just told everyone who was a "friend" how much I appreciated the request, but that I wanted to use FB as a tool for long distance friend and family. Then, I deleted.

 

I highly recommend it!!!

That's exactly what I did!  And yes, it's awesome.  I did it quietly, after a long term deactivation of my account.  For about 6 months I had my account completely shut down.  When I reactivated it, I decided that anyone that I live near (not 100m, but basically anyone who is in my county) would be taken off.  It is fantastic.  Just the balance that I was looking for in my Facebook life.

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I deleted everyone who lives within 100 miles of me. It was the best thing I've done in a long time. I blogged about it here: https://friedclamsandsweettea.wordpress.com/2014/07/07/how-i-lost-100-friends-in-one-night/

 

I was pretty ruthless with the requests and my intent was in no way passive aggressive. The passive aggressive people drive me nuts. I just told everyone who was a "friend" how much I appreciated the request, but that I wanted to use FB as a tool for long distance friend and family. Then, I deleted.

 

I highly recommend it!!!

Yeah, I hear you. (nice blog, BTW). I did cut about 100 "friends" once also, but it was unannounced and my criteria was different from what you chose to do. I use it for friends both near and far, but the "friends" I culled were almost entirely grade school/high school or similar "friends," with whom I have had no meaningful contact, even as FB "friends." So, it was such that I doubted they would even come to notice they were defriended.

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I always hope those people axe me bc I hate the draaaaammmmmaaaa

Truly. I had to hide a couple of cousins, after initially being happy to find them on FB. But, whoa! Constant weirdness and drama from those feeds all the time! So...bye bye!

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It might bother me if I didn't know what people are so incredibly sensitive that if they notice they've been unfriended but have no idea why they think that the sh*t hit the fan.

 

I unfriended my dh's bosses, a married couple, a few months ago. The husband knew why because we had a conversation about it.  His wife did not know why and he didn't tell her, I'm assuming because he didn't view it as a big idea.  A few days later when she noticed what I did she text my dh asking me if he was quitting and what was going on with us.  She completely blew a simple thing way out of proportion.  Had I simply stated that I was pruning my friends list for whatever reason she would likely have never gone crazy.

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I honestly  have never seen anyone who was out of high school do that. I would probably try not to let it bother me or judge but I'd have to try. :)

 

I got off facebook last year and am very happy with how it's been working out.

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I don't like ultimatums, so the "unless in have a reply to this post i'm going to unfriend you" ones that irk me. Go ahead. And the "if you REALLY love God you'll repost this, otherwise you must be embarrassed..." ones that make me roll my eyes. Last I looked salvation has nothing to do with Facebook.

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Everyone I know announces it after the fact, so anyone reading knows they "made the cut" lol and we have no idea who didn't make it so it doesn't get much attention other than a few people saying "Yeah! I made it" "I better not had been cut lol" stuff like that. 

 

I don't announce

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Does it bug me? No.

Do I roll my eyes at the plea for attention? Yes.

 

When I prune, I just go ahead and do it.  But whatever makes them happy, bless their hearts.

 

Yes, this. It doesn't bug me, but I never respond to that kind of thing. It does seem like an attention-getter and I don't take the bait. I roll my eyes when I see, "No please don't unfriend me. I looovvve you." To my knowledge not one friend who's made that announcement has unfriended me for not responding. At least not that I can recall. If they did, we weren't really friends anyway so I didn't notice. I've had people quietly unfriend me, and my feelings weren't hurt. 

 

I've pruned without saying anything. When I do it, it's not because of drama or anything. I just think it's easier to only have those I interact with on my friends list. 

 

I honestly  have never seen anyone who was out of high school do that. I would probably try not to let it bother me or judge but I'd have to try. :)

 

 

Unfortunately, though it sounds high-schoolish there are adults who do this. IM(limited)E, grown women. They're often the people who like facebook drama even though they complain about "all the drama". 

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I needed my Facebook for my business. I signed on as a vendor to a local WAH business and ALL of our communication was through FB. Most of my friends list was redundant anyway because we were on another message board together. I trimmed it down to long-distance family and business contacts. I mentioned it on the board, because I knew that people there are Very Sensitive about those kinds of things. 
 

I took SO MUCH HEAT for it. It was ridiculous. People I hadn't even been friends with were bitching because apparently once you friend someone it's a lifetime commitment.  :001_rolleyes:

 

The only ones I have seen are as mentioned above, after the fact, or with a good reason. Whatever. 

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You know, "I'm a gonna go and prune out a bunch of my friends list, so if I haven't had a meaningful interaction with you in the past few months, you'll be defriended." Then you see a heap of pleas to remain listed. *rolleyes*

 

It's like people who tell you they have had to set boundaries in dealing with you.

 

Just.do.it.  

Or talk straight to me, in non-psychobabble.  

 

:::eyeroll:::

 

Note:  I can understand why people might need to set boundaries to deal with me.  :0)  I just don't need to know about it.  

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Yeah, I hear you. (nice blog, BTW). I did cut about 100 "friends" once also, but it was unannounced and my criteria was different from what you chose to do. I use it for friends both near and far, but the "friends" I culled were almost entirely grade school/high school or similar "friends," with whom I have had no meaningful contact, even as FB "friends." So, it was such that I doubted they would even come to notice they were defriended.

It doesn't bother me and I don't ask not to be pruned. But if I were doing the pruning, I would do it like you did and for the same reasons. I never do understand why people make such an announcement. Just cut who you don't want and be done with it.

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I don't find it insulting, or annoying. I just tend to shrug my shoulders. People are gonna do whatever they wanna do and sometimes it comes across like drama (and is drama) and sometimes they are honestly just trying to make people aware of why they are cutting down on the friend list. It's all good. Whatever. Whether I 'make the cut' or not, doesn't really fizz me one way or another. It's just a 'whatever' to me.

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If a FB friend starts to annoy me I just unfollow them so I dont see their posts on my feed. I have never understood the need to unfriend anyone unless you have had a falling out in which case they dont need to be informed that I Unfriended them.

 

Then again if for some unknown reason I want to trim my friends list down I figure it is my business and I don't need to announce it.

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Back when I still had Facebook I let people know I was pruning down to a particular group so they'd understand they hadn't done anything wrong or offensive if they couldn't see me anymore - my aim was to make my contact list particular to family and church, instead of further flung. It wasn't because the further flung friends were bad! I always appreciated a notification as to why someone changed something so I'd know I wasn't offending them, so I figured the opposite would also be true.

 

My Facebook was fairly low drama, but the culture between my acquaintances and friends from youth and my family and friends now happen to be polar opposites, and I couldn't ever talk generally to one group without offending the other. So it was a good move to prune it down. Then I got rid of it altogether and solved the problem entirely ;)

Oddly enough facebook has helped me to be authentic in my life. I never post to offend anyone but if I can't freely post my thoughts, beliefs and activities I begin to wonder if I am living authentically.

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My sister was rather annoyed when I quit facebook and all my "friends" started asking her where I was, was I mad at them, etc. I didn't announce before I left, obviously.

 

I told her to pass my phone number and email address along to anyone who needed/wanted to talk to me. I got exactly zero phone calls or emails aside from the ones I already communicated with outside of facebook via other methods of communication. Which was one of the many reasons I had for leaving FB in the first place.

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I'm not on Fb. So when I saw the title of this thread, I thought "pruning" was another way of saying bikini waxing. Like: "Hey everybody, I'm pruning my lady garden today!" I guess that wouldn't annoy me as much as leave me very, very puzzled.

 

Anyway, I think the type of pruning that you are referring to would annoy me a little.

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I'm not on Fb. So when I saw the title of this thread, I thought "pruning" was another way of saying bikini waxing. Like: "Hey everybody, I'm pruning my lady garden today!" I guess that wouldn't annoy me as much as leave me very, very puzzled.

 

Anyway, I think the type of pruning that you are referring to would annoy me a little.

:lol:

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My dh always announces the friend cull because he's had times when he has unfriended and people get in touch all offended. He ends up having to explain what happened. It's generally people who re-share rubbish multiple times a day and don't actually post about their own life or engage in comments.

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I think it may be in reaction to the hypersensitive people who want to know what they did to deserve to be defriended.  :P

 

I haven't had that many friends, but I defriended a couple because I don't like their content.  Like the one whose posts are 90% of the "cliff hanger" variety - "oh how am I going to survive this" (survive WHAT?!) or "only 2 more sleeps" (until WHAT!?).  Or the ones who friended me in order to sell me Plexus or whatever.  Less is more!

 

I've been defriended by at least 1 person, and I did wonder whether I'd offended her.  But her friends list is her business.

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On a related topic.  I get a fair number of friend requests from people on a facebook forum.  I'm sure most of these are lovely people who have something big in common with me (all adopted kids from the same country).  However, I like to keep my circle small and manageable.  And also, I had a couple of friends from there who were just out to sell me stuff, and I don't appreciate that.  So I usually decline those friend requests.

 

I sometimes feel like going on that forum and saying, "dear lovely people.  If you want to be my fb friend, don't just send me a friend request.  Send me a fb message telling me why you think we should be friends.  Do you live near me, so our kids might have an oppotunity to meet up?  Do you feel like we're kindred spirits based on my comments on this forum?  Are you also a single mom with similar age kids going through similar issues?  Great!  Tell me.  Otherwise your friend request is going straight into the circular file."

 

Of course that would come across too nasty, but seriously, if you want to be my friend, introduce yourself first.  Is that a strange expectation?

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I generally overlook it. What bugs me is in Fb groups when someone announces they are leaving the group for whatever reason. It always seems to me to be looking for all the replies begging them to stay. My feeling is, if the group no longer suits you, just leave. Why the need to announce it to a group you no longer enjoy? People join and leave groups all the time, no need for the drama. 

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I've seen it often enough and then NOT been defriended that I ingore it.  But I do roll my eyes.  Drama drama drama.  OR playing to the most hypersensitive drama queens on your friends list. Either way, worth of an eye roll.
 

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I think it stems from people thinking that FB "friends" means your actual list of friends.

 

Anyone who has been selective in "friending" will seldom have to do it anyway. If you have 942 "friends," probably 700 don't give a pixel whether you defriend them anyway, and you're just annoying people who will begin to wish you would.

 

Come to think of it, there's only one person who does this whom I haven't hidden yet. I should do that next time I log in.

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I'm not on Fb. So when I saw the title of this thread, I thought "pruning" was another way of saying bikini waxing. Like: "Hey everybody, I'm pruning my lady garden today!" I guess that wouldn't annoy me as much as leave me very, very puzzled.

 

Anyway, I think the type of pruning that you are referring to would annoy me a little.

 

:w00t:

 

I think I just found my new favorite euphemism!

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I think it may be in reaction to the hypersensitive people who want to know what they did to deserve to be defriended.  :p

 

I've never had a friend of mine announce anything like that (I only have 70 or so :lol:), but I've seen posts by friends who replied to their other friends' posts basically saying, "I want to stay on your friend list!" I never thought it was weird. I always figured it had to do with what SKL said above--that rather than have individual friends wonder why they were unfriended so precipitously, that they would let people know in advance that it wasn't personal and that they were just trying to re-focus their friends list. I guess I don't see that as offensive or weird in any way? Isn't that better than just waking up one morning and discovering you've been "dumped" and wondering if you said something or did something to upset the person? 

 

I don't know, I'm weird about FB anyway. The only reason I'm still on there is because our local homeschool events are usually planned there, and we'd miss out if I wasn't on. Otherwise, I'd close my account and be done with it. 

 

ETA: Updated my friends number--I didn't realize it was up so high! Time for some pruning...

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I think it may be in reaction to the hypersensitive people who want to know what they did to deserve to be defriended. :P

 

I haven't had that many friends, but I defriended a couple because I don't like their content. Like the one whose posts are 90% of the "cliff hanger" variety - "oh how am I going to survive this" (survive WHAT?!) or "only 2 more sleeps" (until WHAT!?). Or the ones who friended me in order to sell me Plexus or whatever. Less is more!

 

I've been defriended by at least 1 person, and I did wonder whether I'd offended her. But her friends list is her business.

Ah yes. The Vaguebooker.

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No, that doesn't bother me. But you know what does bother me on FB? All these links to sappy videos that have comments on them like, "wow! That was amazing" "breath taking", "I was sobbing after this!" "You will never be the same". Good grief. And it seems to be getting worse. Oh, and I would like to know how I got to be friends with Ashton Kutcher, because all the sudden he just showed up. And I don't like him. And I hate those stupid quizzes on Buzzfeed. And I am really irritated by a friend who only posts pictures of her and her husband and their yacht and yearly trips to Maui. Those are what bug me on Facebook. Not the pruning.

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Ah yes. The Vaguebooker.

 

Hilariously, when I was posting before I was going to say something about vaguebooking, so I went to my FB account to see if I could grab an old example. And there, right at the top of my feed, was a brand new, shining example from the repeat offender on my list :lol: I couldn't even bring myself to share it, so I just let it go. I should just hide him finally and be done with it, but it kind of makes me laugh now. 

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I don't care. I've seen it maybe 5 times. Some announce before, some after.  Whatever.

If I decide to cut someone I just do it without comment or guilt or apology.  I've done it  maybe a dozen times.  It's not usually for content, it's for volume. If someone clutters up my news feed with many posts a day on a regular basis, they're gone.  I have a WIDE range of friends and their content is all over the political and social spectrums. I have deleted a couple of comments for language and explained in the comment section, "Sorry, ____________.  I'm keeping it family friendly so I cut your comment due to language."

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I've seen a handful of people copy and paste a post that said something like "comment now if you want me to keep you on my friends list," and at least one time it prompted me to unfriend that acquaintance and save her the trouble of pruning me. I usually just ignore those and don't give them a second thought. I think people who complain about all the things they hate about Facebook—most of which are the whole point of Facebook, like sharing photos, posting statuses, and sharing about their lives—are much more annoying.

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Dh has several times asked his friends to prune themselves. Like, "If you fundamentally disagree with me about blank and just want to argue on my page about it, please just defriend me." And people do it. It's bizarre to me.

 

Well...does he expect to be able to post controversial things and have no one respond or only have people respond positively? Because I don't really get that either. Facebook is a social media platform, which means people get to interact with what you put out there. 

 

A friend was complaining to me once about how she hates how people post controversial things and then argue with and delete comments by people who disagree with them, like they expect FB to be a one-way medium. But in the next breath she was telling me about how she wanted to post something controversial but then knew people would argue with her in the comments and she didn't think it was fair that she felt she couldn't post her controversial thing because people wouldn't be able to refrain from arguing in her comments and disagreeing with her. Because, you know, FB isn't a one-way medium  :confused1:

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I tell my kids to expect people to comment at a forum that includes a comment section. I told them to expect comments that range from strong agreement to strong disagreement and everything in between plus a few irrelevant ones from out in left field.   If they aren't willing to see a comment that disagrees or strongly disagrees with them, then FB isn't the forum for them.

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Well...does he expect to be able to post controversial things and have no one respond or only have people respond positively? Because I don't really get that either. Facebook is a social media platform, which means people get to interact with what you put out there. 

 

A friend was complaining to me once about how she hates how people post controversial things and then argue with and delete comments by people who disagree with them, like they expect FB to be a one-way medium. But in the next breath she was telling me about how she wanted to post something controversial but then knew people would argue with her in the comments and she didn't think it was fair that she felt she couldn't post her controversial thing because people wouldn't be able to refrain from arguing in her comments and disagreeing with her. Because, you know, FB isn't a one-way medium  :confused1:

 

No. He likes to have discussions on FB and for people to disagree. Basically he'll be like, look, if you're going to come on everything I post that's positive about gay rights and say nasty things about gay people, please just defriend me. It's not a "if you disagree with me defriend me" - it's more like, if you disagree with me and can't be cordial, do us both a favor. When people are rude, he does this periodically and it's weird but each time he does it a few people unfriend him - not even always the people who were being rude.

 

My rule for FB and controversy is basically that I don't discus on other people's posts unless I really know them super well, we have shades of difference instead of just complete opposition or it's an open ended question. I only break it for things that I think people are just being ill informed about - like if someone posts something that's proven false, I'll be like, sorry but... and link Snopes or something. I do think people who rove FB and disagree with someone's politics just relentlessly are a bit rude. I just leave that stuff alone and let it inform me how other people think. On the other hand, I also think people who think that every post on FB is "for" them and in "their" face specifically are nuts.

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